She sat and stared at her phone at the text message from him;
You free for skype? Haven't spoke in a while. They're working you too hard ;) Dx
She'd been staring at it for half hour, mustering up the guts to press the reply button with her shaky finger. Of course she was free for Skype. She'd been free for the past two days but kept fobbing him off;
I'm snowed under at work. Hope you're ok. Ex
I'm on the tube. I'll call you later. Ex
Just out shopping. I'm sorry. Ex
She couldn't keep this up. This wasn't fair.
She hit the reply button and typed out the message…. Hi. Yeah I'm free. I'll just log on. Ex
She opened the laptop and powered it up, glancing at the stick that lay to the side of the machine. She stared at it as if it was going to do something spectacular as she waited for the screen to pop up.
As the rings sounded, she shifted nervously in her seat until his familiar, smiling face appeared.
"Hey." She smiled.
"Hey stranger." He winked.
"Yeah…" She began, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, "… I'm sorry. It's just been so busy."
"It's alright.…" He assured, "….. I get that being the boss in a new place is tough. You've got a lot to catch up on."
"So how have you been?"
"Good..." She lied, rubbing the base of her nose with one finger, "… How about you?"
The pretence was pointless; Her fidgets may as well have been screams. He'd already spotted it…. She could see it in the frown he was trying to hide and feel it in the short, but obvious pause, before answering her.
"I've been fine. We haven't had a case for a couple of days, so I finally got to work on that property in Hadlington."
"That's great. How's it coming along?" She continued to attempt the façade.
But he paused again, looking at her inquisitively whilst she scratched her head and looked at an invisible spot on the wall ahead of her as she tried to avert his gaze.
"Emily…." He murmured.
She looked back to him, "What?" Her voice was meek.
"What's going on?"
She shook her head only slightly, but quick, "Nothing."
He exhaled heavily, "Emily, don't lie to me. Something's wrong."
She glanced back at the stick on the desk. The stick that was there because of just one night….
He insisted on getting a cab with her to make sure she got home ok, but they both knew that it was only to prolong their time together after she had finally admitted she wanted to leave the team. She didn't argue. Just like her inviting him up for coffee and him accepting was extending their night and after the coffee he said he should leave, but she prolonged it further by offering him another cup….. A cup that was never made.
As he made love to her, she held on tight to him, just as she had at the wedding that night, afraid to let go. Six years of love, friendship, affection, angst, anger and frustration poured out of them both that night. In the morning, they lay in her bed, both wide awake but remaining as still as possible, neither wanting to admit to being awake so they would have to move and leave each other's arms. When they finally did, they used more time up with breakfast and small talk, but when he finally walked out of the front door, she leant her back against it and slid down, tears streaming down her face…. Out of fear…. Out of loss…. Out of love.
After that it all happened so quickly; Within two weeks she was on a plane to London leaving behind the only real family she had, bound for a new life with new friends, new colleagues, a new city, a new country, a new continent…. What was she doing?
But after a few weeks she was just getting to grips with her new job, getting to know a little of her new city, making a few new friends. She was just settling in….. Just…. When she sat in her bathroom on the edge of the bathtub staring at the stick…. The stick with two lines. She read the box over and over again, but no matter how many times she read it, it did not change the fact that two lines meant she was pregnant….Pregnant!
She looked back to him and shook her head again and saw the confusion build in his stare.
"Emily, I know you've been avoiding me. Can you tell me what it is or what I've done?"
"You haven't done anything." She was quick to respond.
He glanced downwards in contemplation and then looked back up to her, "Look, I know we haven't talked about what happened before you left and if you want to…."
"No…" She interrupted, "…It's not that. Well….." She paused, "…. Not really."
He watched as her eyes widened and he saw her swallow… it looked like guilt.
"Em, if there's something you need to tell me…."
She looked in surprise…. Had he figured it out? But before she could answer he continued.
"Have you met someone over there?"
Boom! Where did that come from? He was as surprised at himself as she was….
She remained silent but shook her head slowly and he felt the pounding in his chest begin to subdue in relief.
He waited for her to speak, but still nothing came. She just looked at something away from the screen.
"Emily…" His voice was deeper and more firm, "… Can you please tell me what's wrong?"
"It doesn't feel right doing it like this." She muttered, him barely able to hear her.
The pounding in his chest returned, "Just tell me." He insisted.
Swallowing hard she shifted in her seat and then stared him in the eyes.
"I'm sorry Derek. I didn't want to tell you this way…."
"It's ok.." His voice softened, "….Whatever it is, I…."
"I'm pregnant." She interrupted.
His dark eyes widened and his mouth fell open as if he were about to say something, but nothing came out.
"If you want to call me back…" She said hastily, knowing that his world was exploding, just as hers did a few days ago.
"No…." He was quick to respond, "...I don't want to go anywhere. When did you find out?" He asked.
"A couple of days ago." She said sheepishly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" His tone was sad, not accusatory.
"There's no reason Derek…." She said softly, "….other than me freaking out and needing to let it sink in."
She saw the smallest of smiles creep across his lips at her honesty.
"Ok…" He muttered, "…I understand. So what happens now?"
