This Christmahanukwanzaa special was made possible in part by a contractual mandate by Nickelodeon and by our sponsor Flameo Instant Noodles. Seriously, you guys... you should buy some.
Korra drove through the night in her fancy Flameo Noodlecycle. Her first order of business: run the living bejeezusover the very first food stand to catch her eye, which conveniently enough was a stand selling Flameo Instant Noodles. Upon impact, the stand exploded in a spectacular rain of instant noodle containers, each of which also exploded into bright, crackling flames.
"NOOOOOOOO, MY NOOOOOOOODLLLLLLLLLLESSS!" cried the noodle cart proprietor. "I shall see you and/or your loved ones BUUUUURNNN FOR THIIIIISSS!"
News reporters and photographers from all over the city were surrounding the Orphanage for Underprivileged Turtle-Ducks, where a hostage crisis was apparently taking place.
"Crisis, customers! Contemptible corpuscle commits calamitous crime!
"Pandemonium, people! Pungent poopnose perpetrates problematic plot!"
"Torture, timmies! Troublesome toadies tell terrible tongue twisters!"
Just then, the roar of Korra's Noodlecycle filled the air, followed by the said Noodlecycle screeching to a halt just inches behind the hoard of people. Korra slid off her helmet and flung it into the crowd, where it landed snugly onto the cranium of a starry-eyed lad. "Awesooome! I have a dream!"
Korra swished the hairs out of her face as everybody turned to listen.
"I came... to see what all this ruckus is about!"
The owner of the orphanage shoved his way through the crowd to meet with Korra face-to-face.
"Grrrrrrreetings, Avatar! I'd be the owner of this here establishment, and I'll be your exposition provider for tonight!"
"That's nice of you," said Korra, "But-"
"As everyone but you knows, our city's beloved and lower-income Turtle-Ducks have been taken hostage, and the hostage holder in question has proclaimed his intent to turn them into soup unless all the bending in the universe is turned off forever and erased from history."
The air was silent for a few moments, save for the faint sound of a whistling tea kettle belonging to someone who camped out on the spot. Korra took a breath and released this following statement:
"WHAAAAAAAAAAT? SSSOOOOOOOOOOUP? NOBODY MESSES WITH MY FAVORITE FARM ANIMAL AND LIVES TO TALK ABOUT IIIIIT! NOT ONE IN THIS CITY WILL REST UNTIL THE IMBECILE'S BLOOD IS SPILT! HIS BONES SHALL ALL BE BROKEN AND DRAGGED ACROSS THE FIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEELLLLLLLD!"
The orphanage owner nodded knowingly. "Mmmyes, good to know. Go now, Korra! The fate of our future beacons of marketability... rests squarely in your hands!"
Korra's knuckles cricked with anticipation. "And my hands... shall rest SQUARELY IN HIS FAAAAACE!"
Korra kicked right through the doors of the orphanage because, as her motto would happen to be, knocking is for pussies.
"Got an order for Flameo Instant Noodles here... WITH A SIDE ORDER OF PAAAAAIN!"
Korra's sight trailed from the large cage full of frightened turtle-ducks suspended from the ceiling to the responsible adversary below it, who turned to face her. His very being resembled the walking, ungroomed backside of a platypus-bear. The creature's eyes were heavily jaundiced and his crooked teeth appeared to serve a second purpose as the comfortable home of dozens of small, wood-eating insects.
It was... the Grinch! And he... WAS... PISSED!
"HOOOW DAAAAARE YOU BRING LIGHT TO THIS MISERABLE LAIR
LIKE A MISERABLE KNIGHT WITH MISERABLE HAIR?
I WON'T LET YOU CLOG MY DASTARDLY TRICKS!
AM I A DOG THAT YOU COME AT ME WITH STICKS?"
Korra's response came to the Grinch in the form of a football-like stone to his wrinkled, moldy visage. "Stop yelling," demanded Korra. "You're giving me a headache. So what's your sob story?"
The Grinch grabbed the stone plastered onto his face, took both ends and RRRRRIPPED that damn thing in half with a mighty shriek!
"Since I like to flail my arms about and yap,
I shall express my tale... IN RAP!"
"This oughta be interesting," remarked Korra.
After a brief bit of warm-up beatboxing, the Grinch began his rhythmical relation...
