Disclaimer: I own none of the following characters from the Mummy and the Mummy Returns. They belong to Stephen Sommers and Universal Studios.

Author's Note: Special thanks to Jen, my sis, she helped me on the cat idea and was nice enough to help me with the spelling of "humongous." We're still not sure, LOL but thanks anyway, Sis! This is dedicated to you! Also thanks to all my readers and reviewers, you all are great!!!


Egypt's Funniest Home Videos!!!!

(Meela, The Curator, and Lock-Nah all walk up to Imhotep in his little cacoon .)

LOCK-NAH: What's first?

MEELA: Hammer!

(The Curator hands her a hammer.)

LOCK-NAH: Ah, not working. Next?

MEELA: Chisel!

(The Curator hands her a chisel.)

LOCK-NAH: That didn't even break of a chip of this giant rock! Next!!!

MEELA: Chain Saw!

(The Curator hands her the Chain Saw as she puts goggles on.)


(Meela moves the snake to Jonathan's throat… and it slides around his neck, making hissing noises! Jonathan can't move! All of a sudden, Meela takes out a flute and begins playing it. The snake starts to move and dance, and Jonathan starts to dance, with it! Soon every one of the red-robed men are dancing with Jonathan, the Curator, and Meela! Rick walks in, raising an eyebrow.)

RICK: Jonathan, I thought I said no more wild parties!

(Ardeth Bay and the mummy soldier are fighting. When the double-decker bus turns, and Ardeth and the mummy are thrown to the ground, Ardeth quickly stands up and grins evilly. He starts stomping as hard as he can on it.)

ARDETH: Die you crazy mummy, oh, ow, grr, I'll kill you, come here, let me smash all your bones to pieces!!!

(Imhotep and Anck-su-namun are on the balcony, and Anck-su-namun looks around, and then looks back to Imhotep and smiles. He leans in to kiss her… and she leans back, and accidentally bumps her head on the golden statue behind her.)


(The Pharaoh, Nefertiri and Med-jai look up from below. Pharaoh glares.)


(Imhotep uses his powers to make the waters of the Blue Nile rise. As it crashes towards our good guys on the dirigible, Izzy is dumbfounded all of a sudden!)

1 RICK: Izzy! Drive this thing!

IZZY: Look what the water is holding!!!

(Evy, Rick, Jonathan, Ardeth, and Izzy all look up to see a giant water- hand come out of it, and there is a giant needle in between it's fingers.)

JONATHAN: Now what do you suppose he's going to do with that?!

(Imhotep's water monster laughs and the giant needle punches into the dirigible, just as they reach Ahm Shere.)

ALL: Hey! No! AHHHHH!!!!!

(Rick and Imhotep are locked together with the heavy ancient weapons, and all of a sudden the giant golden doors are opening. The two men look to it and out steps… THE CAT FROM THE FIRST MUMMY! Imhotep shrinks back and Rick gives a questioning look.)


RICK: Who are you?!

THE CAT: I can't believe this, you use me to ward off the ugly gooey mummy and now look! You are disrespecting me! How dare you!

IMHOTEP: Osiris! Anck-su-namun! I'm scared!

(Imhotep starts to run off and Rick grabs his shoulder.)

RICK: Help me with this thing!!!

(The two men watch, as the cat laughs madly and sharp, humongous claws appear from out of it's claws. Rick and Imhotep's eyes go wide with terror. They turn around and start running.)



(They run away like scared little kids.)

(The Scorpion King has the Curator in his giant claw. The Curator screams for Imhotep to help him. The Scorpion Kind turns him upside down and starts shaking him.)

THE SCORPION KING: Where's your lunch money?!

(Anck-su-namun screams that "NYYY," she will not help Imhotep, and turns, starting to run. But as she runs, she trips over a rock and falls flat on her face.)

IMHOTEP: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Have we learned a lesson?

ANCK-SU-NAMUN: Shut up!!!

(The O'Connells and Jonathan are on the top on the pyramid, and everything is being sucked up around them.)

EVY: Rick, we're trapped!

ALEX: I'll save us, Mum!

(Alex tries to get in front of his parents, but he accidentally gets sucked up into the vortex. He starts going around and around in circles, and all of a sudden, he bumps into a pygmy.)


More, soon to come! Liked it? Review!!!