Title: Ludicrous Assumptions

Author: animeg

Pairings: None

Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basuke. If I did, then I wouldn't be on fanfiction, now would I?

WARNING: This fic contains mild sexual innuendo, suggestive positions, a forever-scarred Midorima and abuse of hobos. Proceed at your own risk.


"I don't like this at all, Kise."

Kise Ryouta hummed in agreement, nodding his head as he discreetly peered into the café through its window. The ice cream in his hands was starting to melt, the sweet liquid beginning to ooze down his wrist; however, he was too preoccupied by the scene before him to give a damn.

He could always lap up the substance later.

"This is so unfair!~" the blonde wailed, flailing his ice cream around, making the other hiss at him to quite down. They could get caught by the manager and get thrown out if Kise kept up his melodramatic tactics.

Or even worse; get discovered by their ex-teammate and then they would have to explain to the stoic blue haired boy why they were here in the first place, "Kuroko-chii never goes to have drinks with me! Even when I offer to pay! And why did they drink from the same straw? Isn't that like an indirect kiss?"

"Shut it, you're getting on my nerves!" Aomine Daiki hissed, ducking down when a few customers gave them rather suspicious looks. Of course he knew what that meant; the blonde didn't have to remind him of that very affectionate moment. It was just pissing him off even more.

When he noticed that the blonde was still glaring daggers at the unsusceptible couple, he pulled Kise down with him, making the latter let out a rather unmanly squeal.

"Quiet!" He hissed, clamping his hand over the model's mouth, "Do you want to get caught?"

"Mphh blamph nghh..le-let go!"

Aomine sighed as the model lost his balance and fell on the pavement with a loud thump.

Turning his attention back to the couple, the ace's eyebrows furrowed.

Kuroko was looking quite fondly at the mountain of burgers in front of Kagami.

Aomine's eyebrow twitched as the red head threw one casually over to his ex-shadow, saying something with a nonchalant expression that made the blue haired boy's cheeks tint a hue of scarlet.

The ace let out a feral growl. What the heck did that Bakagami say that made Tetsu, Tetsu of all people blush!

"That hurt Aomine-chii!" The model chided, rubbing his bottom unhappily.

Aomine ignored the blonde and continued to spy on the couple, grinding his teeth at the pleasant atmosphere surrounding them. It was like they were lovers, having sweet, small talk over dinner

Someone passing by snickered at the two teens; but Aomine sent him scampering with a dark, vicious look.

Okay, so maybe stalking wasn't the best thing to be doing on a Saturday afternoon, but as soon as Aomine had seen his precious Kuroko, walking with that no-good Bakagami, a genuine smile across his lips, as the red haired teen casually draped his arm over Tetsu's shoulder like they were the best of pals; lets just say, the infamous ace lost his cools and immediately dialed up a certain blonde model.

Now he was regretting it, considering the fact that Kise was acting like an over grown whiny brat. (But then again, Kise always acted like a whiny kid, why were you expecting something different Aho-mine?) But one can't stalk alone can he? Besides, Momoi was sure to be more troublesome than Kise, right? And they had done this before so Kise had more experience anyway.

"I dropped my ice cream, Aomine-chii!"

"Oh God," The ace face palmed. Maybe he was worse than Momoi after all.

Reaching inside his pocket, he fished out his phone and dialed a number he had been forced to learn by heart.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.


Akashi had been working out when his cell phone rang, the Japanese National Anthem echoing through the gymnasium, making the other people there cease what they were doing and stare at the red headed midget. A sharp glare from those heterochromatic eyes sent everyone squirming back to what they were doing though.

Akashi flipped his phone open, wiping his forehead and neck with a towel as he attended the call;

"This better be of utmost importance, Daiki. You're interrupting my work out session."

The ace on the other end sweat dropped at the monotone voice that despite its calmness, sent shivers down the base of his spine.

"I-I…erm…actually Akashi it's about-" The tanned teen fumbled before he was cut off.

"Aomine-chii made me drop my ice cream, Akashi-chii!" The blonde wailed, making a grab for the phone as Aomine shoved a hand in his face to keep him away.

"Is that Ryouta?" Akashi asked, a perfectly thin eyebrow poised questioningly.

