Title: Jack Daniels Is My Only Friend

Summary: Elijah hasn't heard from his youngest brother in a week, he finally convinces Bonnie to trace him but what he doesn't expect is for Kol to be drunk in the forest with several empty bottles of Jack Daniels lying around him.

Categories: Humor/Family

AN: I own nothing and as you can see I'm incredibly inconsistent ;) So random stories will just pop up every now and then. Although reviews and ideas for more stories are most welcome!

Elijah stood facing the window in Klaus' study. He chewed nervously on his thumb, his posture tense and obviously worried, he didn't even try to hide it. He spun around and glanced at the only other person in the room. "How much longer?" He asked nervously.

Bonnie pressed her lips together irritably. "Don't rush me" She growled. "You're lucky I'm even here"

The vampire closed his eyes and nodded. "I am sorry" He said sincerely. "For threatening your Mother. But there is no one else I could call to help. My brother is incredibly hard to find when he wants to be"

For a moment Bonnie glared at him before she nodded once and turned back to the desk. "Come here" She ordered.

Elijah moved over quickly and held out his wrist for her. She slipped a small knife from her pocket and slit a gash just below Elijah's hand. She let the blood flow from his wrist and onto the map that lay across the desk. She released him, Elijah instantly moved back. She closed her eyes, holding her hands flat across the map. "Phasmatos Tribum, Nas Ex Veras!" She said in a level voice.

The blood pooled in a small circle as she chanted, slowly moving away and into the forest surrounding Mystik Falls. Elijah furrowed his eyebrows and took a step forward as Bonnie finished and observed the location, she frowned. "What is he doing there?" She asked him.

Elijah shook his head. "I do not know" He said. "I was unaware there was anything there"

"It's near an old graveyard" Bonnie replied, analysing the map. "There's nothing there. Just a clearing"

For a moment Elijah was silent. "I know that I have no right to ask this of you, but I need you to take me there. I do not know where it is"

"No" Bonnie snapped, her anger rising. "No, I won't have anything to do with you or your brother. You promised you'd leave my mother alone if I did this one thing for you. Find your brother. Well, there he is. I will have no part in anything else"

Elijah nodded. "I give you my word, Miss Bennett. With my brother gone there is nothing keeping us in Mystik Falls any longer. The sooner I find my brother the sooner I shall gather Rebekah and we will be on our way. I promise I will do everything I can to stop them from ever coming back here" He told her smoothly.

Bonnie was silent for a few moments before slowly nodding. "Fine" She snapped. "I'll take you. But you better get your ass out of Mystik Falls as soon as we find him" She sneered angrily, snatching up her bag and stalking out of the mansion, Elijah trailing silently behind her.

When they finally arrived Bonnie was surprised to find that Kol was almost identical to Elijah. She had never met the youngest brother, only caught a quick glimpse of him the night Esther first tried to kill her children. He had dark golden hair, a mixture between Elijah and Klaus, and almond shaped brown eyes. He was like a baby version of Elijah.

Kol was lying on his back staring up at the sky, eyes vacant and wandering. Several empty bottles were discarded in the grass around him and one bottle of Jack Daniels was clutched tightly in his hands.

"Kol!" Elijah called, moving forward to stand above his brother.

Kol blinked up at him from his position in the grass. "Hullo Lijah" He slurred, he held a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hands. "Wanna have a drunk?"

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" Elijah scolded, snatching the bottle from his brothers hands.

Bonnie rolled her eyes. She had come all the way out into the forest to find Elijah's little brother because he seemed to be wasted and unable to even stand up.

Kol pouted and tried to grab the bottle back. "Noo" He cried. "Not my Jack Daniels" After a brief fuss Kol managed to get a hold of his precious bottle, cradling it tightly to his chest. "He's my only friend" He wailed sadly, sinking back down onto the ground.

Elijah pressed his lips together. "Come on Kol. We have to go"

"Don't want to" The boy mumbled. "I'ma stay here forever n ever n ever n ever til the world ends"

The older brother rolled his eyes. "No you won't Kol. You're coming with me, we're leaving Mystik Falls"

Kol shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll stay here" He slurred, taking another swig from his bottle. "I don't wanna go anywhere. This is a good place"

Elijah glanced over at Bonnie who was smirking at him. "Thank you for your help, Miss Bennett" He said smoothly. "I'll take Kol and we'll leave"

"Not going anywhere" Kol mumbled, rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in the grass. "Stay here forever"

Bonnie glanced at Elijah sceptically. "He won't be here for long" Elijah assured her.

