Err... Chapter 3000 or something?
A/N: This will pretty much be a comedy fic. It will be a Harry/Hermione/Luna pairing. So if you don't like, sorry. Thanks :)
The Night Before The First Task!
"Sir, I don't think I can do this." Harry blurted out. Sweat was beginning to drip down his brow. Dumbledore raised an eyebrow at the young man. "I was being honest when I said I did not put my name in the Goblet sir. I already have enough people trying to murder me, why would I want to jump into a competition that's basically trying to do the same?" Harry asked, hoping Dumbledore could understand, and perhaps shed some light on the subject.
Dumbledore stood there for a moment, his hand stroking his beard. Finally, he turned to Harry. "I really don't know. But, rest assured, that if I find the answer. I shall tell you my boy." He answered jovially.
Harry stared at the headmaster with an 'are you serious?' look. Dumbledore took Harry's silence as a good thing. He patted the boy-who-lived on the head like a puppy, then proceeded out the door.
Harry made his way out of the headmaster's office in a daze. He spotted an unoccupied classroom and quickly ducked in. Harry stood there in silence for a moment, his mind playing over Dumbledore's words, or rather the lack of them. His mind began to scroll through all the things that had happened to him in the past fourteen years. He had a mad wizard kill his family, yet he survived. He was deposited with his Aunt and Uncle, both who hated magic, and both who treated him like a slave since before he could walk. First year he was nearly killed by a possessed professor and a ten foot mountain troll. Second year there was the whole Giant killer snake, throw in the fact that the school thought he was the heir of Slytherin and it didn't get any better. Third year wasn't that great either. There was the Dementors who seemed obsessed with trying to take Harry's soul. There was also the whole traveling back in time to rescue his godfather and Buckbeak. This year, there were the Death Eater's at the Quiddich World Cup. Now, it seems someone was out to do him in, only this time they want to make it public it seems. The stress of the past three years, coupled with the abuse he suffered from his aunt and uncle. Harry Potter's mind snapped.
Several witches that were passing by swore they heard the laughter of an insane person before they quickly hurried past the unused classroom.
Day of the first task...
"Oh Harry, please be careful." Hermione said, throwing her arms around him for her infamous bone crushing hug. What happened next caught her by total surprise.
"Hermione..." Harry whispered into her ear. She pulled her head back to look at him, only to find his lips pressed against hers. "Mmmphh..." was the only thing she could mutter. The surprise of the kiss caught her off balance, now his tongue was asking for entrance. At that moment, Hermione decided that she liked Harry Potter as more than a friend, and opened her lips, granting him access.
A bright flash brought the two back to the present. The kiss broke and the pair stared at a strangely dressed witch with large glasses.
"Mr. Potter, I'm Rita Skeeter from the Daily Prophet. Do you have time for an interview?" She asked sweetly. Her eyes kept darting to Hermione, who happened to still be holding on to Harry.
"I'm sorry Ms. Skeeter, but you did not address me properly." Harry said in a cold tone.
Hermione's head spun from Rita to Harry while raising an eyebrow. Rita seemed equally surprised.
"I'm not sure tha..." Rita began, only for Harry to cut her off. "I am the last of the Potter line Ms. Skeeter. You will address me as Lord Potter, least you have the full weight of my house upon you." He snarled.
"Yes My Lord," Rita said quickly. "It was just a surprise that you knew about your title My Lord."
"Yes, it seems many people will be surprised when I announce that little bit," Harry paused for a moment as he suddenly got an idea. "I'll tell you what Rita, I'll give you the best story since the demise of the dark wanker," Harry held up his hand as Rita began to speak. "All I ask is that you leave any information about my girlfriend out of your articles. There are many people that wish to harm me. I do not want her to be harmed."
"Girlfriend?" Both Rita and Hermione said at the same time. Harry turned to Hermione. "Yes, that is if you want to be my girlfriend." He asked with his patented crooked smile. Hermione felt her legs become jelly. She could only nod, not trust herself to speak at the moment.
Rita shook her head, trying to clear away the shock. "As you wish, Lord Potter." She started to turn, only to have Harry grip her shoulder. She turned back to Harry with an eyebrow raised.