"Yes, that's Kise," The ace answered in the affirmative, "-but more importantly there is something weird going on. Tetsu is dating Kagami!" His voice boomed, laced with anxiety and certainty.

Obviously, he was worried. What if Kagami tried to do something inappropriate to Tetsu? What if he tried to pin the poor boy against the wall and have his way with him? Tetsu would never be able to defend himself. Kagami was just too freggin' huge and impulsive!

The thought had Aomine seeing red. No one was going to touch his Tetsu while he was still breathing. He would skin Kagami alive if he ever tried to lay a hand on his precious shadow.

"Hmm…" Akashi considered his ex-ace's words, looking at the ceiling as he contemplated on the severity of the matter.

If it was true, and Tetsuya was dating that foolish excuse for a basketball player, then that was unacceptable. Tetsuya had always been a decent kid, listening to what Akashi said without question. It could be even said that Akashi had grown quite fond of the blue haired teen, with his stoic expression and his dedication to the team back in middle school. Whenever he spoke, he was always so deep with his words.

Tetsuya had always intrigued the red haired captain to no end. Akashi liked to stare into those deep azure eyes, full of mystery and wisdom that he couldn't really see in any of his other players.

He could not allow the jewel of his ex-team to be tainted by the hands of a rebellious monster such as Kagami.

Speaking of rebellious, Akashi still hadn't had the chance to teach Kagami that no one, absolutely no one defies the captain of the Generation of Miracles. The punk needed to be taught a lesson. And his new scissors were just dying to be embedded into someone neck. Preferably Kagami's.

"Are you sure, Daiki? This isn't like the last time when you said that Shintaro was dating a hobo, right?"

"Th-that was an honest mistake!"

"Any how," Akashi rolled his mismatched irises as he recalled the ludicrous incident from last year and continued, "-If this is true then it is an absolute outrage," Aomine on the other end could almost feel the waves of anger emitting from the phone. He hoped it wouldn't get fried by the intensity of Akashi's rage, "-we will confront Kagami ourselves. He won't dare come in ten feet of Tetsuya after that."

"Just like we did with that hobo?"

"Indeed. But we'll definitely do something much worse than trying to drown him in the toilet."

"Sounds good to me," Aomine sighed in relief. If there was one thing you could count on Akashi to do perfectly; it was to torture the heck out of people and give them nightmares for the rest of their lives.

"Oh, and Daiki,"

"Yes?"

"Do buy Ryouta another ice cream. I don't want him crying when I get there," and with that the line went dead.

Aomine stared at the blonde sulking behind him, and then sighed. He hadn't even told Akashi where they were, but he had a growing feeling that the red head already knew any way. After all, Akashi was always right. And with regard to the other thing-

"Come on, I'll get you another ice cream cone, you cry baby…"

"Yay!"


"Aomine-chii, I don't think this is a good idea." Kise frowned as he peeked around the corner only to see the pavement completely devoid of a certain fiery red head of Seiren High school.

"Non sense. It's a swell idea and it's too late for you to back out now, you coward."

And with that Kise was shoved out of the alley in which the Generation of Miracles, minus Midorima, were hiding and trying not to get noticed; unfortunately they were also failing miserably as every passer by gave them incredulous looks.

However every one of them fled when they noticed the sharp, intense glower of a certain captain who was not particularly happy about being crammed in such a small place with people towering over him.

Seriously, he needed to find a way to get taller. He would drink milk when he got home.

"Hey don't push!" Kise complained as Aomine forced him out on the street.

"Go and distract him while we get everything ready here."

"But I like Kagami-chii, Aomine-chii. I can't just trick him like that!"

"You were happy tricking that hobo last time. What's wrong with this?

"That hobo tried to grope my ass, he got what was coming to him!"

"Okay," Aomine paused, "-then just picture Kagami as that hobo. Shouldn't be too hard."

"But I-!"

"Go and do it Ryouta." Their captain cut off the model firmly; and Kise immediately blanched, his face losing it's color. "And don't let me down. I hope you know what the consequences of that will be."

Kise inadvertently gulped at the threat, nodding his head and scampering off, trying to find Kagami so that they could carry out their plan.

As much as he felt like a bad person doing this; he couldn't win when Aomine was being so stubborn and pushy and he could never defy Akashi. That man would probably have Kise's head on a platter if he did.