"Yo yo yo, I'm the Grinch!
I won't go in such a cinch!
Unprepared, you will flinch
like a scared little finch!
But before you run and go,
I share with you one tale of woe,
so sit your junk and your trunk!
This here skunk's become a punk!
I was one day at a bank
so I could play a fiendish prank,
but my splendor, it'd be shunt:
a firebender cut in front!
What the pluck is going on?
How my luck was going strong!
Then he up and came along
like a duck without a song!
So from that day on, I swore
all the peons would abhor
the very day they messed with me;
they'll be so stressed that they'll pee!
All these doomed turtle-ducks
shall be consumed and out of luck
unless all the jerk-offs in the 'hood
turn their bending off for good!"
Having concluded his expository number, the Grinch extended his arms outward as if he had done something worth praising. His only feedback, however, was another rock to the face, courtesy of a righteously angered Korra.
"I don't care WHO you are or WHAT your deal is, but you're... taking TURTLE-DUCKS... HOSTAGE! NOT ON MY WATCH, BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUB! As the Avatar, I'm gonna tell you this ONCE, and ONLY ONCE: LET THESE TURTLE-DUCKS GOOOOOOOOOO!"
The Grinch peeled the second rock off his face, tossed it in the air and crushed it in his hands with a swift clap. The former rock exploded in a dusty cloud of earth and rubble. The Grinch gave a sick, smug grin as he ground the remaining dust from his hands.
"You threaten a slugging, but it is I who shall win!
My relentless mugging will DO YOU QUITE IN!"
And true to his word, the Grinch proceeded to pelt Korra with a healthy supply of coffee mugs fresh from his red sack. "MMMWWWAAAAAHGGGSSS!" cried the Grinch as he rained porcelain onto our hero.
Korra slugged as much of the flying mugs as her bare fists could bear, but the sheer number of mugs quickly proved to be overwhelming. Changing her strategy, Korra grabbed two of the mugs as they came and, with the use of her firebending, heated the mugs to the point that they glowed a bright red in her hands. Korra leapt into the air and dove toward the Grinch.
"Caution: contents may be HOOOOOOT!"
With that, she shoved the heated mugs into the Grinch's eyes, thus ending his assault. The Grinch screamed shrilly and stumbled about, trying desperately to pry the scalding mugs off his eyes.
"DAMNED AVATAR WHO CAUSES MUCH BURNS!
YOU WILL SUFF...FAR WHEN MY SIGHT RETURNS!"
Korra rushed forward and brought a flying kick to the back of the Grinch's head, sending him tumbling face-down onto the floor. Korra planted her boot firmly down onto the Grinch's head, causing the mugs in his eyes to shatter on the floor.
"Alright, you disgusting, rhymey-talkey, spinach-turd-looking freak! You take my favorite barnyard animals hostage, try to turn off bending forever, pelted me with MUGS... AND you make me BREAK THAT NICE DOOR! Ain't nobody does that in myturf and walks out of here IN ONE PIECE!"
The Grinch retorted, but his speech was muffled by the sound of the floor that Korra currently had him kissing. In an act of generosity, Korra lifted her foot off the Grinch's noggin. "Oh, sorry about that, guy. I'll let you talk since you're gonna die." Upon realizing the contagiousness of spontaneous rhyming, Korra immediately cursed at herself.
The Grinch immediately leaped up and kicked Korra backwards.
"Right now you bet that you are right,
but I have not yet begun to fight!
Though this just in, I think it is wise
to get this dead skin off of my eyes."
The Grinch threw his fists into the air and let loose a tremendous stench onto the room. The smell burned Korra's eyes and nasal passages and brought to mind one of Gommu's many attempts at an omelet, naturally made from the finest rotten eggs and carrion Republic City's dumpsters had to offer. Korra collapsed to her knees and clenched her nose and mouth shut, desperate to escape the horrid aroma that eclipsed the room.
The Grinch guffawed in sadistic amusement at Korra's incapacitation.
"Now you shall cower, your ilk it will sink
as you devour my frumious stink!"
Just then, more than a hundred squirming maggots crawled up from the orphanage's floorboards and made a beeline toward the Grinch's person. Korra lifted her head just in time to behold the sight of dozens of maggots feasting upon the burnt, crispy skin that encrusted the Grinch's eyes. This, combined with the remnants of the Grinch's personal pheromones, was her cue to finally flash upon the floor. The Grinch cackled as Korra coughed up the remaining contents of her stomach.
