Author's Note: This is what happens when you start something out as thoughtful and deep and forget what your point was halfway through. You dissolve into silliness. Pure silliness.
Sasuke glared at the pile of laundry in front of him with a kind of disgust, eyebrow twitching as he grew more aware of the sound of rain pounding on the roof. He was running out of clothes to wear—and running out of dirty clothes to wear again, because they were all getting that musty, 'I've been worn already' smell.
Normally, he'd take his clothes out in the back and wash them outside. Unfortunately, because of the rain, he couldn't hang his clothes up to dry, like his mother always had, like he had taken up doing after his fan girls had nearly mauled him and had stolen a great deal of his clothes. He didn't have that option, and he was running out of clothes; that only left him one other option.
So, he sighed, piled all of his clothes into a laundry basket, and grabbed an umbrella so he didn't get too wet.
Kakashi smiled, his visible eye curving upward in surprise. "Sasuke! What a surprise!"
"You said I could use your laundry room," Sasuke stated bluntly. "So the fan girls don't steal my clothes again."
"Ah. Right. Well, I have some laundry to do as well." The jounin frowned and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Give me a minute. You want to wait inside?"
Sasuke huffed and adjusted his grip on his umbrella. "I'm fine."
Once Kakashi had gathered his clothes into a basket of his own, he stepped outside and locked his door. "You brought your own soap, right?"
The genin grunted and followed him down the stairs to the laundry room, watching his steps carefully so that he didn't trip and accidentally pitch himself down the stairs. Knowing Kakashi, he'd grab him so he didn't fall, but he'd still have to pick up all of his clothes, and the idea of leaving behind an article of clothing for some rabid fan girl to sniff out was unacceptable.
Stopping in front of the laundry room, the man frowned in surprise. "Oh."
CLOSED FOR MANDATORY MAINTENANCE
WILL REOPEN TUESDAY AFTER NEXT
It was dated for a few days before. That meant it was closed for almost two weeks.
Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "Maa, I guess this was what that notice in the mail was for…"
"Are you serious?" Sasuke glared at the notice, then glared at the back of his teacher's head. "Now what?"
"We could go to the jounin laundry nearby. Only for people with a jounin pass, so none of your little fan girls can get in." He smiled again. "I'll just put you on my pass. That way, you can go in even without me there."
The young avenger frowned even as he followed the jounin away from the apartments' laundry and toward the Laundromat at the end of the street. "Are you allowed to do that?"
"Jounin are allowed to put family members on their cards, and the rules are pretty lax. Since you have no family, and I have no family, I don't think anyone will question it." Kakashi took his card out and swiped it through the lock, then pushed the door open. "Here. Just wait while I go sign up for it. Your card should arrive at your house in a few days."
Sasuke turned to watch him go, then let his gaze drift to the machines sourly. The machines at Kakashi's apartment building were mediocre at best. These machines were top of the line. Then again, he supposed that an apartment building's facilities weren't strong enough to wash blood out of clothes.
"—don't understand why I have to wait, dattebayo!"
Sasuke cringed and immediately ducked behind a set of machines as the door opened behind him. Turning to glance at the intruder, he scowled. 'What the hell is that dobe doing here!'
"You have to wait because it's your laundry, too, Naruto."
'Iruka-sensei, too?' Peering around the machines, he frowned when he saw both of them standing in front of the washers. Naruto was, surprisingly, wearing only a pair of black shorts and a white muscle top with his sandals. Iruka was wearing shorts and a muscle shirt as well, though in tan and blue, respectively. It was weird seeing them in anything outside of their usual clothes. His former academy teacher, especially.
Naruto stuck his tongue out even as he pulled one of the washing machines open. "Fine. But I don't like it!"
"You don't like waiting. If you don't learn patience, you'll never be a good shinobi," Iruka warned, digging through his satchel to pull out a wallet. He grabbed some of the quarters and frowned thoughtfully, then shoved a handful into the younger boy's hand. "Go buy some soap, Naruto."
"Sasuke? What are you looking at?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow as he peered around the machines as well, frowning when he saw both the chunin and genin there. "I don't believe Umino-san was ever promoted to jounin, do you?"
Sasuke liked Iruka. While he didn't necessarily like some teachers, Iruka had been one of his best. "Don't get me involved."
"Maa, this will be completely painless," the older man assured, coming out from behind the machines. When the academy teacher immediately looked up at him, he smiled and waved. "Yo!"
Iruka paused, then slowly nodded his head in greeting. "Hatake-san."
"Iruka-sensei! I can't remember what we're supposed to use, 'ttebayo!"
"Something with softener in it. Liquid soap, please." The chunin returned to their piles of clothes.
