"I'm not accepting your god damn apology, Cas. I'm not doing it. I've had it up to here with your fucking apologies."
Dean continued to stare off towards the motel, towards the room that Sam was sleeping in, fists pressed against the hood of the Impala to hide how much they were shaking. He refused to turn around, to meet those blue eyes that saw everything, even if they didn't understand all of it. Those blue eyes that were full of sorrow and remorse and so god damn painful to look into. Words jumbled in his brain, fueled by frustration and anger, pressed against his skin, just begging to be said, to be let out and heard so he would finally stop apologizing for every stupid ass thing that happened.
"Dean..." He heard Castiel sigh, felt the heat of his hand on his shoulder, right on top of the mark he'd left the first time he touched him. "Please, Dean."
With a snarl, Dean spun around, knocking Castiel's hand from his shoulder. "I'm not accepting your god damn apology, Cas. I'm not doing it. I've had itup to here with your fucking apologies," he growled through gritted teeth, stepping up to the other man until they were nearly chest-to-chest. The angel stared at him in shock, eyes wide.
"What do you have to apologize for, huh?" The floodgates were open now, and there was no way for Dean to stop, not until he said it all. "If it wasn't for me and Sammy, you'd still be in heaven, doing whatever the hell it was you were doing. You wouldn't be down here, stuck in this stupid-ass Apocalypse with a bunch of stupid-ass humans that get you blown up, sent to fucking Angel Guantanamo Bay, and make you choose between keeping us alive and killing your own family. Your own brothers and sisters, Cas. When was the last time one of us apologized to you? Why are you always the one trying to make things right when its not your fault any of this shit started? Why haven't we apologized toyou? Why...?"
Dean didn't realize he was crying until Castiel brushed one of the tears from his cheek, examining the wetness on his thumb for a moment before turning his attention back to Dean.
And then his hand was on the back of Dean's neck, guiding his head forward until their foreheads met. His intense blue eyes stared into Dean's, stared into his soul for what seemed like eternity before he smiled, looking happier than... well, ever.
He opened his mouth, fingers playing with the hairs on the back of Dean's neck, and spoke, letting the words hang between them before he disappeared in a whisper of wind and wings, leaving Dean alone in the motel parking lot, tears drying on his face as a warmth he hadn't felt in god-knows-how-long spread through his chest.
"You have nothing to apologize for; the price I must pay to be by your side is worth it. Always remember that, Dean."