"Now that my eyes have finally been healed,
to my shiv of flies you will now yield!"
Supplemented by their fill and the horrid atmospheric conditions, the maggots quickly matured into a whole swarm of houseflies, which then took to the Grinch's hand and grouped themselves together to form the solid shape of a shiv. He began his advance toward Korra, who weakly struggled to get up on her feet and crossed her forearms in front of her. As the Grinch raised his muscoid blade, Korra thrust her arms outward and released a massive globe of wind from her being, which served to both dissipate the stench that had been pervading the room this whole time and to hopelessly throw off the flight patterns of the flies making up the Grinch's shiv.
As soon as the shiv's form dissipated from the Grinch's hand and broke off into a mere bunch of flies scattering in the air, the Grinch's smug expression gave way to one of panic as he grasped desperately at the air.
"NOOOOOOO, MY BEAUTIFUL FLIES!
DO NOT GO BACK INTO THE SKIES!
I WON'T THROW THIS CHANCE NOW, YOU GUYS!
I REAP WHAT I SOW! THAT IS MY PRIIIIIIIZE!"
"You didn't honestly think that would work, did you?"
The Grinch glanced back to Korra, who had used this time to pull a good chunk of earth from underneath the building's foundation and create a sizable and very hard-looking club, which she was now beating against her hand in preparation for a most smashing of floggings.
The Grinch gulped. "I dig through my mind and from its depths, I seem to find... er... yes."
Korra spent the next few moments bludgeoning the Grinch around to her heart's content. Keeping the creature's crime fresh in her head, she would give this monster no further leeway and relished the sound of fracturing bones that rang in her ears. All the while, the Grinch tried desperately to speak up between thwacks.
"Cease... these attacks! They're... ever so blunt!
E... enough whacks, you... ENOUGH!"
The halitosis erupting from the Grinch's mouth was enough to knock Korra back and force her to finally lay off. The severe battering had weakened the Grinch and horribly mangled his face. He struggled to merely keep himself upright against the pain from his broken ribs. A vile, black substance dribbled from his rasping mouth.
"I give... You win... I call it a day.
Just save me my skin... and I'll go away..."
The Grinch looked to be using half of his remaining strength simply to snap his fingers. Almost instantly, something quite large burst through the orphanage doors, and it was large enough to break through part of the stone wall above the former door. It appeared to be a two-wheeled wagon with long pegs on the side for climbing. The Grinch limply hiked the set of pegs to the wagon's top, sputtering bodily fluids all the way.
"Do not bother calling the police...
I would rather... be left in peace..."
Korra could almost feel a twinge of pity for the broken creature as he lay helplessly on the wagon fiddling with a door handle on top. "I think the beating you took is punishment enough."
A side of Grinch's mouth curled up in a grin.
"It is quite swell that you say that, my dear.
Now wait for a spell as I unleash... FEAR!"
The Grinch swung open the wagon door with unprecedented vigor, and from the wagon flew a flock of shadowy, bird-like figures that took to the skies and shrouded the moon and stars in blackness that flowed from their open ribcages. The ground below the crowd outside the orphanage cracked and split, and from the gaps oozed a thick, green substance that latched onto the pedestrians' shoes and forbade any fleeing from the site. As the stuck citizens began to panic in light of this predicament, from the Grinch's wagon door sprang hundreds of jumping spiders that leapt onto the crowd members and sent a good lot of them into a terrified frenzy.
While their screams filled the air, the Grinch stood back on his feet. Strangely enough, his wounds appeared to fade away and his face was slowly mending itself. Just when Korra thought things couldn't get any more messed up, the Grinch seemed to be hovering just a few inches off the wagon as he turned to face her. He laughed a sickening and victorius laugh.
"I didn't come here for turtle-duck soup!
With all these dumb people, in one fell swoop,
I can feast on their fear in their darkest hour!
Now lend an ear... TO UNLIMITED POWEEEEEEEEEERRR!
HEAR ME, BUFFET ON WHICH I NOW DINE:
AS OF TODAY, REPUBLIC CITY IS MIIIIIIIIIINE!"
