I looked past Dr. Myers, half- expecting Alison to be gone, but she wasn't. She was still there, snoring softly.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes threatening to spill over. I just didn't understand. If this wasn't Alison, if it wasn't real, then why was I seeing her? Every kiss, every touch it all felt so real. I could even taste her lips. So how was it that I was the only one who could see her? How was it possible that this was all a lie?
"Were you and Alison, close?" Dr. Myers prompted me.
I nodded, trying my best to push back the waterworks, determined not to cry.
"Yeah," I managed to say, my voice sounded rough, hoarse, like I was losing it, but I wasn't.
"She's one of my best friends," I said, realizing as I said it that because everyone seemed to think Alison was dead, she'd probably note that I hadn't used the past tense, but then, this was why she was here, wasn't it?
"What was she like?" Dr. Myers asked me. I noted that she used the past tense.
I hesitated. I wasn't sure I was comfortable with this. I mean, Alison was right there, or at least, for me, she was. What if she woke up while I was talking? What if the words I would speak didn't do her justice?
After arguing with myself in my head, I finally spoke, having decided to answer Dr. Myers, but not give a detailed answer.
"Alison's amazing," I said when I finally spoke, "Especially when you really get to know her. She's got these walls that are hard to get by, but once she lets you in, you just can't imagine being outside of them. She's beautiful, but then, that's obvious. When she's with you, she makes you feel special, like no one else can compare to you, like you are the world, or at least the only part of it that matters."
I hadn't meant to say this much, but it just came out. It was so natural, and I meant every word I said.
"What was your favorite thing about her?" Dr. Myers asked.
"I love her eyes," I said without thinking, "I just get so lost in their depth, they're like the ocean, blue and deep. When I look into them, I just know that she sees me, like really sees me, for exactly who I am, and that who I am is good enough for her, and knowing that I'm good enough for her is all I really need to know, it's amazing, she's amazing, and it's all I could ask for is to be seen the way she sees me."
"I love you," I heard Alison say.
I jumped at the sound of her voice. I hadn't realized that she'd woken up.
"God, Ali, you scared me," I said, breathing heavily.
"Sorry," she said sincerely.
"How much did you hear?" I asked.
"Enough," she said, signaling for me to join her. I did so immediately.
"I didn't know you thought so highly of me," Alison said.
"Of course, I do," I replied, as if her statement were absurd, because, to me, it was. "Ali, I love you, you are the best part of me," I told her.
She smiled at me, taking my head into her hands. Our lips connected. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me.
"I think that's all for today," I heard Dr. Myers say.
I jumped again, having forgotten that Dr. Myers was still there.
"Oh, uh, okay," I said.
And with that, Dr. Myers packed up her stuff and left the room.
I looked up at Spencer, wanting to close the short distance between us, but painfully aware that I couldn't. I guess theoretically there wasn't really anything stopping me from doing so, but we were in public, in school, and Spencer and I were still figuring this out ourselves, we didn't need everyone else weighing in.
She smiled softly at me, "Do you want me to pick you up when I'm done?" she asked me.
I shook my head, "No, I'll just wait around until you finish practice and we'll go see Em together."
"Okay," Spencer said, her eyes lingering on me before she walked off to field hockey practice.
When Spencer was gone, I turned around. I wanted to set Ezra straight before this got too out of hand. Spencer didn't deserve to have Ezra hanging all over me. She didn't need to second guess us all the time. She's the one I want, not him.
I knocked on Ezra's door, which was already open, as I entered the room.
"We need to talk," I said seriously, as he looked up at me.
"No, actually, I need to talk," I amended, "You need to listen."
He nodded, indicating that he understood.
"I can't do this," I told him, "You pining after me, it's not okay. I have a girlfriend, who I happen to love, and this, this act, this behavior, whatever it is you want to call it, it's not fair to her and it's not fair to me. What you want from me, I can't give that to you, I'm sorry, but I can't, so you need to back off, or I swear to God I'll report you."
