That night, after they've gotten Henry to bed, Emily is staring out the window at the Capital. But her mind is seeing flashes from her life. JJ walks up and wraps her arms around her from behind, resting her chin on the taller woman's shoulder.
"I love you," she tells her wife.
Emily clasps the hands around her waist and leans back into the embrace. "Jen, I've done a lot of bad things. I've…I've hurt a lot of people…" she takes a deep breath but her voice comes out as a whisper, "…killed a lot of people. How many times can you kill and claim it's for the greater good before your soul is damaged beyond repair?" She takes a deep breath. "I killed a 16 year old boy. My best friend is alive because I did it. I should just be glad that Derek is alive. But I keep seeing that kid's face. He was scared, Jen. He was terrified when Derek offered to call someone. He attacked out of fear and—"
"Emily, look at me." She turns Emily around. "You know as well as I do that a suspect on drugs is unpredictable and they can have strength beyond normal. Scared or not, you had to stop him."
"I get that, Jen. But does it make it right beyond the official fucking reports? What about the fact that…that I can't stop seeing his face? Or the face of that kid in New York? Or…or others?" She closes her eyes against the onslaught of memories. "What about the ones I don't know because I didn't see them die? Lauren Reynolds sold weapons, Jen. She sold weapons that were good enough to get her to Valhalla. Don't try to tell me she is not responsible for death. And if she's responsible, Emily Prentiss is responsible. For so long I've been able to lock that guilt away. But all the sudden, ever since Alice Waddell called me and told me she'd killed Detective Taylor, I've been hit with guilt and it's not stopping. I'm ready to snap. I'm scared I'll…I'll do or say something to you to chase you away. I'm scared I'll hurt Henry somehow. God, not physically, but mentally. I'm just scared and angry and I just need to scream or break things or something."
"Emily, I can't make you stop seeing those faces. I can't make you stop imagining the lives the weapons you sold may have taken. But I can tell you that you are a good person. Your heart is always in the right place. Your actions are always to save, not to hurt. And I know as sure as we're standing here, you will never hurt Henry, mentally, physically or otherwise." She cradles Emily's face in her hands. "I know that because I know you're going to get help. You're going to turn to me. You're going to turn to Derek. And you're going to turn to a doctor. All of us will help guide you back to steady ground."
She draws Emily into a deep kiss. Emily wants to pulls JJ tightly to her but knows the bruising on her wife's back will be too painful. She suddenly pushes JJ away. "Stop!"
JJ is shocked. "What the hell, Emily?"
Emily is shaking. "I…I'm scared I'll…I want…I need…" Her thoughts are jumbled. She wants JJ more than she's ever wanted her before. She wants to take her right there in the living room. JJ is hurt and all Emily's body wants is to push her against the wall and satisfy Emily's own carnal needs.
JJ watches as the emotions wash over Emily's face. It dawns on her what is happening. "Emily, you could never hurt me. You've just proven that."
Emily slowly looks up at JJ. "But what happens when I dohurt you?"
JJ takes her by the shoulders. "I don't believe you ever will. Your emotions are all over right now. And that's affecting your sexual needs. I get that. Look into my eyes Emily: I trust you, sweetheart."
"But I don't trust myself. I…I'm going to sleep down here tonight." She raises a hand to stop JJ's protest. "Please…let me do this, Jen. Give me a night to…to try to fix my head."
JJ slowly nods. "Okay. But don't think I'm giving up on you. I love you, Emily. I'll help you through this if you let me."
Emily nods and kisses JJ's forehead. "I know. I love you, too, Jen. I won't give up on me, either. I swear."
The next morning, Emily groans as she sits up. Yes, it's a comfortable couch but no it's not the best bed. She stretches and heads upstairs. She pauses for a moment then moves towards the nursery where she can hear Henry playing and babbling. She pokes her head in and a wave of love washes over her as she sees him shaking his teddy bear. She moves to the crib. He sees her and gets excited, dropping his bear and waving both hands at her.
"Morning, Champ," she says as she lifts him up. He puts his arms around her neck and gives her a big kiss on the cheek. She smiles. "You keep greeting girls like that you're going to be a heartbreaker when you get older, Henry." She heads to the rocking chair and sits down. "I need to talk to you a minute, buddy. See, I'm kind of having a rough time right now. But I'm trying to get better. I will do my best to not forget to tell you how much I love you, okay? And I will do my best to not hurt your mommy. But if I do, can you please just give her an extra hug and kiss for me? Maybe remind her that even when I'm being a jacka—uh, butthead, I still love her? I'd really appreciate the help." She kisses his forehead. "And maybe if you catch me being a butthead, you can just smile and offer me a hug and kiss. You always make me feel better, Henry. And I love you so much."