"Know this Rita, if you betray my trust I will bury you. Understood?" The command in his voice, left little room for doubt. Rita could only nod in understand. Hermione however, seeing a different side of Harry, a side that she suddenly found highly desirable, decided that she most definitely was happy to be Harry's girlfriend. She also planned for some serious snogging sessions as well.
The moment Rita exited the tent, Harry turned back to Hermione, his crooked smile back in place. Hermione bit her lip to hide her whimper as her legs turned to jelly again. She was a goner for sure.
"What's got you so loopy?" Ron asked.
Hermione had stumbled out the tent and slowly made her way to the stands. She now found herself sitting beside Ron.
"Nothing," She answered with a dreamy smile.
Ron eyed her suspiciously. "Well, I gu..." He didn't get to finish as he was suddenly bowled over by Lavender and Pavarti.
"Ok Hermione. Spill It, who did you kiss?" Lavender said in one breath.
Hermione's face tinged pink. "What... I.. uh.. How did you know?" She asked.
Lavender and Pavarti looked at each other before looking back at her. "You're really asking us this?"
Hermione couldn't help it. For the first time that either Lavender or Pavarti could remember, Hermione let out a girlish giggle.
"So who was it?" Lavender asked. "Yeah, tell us Hermione!" Pavarti pressed her.
Hermione, blushing furiously, tried to look anywhere else but the two girls. Ron chose this moment to open his mouth, which wasn't surprising.
"Hermione, who's the bloke? Do I know him?" Ron growled.
Hermione's face became even redder. This seemed to click for the two witches. "Oh My God! It's Harry Isn't it!" Lavender squealed. Unfortunately, she squealed loud enough for half the stands to overhear.
"What about Harry?" Ron asked.
Hermione spun to face the red head, her face still burning with embarrassment. "Ron, Harry and I... well… you see it's... uh..." She stammered.
Whether it was luck or bad luck, Pavarti chose that moment to come to her defense. "You should be happy for Hermione Ron. Harry's chosen his betrothed."
"WHAT! That's not..." She was cut off as she quickly became bombarded by questions.
The gossip ring soon spread, and by the time it was Harry's turn. The whole school now knew that Hermione was Harry Potter's betrothed.
As Harry entered the ring, Hermione gripped her hair in worry. She ignored the jealous looks Ron was sending back and forth between Harry and her.
Harry stood there for a moment with his hand raised. 'This is it, he's going with the plan that we practiced with. He's summoning his Firebolt.'
To her surprise a large crate came flying towards Harry. It dropped to the ground and skidded to a halt in front of the wizard. The dragon still hadn't moved. It was watching this human, daring him to make an attempt at its young.
Back in the stands Hermione was tugging harder on her hair. "What do you think Harry's got in the crate?" Seamus asked.
Hermione could only shake her head as Harry rummaged through the crate. Finally, they crowd heard a 'Got It' from Harry as he pulled a long metallic object from the crate.
"Hey, what's that he's got in his hand Hermione?" Ron asked, his jealously momentarily forgotten.
Hermione scrunched her eyes to focus. Suddenly, she realized what it was. She jumped to her feet, startling several people.
"HARRY JAMES POTTER! DON'T YOU DARE FIRE THAT THI..." She was cut off as Harry pulled the trigger.
The object in his hands, a portable, specially designed rocket launcher, went off without a hitch. The rocket shot off like a bullet. The dragon, which had its mouth open, didn't have time to react as the rocket plunged into its mouth. Hermione had just enough time to see Harry duck behind a rock, before the dragon exploded.
Several witches and wizards, who had already been ducking in fear from the noise from the rocket launcher, found themselves bathed in the gory matter of the Dragon.
Harry kissed the rocket launcher before gently placing it back into the crate. "There there girl. You did great." He said, patting the lid as he shut it.
He looked up to see a sight that made him struggle to hold in his laughter. Several witches and wizards were heading towards him. Only, they were covered in various bits of the dragon. Harry noticed Hermione with them, she looked the most upset. 'Perhaps it's because of the entrails hanging from her now gunky hair.' He wondered.
Hermione looked murderous. "HARRY JAMES POTTER! WH..." Dumbledore, sensing the oncoming explosion from the witch, intervened.