Kise shivered at the mental image of it as he kept on walking. He knew he would meet Kagami if he kept walking on the same path. Momoi was never wrong with her intel, Kagami took this path everyday on his way home. He prayed that for once, Kagami would take the long way round and-

"Kise? What're you doing here?"

Well, so much for praying.

"Kagami-chii! What a surprise!" He couldn't hide the nervousness in his voice. Despite being a model he was finding it very hard to put up a fake, cheery smile; after all he was going to get the man in front of him ambushed any second by a group of enraged prodigies who would probably not be merciful in their torture. "A-actually, I was just…erm…here on modeling business and…oh the weather's really nice…haha~"

Kise scratched the back of his neck nervously. This could be harder than expected.


Kagami raised an eyebrow as Kise rambled on, the blonde making no sense for the most part.

It was weird; seeing the ever confident model be just moments away from a psychological break down. Kagami had seen Kise's break downs before, and sure to say, they involved a lot of water works…The red haired teen wasn't really sure how he would deal with that.

"Are you alright? You're acting really weird-" He didn't get the chance to complete that sentence before he felt a sharp stinging sensation on the back of his neck. Instinctively, he jerked away from the source of pain, only to find out that the world around him was spinning uncontrollably.

Gasping, he tried to hold onto the wall, tried to regain his balance before his legs gave way beneath him and he succumbed to the numbness overpowering his limbs, and the dark spots dancing across his vision.

Before everything went blank, he could distinctively make out the words that were said to him in a rather malicious voice;

"Don't underestimate me, Kagami Taiga. I always win. Always."


"Aka-chin, hasn't he been out cold for too long?" Murasakibara inquired, unwrapping a sweet before plopping it into his mouth. He almost moaned at the sudden sweetness that assaulted his taste buds….ah, candy…so sweet…so very sweet…like Heaven on Earth.

Akashi grunted in reply as he tried to concentrate on the chess board in front of him, moving the king to checkmate and winning against his oversized, violet haired opponent who was too lost in candy land to actually care.

"I win," He said emotionlessly, lips twitching up in a small smirk. Then he turned his head to his ace, who was currently lazily sprawled across the couch, watching what seemed to be a soap opera. "Get some water and spray it on his face. He'll wake up if he's still alive."

"I-if he's still a-alive? Akashi-chii! We could go to prison for this!" Kise paled when he imagined himself in black and white stripes, surrounded by taller, uglier, larger men who would probably…probably- try to grope his- his...

No! No! NO! His virginity! He didn't want to loose it to some greasy old perverts! And out of all the guys here they'd probably go for Kise first! They might gang up on him and-and

Kise was definitely hyperventilating at that point.

"Relax Kise, he's still breathing," Aomine assured the blonde coolly as he went to fill a bucket with water from the bath room. He had gotten used to doing chores for this team anyway. Besides he couldn't wait to see the look on Kagami's face when he would discovered that he was kidnapped. That's what he got for messing with Tetsu!

"Not to worry Ryouta. If he does dare threaten to charge us for kidnap and assault; I'll just have Atsushi break his neck," Akashi gave Murasakibara a meaningful glance.

The violet haired teen shrugged.

"If Aka-chin wants me to, I'll do it."

Kise gulped when he heard the dead seriousness in Murasakibara's voice. 'These guys just want an excuse to murder Kagami-chii!'

On the other end of the room, a certain tanned teen looked quite satisfied as he dumped the whole bucket of water unceremoniously over Kagami's head, the latter jerking awake when the cold liquid made contact with his skin.

The sounds of sputtering and coughing filled the room for the few seconds and Akashi, who up till now had been quite bored, turned to look the red head with a demonic smirk.

Ah, their prisoner had finally awakened.


Kuroko stretched his arms, working out the kinks in his back as he proceeded to do his homework. This was so tedious. He'd rather play basket ball with his team and practice for the upcoming matches; and yet here he was, fighting a war with math.

He briefly wondered how Kagami managed to pass despite his low attention span and natural dumbness.

Speaking of his light, Kuroko couldn't stop the ghost of a smile that spread across his face and he recalled the events that transpired earlier that day. Ah, he had just discovered that he had a-a crush (as Riko had clearly put it) on his teammate. And though he would rather die before letting the red head know, he was still quite happy spending time with him.