She shrugged, "I don't know."
"You are coming home though right?" He said as if there was no other option to consider.
Her mouth fell open and she just stared, him knowing her answer right away.
He shook his head, "Emily. You have to come home."
"Derek it's not that simple, I have a contract and…"
"Well break it. You can't stay there on your own."
"I made a commitment to Clyde."
"I don't care about Easter."
"Derek…." She attempted to reason.
"No Emily. That's my baby and I want to be there." His words became sharp and impatient.
She frowned at him and felt that wall of defence begin to descend, "You can't tell me what to do Derek. We're not together and…"
She stopped, seeing his face change as though she'd just delivered the biggest kick in the guts.
Her face softened and she reminded herself of the huge news she had just given him, "I'm sorry Derek, I didn't mean that. I just…"
He stared at her intently, "No I'm sorry…." He said, "…. I shouldn't have been so pushy. It's just a shock….. But I meant what I said. I want to be there. It's my baby too."
"I know you do…" She assured, "….And I want you there, but this is really complicated."
"I know…" He muttered before standing up.
She watched as he paced the room, remaining silent to give him a little space and thinking time. Eventually he returned to the screen and leant down, both hands resting on the desk, "I'm coming over." He stated.
"I'm coming over. We have to talk about this."
"I know but…"
"Don't you want me to come?" He interrupted.
"Of course I do."
"Ok, so I'll book a flight as soon as I've ok'd it with Hotch."
She nodded with a small, almost grateful smile, "Ok." She whispered.
Two days later she stood nervously, staring at the arrivals gate, scanning the hoards of people flowing through. His plane had landed twenty minutes ago and the churning in her stomach was getting more severe with every passing minute.
He spotted her before she spotted him and he was pacing towards her with a big smile, a holdall hung over one shoulder and a brown paper bag in his hand, when she made eye contact.
When he reached her, he leaned in and kissed her cheek softly as she wrapped one arm around his neck, nuzzling in close and taking a deep breath, inhaling his scent, as if needing to be sure he was really there.
"I'm so glad you're here." She whispered into him.
He pulled away from her and held one hand to her cheek gently, "You have no idea how good it is to see you." He muttered.
She smiled warmly and then watched as he reached into the paper bag he held and pulled out a light brown teddy bear with a single silk red rose in its hands.
"This is for you by the way, not for…" He said, holding the cuddly toy out to her and nodding towards her tummy, ".…I wanted to get you flowers, but they would have died on the flight."
She laughed lightly accepting the soft bear, "Thank you…. He's cute." She said holding him up, noticing the head was cocked to one side and it's right eye was winking.
She kept hold of the bear in one hand and slipped her other around his arm, "Come on. Let's get a cab. You must be exhausted and hungry."
"Hungry… Yes. Exhausted… No. I slept on the plane." He lied, not wanting any reason for either of them to avoid the talk they needed so desperately to have.
As they pulled up in the black cab alongside the apartment buildings on the Wharf, Morgan looked up at the tall, glass covered building in amazement, "You live here?" He asked with some disbelief.
"Yep…" She chuckled, "…. Interpol has good taste right?"
"And a lot of money. A place in the centre of London, overlooking the Thames. That must cost a small fortune."
"I'm sure it does…" She shrugged, "….They just want you near to the office so they can get you whenever they want."
"You're not impressed?" He asked with a smile.
"Don't get me wrong, it's a nice place, but…"
"You prefer older buildings right? With a bit of character." He guessed.
"Yep." She smiled before paying the driver and opening the cab door.
"You need some more stuff in here." Morgan said, dropping his bag as he walked in through the front door, eyeing the minimalist room.
"I know…." She sighed, "…I just haven't got round to it."
"I'll…." He stopped, realising he did not want to make any offer of helping her to make the place more homely…. And she read him like a book.
Ignoring his obvious awkwardness, she walked towards the kitchen, "Do you want to grab a shower or something while I make us some food?"
"Yeah that would be good."
A couple of hours later, they were sat on her sofa having eaten the chicken casserole she had prepared earlier that day. They managed to exhaust the small talk, only because they really were not interested in it and were both entirely distracted by the reason he was there.
"Do you want another drink?" She asked, beginning to stand as the first uncomfortable silence bore down on them.
"No…" He said, grabbing for her wrist, encouraging her to sit back down, "… Come on. You know we need to talk about this." He said gently.
As she sat, she saw him glance at her tummy and she instinctively placed one hand upon it. He smiled as he caught her eye and slowly raised one hand towards her, awaiting her permission. It came in the form of a small nod and warm smile.
He placed his big hand on top of hers and squeezed, rubbing his thumb upon her skin. She pulled her hand from underneath his and pressed his down so his palm was flat against her tummy. Of course there was nothing to feel yet…. Nothing to see, but at that moment they both knew they had created something amazing together…. Something special.
"So what do we do Emily?" He asked.
She shook her head looking lost, "I don't know."
"You can't seriously be thinking of staying here."
"My contract Derek…" She told him.
"You really think Easter would stop you leaving in these circumstances?"
She chuckled, "Clyde would tell me to take a cell phone and a fax whilst I was in the hospital giving birth if he could."
