So, I think what I have learned from writing this is that I am really not that good at multi-chapter stories... it could have been so much better, and I am sorry. But thank you all for your support... and if it alright with all of you wonderful people, I'm going to stick to one shots for a while. :)
"Thanks." I mumbled, ready to jump out of the car.
Allison had drove me back home after everything was settled. Peter Hale's lifeless heart was in the middle of sinking to the bottom of the lake, Derek and his pack went back to find Jackson, part of me was scared for him, the other part knew he needed to be stopped. Scott drove Stiles and his jeep home before meeting up with Derek, Stiles too shook up to drive, I was too shaken to even think of him without feeling utterly terrible. Allison sighed, indicating she wanted to talk.
"Lydia, he's not mad at you." She mumbled once I met her eye.
I glared at her. "I could have killed him Allison."
"You weren't in your right mind, you were being controlled-"
"I'm dangerous. He's probably better off with werewolf Erica." I crossed my arms.
"Is that what you're worried about?" Allison asked softly, a small smile lighting up her face.
"Obviously?" I scoffed.
"Lydia, he was so calm when you were attacking him. Erica offered to chop your head off."
Allison started, grabbing my hand, I flinched. I didn't trust them, I pulled away quickly.
"He kept calling your name, and it finally brought you back."
"Yeah, almost too late." I snapped.
"Peter had him, he told me he'd kill him. Bastard had me ready to do it." I shook my head.
"Lydia, you couldn't have known, it's all going to-"
"I'm tired." I interrupted her.
Allison's eyes looked hurt.
"I'll call you in the morning." I muttered unbuckling my seat belt.
"Or you know, just come strangle me in my sleep." Allison offered, teasingly.
"Ha." I glared. "Hilarious."
I laid in bed for a while thinking. What was I supposed to make out of all this? Was I supposed to believe it? Embrace it? I didn't know if I could look at Erica Reyes and not see gold eyes and sharp teeth again. I didn't know if I would ever feel safe in the same room as Issac, or if I'd feel comfortable being alone with Derek Hale. I couldn't be alone in that, I could not be the only person who was cautious, Allison had Scott to worry about, and Scott was not intimidating , I would never be scared of him, ever. And what was I? Was I truly a witch? Nothing happened when I went into that nightmare with my own personal Freddie Kruger. I didn't do anything fantastical or amazing. I threw a glass of black crap at a dead werewolf who had Stile. I did what I thought I had to, it was purely intuition, not magic. I didn't believe, wouldn't believe in it. I sighed and looked at my ceiling, I was still afraid to fall asleep, but I had nothing to worry about. My hands came to my face, covering my still open eyes. They trembled, shaking. I immediately retracted them. Only an hour before they held Stiles' neck in a iron grip, ready to kill him. I didn't trust myself right now. I was on edge, but why shouldn't I be? I just went through hell, way, way too much for one person to take in one day's time. God, the dance, Danny, Stiles kissing Erica, it all seemed like a lifetime ago, when it was only a few hours before now. It was four in the morning, a new day, a fresh start, and I couldn't feel any better. Maybe when the sun rises I would feel safe, fell like I wasn't living in eternal darkness. My eyes grew heavier and heavier as I thought and thought, I couldn't make my mind stop racing, usually I wouldn't mind it, plenty to think about, I used to say, but now, I didn't think I even knew the meaning of that phrase. I didn't know anything until now. There was this whole other world right around me going on, and I had no clue, for so long. I thought I was smart, probably the smartest person in Beacon Hills, and I couldn't even see what was right in front of me for so damn long. I wanted to scold myself but thought differently. At least, for now. Who honestly believes in supernatural creates being all around us. I mean, it was nice, maybe even a relishing danger in my mind, it be cool to have a vampire boyfriend, or a werewolf best friend who ogled over you. Sure, it seemed hot in theory, but living it, living it was too intense and too much to handle. I did not know how Allison did it for so long. I was still so new to it and already wished I could go back. Way back, like when I first knew my friends were all lying to me, I would ignore it, pretend it didn't matter, take all those pills my mom encouraged and stayed sane, stay in the land of normal.