Throughout the day, he had felt emotions that he had experienced before. His heart had thumped erratically on several occasions, and sometimes he could even feel the heat spreading across his cheeks in a fierce blush whenever Kagami nonchalantly complimented him. So all things considered, Kuroko was in a rather good mood tonight.

The sudden buzzing of his phone interrupted his inner musings though. In a moment he was across his room, taking the phone off of the bed as he read the ID of the caller.

"Good evening, Midorima-kun," The blue haired teen greeted in his usual dead pan voice.

"Good evening, Kuroko," The green haired teen paused, and Kuroko could almost feel the vibes of anxiety through the phone, "I know this not the appropriate time to call and I would avoid calling you of all people if it wasn't completely necessary," Kuroko heard the bespectacled teen sigh, "-but by any chance have you heard from that no good Kise today?"

Obviously, Kuroko wasn't really offended. even though Midorima always acted tough and cold on the outside; on the inside, he was a caring person. He just didn't like to show it as he viewed it to be a weakness. It was obvious he was worried about Kise.

"It's not like I'm worried about him-" Midorima cleared his throat, and Kuroko couldn't help but smile a little at the tsundere's actions "-but he's not picking up his phone, which can only mean two things. Either he was ambushed by a pack of his raging fan girls and got raped-" He chuckled a little after that. Scratch that, Midorima was really just a sadist in disguise. "-or he's got into trouble. That dumbass."

Kuroko considered it for a moment.

"I saw him with Aomine-kun. But they were trying to hide from some one so I didn't greet them. I didn't want to ruin their cover."

Midorima raised an elegant eyebrow as he stared at the ceiling. That dumb blonde was supposed to accompany him to a fortune teller today and he got stood up at the last moment. He just got a message on his home phone saying that something urgent came up and that Kise couldn't make it.

Of course he had tried to call the blonde to scream at him, but the latter wasn't picking up any calls. He wasn't replying to any messages either; and Midorima knew that Kise respected him enough to attend his calls, even if the green haired teen was mad at him…

Knowing those two, especially with Aomine's tendency to get into fights, Midorima was sure that they weren't hiding from someone; rather they were probably spying. After all, Kise loved to stalk people he considered close to him and get his nose into everyone's business. They were a troublesome duo. He had seen enough of their antics back in middle school to know them like the back of his left hand. And his brilliant mind put together a simple, uncomplicated equation:

'Kise (big idiot) + Aomine (paranoid idiot) + spying= two dimwits up to no good.'

"Were you with someone Kuroko?"

"Yes. Kagami-kun."

Midorima face palmed and then grunted.

"Something wrong, Midorima-kun?"

Pushing up his glasses with a back of his hand, Midorima said with an annoyed voice.

"Let's just say, there's likely to be a repeat of that hobo incident from last year…"

…..

"That poor hobo," Kuroko sympathized.

"Indeed."


"Ah, Kagami-kun, so we meet once again," By this time all the generation of miracles, minus Kise who was currently hiding behind the couch so that his betrayal wouldn't be recognized by Kagami, had surrounded their captive and were glaring at him with ruthless eyes. The most intimidating ones, however, were those heterochromatic ones, one crimson, and the other gold, both glowering at him in such a way that if looks could kill, Kagami would have died a hundred times over by now.

Needless to say, all the attention would have made any one quite uncomfortable…if they weren't as dense as Kagami that is.

"Oi, what're you guys doing here-", looking around, he finally noticed that he was in unfamiliar territory. "Where is here, anyway? What's going on?" Ah, alas the dumb shall remain dumb because it was now he noticed that he was tied to a chair, "-why-why am I tied up? What the heck is going on?" He demanded, but then suddenly yelped when a sharp scissor was pointed at the column of his throat by the ever notorious captain.

"All questions will be answered in due time, Kagami-kun," Akashi stated firmly, pressing the scissor a little harder threateningly, "-till then, I would prefer that you do not shout since as you can see, we are all here right next to you and can hear you very well," the others remained silent, watching with a bit of fascination as their red headed leader silenced the loudest person on Earth with a single threat. Ah, he wasn't the leader of a group of loud mouths for nothing. That man was 'da boss'! "-we just want confirmation of a few things, and then we'll let you be on your merry way."