Derek shook his head, "He's such a jerk."
"He's not…" She began with a roll of the eyes. Morgan was never going to give the guy a break, "…. He just doesn't think of stuff like this as being important."
"How much notice do you have to give?"
"Are you kidding me?"
"Look…" He said, moving around to face her straight on, "…I wanna be there through all this. The doctor's appointments, the scans, the weird cravings, even the mood swings…." He chuckled as he earned a smile from her, "...We're gonna have a baby Emily. This is our baby…. I just…"
But he stopped mid sentence and pulled his head back as if trying to get a better view of her face. His brow dipped and he swallowed hard as she pulled away from him slightly and he took in the expression that suddenly fell upon her face at his last words.
She looked petrified and it him like a truck…. He couldn't bear to look at the fear.
He stood up and walked to the window with her confused eyes following him.
"What's the matter?" She asked as he placed one hand against the wall, letting it take his weight.
She watched his body rise as he inhaled deeply, but remained silent.
Standing up, she tentatively took a couple of steps towards him, but left a distance between them.
"Derek…?" She said softly, "….What's wrong?"
He shook his head slowly and lifted his head to look out on to the sun drenched river, boats floating at a snails pace looking so peaceful.
"I had no idea." He muttered.
"No idea about what?"
"You felt that way."
"Derek, you're not making any sense. Felt what way?"
He turned and she saw a pain in his eyes and his face looked as if it were about to break.
"What?" She breathed.
"That you were scared to be with me…." He uttered, the words breaking, "…. To have my baby. It's me isn't it?"
Her eyes widened…. He had hit a nerve. His words had frightened her. It was why she didn't tell him right away.
Her dark orbs bore into him and a solitary tear began to run down her cheek…. She didn't even notice.
"I'm sorry I pushed you Emily, if I'd of known, I wouldn't of…."
He halted as she shook her head, not taking her eyes off him, "I'm not scared of having your baby. I'm….." She paused, her breaths a little heavier and more tears falling upon her ivory skin, "… I'm scared of having a baby."
They both stood still feeling a heavy weight bear down on them both. His breathing rhythm was soon in time with hers as he felt a mix of guilt and panic, suddenly realising he had no idea how to handle this. So he did the only thing that felt right at that moment…. He closed the gap between them and took her small frame in his arms, squeezing her tight as her moistened cheek rested against his chest.
"What are you scared of?" He whispered.
He strained to listen to her muffled words; "I'm scared I'm too old to have this baby and something will go wrong….. I'm scared that when I do have it I won't know what to do and I'll screw it up…. I'm scared about doing this on my own…. I'm scared that…" She felt him hold her tighter with every word, "…..I'm just scared."
He held her until he felt her heart beat begin to calm and then gently pulled out of his hold on her and took hold of both her hands, guiding her back over to the sofa.
As they sat, he shifted his body so he was facing her, keeping his grip on her.
"Listen to me…." He began, his voice certain and his eyes locked on hers, "…. Whatever happens, you are not alone. We can make this work."
She looked at him with sad eyes.
"What?" He asked softly.
"Derek, you're a good man, but you shouldn't do this just because of the baby."
"You think that's the only reason I'm here?"
"No… Emily, I can't believe you think that."
"But, we had our chance before I left, and well…." She looked down, "…. Well I'm here."
"You think I wanted you to come here? That I was happy about it….?" He asked, using a solitary finger to guide her face back up to look at him, "…. You're kidding right? I didn't want you to leave. You have to know that."
"You didn't fight for me to stay." She uttered in a weak voice, but as a matter of fact.
She felt a flash of disappointment immediately as his grip on one hand disappeared and she watched as he rubbed his forehead hard as if trying to rid it of a searing pain.
He dropped his hand and let his gaze fall on her once again, looking at her with a seriousness she hadn't seen in a long while, "I didn't know what to do Emily; I could have begged you to stay…. But what if you did and then you resented me? I knew you were lost. I knew you needed to do something to figure stuff out. And all I could was pray that you'd do that and then come home…. That's the truth…." He took a heavy breath as he thought, "…..May be I am guilty of not fighting for you as I should of, but everything I did was because I love you and I want you to be happy. If London was what it took then that's how it had to be."
She let her gaze fall downward and collected his hand back into hers, "I guess I'm just as guilty for not fighting for us. I just wasn't sure you felt the same, so I did what I always do… Took the easy option and ran away."
The slightest of chuckles fell from the back of his throat, "Emily, I don't think you ever take the easy option…" He smiled and gave the smallest of winks, "..Come here." He whispered, opening up his arms.
She shuffled over and tucked her body into his, as his arms enveloped her once again
"Em, I can't guarantee everything will be ok with this baby, but I can promise you I will be there every step of the way."
"That's pretty difficult with four thousand miles between us."
"Three thousand, three hundred…."
"…and sixty three." She finished, looking up at him with a small smile.
"Yeah…" He uttered, "….We've got some figuring out to do."
A few people asked me to do a baby fic… This popped into my head today… Is it something you would like to see continue? See how they muddle their way through this… I have no idea how they will yet though ;)