Kakashi continued to smile. "So when were you promoted to jounin, sensei?" He jerked backward as the brunet's hand flew up, blinking innocently as he read the card. "…This says 'Anko' on it. I didn't realize you and Anko were rela—" He paused as the card was spun around to show 'foster brother.' "…Oh. Well, why—" A bra was held up in his other hand, the one holding the card already digging back into his pocket. "…Oh."
"Naruto's got a card too." Iruka lifted another bra out of the pile and threw it into a machine with a bunch of other rather delicate items. "It's laundry day. We come in every week to do our laundry along with Anko's because she's always on so many missions. Twice a week, if she asks nicely and buys us ramen."
"…Oh." The jounin continued to smile despite feeling as if he'd just shoved his foot in his mouth.
Iruka blinked as Sasuke came out from behind the machines as well, then smiled. "Hello, Sasuke-kun. I didn't see you there." He caught the soaps as they were thrown to him, then pulled out a shirt and turned, throwing it quickly. "Naruto! How many times do I have to tell you not to throw things at me!"
"Gah!" Naruto pulled the shirt from his head and scowled. "…A lot." He grumbled to himself and walked over to throw the shirt in with Anko's delicates. "Just make sure that Anko gets all of her clothes back. I still haven't gotten over her underwear clinging to the back of my jacket."
The brunet snorted. "It's your fault for not checking!"
"It was your fault for not telling me it was there, dattebayo!" the genin bellowed, then huffed. "I walked all over town like that!"
Iruka shrugged. "What can I say? At least you made people smile." He finished separating all of the clothes and putting them in the washing machines, then handed the wallet to Naruto. "Knock yourself out, Naruto."
The blond couldn't help gleefully prancing up to the machines and jabbing coins into them. "I love quarters, 'ttebayo!"
"I know," the chunin stated, pulling some papers out of his satchel and placing two pens behind his ears while he held another in his hand. "I hope you brought something to entertain yourself. If you didn't, you're more than welcome to help me grade papers. I have the answer sheet if you want." He watched the blond's fingers hesitantly slip into his bag and pull out another set of three pens. "Remember, red is for wrong answers, purple is for partial credit, and green is for small errors."
"I know. You only used the crap out of them on my papers, dattebayo," the blond mumbled, frowning, as the brunet dragged over a table for them. He buried a hand in his hair and began glancing between the answer sheet and the papers he was helping to correct.
Kakashi frowned. "Why can't he ever be that quiet with me?"
"Because you're a jounin and thus considered crazy," Iruka answered swiftly. "And craziness should only be responded to with calmness, which he can't manage yet, or matched with loudness. It works with Anko all the time."
The jounin stared, unsure whether to be offended, flattered, amused, or any combination thereof.
Sasuke coughed to cover up a snort of amusement and began stuffing his clothes into two separate washers, one for lights and one for darks. He added his soaps, put in his quarters, and started up the wash cycles. Then, he went to sit in one of the chairs, folded his arms, and settled for a nap; he hadn't slept well the night before because of nightmares, but he wouldn't tell anyone that.
He glanced up when someone sat down next to him, snorting in disgust when he saw his jounin sensei reading his porn (as usual). Perhaps he should have brought a book too. Suddenly, the prospect of a cat nap that he might be woken from when the dobe said something or—even worse—jerking awake from another nightmare didn't seem as—
Sasuke blinked slowly. 'What was-?'
Kami! That was his stomach! He'd been planning on stealing some food from Kakashi, since he had to go grocery shopping (his cupboards literally had nothing in them), and then they'd come here and he hadn't had anything to eat last night since he'd eaten the last of his cereal—
He felt eyes on him but resolutely kept his eyes on his washing machines, snapping, "What?"
"…Are you hungry?" Iruka asked after a moment. "I have a candy b—Oh, you don't like sweets."
Sasuke blinked in surprise. He'd never realized that anyone had noticed he didn't like sweets. Everyone just seemed to assume he didn't like getting all of those chocolates from girls and, to spite them, threw them away. Iruka-sensei had… realized he didn't like sweets? Even when he looked like he wasn't even paying attention to him?
"I'm hungry too, dattebayo!" Naruto exclaimed. He stood. "I'm gonna go get something to eat, Iruka-sensei. Do you want anything?"
"No. Just please make it something healthy," the academy teacher pleaded. "You're bad enough when you haven't eaten sugar!"
The blond rolled his eyes and sighed, nodding to show he understood, then grabbed his frog wallet out of the satchel and left the store.
"…He's just going to come back with ramen," Kakashi pointed out.
Iruka sighed. "Yeah, I know. I like hoping that sometime he'll surprise me, though."
