Written for a prompt from trucherrygirl.
This is the Last Time
This is the last time. It has to be. There is no reason why they should continue. In fact, it's pretty damn stupid to think that this thing they have going on will do them any good, long-term, and actually result in them working out.
This should be the last time for the sake of their reputations and for the sake of their sanity. It won't do to have someone find out they're still getting physical with each other. Not after all the disapproval when they first found out; she and Jeff had sworn to everyone that they were over then.
But they weren't over.
And they were driving each other insane.
She told herself she only let Jeff into her pants all those times because she was bored. Why else would she do such a thing? He's a narcissistic bastard who doesn't want to find a life partner, or someone to share feelings with – not at this point in his life.
And she wants more. She doesn't want to grow up and find herself alone. But with Jeff... she can't help herself. It's a twisted addiction she can't give up. And she doesn't want to give it – him – up.
So, why should it be the last time?
Do all her - and Jeff's - self-placating thoughts and concerns have merit? Should they pay attention to the fear that those things will come true? Should they fear falling for one another, when this is just a physical attraction between them?
Well. Okay. If she's truthful, it's not just a physical thing. She wouldn't be sleeping with him if it was just physical. Okay, so maybe she would. But she isn't, this time. With Jeff, it is complicated. She wants his body and a twisted part of her wants his mind and heart also, even though she knows she's lucky to have received what she has from him.
All she wants is for everyone to keep their opinions to themselves and to keep allowing Jeff to get into her pants. Yeah. Allowing. Ha. She wouldn't allow him if she didn't want him there. He would disagree. Idiot.
She has to wonder why they're so into one another sometimes. She calls so few others idiots. Which means… is she a masochist? Does she have sex with him because she doesn't like him? Because she thinks he's a jerk and self-righteous and an idiot?
Yeah. This is the last time.