Lies.

But Kagami fell for it anyway. Better to be optimistic than realistic, right?

"You didn't have to tie me up. You could have just asked," The red huffed, annoyed by the constraints around his body.

"Ah, well, those are for when you fail to cooperate. A precaution, if you may," Akashi said thoughtfully, a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. "-and I actually bought in another precaution; just to make sure you don't lie to me." With that Akashi whistled loudly into the thick atmosphere, taking every one by surprise.

What came running in from the door in response to the sound was something that was the star of Kagami's night mares.

"Kagami-kun, I'd like you to meet Tiger," The grin on Akashi's face was the epitome of sadism itself.

Kagami felt his stomach drop, childhood fears and phobias coming back to him as the color drained from his face and his mouth fell open in shock, his eyes widening in terror.

That was most biggest fucking dog he had ever seen!


"Akashi's not picking up his phone either," Midorima murmured, rather put off by the fact that he was the one driving their push cart this time. He could actually sympathize with Takao for once; finally realizing how irksome being the one paddling could be.

He lost in paper, rock, scissors. Go figure; today was the lucky day for Aquarius any way.

"Neither is Murasakibara-kun," Kuroko stated in his usual calm voice. "And Momoi-san said that she didn't know where Aomine-kun had suddenly disappeared off to."

"Woof!"

"Yes, that's probably the case Tetsuya #2."

Midorima frowned.

"Why did your dog have to come along with us?"

"Because he would be sad if I left him behind," Kuroko picked up his fluffy dog, staring into those deep blue eyes and smiled a little, petting the dogs head as its tail continued to wag in delight.

"Woof!"

"This is why I don't invest in pets. Too troublesome to keep and too loud in general," The bespectacled teen grimace and paddled towards the only place where his ex-teammates could be.

It was a small house where they would gather after basketball matches to celebrate victory. It was their hideout of sorts. And Midorima had a gut feeling that his hunch about his teammates being there was right.

"I think they are good company and very cute," The dog woofed, almost as if it were acknowledging that compliment.

"Ah, as naïve as always Kuroko-wahh!"

A sharp turn made the whole cart rack up and down and the blue haired teen instinctively tightened his hold on the puppy.

"Please keep your eyes on the road, Midorima-kun." Kuroko stated, deadpan as always.

"Stop talking to me! You're awfully distracting!" Midorima huffed, ducking his head as he tried to hide the blush of mortification spread across his cheeks.


"No! G-get that thing away from m-me!"

Was that a stutter Aomine just heard? The tanned teen smirked in glee on seeing the petrified expression on Kagami's face.

He took a glance left and right, and then silently took out his phone and took a secret snap shot when he was sure that Akashi wasn't watching.

Kise who was staring at him from the couch gave him the stink eyes of disapproval, but Aomine being Aomine did what he did best in life; he ignored it.

"This is the last time I'm asking you," Akashi threatened, loosening the hold he had of Tiger's leach making the red head in front of him flinch, "-what are you planning to do with Tetsuya?"

"I told you already; I don't know what you're talking about! Kuroko is my teammate-ahhhh!" Kagami shrieked when the Rottweiler came closer and sniffed his jeans. He jerked away from the touch, making the dog bear its canines in an unhappy snarl.

Kagami's breath hitched at the sound, his mind going blank…He couldn't think, couldn't hear, couldn't even breath…All he knew was that he had to get away; run so far away that he never saw another dog again…

"I have had enough of you trying to feign ignorance," The captain let go of the leash, his mouth pressed into a thin taut line that showed that he was not amused, "-maybe getting a limb bitten off would help refresh your memory."

Kise, who up till now had been trying to somehow teleport himself out of the place, saw that it was becoming a bit extreme and tried to reason with his captain.

"Akashi-chii may be this is going a-a bit too far…"

Akashi looked at Kise pointedly, undaunted by the blonde's concern. "I'm sorry Ryouta. But what must be done, must to be done."

With that, he stepped away from the dog, soundlessly giving it permission to launch an attack on the prisoner and rip him to shreds.

'This, Kagami Taiga; this is what you get for defying me.'