"Iruka-sensei, they were having a sale on older sandwiches, so I got some in case you hungry later," Naruto explained, coming back into the Laundromat with a plastic bag of sandwiches.
Iruka blinked. "Color me surprised. Thank you, Naruto."
"You're welcome, dattebayo!" the blond replied cheerfully. He paused, then walked over to the other boy and offered him a sandwich. "They had a tomato and mayonnaise sandwich, so I got it for you, 'tebayo."
"You didn't need to buy me anything—" Sasuke began snappishly, only to have the plastic-wrapped sandwich shoved into his mouth before he could continue. "Guh!"
"You're welcome, teme."
"Naruto, don't call your teammate 'teme,'" Iruka scolded.
"…But he calls me dead-last."
Iruka looked up from the papers he was nearly finished correcting and narrowed his eyes. "I've already had this discussion with you and Anko. Do not make me have it again."
"But it's different because he isn't crazy and Anko is, dattebayo!" the blond exclaimed defensively.
Iruka narrowed his eyes.
Naruto ducked his head and huffed but stalked back to his seat. He sat down and handed the brunet a sandwich, then pulled out his own sandwich and began munching on it. He reached for the stack of papers he'd been helping to correct.
Iruka immediately yanked them away. "Hey, don't correct while you're eating! I don't want you making a mess of anyone's paper-!"
A blob of mayonnaise fell from the sandwich he'd been about to munch on and fell on the paper in front of him.
Iruka and Naruto stared at the blob of white goo for a few moments before Iruka sat back and sighed. "…I will buy you ramen if you do not mention this to anyone."
"Tomiko peed on it," Naruto replied cheerfully. "And then set it on fire, dattebayo!"
The teacher gathered the papers into a pile and set them on fire. "Good job, Tomiko, just ruining everything." He scooped the ashes into the wrapper of his sandwich. "Free A's for everyone."
Sasuke looked up from his sandwich, frowning. "…Sensei, have you-?"
"Spilled something on a paper in your class and given you free A's? Don't be preposterous," the brunet sniffed. "…And if your papers all smelled like jasmine tea one time, that was just a coincidence."
Sasuke and Kakashi stared at him.
"…I'll just have to cover this section of the book more carefully in review than the others," Iruka added, jotting down a note in his lesson plans.
Naruto rested his chin in his hand and frowned. "What are we gonna do now then? This is boring, dattebayo! Can I just—"
"No, you may not leave," the brunet snapped.
The genin whined. "But Iruka-sensei, I'm boooored." He paused. "…Could I practice my Sexy—"
Naruto sighed and flopped over on his side, munching his sandwich. "Anko-nee-san is much more fun to do laundry with, 'tebayo."
Iruka rolled his eyes toward the ceiling and sighed in annoyance, then clapped his hands together and henged into the purple-haired woman.
"Am I reeeeally more fun than Iruka?" she asked, standing up and leaning over the blond. "There must be something about Iruka that makes laundry fun, right?"
Naruto sat up, smiling. "Do Sakura-chan, Iruka-sensei!"
There was a burst of smoke before he was faced with an angry looking, pink-haired kunoichi. "Naruto, why would I ever want help you do your laundry!"
He flinched. Iruka made her look too real. "Um, someone else now."
Iruka-Sakura blinked at him, then rubbed her chin thoughtfully and hummed. "Um, well." She paused, then henged again.
Naruto stared, then leaned around the man in front of him to look at Sasuke. "…Neh, Iruka-sensei, you even got his clan symbol right, 'tebayo."
Sasuke stared at the mirror image of himself, looking bored though inwardly impressed by his teacher's observation skills. He turned back to his sandwich. "Hn."
Iruka-Sasuke henged into a different form, more feminine, and laughed. "Oh, I can never get Kurenai right!"
"Mah, sensei, you've made her breasts too small," Kakashi commented, having looked up from his book when he'd begun henging.
She stared at him, mouth agape. "…I was talking about her lipstick…"
Kakashi yelped as a hand collided with his cheek. "Gah!"
Kurenai glared at him. "How long do you stare at my chest, Hatake?"
Iruka-Kurenai blanched. "Kurenai-san! I didn't mean—This isn't what it looks like!"
She turned a sharp gaze on him, looked him up and down, then smiled and poked his forehead. "My lipstick is a few shades darker, Iruka-kun. Keep up the good work! I almost felt like I was looking into a mirror!"
"Oh, um, thank you, Kurenai-san." Iruka-Kurenai smiled awkwardly. "I'll continue practicing, then, if that's alright with you."
"Hell, we could go to the Halloween party as each other!" she laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. "I just stopped by for my laundry basket. Silly Asuma left it here after I let him borrow it. Come over for tea sometime, sensei, and we can discuss the students."