I turned over, facing my window, I didn't feel safe enough not to. If I did all that, and I knew I wouldn't have, I would never have gotten to see this other side to Stiles, I never would have realized how great he was, I never would have felt the way he made me feel, which was so stark in comparison to Jackson. Stiles made me feel safe, he made it okay to feel vulnerable sometimes, and he never once pushed. With Jackson, I didn't know how to be strong, with Stiles I never felt anything but. And with Stiles, it wasn't like in all those movies I watch, where the girl is always helpless, always leaning on someone else, I was never like that, until Jackson, and Stiles never made me feel like I had to be weak. But right now, I would give anything to feel weak, I'd do anything not to feel like this monster that I know I am. I almost killed Stiles, something a month ago sounded all to appealing, but now it was going to give me different kind of nightmares. How could I do that? I practically verified his and Erica's facebook relationship status. The way she looked at him tonight, as he laid in a heap, it was too intense, too heart wrenching, too much for me. I don't know if I could look at him like that, if I even had it in me to care about someone like that, like the way she cares about him. Maybe this is a good thing, he deserves someone that will make him happy, and she may get that stick out of her ass. This could be good. It was good. It had to be, because I was done. I was sick of feeling like this, with everything Stiles had given me, all the feelings of actual emotion, he also gave me a feeling I never thought I would ever have to feel, I mean like ever. I was never jealous of anybody, not since the seventh grade and Angela Tedesco's chest was bigger than mine. I had never been jealous of a relationship, and what Stiles made me feel before anything else was jealousy. It wasn't me, wasn't my style but even now, I felt myself slightly comparing every attribute I had to Erica crazy eyes Reyes. It was laughable and probably even certifiable. I mean I knew I was better than her, obviously. I controlled that school for years before she was even remotely attractive, but that wasn't what mattered, I was slowly figuring out. Stiles didn't like Erica because she was gorgeous, he liked her because she was strong, because she cared, because she was just like him. How could I compare to that? I couldn't. And he didn't deserve me getting in the way.
"Lydia, sweetheart, wake up." My moms voice was gentle in my ear and so soothing.
"hmm?" I asked groggily. Wait, I was asleep?
I jumped up,startling my mom in the process.
"Lydia?" She asked, amusement.
"Morning." I smiled awkwardly, after a moment.
"Good morning, you have a friend here."
"What time is it?" I asked, my throat dry.
Allison. I never texted her, she was probably worried I went Freddie Kruger myself.
"Oh, okay. You can send her up." I yawned falling back into a pillow.
I smiled to myself. I stayed in my bed all night, no dirt caking my feet, no terrible visions.
Just blissful, blissful sleep. There was a knock on my door and I looked up, not to see Allison.
"Morning." Came the awkward reply.
Stiles. Stiles was here, in my room. I quickly pushed my hands under my comforter.
"What are you doing here?" I mumbled, frowning.
Stiles walked further into my room, I wished he didn't.
"I came to check on you." He stated, like it was obvious.
"You shouldn't be here." I shook my head, not meeting his awaiting eyes.
"Come on Lydia, a lot happened last night, you wanna talk about it?"
I shook my head quickly. "You should go."
Stiles stared at me, stared through me. "Is that what you really want?" His voice was tight.
I nodded, not looking at him but at my comforter surrounding me. Where my hands were.
Safely away from him.
He got up. "Fine." He scoffed, and walked out the door, shutting it in the process.
I sighed, I wasn't going to cry, and got up. This was for the best.
I started to make my bed when the door opened again.
"Mom, no we didn't get into a fight and no you do not need to call that stupid shrink-"
I turned towards my door, knowing what my mom was going to say to me with Stiles' quick exit.
But it wasn't my mom, and it wasn't a dream, it was Stiles with a determined look illuminating his eyes.
He came towards me, closing the distance, making air impossible to squeeze between us and kissed me.
