Title: The Sheriff's New Bra (1/2)
Disclaimer: These characters are not my creative property
Summary: Emma receives an embarrassing complaint.
"Sheriff, please come in."
With Regina, Emma felt no need to exchange false pleasantries so she simply stood before her desk, hands shoved in her jean pockets, and waited to find out what it was that Regina wanted this time.
"We've received a complaint regarding your...conduct," Regina tapped her fingers together trying to keep her delight in check as she seized the opportunity to chastise Emma.
"We've?" Emma was incredulous. If this was just another scheme to find fault with no basis Emma was going to lose it.
"The city. You must know that I don't enjoy these types of conversations, but I also need to do my job, and that is achieved by making sure that you are doing yours," Regina's voice went hard and accusatory at the end of her sentence in the way that never failed to infuriate Emma.
"Right, so what is this alleged complaint that you felt warranted an urgent meeting?"
Regina left Emma twisting a bit longer as she made a show of shuffling papers, finally producing the written complaint. Without preamble she began to read:
"As an upstanding citizen of the fine Storybrooke community, I was harassed by Sheriff Swan on the evening of July 9th 2012. The Sheriff, pursued me on foot, body checked me and I was then tackled to the ground. While pinned underneath her, her left breast spilled out from her bra. She exposed her nipple and breast to me against my will. I felt personally violated by the Sheriff's perverted actions. Sincerely, a concerned citizen."
Regina looked up, face blank, gauging Emma's reaction, "What do you have to say for yourself, Sheriff?"
"What a bunch of shit. Leroy! The creep hit on me when I finally got him up and into the squad car!"
"Tell me, was that before or after you covered up?" Regina sneered luridly eyes roaming up and down Emma's tense body.
"Fucking ridiculous," Emma paced and shuffled as her anger boiled over.
"Please refrain from using language; let's keep a professional demeanor if you are even capable of that. While I'm sure you didn't intend to molest a citizen, you do see the cause for concern regarding this unfortunate wardrobe malfunction?"
"He wasn't molested, he tried to motorboat me!"
"Please explain to me exactly why he was able to motorboat you in the first place?" Regina rocked her chair back, getting comfortable. This she wanted to hear.
Emma tried to calm down and gather her thoughts, "I was running in hot pursuit and the jostling sort of caused my boobs to fall out and my shirt was a low V-neck...I mean, would you rather I stop to adjust my bra and lose the suspect? Priorities! Do you see my point?"
"Yes, actually- I can see both of your points...clearly...from across the room," Regina's gaze shifted from one breast to the other
Emma opened her mouth in confusion looking down at her own chest. She was cheerily greeted by her own happy nipples standing proudly at attention. Traitors! She thought, grasping to find an excuse, "its freezing cold in here."
Emma swiped the back of her right hand across her breasts self-consciously as a frown worried her brow and the heat of embarrassment crawled up her neck.
"Really, freezing? It's July and your cheeks are flushed. I'm pretty sure you're not freezing," Regina smirked indulgently, glee fueled flames made her eyes shine.
Emma gave up, deflating with a sigh, "What am I supposed to do?"
Regina perked up ready to dole out punishment.
"Sheriff, I see in your file you've already been written up once for your blatant disregard of the dress code. Why you refuse to wear the uniform is beyond me, but I pay you to uphold the town and represent the law. The law should look the part. The law should not look like it spends its off hours sliding down a pole in a seedy strip joint. I'm not entirely convinced that you're not an exhibitionist, but I won't write you up this time if you promise to start dressing like a woman should," Regina rose from behind her desk, strutting dramatically to show off her own example of womanly professionalism.
"Like a woman, huh?"
"Yes, like the woman you are, not like some trashy girl wearing those hot pink, sheer, flimsy bras where the straps slip ever so slightly off the shoulder and offer no support for your considerable…assets. I know we don't always agree, but I know lingerie, and trust me, you should hear me well on this front," Regina clasped her hands behind her back remembering with fond affection the way her corsets from the old world fit perfectly.
"I can't exactly afford la Perla designer fancy bras that no one is even gonna see," Emma argued back, turning in a circle to follow as Regina clicked over to her decanter.
"I'm not implying you have to wear anything fancy, just something that isn't obscene. The budget of the Sheriff's office does include an apparel reimbursement. As mayor, I have enough pressing issues on my plate without having to constantly worry about your breasts, Ms. Swan," Regina poured them both a drink, invading Emma's space and sipping her cider in considerate thought.
"Fine, I guess I'll go to 'Discount Warehouse' and see if they have any sports bras…" Emma muttered, shrugging her shoulders helplessly.
"Even better, I have a private tailor; He's been with me for years. I have an appointment on Saturday. You can tag along and ask him to make a recommendation," Regina pointed glibly at Emma's torso.
"Yes, Ms. Swan: a recommendation."