Ezra looked taken aback. He definitely wasn't expecting me to threaten to report him, but I felt it would get across how serious I was. I hoped I wouldn't have to, I mean, I still care about him, but it just isn't enough.
"Aria," Ezra said, looking unsure of himself, his voice quivering slightly.
I looked at him skeptically. I could see he was hurting, and it was only what was left of my willpower and my love for Spencer that was keeping me from running into his arms. But I wouldn't do that to him or to Spencer or even to me. It wasn't worth it.
"Aria, I never meant to hurt you," Ezra said, taking me somewhat by surprise, "And I can see, now, that I have been, that I am, so as much as it kills me to do so, I'll back off, I'll let you go."
I smiled faintly at him.
"Thank You, Ezra," I said.
"I think it's best you call me Mr. Fitz from now on," Ezra said.
I nodded, "Of course."
He looked down at his feet, seemingly unable to look at me any longer.
"I think you should go now," Ezra said.
I nodded again, and turned to leave. I looked over my shoulder one more time, before I walked away.
Emily was asleep when Aria and I got to her room. I felt Aria grab my hand, squeezing it lightly, telling me everything was going to be okay.
I wasn't so sure. I didn't know how Emily would react. I mean, I'm sure on some level she'd be happy for us, but with everything that's going on, would it be like we're flaunting our new relationship in front of her whilst encouraging her to let go of the one she's in, granted her relationship is with a figment of her imagination, but still. Would that make us hypocrites?
On the other hand, maybe telling her about our relationship, which was essentially us coming out to her, would help her. I mean, we'd all known about her love for Ali, which leads me to believe she's either bisexual or gay, but she'd never admitted it before. Maybe this would help her come to terms with it herself, make her see that it's okay, that we're okay with it.
I sat down in the chair next to Emily's bed, and Aria sat in my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder.
Now we wait, we wait for Emily to wake up.
It didn't take long. Within minutes, Emily had started to stir.
"Em?" I said cautiously when I was sure that she was awake.
She turned over looking at us like a deer in the headlights.
"Spence? Aria?" she asked, seemingly confused.
"Yeah, it's us," Aria said.
"What are you guys doing here?" she asked.
"Coming to check in on our best friend, what else?" Aria smiled.
This caused Emily to smile. That was a good sign. I hadn't seen a non-hallucinatory-Alison-related smile from her in a while.
"We heard you decided to go through with treatment," I said.
"I, uh, yeah," Emily said.
"That means you get to go home soon, right?" I asked, trying to bring the up a lighter topic.
Emily's face lit up, "Yeah, in the next couple days. I can't wait, this bed is mighty uncomfortable."
Aria and I laughed.
We talked with Emily for a while, exchanging stories of the past year, laughs, smiles, and I got in a few witty comments, but after a while it started getting late and we still hadn't gotten to the point of why we had really come. Though we had come to check in on her as well, we didn't want to lie to her.
"So, uh, Em," I said nervously, "There's something we need to tell you."
She looked at me, her eyes filled with intense curiosity.
"We're not really telling anybody yet, because it's still new to us, but you're one of our best friends, and we think you deserve to know," I said.
"Spencer and I are dating," Aria said, I think more to interrupt my rambling than to actually tell Emily, but regardless, it had gotten the job done.
I couldn't read the expression on Emily's face, in fact, I'm pretty sure her expressions were changing to fast for me to get a hold on what they were.
After a few moments, her face settled on a smile, "I'm happy for you guys," Emily said.
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Even though I had really already known that Emily would support us, her opinion meant a lot to both Aria and I.
"Thanks," Aria and I said at the same time.
"That means the world to us," Aria said. I nodded in agreement.
What do you think? Please Review!
I know I've been lacking on Hanna recently, but I can't seem to come up with anything that I'm happy with in regard to her. Hopefully I'll have some ideas for the next chapter!
A/N: This story is officially ON HIATUS until further notice while I focus my attention on my novel. Thank you for all your continued support. I will continue this story and the rest of my stories once I've made major progress with my novel.
Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing this story! I really appreciate all your feedback!
Until next time, kids!