Disclaimer: Any and all known official characters from the manga series BLEACH is owned by Tite Kubo. I don't own the KFC Company, or Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, which is the backdrop of this whole weird story. Anything else that pops up that's not original or is simply cameo I do not own. All I own in this are the story's weird plunny plot thanks to Espada Haribel (Soifon on AdultFanFiction), and my special Fruit Punch Lemonade drink that I make now and then.
All across the planet, all humans were informed about a large asteroid nicknamed Matilda set to collide with Earth. And after a last-ditch attempt to destroy it failed... well... it's chaos that broke out. For Soul Society in Japan and across the Heavens of each corresponding country or continent, the high rate of suicides and deaths were causing mass Hollow break-outs and soul crowding as Soul Reapers worked tirelessly to prepare for the inevitable end of the World of the Living.
"Urahara! What are you doing?"
Urahara Kisuke was on top of the Urahara Shōten. This is where he was found by Yoruichi. Because of the inevitable death of all human life, previously exiled Soul Reapers were fully pardoned for their crimes and allowed to return and assist in the crisis. That included the Visored group in Japan. Urahara however was content with spending the rest of the days still selling whatever he can before Earth goes boom. And after close to about a week since the announcement, he decided to sit on the top of his roof.
"I'm eating some popcorn chicken from KFC."
He showed the bucket with the trademark logo of Colonel Sanders on its white surface. He also has a large Big Gulp-sized Fruit Punch Lemonade drink from the local Seven Eleven.
"During the apocalypse?"
"Well, more like I found an abandoned KFC shop in Tokyo in their international chain market so I helped myself since no one was working. Ya know, considering the planet's going boom in sixteen hours."
She was about to say something regarding the chicken comment, but blinked when she heard him mention Earth's decreased time of destruction.
"What? How do you know that?"
"I listened to my radio here. It's been dead for two hours since the radio station decided to abandon in vain hopes of going to a place the asteroid can't touch them..."
"That... is really dreadful," was all she says, before taking a seat next to the man, and steals some popcorn herself.
Karakura Town was lawless now. Crimes are up, police pretty much have abandoned doing their jobs of protecting and serving the peace of the public. Adultery and alcohol go hand-in-hand and pretty much insanity is what took hold of the town. You can paste this to pretty much all other towns and cities across Earth.
"So, how are things in Soul Society?"
"Chaos. Complete and utter chaos. Ichigo's handling it well now that he's relocated the souls of his sisters from when they got struck by that speeding bus four days ago... Isshin is back as a full member of the Gotei 13 as a seated officer, and Ichigo himself is now a full Soul Reaper instead of a Substitute when his school's principle forced a mass suicide of the entire student body..."
"Yeah, I heard of that... really a shame. Their souls are mostly in heaven while the guy who forced the suicide got cast into hell for that dark a sin."
He pops more chicken into his mouth. Aside living out the rest of the days the Living World had until death, he was also doing his fair share of Soul Burials around Karaura Town. And when he heard about the mass suicide/homicide of Ichigo's school he personally said hello to the man responsible for the event.
"If there's one thing that made me ill, it was the man's soul when I personally sent him to hell... His soul told me their deaths was in order to save the children for God."
Yoruichi growled. Ichigo had told her about that when he officially died, and did half the work sending his friends and everyone else to Soul Society.
"You should send a Hell Butterfly to Yamamoto and tell him about the decreased time until Earth's destruction."
Yoruichi nodded, and did just that. Soon the black butterfly flies away and eventually vanishes in a small burst of reiryoku.
"So we got twelve hours until its good-bye, huh?"
"Yup. When I heard it said on my radio, that's when I craved popcorn chicken. I wanted White Castle but there's no White Castle in Japan."
"So you're going to head to Soul Society around seconds before Matilda impacts Earth?"
"Pretty much," was his cheerful reply.
She sighed, getting up and stretching.
"I got things to do. More souls to bury and Hollows to slay taking advantage of this chaos... Hell, I've taken half the workload from Suì-Fēng since I returned to the Nibantai."
Urahara waves her off.
"Okay. I'll see you in a couple of hours Yoruichi-chan!"
She scoffs, but leaves with a hint of a smile. "Just don't make any dramatic entrances and give us all a big scare." She vanishes in a blur of Shunpo.
And Urahara Kisuke returns to eating the rest of his bucket of popcorn chicken, as up in the skies the sight of Matilda streaking to the planet hangs in the air.
"Hm... I should find a copy of Final Fantasy VII before I ditch the shop," he mutters to himself.
I was having a discussion with some friends about Bleach, and one mentioned Urahara, the apocalypse, and chicken. Thus, this plunny was born complete with his bucket-striped hat. I wrote it down... and now you read it.
Plot bunnies are weird... :D