The dog barked loudly at Kagami, with its ears low and its body crouched and his stance threatening and showing tell tales signs of extreme aggression… and the latter…just fainted…again.

Seeing his captive effectively loose consciousness, Akashi quickly took hold of the leash again before the dog could pounce on the poor, unsuspecting, petrified prisoner.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he bent down, scratching behind his dog's ear, who quite quickly turned from a blood thirst hound to a sweet, playful puppy in a matter of seconds. Such was the magic of his hands.

"That dog is bipolar, I swear," Stopping what he was doing, Akashi abruptly turned to Aomine.

"There's something wrong with this picture," he muttered, "-are you sure you didn't make a mistake?"

Aomine immediately went on the defensive.

"Of course I didn't! Ask Kise! They were sharing a fucking straw and smiling and Tetsu even blushed! They are dating!"

All eyes turned to a certain blonde.

"Well…that is true…"

Akashi sighed and then raised an incredulous eyebrow.

"So you speculated your claim on the fact that they shared a straw? That's it? That's your proof?"

"Well…yeah," Now that Aomine thought about it, it did seem kind of silly.

"Didn't Kise-chin share a straw with Kuro-chin a few times too?"

Kise looked scandalized. "But Kurokochii always got the bendy straws!"

Akashi shook his head in disapproval…These dimwits…

Aomine fell awfully quiet after that revelation. And then:

"You bastard," Kise squeaked a bit at the intensity of the ace's glare, "-so you were the one taking advantage of Tetsu after all," He cracked his knuckles, taking a step towards the blonde who took an unsure step back in response. "I should have known that you were the real rapist here…" His grin held nothing but ruthlessness, "-and you tried to frame Kagami for it. You clever little shit!" With that he pounced on the blonde, making the latter squeal.

Akashi looked at the two teens rolling around on the floor, punching, kicking, biting; if anything, those two were the ones who looked like they were the couple. He wouldn't be surprised if they started tearing up each other's clothes.

"Fight! Fight! Fight" Murasakibara cheered as he chewed enthusiastically on the chips in his hands.

"Don't encourage them, Atsushi."

"Oh, sorry."

Seriously, for all the trouble and misunderstandings these two nosy idiots had caused it, would be better if they just cracked each other's skulls.

Akashi 'hmphed', slightly dejected by the fact that Kagami was still alive and well. Oh well, there was probably going to be a next time anyway-

"Stop what you're doing right there!" The door suddenly burst open, revealing a panting and exhausted Midorima; who for some reason went very very still when he saw the scene before him.

"What's going on?" Kuroko peered curiously over his shoulder and froze immediately, his jaw dropping slightly in surprise.

His ex-teammates were on the floor, looking disheveled, flushed and panting desperately for air. Aomine was straddling Kise, his knees between the blonde's thighs and his hands effectively pinning the model's hand over his head in an attempt to subdue him. His hair was a mess, as if someone had been desperately clawing at it –probably an attempt to pull him closer- and his eye brows were knitted together in concentration –like he really wanted to get this done right-.

Kise didn't look any better. He was breathing hard, his eyes half lidded, and cheeks flushed and sheen of sweat covering his neck and forehead. His shirt was torn from the front and fell open, revealing the expanse of creamy, smooth skin of his well-toned torso and slightly muscled pectorals.

It didn't help that there was a dark purple bruise forming on the juncture between his neck and shoulders. All in all, he looked completely ravished.

"Woah! woah! woah! W-wait a minute! What're you two-?" Midorima sputtered, blushing at the near-erotic sight in front of him, "And what're you-?" He glanced at Akashi and Murasakibara who weren't affected at all. "-and what is that-?" he proceeded to point at the dog that was sitting peacefully by Akashi's side, seemingly enjoying the show as well.

Seeing Midorima's inability to process what was happening since he was mumbling incoherently, Kuroko found it appropriate to be the one to break the silence:

"Aomine-kun, Kise-kun, are you two…" A slight hesitation, "-dating, by any chance?" His stoic façade was, however, given away by the small blush on his cheeks as he turned his head away from the scene.

Both looked flabbergasted by what the blue-haired boy was saying…not getting what he was trying imply.

Well, that was until…they realized that their breaths were mingling and their faces were so close that their lips were inches apart. It was quite a suggestive position to any on looker.

"Eh?"