Kissing Stiles was something I had been thinking about since that night in the roller rink. His lips were so lush, his eyes so bright, everything about him oddly inviting all so suddenly. I didn't know if he had ever kissed someone, and I was too nervous to ask, but now that I knew he had, seeing it with my own eyes only making me want to more, to prove to him that I was better than Erica, that we were better. Stiles' lips were soft and hard against mine, forceful, proving to me that I he didn't fear me and I shouldn't fear him. His hand firm in my hair, tangling himself inside it, not letting me go. I started to worry about a million things, morning breath, was I better than Erica, would I try and kill him? I kept my hands, my cruel, dangerous hands bunched in his shirt, holding him just as tightly to me. This kiss was different than any I ever had, and believe me, I had a few. This kiss was brilliant, first kisses have always been special to me, because everything is brand new, but kissing Stiles didn't feel like that, this felt like a kiss I've had a hundred times, it was safe and comforting and just, Stiles. As my lips parted, moving in sync with his I knew he wasn't scared of me, that he had no reason to be. I slowly, hesitantly let my hands fall from his shirt and wrap around his neck, tightly, bringing us even closer, if that was possible. Kissing Stiles Stilinski, it had a nice ring to it, and I smiled into the kiss, right before we both pulled back, panting for air. My eyes opened slowly, fearing that this may indeed be a dream. He was staring at me, his eyes smoldering and bright, like honey mixed with the sun. He smiled at me and I at him. My arms unhooked themselves from his neck and slowly made their way down his shoulders, his arms, to his hands, so soft, inviting, hands that couldn't hurt anyone if he tried. He grabbed mine, holding them firm in his, like I would pull away too soon, ruin this moment.
"Wow." I breathed, still very lightheaded.
"I love you too." He whispered, his lips brushing mine so softly, maybe he didn't even do it.
"What?" I blinked, his thumbs stroked my hands, the hands that tried to kill him. I tightened my grip.
Stiles looked down, we were still so close, I felt his heart pound.
"Last night, you were telling Peter Hale you loved me, you kept yelling it." Stiles shrugged.
I let out a gasp that was nearing laughter.
"I did?" I asked, dumbly. I could see his thoughts turning.
"No, no. I meant it." I rushed, pulling him even closer.
"Yeah?" He whispered, so unsure of himself. Even after that epic kiss.
"Yes." I laughed, smiling at him. I let my hands leave his, to comb my hair back.
"I love you, Stiles. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that."
Stiles smiled then, taking his hands, cupping my face.
"I'm not saying that things are gonna change though." I started, his brows rose.
"I mean, just cause you're my boyfriend now doesn't mean I have to be nice to you."
Stiles licked his lips with a deep chuckle.
"Your boyfriend?" He questioned, his hands trailing down to my neck gentley.
"Only if you want." I mumbled, looking down at his arms.
"Oh, I want." He was blunt, I liked it
"But I'm not sure it's what you want."
I looked up at him. "Stiles, I just said that-"
"Hear me out." He asked, tugging me by the arm down onto my half made bed.
"Lydia I have liked you for so long, and Erica didn't change that for me. Sure, I liked her, whatever, but it's always been you. I have only ever loved you, Lydia. But it took Erica showing interest in me for you to even realize I was more than Scott McCall's shadow." He sounded sad.
"I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and realize this wasn't real."
"It is real." I mumbled playing with his larger fingers. It hurt though, because he was right.
"Fine, your not my boyfriend. Not yet." I offered, looking up.
"We haven't even went out on a real date yet."
He snorted. "Hope your cheap."
I scoffed and went to hit him, he quickly grabbed my arm.
"Don't get on my bad side, I'll start casting spells." I teased.
Stiles leaned in closer, his breath tickling my cheeks.
"I'd like to see that." He whispered, his lips nearing.
This was too slow, too painfully slow. I knew that was probably how Stiles was, take his time with things he knew he could, since his mind was moving at the speed of light. But right now, he wasn't fidgeting next to me, and he wasn't rambling about nonsense. He was about to kiss me, but sorry I was going to beat him to it. I pulled him towards me, my hands on his face, cheeks so soft, and our lips met.
So I've learned that I didn't know a lot of things, not like I used to. I thought I had it all figured out once upon a time. I never thought I'd be the jealous type, never thought I'd believe in werwolves and witches and mythical creatures going to my high school. Never believed in magic, or that I could fall for someone like Stiles Stilinski. But I do believe, and did fall for him. We'd figure out everything later on, all the complications that I knew our lives would probably now have forever. I knew I was going to be chewed out for putting myself and everyone around my in danger, and that Erica was probably going to kill me on Monday when Stiles and I walked into school holding hands, bur right now I didn't care. And I wouldn't be jealous anymore, because Stiles was right here, where he should be.
And thank god! I hated what that did to me.