EMAIL: o_neill_obsessed@yahoo.co.uk

SPOILERS: None

SEASON / SEQUEL: Sequel to chums 1,2 and 3

CONTENT WARNINGS: None, tiny implications IF you've got a dirty mind (Like me)

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE PEOPLE. I just really, really love them and am borrowing them. I don't own Stargate, this lot do- Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. And I'm making no money. At all…

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I was torturing myself wandering around looking at all the nice things (mainly those SG vids I want) but can't afford to buy (there's no chance in hell) so in there lies the inspiration. It's not particularly funny in my opinion but hey I try. Tell me what you think? I love to know. I like criticism, helps me be better.

 

The One With The Swag Bag

 

Voiceover man-"Last week on Chums………………..

The chums telelvision bit the dust and couldn't be fixed. Will they raise the 15 whole pounds to buy a new one? Or will they forced into an evening with just each other for company? Don't find out this week………….."

 

ROLL THEME-Daniel, Jack and Sam run around poking each other with umbrellas and trying to push each other into the fountain to the song:-

"Nobody told you comedy could ever be this lame, every week a different show but somehow all the same, we'll be chums forever, no ones lonely with chums………….."

 

"SG Chums is filmed before General Hammond can say no"

Jack sat staring at the television, there was no sound and just the black and white fuzz on the screen. He sat there content and didn't even notice Sam walk in with a dozen or so shopping bags, struggling desperately with them. She stumbled in and fell onto the sofa, bags going everywhere, most hitting Jack. He didn't notice.

"Hey!" he cried finally. "That hurt, what the hell you got in there?"

"Shoes"

"In all of um?"

"No, half" she smiled

"But we just got rid of a load of shoes"

"I know but these are new shoes" she said

"Oh" Jack said pretending to understand. "What else did you buy?"

"Clothes" she said. She smiled again.

"Where did you get all the money from, we can't even afford a new t.v?"

"I thought you were happy the snow"

"I was but there's no variation, no snowmen, no sledges, no fights" he complained. He switched it off. "So where did you get the money and do you have a spare 15 whole pounds for a t.v?"

"Daniel gave it to me" she said happily going through her shopping.

"Daniel?"

"Yeah, he said he raided his savings for me"

"His savings?"

"Yeah, he keeps all his savings in a big brown sack like Santa has but with SWAG written on it"

"SWAG?"

"Yeah" she smiled and showed him one her new tops. "Do you like it Jack?"

"It's very nice" he threw it aside.

"Hey!"

"Are you tired after your shopping trip?"

"No"

"Good cause we are all alone"

"Oh yeah" she smiled, they turned to face one another.

"Me and Sam all alone in the flat, I think, I think I'm gonna kiss her"

"I hope so" Sam mumbled. He leaned forward and closed his eyes, his lips were almost on hers when…….

"Alright guys!!!!" Daniel said loudly coming into the living room.

"Daniel" Jack cried.

"What?" he said innocently.

"Never mind, nice jumper" he said. Daniel looked down and smiled nervously at his top. He wore a black and white stripy jumper and his head what looked like a black woolly hat.

"Er, thanks, me mam knitted it for us. Newcastle Utd colours like?"

"But I thought the Newcastle strips were vertical?" Sam said.

"Er, yeah, they are. Me ama was never too bright"

"And I thought your ama was dead"

"Oh no, that was what I thoguth too but she lives in Parkhurst"

"Parkhurst?" Sam asked

"The jail" Jack said

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh" she smiled

"So anyway, I'm just off to the shops, I just wanted to know if you wanted anything"

"No thankyou Daniel" Sam said lifting up her bags.

"Get everything you wanted?"

"Yes thankyou Daniel"

"Jack want anything?"

"Er, no, but we need a new t.v still, I'm missing Eastenders too!"

"Okay, okay, I'll go make er, another……withdrawal form my, er…….savings and I'll go get one"

"Thanks Daniel" Daniel bent down to pick up his SWAG bag, then pulled down his cap, turning it into a balaclava.

"See ya" he ran out of the flat, leaving Sam and Jack alone again.

"That's odd" Jack said.

"What is?" Sam asked

"Well Daniel kinda looks like a burglar dressed like that"

"Oh yeah" they sat silently for a moment. "Oh my greyhounds!!!!!!!!" Sam cried suddenly jumping up.

"What?" Sam rooted in her bags

"Daniel is a burglar!" she said. She pulled out a newspaper and showed it to him. On the front page of the Chums Every Other Day News was the headline

"BURGLAR HITS NEWCASTLE SPRINGS" and underneath was the photo of a man in a balaclava, glasses, a stripy black and white jumper and a sack.

"Oh my greyhounds, it's Daniel" Jack said. "Space monkey's a burglar"

"Noooooooo" Sam said. "Not our Daniel, he's a good boy"

"DING-DONG"

"I'll get it" Sam said. She opened the door to Teal'c dressed in full standard navy blue police uniform with an ill fitting helmet.

"Er, hi" Sam said worried.

"My name is P.C Teal'c" he said

"Er, hi" Sam said again. Jack came forward.

"How can we help you officer?"

"Where is Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c said reading the name off a note pad.

"He's not here"

"He's gone out"

"Do you both live here with him?" he asked sternly

"Yeah"

"Then your both under arrest" he said clamping handcuffs on them, attaching them to one another.

"What!"

"What!"

"Greyhounds!" Teal'c said. "Oh, sorry"

"Why?"

"We've not done anything"

"For harbouring a criminal"

"FREEZE-FRAME!!!!!!"

 

Voiceover man-"Will Sam and Jack be arrested for harbouring a criminal? Will they get a share a cell? Is Daniel really a criminal and will we ever see one of Teal'cs sister? Find out next week in chums……….

 

End