Aomine skidded away from the body squirming beneath him and backed up until his back collided with the wall behind him. It was a good thing that he had a slightly tanned complexion because he could feel his face heating up.

"And, I'm the rapist, huh?"

Kise sputtered, blushing a deep shade of scarlet as he held together the front of his shirt, trying to save some of his dignity…(He didn't really have anything to hide, he wasn't a girl.)

"N-no Tetsu…that wasn't w-what it looked like!" Aomine ignored the blonde.

"Yes Kurokochii! We were just fighting!"

"Actually-," Akashi interrupted them both and all eyes turned to him. Of course Akashi would explain everything and everyone would believe him. Kise and Aomine internally sighed in relief.

It was just unfortunate however that the duo didn't see the glint of mischievousness in their captain's mismatched eyes, "-that was their aggressive foreplay, they were just about to strip each other," He stated calmly.

Midorima paled. Aomine sputtered. Kise choked on his saliva. Kuroko hid his face behind his hand. Murasakibara raised an eyebrow before adding;

"Yes; they said that they wanted an audience to see them get down and dirty. Hence Aka-chin and I…"

No one spoke for a few moments and Murasakibara continued;

"-and their finale was going to be dry humping a tied up Kagami which would eventually lead to a threesome. Honestly, these two are so wild," He shook his head in mock disappointment, like a mother rebuking her child for stealing cookies.

Aomine was too far gone by shock to respond and Kise…well, you see his spirit coming out his mouth.

Akashi stood with a satisfied smirk on his face. They deserved this for the trouble they had caused. That would teach them from spreading false rumors about other people.

Kuroko finally removed the hand covered his face.

"Oh, Kagami-kun is here. Good," Kuroko, now having enough time to recover, finally walked towards the unconscious ace and undid his ropes, greeting his ex-captain as he did so. Akashi simply nodded and ruffled his hair briefly in acknowledgement. Ah, Tetsuya truly was a jewel; always so polite.

"Atsushi, go help him," Akashi ordered, before taking hold of Tiger and petting her for good measure as he headed for the exit.

"Thank you, Murasakibara-kun," Kuroko finally, with the help of the oversized teen loaded his almost dead friend into the push cart.

"You're welcome." With that he headed off too, probably following Akashi back to his house like the faithful servant he was.

As Kuroko came back in to get Midorima who was too mentally scarred to move, he looked at Aomine and gave him a small smile;

"Aomine-kun, its okay if you swing that way. It's nothing to be ashamed of," He paused and looked at Kise, "Same to you as well; though it would be nice if you didn't involve Kagami-kun in your threesomes," And with a slight frown Kuroko left, a shocked and trembling Midorima trailing behind him.

He gave Kise a very dirty look as he passed by though. The blonde deserved that much for ditching him.

It was after the initial shock and when the two offenders were all alone, that Kise finally wailed, "Now Kurokochii thinks I'm gay!"

"…"

"Why didn't you correct him?"

"…"

"And what's up with beating me all of a sudden? Have you lost your nuts?"

"…"

Still no response.

Kise was getting a bit worried that his counterpart wasn't responding. Usually Aomine, being as short tempered as he was, got provoked easily.

"Hey, you okay? Aomine-chii?" He crawled on all fours, heading towards his dumbstruck friend, stopping a good distance away from him; because really, what if someone came back and thought he was making a move on the tanned teen.

A few moments more of silence.

"Kise." Aomine said slowly.

"Yes?" The latter answered uncertainly.

"Your fly's open."

"Eep!"


Author's Ramble: So why was Kise's fly open even though they were only fighting? Huh? Huh? Guesses anyone? /gets shot

Haha, my first attempt at humor and slight crack. I suck, I know. But I just has to get it out of my system so that I could move on to my other stories. Sorry for any grammatical errors; as usual this is self edited.

And my first fic in this fandom. I love the GoM. They are awesome! Akashi is especially 'da boss'! I mean seriously, before he got introduced, I was wondering what kind of person would lead of such an…unstable team…He's definitely fit to be captain. I can't wait to see what he's got.

Kise's my favorite character! I love him! He's like a guy version of me! Aomine's so adorable and seriously, I love all of them! Sorry that Kagami had to suffer…I did it 'cause I could…XD