"Yes I will" Kol grumbled.

The witch couldn't hide the smirk that appeared on her lips as she watched Elijah glance warily at his brother. "Kol, please" Elijah said, rubbing his temples. "You have to come home. Rebekah is worried for you"

"Don't care" Kol mumbled. "I'm staying here. Nik said he'd be here" He wailed groggily.

Bonnie and Elijah glanced at him sharply, Bonnie's eyes were wide as she watched him closely. What did he mean by that? Elijah stepped forward. "What are you talking about, Kol?" He asked, eyes narrowed.

"Nik said that if he got into trouble he'd come here" Kol slurred, tapping the ground with a finger. "He said he would come right here. Right to this spot"

Elijah sighed and his expression softened to a gentleness that Bonnie had never seen on any of the Original's. He moved to kneel down beside Kol slowly. "Kol, Nik isn't in trouble..." He told him. "He's dead. He can't go anywhere"

Kol's eyes flickered up to him. "No, but Nik can't die" He said, words merging together. "It's impossible... Always n Forever Lijah, isn't that what he promised you n Bekah? He can't die. He promised Lijah, he promised he'd never leave"

Bonnie lowered her eyes, guilt eating at her chest. She hated the Originals with all that she was, but in that moment, that one brief moment, they seemed almost human. She felt like she had seen something she shouldn't have.

"Kol..." Elijah trailed off and sighed. "I know. But we need to leave"

The boy blinked up at him. "Why?" He asked. "We're finally home"

"Not here Kol" Elijah shook his head, glancing at Bonnie. "Come on brother, you can't stay here any longer. We must leave Mystik Falls"

Kol wrinkled his nose and blinked owlishly at Bonnie. "Why? I wanna stay"

Elijah pressed his lips together. "No Kol" He replied as he stood up. "Come, Kol. We must go" He grabbed Kol by the arm, throwing the bottle away and pulling him up.

The boy yipped in surprise, his knees buckling from beneath him. "Lijah I wanna stay!"

"No Kol" Elijah snapped, his voice hard as he threw his brother's arm over his shoulder. "Thank you for your help Miss Bennett, but we must take our leave"

Kol hummed softly and closed his eyes. "You are very pretty" He slurred. "Prettier than the doppelganger. Why did you not court her instead? Tatia was a whore anyways"

Bonnie could see Elijah's patience was wearing thin. "Shut up Kol"

"No" Kol pushed away from him, stumbling forward. "She's friends with the doppelganger. She should know what Tatia was really like"

Elijah wrapped a hand around Kol's waist and pulled him back, throwing him over his shoulder. "Shut up Kol" He growled, his voice low.

Kol groaned. "Make me" He grumbled sleepily. "I want to stay!" He twisted and squirmed on his brother's shoulder. "Let me go!" Elijah held him tightly as Kol pouted, he looked over to Bonnie. "I hope the newest Petrova isn't such a strumpet. Tatia had all the men crazy for her; the village bicycle, you know? Everyone got to have a ride"

Bonnie smothered a snort of amusement. "Really?" She asked.

"Don't encourage him" Elijah grumbled.

Kol hummed. "You were just jealous" He said airily. "Jealous, jealous, jealous" He paused for a moment. "Twinkle, twinkle little slut. Name one guy she hasn't fucked" He sang.

Bonnie watched with a raised eyebrow as Elijah dumped his brother unceremoniously on the ground against a tree. "Oh for God's sake" He huffed, he grabbed a branch from the tree and shoved it through Kol's chest. The witch's eyes widened with shock, she had never seen Elijah lose his temper. Black veins travelled up around Kol's eyes and his head lolled to the side.

Elijah quickly slung him back over his shoulder. "There" He said. "I thank you for your assistance, Bonnie. I assure you, my family and I will be leaving immediately"

She nodded. "Good" She said. "But I have one question"

"What's that?" He asked.

Her was smirk hidden behind wide, innocent eyes. "What's a strumpet?"

I was in a weird mood today, and this is one of the many products ;) Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are lovely! As are prompts! Although I may need to remind you of my terrible consistency ;) This is nowhere near serious enough to be related to any of my other fics, but I still hope you liked it!