This is it. The perfect ending to the perfect day. My wedding night. Edward and I would finally be together fully. No more boundaries between us. We would be one. This is all I've wanted for so long.
I could see the nervousness in his face as he approached my naked body. I insisted on experiencing this as a human and he still worries he will hurt me. He is afraid that he could lose control and his vampire strength would break me. I told him that I trust him and I know he won't hurt me, but he still doubts himself. I sit up on our bed to beckon him forward from where he has stopped.
"I want you, Edward." I say trying to sound sexy. The words encourage him and he takes off the last of his clothes letting his pants and underwear fall to the floor. He is glorious. His perfect body is all that I dreamed it would be. I feel like I could explode just from desire alone.
I reach out to him and pull him to me, falling back on the bed as I do. His cold body covers mine. We kiss each other with so much need and passion. We both need this. We both have wanted this. His touch is electric as his hands explore my body. He reaches places no one else has ever touched. His coolness grazes my most private place and I shudder from the pleasure of it.
His lips leave mine and trace a trail of kisses down my body stopping at each breast before he reaches the center. There he stops and just stares for a moment.
"Bella. You are so beautiful." The sincerity in his voice makes me blush.
"So are you."
His hands find their way to the most sensitive spot. I moan as he rubs it repeatedly. All this build up is making me crazy. I can't wait any longer.
"Please Edward…" I moan almost out of breath. "I need you now."
He removes his hand and takes position on top of me. He stares right into my eyes looking for any sign of doubt. He's waiting for me to stop him. I reach down and stoke his hard shaft. He groans as I do so. I position him at my entrance.
"I'm ready." There is no doubt in my mind that this is where I'm supposed to be. This is where I want to be. Here with Edward. Our lips meet again in another passionate exchange. Then he pushes into me and I feel the pain I had been told about. Edward takes time to be gentle with me, slowly moving in and out going farther each time until he is fully inside of me. We are one. I feel him moving inside of me slowly and then picking up speed until he has a steady rhythm. We explore each other's bodies with hands and mouths.
"Oh my God. Bella…you feel so good." He says. "You're so tight around me. "
"Oh, Edward", is all I could think of to say. I can hardly think. I am with the man I love lost in a haze of pleasure. I feel him moving inside of me going faster and deeper as he gets more excited. Then a sharp pain hits me. I gasp and pull back involuntarily, but I can't go very far, his marble body presses me to the bed. He continues thrusting into me and the pain continues. Is it supposed to feel like this? Some part of me knows I should tell him to calm down and take it easy, but I can see the pleasure on his face. He is in heaven. He needs this. I can ignore the pain when I see him happy.
I reach up to kiss him again. The coldness of his body hits me like it never has before. The cold lingers in me. I feel cold, but my body is sweating. My head starts spinning. I don't think it's supposed to feel like this.
"Edward…" My voice comes out as a whisper. He doesn't acknowledge. The room is getting dark…
This is unlike anything I've ever felt before. I need more. Deeper. Faster. I can feel the end approaching. My climax is building.
"Oh, Bella." I feel her hands grip my shoulders. I pull her closer to me laying my head on her neck. I love the feel of her body so close to me. The sweat sent of her fills the room driving me crazy. I need her. Deeper. Faster. My body is moving on its own. Speeding ever closer to the end. When it comes it is bliss. I release into her groaning and gasping into her shoulder. Heaven must be like this.
"I love you." I whisper into her ear. I lie there for a moment composing myself before I realize that she hasn't responded. The haze of the moment fades when I notice her scent filling the room. It is far too strong and metallic. It is the scent of fresh blood.
"Bella?" I call to her, but she doesn't respond. Then I sit up on my knees quickly pulling out of her as I do so.
"Oh, God no. No, no, no…" Her face is pale and empty. She stares at the ceiling past me.
"Bella answer me." I shake her gently and then with more force. There is no response. Then I see the blood.
Her blood between us, on the bed under her and painted on my guilty organ. It was covered from head to base in a mixture of her juices and blood. It dripped onto my testicles and smeared the bed.
"Oh my God, Bella I'm sorry." I pleaded. "Please wake up." I shake her again and again she doesn't respond. I check for signs of life and I find none. I try CPR and she doesn't respond. I try turning her into a vampire, but it is too late. In the end all I can do is pull myself away from her and huddle in the corner to cry. I've killed her. I'm a monster. The worst kind of monster there is. I killed someone I loved.
I can't say how much time is passing. I am only vaguely aware of my own actions. I raise myself from the corner and cover her now cold body with a blanket and close her eyes. She looks so peaceful. It reminds me of how she looked when I used to watch her sleep. I could fool myself for a moment. I could believe that she is just sleeping, but the slow rise and fall off her chest is missing.
