Author's Note: I feel terrible! I should be updating my other stories, but instead I start a new one! Oh, well. Give me some credit, school started today. Also on a side note, the next update for my other story, High School Love and High School Rebellion, will probably be updated this Thursday, a day before my birthday! Anyway, this story is going to be a bunch of fairytale re-mixes, featuring stories such as Rapunzel (this one), Little Red Riding Hood, Hansel and Gretel, Puss in Boots, Sow White, Jack and the beanstalk and more! Only it will be messed up since The Hunger Games characters are involved. This one is a re-mix of Rapunzel, with Katniss as Katpunzel and Peeta as Prince Pita. Enjoy! Characters will be OOC, since this is parody. Aren't they fun?
NOTE: Slightly re-written with more parts added. It's kind of better...
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games or Rapunzel.
Once upon a time, in a land known as Distictia 12, a woman gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and named her Katpunzel, as they were high at the time. Katpunzel grew up to be very beautiful and had long brown hair, and gray eyes so gray, you swear that there were storm clouds in her eyes.
The woman and her husband adored Katpunzel, until she had another daughter, Primrose, and favoured her over Katpunzel. The couple had enough of Katpunzel and threw her, along with a life supply of food, water and clothes, up a 300 metre tower, located deep in the woods.
Katpunzel lived a lonely life, and became somewhat emotionally unstable. The only way she could entertain herself is by shooting arrows at the wall, which is what her parents threw up there on her 10th birthday. Her hair eventual grew the length of the tower, and she braided it, that took like, 35 hours.
Yep, Katpunzel had a pretty crappy life. But it was about to get crappyx2.
In the city there lived a prince named Peeta Mellark. His father was the king as bread was currently the money currency. He was the average prince, blonde hair, blue eyes, that dumb old boring cliché.
Peeta, or Prince Pita as most mockingly called him, was a psycho in love with a girl he never met. Oh yes readers, it was Katpunzel. He fell in love with her when he first saw her in the newspaper, the headline was: 'Psychopath girl refuses to come out of tower'. Pita decided that one day, he would rescue her, and she would fall in love with him.
But there was another boy in love with her too, Gale Hottytone. Gale met Katpunzel one day when he went illegally hunting in the woods. Pita would know, he seen them talking thousands of times when he also illegally went into the woods, he was the prince he could do anything, to pick bread from bread trees. Looks like the old term; 'Money doesn't grow on trees' was proven incorrect. Pita always got so angry whenever he saw Katpunzel chatting to Gale, so one day he decided he would do something about it.
So one day Pita got on his horse, Cheesebun, and rode through the woods towards Katpunzel's tower. But Gale was on his tracks, riding on his mother, Hazelle, like she was a horse. Pita spotted Gale and began to panic. Hazelle was running pretyy fast for a middle-aged woman. Pita resorted to his last option, throw what his was holding at Gale. And it was bread.
"Take this!" Pita yelled, throwing the bread at Gale. Gale looked at the bread and seemed to explode into an un-healthy level of happiness.
"I'm rich!" yelled Gale, as I said before; bread is money in this sick, twisted alternate universe. Gale stuffed the bread into his pockets and rode the opposite way on Hazelle back to town, leaving Pita free to claim Katpunzel's heart. Pita was so happy he could finally start handing out wedding invitations.
Like two hours later
Pita arrived at the tower and yelled; "Yo! The name's Pita! I loaf you Katpunzel! Let down your hair so we can get married and have many babies!" he waited under the tower for her reply and saw her stick her head out her window.
Katpunzel peered down from her window and looked at Pita. She then walked back into her room, and returned, and lowered down a can on a piece of string. Pita put the can to his ear.
"Can you say that again? I didn't hear you." Katpunzel said though the can.
Pita wet himself. "OMIGOD! The can! It talked to me!"
Katpunzel face palmed. "No idiot," she said, "It's me, Katpunzel."
"Oh..." Pita responded, "Well in that case, could you let down your hair? Pretty please?"
Katpunzel looked confused for a moment, but then she nodded, and walked away, the returned momentarily. Pita was excited this was finally happening, but then looked up and saw something that was defiantly not hair. She threw down her chair. Peeta ran away.
"ARE YOU SICK IN THE HEAD!" he yelled peering up, running back.
"Oh sorry, I thought you said chair" Katpunzel apologised. "So, what brings you here?"