"Harry my boy, what exactly was that device you used?" Dumbledore asked.
"Hmmm, not sure the exact specs but I know it was a Russian made rocket launcher. Why do you ask? Are you interested in getting one for Boxing Day? They do come quite handy, don't they?" Harry said cheerfully.
Several dead panned stares greeted Harry. It was Dumbledore, who shaking his head, decided to address the most pressing issue.
"Harry, Do you realize what you have done? You have taken the life of a sentient, magical creature."
Harry swiveled on his feet to look Dumbledore in the eye. "It was kill or be killed."
"You weren't supposed to kill the Dragons," Ludo Bagman yelled. "There was minimal danger to yourself Mr. Potter. I'm afraid that your score will suffer for you harming the Dragon."
Raising an eyebrow, Harry said. "I think you are mistaken Mr. Bagman. I didn't harm the Dragon."
Several disbelieving looks were aimed at him. "You've got be joking?" Ludo asked.
"As I said I didn't harm the Dragon. I obliterated it. Now, if you don't mind I need to take my girlfriend for a nice bath." He said the last part winking at Hermione.
The witch in question was busy opening and closing her mouth, trying to figure out how best to tear into Harry. She was still doing the mouth movements of a fish as Harry led her away.
As Harry and Hermione faded into the distance, Ludo turned to Dumbledore. "Are you sure the Potter kid is sane? He's acting a bit loony."
Dumbledore frowned. "I assure you Ludo, Harry is perfectly fine."
A loud scream suddenly pierced the air. Dumbledore and the rest of the judges quickly made their way towards the commotion. As they arrived they found a number of students gathered around in a circle. Dumbledore easily broke into the circle, only to stop and stare in confusion.
Harry was ridding atop the oddest pony he had ever seen. The pony was blue, with rainbow colored hair. Dumbledore noticed Ms. Granger standing off to the side with 'Sparkles in her eyes?'
Shaking his head, he quickly made his way over to where Harry was. Said wizard was whooping with joy as he held on to the pony's mane.
"Mr. Potter, what are you doing?"
Harry glanced towards Dumbledore. "I'm riding a pony, what does it look like?"
"But where did you get this pony?" Dumbledore asked.
Harry seemed to think for a moment, rubbing his chin absently. "Well, I figured Malfoy did make a great ferret at one time. So I figured he wouldn't mind giving rides as a pony. After seeing my cousin Dudley watch his super, secret, television show. Now, who's next?" Harry said, turning to the gathered students.
Dumbledore let out a groan as Hermione, followed by Cho and Lavender, made a mad dash to see who got the next ride.
'Could Ludo be right? Has the pressure finally gotten to Harry? Yes, I think I need to consult with a mind healer from St. Mungo's'
"Alright Harry, you finally did it." A new voice exclaimed. Dumbledore and a few others, including Harry turned to see a blond, blue-eyed girl smiling at the raven haired boy.
"Who might you be? Are you in on the conspiracy?" He asked suspiciously.
Luna smiled a very dream smile. "No silly, but I know the goblins are still upset because Fudge stole their prized golden pants from the lobby of their main bank." She said.
"A quest my lady. Come, we have much to do." He said, jumping to his feet. Harry grabbed Hermione, who squealed, before grabbing the girls hand as well. The trio set off towards the castle, and Dumbledore hoped, the library. He decided then that he needed a quick pick me up from his private stores. He shook his head and headed off after the trio, nobody really seemed to care that Draco was still an exact replica of Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony. After all, who knows how long the spell would last. They were going to enjoy the rides as long as they could.
A/N: Well, It's been a while folks. But, I'm back. I want to give big thanks to Spartan Ninja for becoming my Beta. Thanks so much. It was pointed out to me that MLP is something somewhat new. I was actually going for the 80's version, but it doesn't really matter. This fic isn't meant to be serious. This will be a humorous and extremely strange story. Even Spartan had to wonder what he just edited hehe. So if you liked this, than stay tuned for more insanity. Oh and one more thing. While the rocket launcher idea isn't exactly original, nothing in fanfic rarely is. It was just something stuck in my head at the time. Thanks to all you guys and girls that make authors keep writing.