"He loves you, too," JJ says from the doorway, where she had watched the monologue. Emily looks up in surprise. JJ points to the baby monitor.
"Ah," Emily says. She was always forgetting about that thing.
JJ walks over and looks into Emily's eyes. "Are you better this morning?"
Emily thinks a moment before answering. "I'm…I really don't know, Jen. What I doknow is I want to go to work, get my report turned in, and take Hotch up on his offer for some leave. After that, I want to…to call…Dr. Westfallen," she finishes quietly, looking away from her wife.
JJ reaches out and lifts Emily's chin. "Don't say that like it's something to be ashamed of, Emily Elizabeth Prentiss. I'm very proud of you for admitting you need to talk to someone about all the ghosts fighting to get out of the compartments in your head. She's really good, Em. I think she's just what you need."
Emily smiles at JJ. "She can help. But, Jen, you and Henry are all I need."
JJ leans down. "Charmer," she says before kissing her wife.
JJ and Emily arrive at the office just after 8 a.m. The profiler is still feeling shaky but with a plan in place she knows she can get through anything. Anything, that is, except a meeting with the section chief.
"Prentiss. My office. Now," Straus hollers from down the hall.
Emily stiffens. JJ takes her hand and whispers. "It will be okay, Em."
Emily just nods. She goes to her desk and puts her briefcase on it. Wishing she had time for another cup of coffee…or a shot of whiskey…she makes her way to Straus' office. The section chief gestures to the chair in front of her desk, allowing Emily to sit first so Straus can stare down her nose at her for a moment.
"Good morning, ma'am," Emily says, refusing to be cowed.
Straus slowly sits down, folding her hands on the desk. "Agent Prentiss, I do not appreciate getting a call from a police commissioner telling me one of my agents is shooting up his town."
Emily stiffens in the chair. "I didn't 'shoot up his town', ma'am," she states through clenched teeth. "I fired one shot in defense of Agent Morgan. He's fine, by the way."
"And why did you feel it necessary to kill a child?" Straus presses.
"I DIDN'T—" Emily catches herself as she starts to explode. She takes a deep breath. "I had to make a split second decision, ma'am. He was high and we didn't know on what. I had to fire to stop him. At the angle I was at, I'm damn lucky it worked."
"He was high?" Straus says doubtfully.
"Yes, ma'am," Emily nods.
"We'll see. Give me your badge, Agent Prentiss."
Emily sits back, shocked. "Excuse me?"
"Your badge. You're suspended until I complete my investigation."
"The Dallas Police cleared me! It was a good, if regrettable, shoot!" Emily insists.
"I'll decide if it was a good shoot or not. Give me your badge and I'll let you walk out of here. Keep arguing, and I'll have you removed in cuffs."
Emily stares at the woman. Part of her wants to dare the woman to try it. But she knows the team would also pay for her insubordination. She stands and takes her credentials out of her pocket. She tosses them on the desk. Her security badge follows them a moment later. Without another word she storms out of the office.
Not surprisingly, she finds Hotch and Morgan in JJ's office. JJ immediately notices the missing security badge. Emily looks at Hotch.
"Turns out I'm a reckless shithead killing kids in every town we go to. I'm suspended until the Wicked Witch finishes her own fucking investigation into my killing spree." She turns to JJ. "I'll see you at home."
Emily starts to storm back out but Morgan grabs her. "Hey now! What a minute, Emily."
Emily shrugs him off. "NO! Back off, Derek! I don't need her shit. I've got enough crap going on in my head. I'm fucking done."
Hotch gestures for Morgan and JJ to stay where they are. He follows Emily to her desk.
"Emily, I swear, we'll get this settled soon."
Emily leans on her desk a moment. Finally she looks at him, unshed tears in her eyes. "I need the time anyway, Hotch," she whispers. "I'll call you later. I need to get out of here. Tell JJ I'll call her soon."
"You mean Jennifer," he points out.
Emily blushes, not having realized she'd slipped. "Uh, right. Tell Morgan I'm sorry."
Hotch nods and allows her to leave. As the elevator opens, Reid steps out.
"Hey, Emily, good news! There's a Dr Who—uh, Emily?"
He stares at her as she just pushes past him and gets onto the elevator. She refuses to meet his gaze as the doors close. Hotch lays a hand on his shoulder. "Come on."
Reid follows him to JJ's office. As they enter Hotch closes the door. "She told me to tell you she's sorry, Morgan. And, JJ, she'll call you soon. Regardless of Straus' suspension of her, she wants to take some time off."
"Is she going to be okay?" Reid asks.
JJ just nods. She remembers word of comfort Garcia had said to her in Alaska. "Of course she will be. She's Emily," she answers confidently.