Understanding Bloodlust

It's not that I like blood. No, that's just weird. It's more that… well. Let's just say I've grown accustomed to violence since becoming an Animorph. And I like kicking yeerk ass. The others think I like it a bit too much and have told me as much, which is why I'm even wondering about it myself.

Wanting to see the blood of my enemies doesn't make me a bad person, does it? I can't tell anymore. I think maybe it is. But then, isn't the whole point of fighting a war, injuring and killing your enemies?

Cassie would say yes, but that it's not natural to like it so much. Marco would call me crazy. Jake would tell me it's okay as long as I keep it under control and only work it off on my enemies. Tobias… Oh, Tobias. I don't know what he would think if he knew.

I think he has some idea, but it isn't something we've openly discussed. Maybe he'll understand. I mean, he's a hawk. He kills for food now. He knows the thrill that goes with snuffing out a life, for creating panic and then diminishing any hope left by destroying a creature.

But… at the same time, maybe he would be disgusted if he knew. I won't be able to live with myself if that's how it is. I don't want him to hate me. I don't want him to fear me. I think Cassie fears me now, at least a little. And the others are a bit skittish sometimes too. But Tobias…

Am I really going over the edge? Am I as close to turning into something as bad as a yeerk as the others seem to be suggesting? I hope not. But, I have to wonder, because right now the thing I most want to do is go find a yeerk and squash it. I want to kill.

fin.