Somehow the phone is in my hand and it's already ringing. A familiar voice answers.
"Hello?" I need to tell someone what has happened. Someone needs to take care of her now that I can't anymore.
"Carlisle…" My voice leaves me. I can't tell him what I've done. I'm a murderer and a coward.
"Edward, what's wrong."
I can't answer him. The words won't come.
"Edward, you know you can tell me anything. Let me help you."
"It's too late. I… I killed her." For a moment all there is is silence.
"Who?" He asks. I can hear the fear in his voice. I haven't killed any humans in a very long time. He probably already suspects the truth and just doesn't want to believe it. I want to tell him, but just the thought of her name chokes me. The words won't come out.
"It was an accident." I tell him. "I'm so sorry."
"It's going to be all right, Edward. Just tell me who it was."
"B…B…Bella." The tears are falling again.
"Oh no. No no no."
"Stay there. Just… Just stay there. I'm coming."
I hang up the phone and look at Bella's body. She still looks so peaceful. Only the sweet, metallic smell of her blood shows the truth. I can't stay here. I need to get away from this hell. I need to run. And keep running. I quickly clean up and get dressed before speeding out the door. I don't know where I'm going. I just run. I speed though cities and towns like a blur. None of the people and cars I pass suspect that a monster is near.
I don't know how long I've been running, but my surroundings are beginning to look familiar. I'm back in Forks. This is another place I can't be. I can't be here where people know her. They know me. I can't look in their faces with the mask of humanity anymore. It's gone. I run to the forest, but my normal grace has left me as well and I trip over a fallen tree branch flipping end over end before coming to rest on a rock. The pain is only momentary and I right myself quickly.
I recognize this place. I came past here with Bella.
"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry." The tears come again and I realize running is not going to help me. I ran when I first met Bella. Fleeing to Alaska because her scent was so delicious. The coward that I am let a little girl chase me away. Now I was running again. Coward that I am can't take responsibility for my actions. I knew the danger, but I gave in because I wanted her and I knew she wanted me. What were we waiting for? Now I know the truth. Hindsight is 20/20. I should have turned her first. Then she would have survived. I should never have waited so long to have sex, maybe then I would have been able to stay in control. Nothing can help me now. I am a doomed soulless monster. I can't live like this. How can I face another day knowing what I did? But what choice do I have? The Voltouri? It wouldn't be hard to get them to try to kill me again.
Suddenly I catch a scent in the air. It is the stink of a werewolf. How close am I to their territory? I may not have to go as far as Italy. It'll be fast. There'll be no time for anyone to interfere. Once they know I've killed her, they will kill me. The treaty is broken.
"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon?" I turn to see Jacob staring at me confused.
"Well, that was fast. What happened?" There is a hint of hope in his voice. He allows himself to think for a moment that she left me to go to him.
"I'm sorry. I…" It should be easy to say. I want him to know. I want him to kill me so I don't have to live with what I've done, but the words are still too painful to say. His thoughts are a jumble. He's wondering if I hurt her. Why are my clothes such a mess? He's getting more and more agitated with every second that ticks by.
"What's wrong? Where's Bella?"
"Where is she, leech? What did you do to her?" His voice has lost its calm.
"I'm sorry, Jacob. I killed her." The words hang in the air for a moment.
"It was an accident. I'm sorry." His mind is suddenly full of questions and a growing anger he is attempting to control. Part of him wants to kill me right here and now. Part of him needs to know why the girl we both love is dead.
"We were making love and I lost control." In his mind he pictures me biting her.
"No." I said correcting his unspoken mistake. "I didn't feed on her. I… I hurt her inside. She bled all over..."
In an instant he is on me. His hand grips tightly on my throat cutting off my words, the heat of his body searing me. His eyes are closed as he fights back the tears that had already begun to spill over.
"You…fucked her to death? How did you not notice she was dying under you?"
"I lost control."
"Bastard, she loved you. She chose you." Jacob removes his hand from my neck. I didn't realize he had lifted me off the ground until I fell back to it. "She walked away from me… for you."
The rage he was trying to control broke loose. He changes into his wolf form with a terrible scream. It is a wail of pure grief and rage that folds into a howl. When his eyes meet mine again there is nothing human left in them. His mind is quiet. All of the questions are gone. He knows everything he needs to know. All that is left in him is a single purpose. He lunges for me and rips into me with powerful claws and teeth. It is a strange thing to feel yourself being torn apart and not care. The pain is intense, but it is no less than I deserve. My body wants to fight him. To pull him away from me, but I will myself to be still. He deserves his revenge. I have taken her from him twice. First I took her love away from him, then I took her life. I hear my neck crack and break under the pressure of his jaws. The darkness comes. It won't be long…