Iruka-Kurenai smiled. "I'd like that very much, Kurenai-san."
"Well, we'll do that soon, then. See you later, sensei, boys." She glared at the other jounin. "Hatake."
Kakashi laughed and held his hands up. "Maa, I apologize. I was just teasing."
"THAT MAKES IT WORSE!" she snapped, flinging a kunai at his head, before storming out.
Kakashi started as a few hairs fell before his face and landed on his lap. "Hmm. My mouth is going to get me into trouble with her one of these days…"
"I think that day was today," Iruka-Kurenai muttered, frowning. She scratched her arm, then smirked and henged again.
Kakashi's visible eye twitched as he was faced with a wall of green spandex. "You…"
"Kakashi-sensei!" Iruka-Gai winked and pointed at him with both fingers. "My hip and modern rival!"
Sasuke snorted and nearly choked on a tomato he'd been chewing. "Shnck!"
"I challenge you to a race around the village!" Iruka-Gai paused, then added, "If I fail, I shall climb the Hokage Monument using nothing but my pinky fingers!"
Kakashi stared. Naruto laughed. Sasuke was caught in that awkward place between choking-on-food and trying-not-to-laugh.
More aware of the door this time, Iruka-Gai heard someone coming and immediately dropped his henge.
He wondered why it was that the people he was henging always seemed to walk in on him.
Gai paused in the doorway, laundry basket filled with jumpsuits, then smiled a smile that nearly blinded the other occupants. "Greetings, fellow shinobi! I see we've all taken this dreary day and made a youthful decision to do laundry!"
"…Gai-san," Iruka purred after a few minutes of stunned silence and gleaming teeth. "Hatake-san and I were just talking about you."
Kakashi looked up at him in disgruntlement. "We were?"
"You were?" Gai asked in surprise, then smiled again. "Of course you were! I am, after all, Kakashi's number one rival!"
Kakashi made a noise that might have been clearing his throat. It also might have been a negation.
Iruka smiled. "Yes, we were. Kakashi was just talking about how he'd like to challenge you to a race around the village."
Sasuke flinched as his jounin sensei went rigid and tried to surreptitiously move over to sit by Naruto in case there was bloodshed. "Remember to leave me out of this."
Gai beamed. "Yus! Kakashi-sensei, I accept your challenge! And if I lose, I shall—"
"Climb up the Hokage Monument using only your pinky fingers, 'teybayo?" Naruto suggested innocently.
Gai looked at him for a moment, then grabbed his chest. "A child after my own heart! Yes, if I lose this challenge, I shall climb up the Hokage Monument using only my pinky fingers!" He pointed at Kakashi. "We shall start at the village gates and circle the entire village until we reach the gates again! Come, Kakashi!"
Kakashi gripped his hands into fists but stood, smile clearly strained beneath his mask. "I… would love to…" He shot the chuunin a glare and hissed, still smiling, before following his rival out into the pouring rain.
Once the door shut, Iruka flinched. "That's going to come back and bite me in the ass." He walked over to Gai's basket and read the directions to wash his jumpsuits, then carefully put them into a washer while trying not to touch them much. He transferred Kakashi's clothes to the dryer as they beeped and turned to the two genin, smiling brightly. "But they can't get too mad if I do their laundry for them!"
"…Iruka-sensei, you are too nice," Sasuke stated bluntly, standing to put his own clothes in the dryer.
Kakashi was decidedly grumpy as he stomped back into the Laundromat, soaking wet and wondering why his students had forsaken him when he clearly needed help. After all, running around the village in the rain wasn't his idea of a good time.
Well, at least he could watch Gai climb the Hokage Monument with only his pinky fingers.
He frowned slightly as he found his clothes folded and back in his laundry basket with a note scribbled hastily on top.
Thanks for Laundromat pass. Going for ramen with usuratonkachi and Iruka-sensei. Told them not to fold your clothes. Did it anyway.
Naruto is the best ninja in all of Kono—
And Naruto will always be usuratonkachi.
More writing. Neater.
We'll be at Ichiraku if you're interested, Hatake-san. If not, hopefully finishing your laundry was enough for an apology. I'm sorry for making you run around in the rain. I may have overstepped there.
Kakashi could just imagine Naruto and Sasuke yelling and squabbling with each other while Iruka hurriedly finished the note and ushered them out before they killed each other or broke a washing machine.
Kakashi pushed his wet mop of hair out of his face. Well, he could at least go to Ichiraku and thank the chuunin for finishing his laundry. He hated folding it and usually just threw it in his closet haphazardly, which was why he always looked a little rumpled. At least now Pakkun couldn't yell at him for being so messy and lazy this time.