"Well," Pita began, "I am prince of 12 and-"
Katpunzel laughed, interrupting Pita "Yeah right, you prince?" Pita ignored her and continued.
"And I want us to get married and have kids." Pita said. He looked up at her hopefully.
But to his surprise, Katpunzel's mouth dropped open in a very angry fashion. "Pita say what?"
Pita stuck his nose up. "Katpunzel, stop being such a b-word and accept that we're supposed to be together!"
Katpunzel growled. "What? Are you afraid to call me a bitch?"
Pita got angry. "Oh, you did not just go there, bitch!"
"I live there!" Katpunzel yelled back. She could feel her blood boil.
"Really well," Pita started, and continued yelling a bunch of 'colourful' words up at Katpunzel. Katpunzel eventually got sick of this, and shot a dozen arrows at him.
Pita quickly got frightened and jumped on Cheesebun, and rode back to the city. For the rest of the week Pita continued to return to Katpunzel, only to have a dozen arrows shot down at him. Again.
One night, Pita thought of a new plan. He would sing to Katpunzel. Then she would surely love him! He had a pretty slick voice (sarcasm).
The following day, Pita returned to the tower, took out his guitar (which he may have or not have stolen from Gale), which was decorated in bread stickers, and started singing as loud as he could to a song he wrote himself, while playing his guitar terribly.
Katpunzel, my loaf,
I loaf you,
Which means love,
Get it? It's a bread pun!
Oh Rye you gotta be so mean?
Ha-ha, another bread pun!
I should be a comedian!
Oh, Katpunzel, my loaf,
"SHUT UP!" Katpunzel yelled. "Shut the BEEP up!" She angrily dug her finger nails into the tower's bricks underneath her window.
Pita put his hands on his hips, and stuck his hip out like a girl and pouted. "Not until you let me climb your braid!" he yelled at her.
Pita gave up and sat down, crying. He sadly returned home, only to later get another great idea. He remembered the arrows. Bingo! He could use them to climb the tower. Tomorrow he would take his plan into action.
The next day, he returned to Katpunzel's tower and pulled two arrows out from the ground. He then dug them into the brick work and began climbing.
Katpunzel saw and said, "Like you can climb 300 metres."
Several hours later
"I did it!" Pita huffs, climbing though the window, "I actually did it!"
Katpunzel snorted. "No kidding, this is a damn fairytale, anything happens."
"Now," Pita said rubbing his hands together evily, "I'm up here with you, you will be forced to marry me! MUHAHAHA!"
Katpunzel gave him a 'yeah right' look before saying "In your dreams."
Pita sulked and threw a trantrum. "But I already handed out the wedding invites!" he yelled.
"Well tell them the weddings cancelled." she said sheepishly, odd for this situation, walking to her room.
Pita almost cried. His master plan failed him! Katpunzel wouldn't, and never will, want to marry him. But then he saw something on the table in the small tower. Scissors. Nice, sharp scissors.
Pita looked at Katpunzel's hair. He had a plan. He grabbed the scissors, and then grabbed Katpunzel from behind, then chopped her hair, shoulder length. He then threw the rest out the window and laughed evily.
Katpunzel just registered what happened. "WHAT DID YOU DO!" Katpunzel screeched.
"Cut your hair", Pita replied. "So you and I will be stuck here forever and ever. No escaping!"
Katpunzel, upon hearing this, made a dash to the window, and jumped out. "See you later, loser!" she yelled back at him, laughing.
"No!" Pita cried, jumped after her.
Now, if this was real life, they would die. But this was a fairytale so they both survived. Pita landed on top of Katpunzel.
"Get off me fatty!" she screeched
"I loaf you too!"
"And they live happily ever after, the end." Haymitch finished his story and looked at Katniss and Peeta's kids. "What did you think?"
"It was terrible." the oldest said, a disgusted look on her face.
"Well I'll let you know that-" he was interrupted by a very angry mother.
"Haymitch!" Katniss said, walking into the room, "How many times have I told you not to tell stories while you're baby sitting our kids? It'll scar them, again!"
Haymitch shrugged. "Once?"
Oh yes. Everyone will end with a different character telling the story. The next one will be –drum roll please- Little Red Riding Hood! With Clove as Red and Cato as the Big Bad Wolf. Let's see how that turns out… Next update will also probably be on Thursday, or some other day…
Review? They're a fairytale teller's best friend!