A horde of specters burst out of the Grinch's palms, some of them he chucked straight into the crowd. Korra gazed on as the Grinch had his way with the city's somewhat-good people. During her time in Republic City, she had gone up against music-hating hooligans, cheating pro-benders, a crooked politician and even a guy in a mask who could take away people's bending, but an inhuman predator seeking their natural prey in her town was not forgivable! As the rage inside her reached overwhelming levels, phenomenal cosmic power and knowledge of hundreds of generations past flooded her entire being, and while she may have lost her sense of being at that moment, her last conscious thought was that this would totally be worth it.
"You... FOULLL... MOOOOONSTAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!"
The Grinch barely had a chance to turn around before Korra, with the aid of heavily-enhanced airbending, rocketed herself toward the Grinch and pounded his face with enough sheer power as to send him plummeting downward into the ground below. Upon impact, the Grinch found himself partially ingrained into the pavement and staring up at a blindly furious and boldly glowing Avatar.
"What is thi-"
Even if his face wasn't partially caved in, the Grinch could barely get a word out before Korra shifted the pavement around him and threatened to fracture more bones in his body.
"SAVE YER BREATH, YA BLOOMIN' MINGER! AH HAD ENOOF AY'ER BLETHERIN' T'NIGHT!"
The Avatar's inexplicable change in dialect caught the Grinch off-guard to such an extent that his renowned ability to create rhymes on the spot temporarily shut itself off.
Korra lifted her arms and fired two great pillars of flame into the sky. From these pillars was born a humongous cloud of pitch-black smoke that lingered and rumbled for but a few seconds before Korra called upon a series of lightning bolts to repeatedly strike the Grinch's body. Having fried her victim's body into uselessness, Korra manipulated the pavement once more and launched the Grinch a hundred feet into the air, from which the Grinch's limp, burnt body plummeted and crashed down onto the wagon. Korra leaped down to the ground and clutched onto the wagon so firmly as to go straight through the wood.
"STAN' STEEL, YA EEJIT! YER GONNAE GEW FER A RIDE!"
Korra began swinging the wagon in a circular motion and quickly picked up speed.
The Grinch held onto the wagon door's handle as tightly as he could.
"In such a loss I will not believe!
You're not the boss! You can't make me leave!"
Regardless of the Grinch's impotent petulance, Korra continued to accelerate her spinning. She was now at such a speed that a tall whirlwind had formed around herself.
The Grinch was now clinging for his life onto the handle.
"I SUBMIT TO YOUR WINNING, YOU INSUFFERABLE CHICK!
IF YOU DON'T STOP SPINNING, I'M GOING TO BE SICK!"
"YER WISHHH... 'AS BEEN... GRRRAAAAAAAAAANNNTEEEEEEEEEED!"
With a final mighty swing, Korra flung the wagon so forcefully into the sky that once the Grinch and his wagon escaped the sight of the ground-dwellers, the drastic change in air pressure caused the wagon to explode in a blinding light. In its place, a new constellation in the night sky was formed in the shape of a miserable figure pulling a heavy wagon behind it.
Almost instantly after the wagon's destruction, all that had originally come from it to terrorize the crowd disappeared. The blackened sky, the specters, the green crap stuck to everyone's shoes and even the jumping spiders all vanished into thin air, never to wreck anyone's night again. As the pedestrians caught their breath from the unwelcome stimulation, Korra regained her bearings and self. While exhausted and wondering why her mouth tastes like koala-sheep offal, all that was quickly forgotten amidst the growing applause of the grateful city-folk.
Korra managed to get a few waves and blow-kisses in to her audience before the orphanage owner appeared behind her out of nowhere with a flock of freed turtle-ducks.
"Congrrrrratulations, Avatar! You've defeated that dreadful hostage holder and freed our dear turtle-ducks! As a reward, I propose that you be my new friend. I may not look it, but I absolutely adore friends! We could talk and do each others hair and go for walks by the lake..."
"Thanks for the offer," said Korra. "...but tonight, I've got a date with Mary Jane."
And so, after an eventful night of food stand demolition, passionate yelling, battling a horrid green creature to save an orphanage and creating a new constellation in the sky, Korra drove home, kicked back and spent some much-deserved quality time with her favorite bong. Taking in the fumes, she savored the soothing aroma that she most appreciated after another tough night of being awesome.
"Maaan, that is some good shit," sighed the satisfied Avatar.