EMAIL: o_neill_obsessed@yahoo.co.uk

SPOILERS: None

SEASON / SEQUEL: Sequel to chums 2-the one that's a sequel

CONTENT WARNINGS: If you know SMTV you'll have no idea

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE PEOPLE. I just really, really love them and am borrowing them. I don't own Stargate, this lot do- Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. And I'm making no money. At all…

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I would like to say, here we are another one I'm sorry and also hello everyone who gave me feedback for more and to skippity- please don't come to my house, I won't be there! If want me to keep writing this "humour" you have to tell me. Enjoy…………….

 

The One With The Broke Television

 

Voiceover man "Last week on C.H.U.M.S………………………

Dr Teal'c diagnosed Jack with death and Daniel seemed to be falling for Dr Janet. Will Jack die? Will he get a kiss from Sam before he goes? Will Daniel be the one to find out if Dr Janet is really wearing clothes under her white coat? Find out, maybe, in Chums………………."

 

ROLL THEME-Daniel, Jack and Sam run around poking each other with umbrellas and trying to push each other into the fountain to the song:-

"Nobody told you comedy could ever be this lame, every week a different show but somehow all the same, we'll be chums forever, no ones lonely with chums………….."

 

"SG Chums is filmed in front of a live audience of Goa'uld"

Sam sat on the sofa of the flat, her head in her hands, crying to herself. Suddenly she sobbed and cried out loudly.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!" she cried. From the bedrooms Daniel ran in, in a state of slight undress. His shirt had the top buttons undone and was slightly askew. his hair was ruffled and he had bright red lipstick on his lips, face, collar and neck. He went up to Sam and sat next to her.

"Sam, Sam" he said. "What's wrong?" she sobbed loudly again.

"Oh Daniel it's terrible" she moaned

"What's wrong? Has the worst happened?"

"Jack's gone" she sobbed

"Oh no" he cried. "He's gone? He's dead?"

"No!!" Sam cried angrily. "He's not dead" she sat up straight and looked at him.

"Then where's he gone?"

"To throw the tele out" she said

"Why?"

"Because it's broken" she wailed. Daniel burst into tears and they cried together on the sofa, when Jack came walking in.

"I know guys, it's terrible" he said.

"Hey Jack, I thought you were dying"

"No I'm much better thankyou" he said

"Oh" Daniel said. "But the doctors"

"No it was only a mild form of death, I got over it"

"Oh, so what's wrong with the t.v?"

"It don't work" Jack said.

"Couldn't you have called a t.v repair man?"

"Oh" Jack and Sam said together.

"Do I have to do everything?" Daniel moaned

"Listen, go get the t.v out the dustbins downstairs, we'll call for a t.v repair man" Sam said

"Okay" Daniel smiled and ran out of the apartment.

"T.v repair man" Jack said. He picked up the receiver and punched the buttons.

"Hello, t.v repair man? Can you come right away? Thankyou" Jack put the phone down again.

"He'll be right over" he said.

"We're all alone" Sam said

"Oh yeah" Jack smiled. "Me and Sam, all alone in the flat" he sat down next to her and they turned to face each other. "I think, I think I'm gonna kiss her"

"At last" Sam murmured. he leaned in to kiss her and as their lips were millimetres apart and the doorbell sounded out.

"DING-DONG!!!"

"Aaaarghhhhh!" Jack cried

"I'll get it" Sam said, getting up. Jack moaned and Sam opened the door.

"Hello" Sam said opening the door to Teal'c wearing jeans and a denim shirt and held a tool box.

"My name is Teal'c, from Teal'c TV repairs" he said.

"You don't happen to have a brother who's a doctor do you?"

"I do indeed, have we met before?"

"No, I just thought I'd check"

"Where is the television?" Teal'c asked.

"Right here my good sir, right here" Daniel said walking in with the t.v. It was covered in rubbish, newspapers, a banana skin, and teabags.

"Daniel!!" Jack cried.

"You could've cleaned it up" Sam said.

"You're getting rubbish everywhere"

"I'm not cleaning up this mess"

"Alright! Alright!" Daniel said putting it down. "You two are turning into a couple of old women"

"Hey!" Sam and Jack said together. Daniel brushed the rubbish onto the floor.

"I'm still not cleaning that up" Sam complained. Teal'c went over to the t.v and set his tool box down.

"I hope he can fix it" Jack said

"Me too" Daniel agreed

"No I really hope he can fix it"

"Me too"

"No I really, really hope he can fix it"

"Me…too"

"No I really, really,"

"Alright!" Sam interrupted. "What do you wanna watch that's so important?"

"Er,"

"Nothing"

"Come on" she said. "Spit it out"

"ar en er orld" Daniel muttered quietly

"op lol" Jack did the same

"Pardon?" Sam said in warning tone

"Gardeners World!" Daniel cried

"Pop Idols!" Jack yelled

"What? What?" Sam said looking from to the other

"They're celebrating the diversity of bulbs!" Jack cried

"It's got Pete Waterman in it!"

"They're creating a garden that lasts from winter to summer!"

"Darius shows up tonight!"

"I'm afraid you may have to miss both of those programs" Teal'c said after his fiddling with the dirty t.v.

"What do you mean?" Jack said panicking

"I'm afraid that this television is broken beyond repair"

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Greyhounds?" Janet said appearing in the living room, clothes messed up, lipstick everywhere like Daniel

"Dr Janet!!!!!!!" the chums cried

"Sorry"

"I am sorry also, I can not fix this t.v" Teal'c said. "But I know a man that can sell you another t.v"

"Your brother?" Jack asked.

"No" Teal'c said confused.

"How much?" Sam said

"£15"

"15 whole pounds? We haven't got that sort of money!!" Daniel cried

"What are we going to do?" Jack wailed.

"You will have to miss your programs" Sam said

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!" Jack ad Daniel cried together, looking up.

"Freeze-frame!" Sam yelled. They suddenly stopped.

 

Voiceover man- "Will the chums raise the 15 pounds needed? Will Jack get to worship Pete Waterman? Will Daniel get to celebrate bulbs? Find out next week……………………….."

 

End