So, originally posted this story at UFF, hope you guys find it somewhat amusing here on FF.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Artemis Fowl

"Are you sure about all this Lady Tsunade?" asked Shizune. "I mean, this is a bit extreme, don't you think?" The black-haired young woman looked around anxiously, as though not sure what to make of the whole situation. Tsunade, Fifth Hokage of Konoha merely gazed out the window, her head resting in her hand with a sad expression on her face, eyes bloodshot and her whole person absolutely reeking of alcohol.

"Of course it is," replied the blonde, sighing. "But if Jiraiya's spies are correct, the we all need to be cautious. With Naruto still recovering from the failed retrieval of Sasuke, it leaves him vulnerable to this Akatsuki group. From what little intel the spy network has managed to gather of its members, I doubt the village has the resources to take on such a threat."

Shizune merely looked at her mentor with a scrutinizing glare as the village leader continued. "There is a plus side to all this. This is the first time I think we've ever managed to get all of the villages working against a common enemy. I mean, just look out there." The black-haired woman did indeed look through the window. She imagined looking out over the Leaf Village, but such was not the case. What she instead saw was the collective efforts of the major shinobi villages, loading up several ships in the Wave village sea-port. With the rations they were loading, it appeared as though the ships would be gone for several months.

"Yes," she said. "But at what price?"

Outside, Jiraiya, seal master and sage of the Toad summons, was looking over several special boxes, each a different size, and each with its own emblem. Also on each was a complicated array of seals, drawn up by Jiraiya to his own specifications. Matching up everything from his notes and the boxes, he sighed, before giving the OK for each box to be loaded onto a different ship than the others. A couple helpers from Wave came to move the boxes, but Jiraiya held up his hand.

"Sorry gentlemen, but I need trained Shinobi to be handling these. The seals on the boxes and the contents of the boxes themselves are extremely dangerous. We can't let just anyone handle them," he announced, and the two hired-hands of the dock felt a hand placed on each of their shoulders. Turning, they looked into the masked face of Kakashi Hatake, Konoha Jonin and infamous 'copy-ninja.'

"It's alright, we'll take it from here," he said, motioning to himself and a few various shinobi from Suna and Kumo, as well as the obvious Konoha shinobi. The two workers nodded before jogging off, moving to help loading the other necessities onto the ships.

As the shinobi got to work, Jiraiya pulled Kakashi aside. "Are you sure you're up to this?" he asked. "It doesn't have to be you, you know. The shinobi on this mission will not be coming back, you realize that."

"Yes, I know," replied Kakashi, solemnly. "But it's something I need to do, and it's for the good of the village, and...everyone in it." Jiraiya nodded.

"We've got the last bit taken care of," said the Sannin. "Why don't you report in to Tsunade and make the report...say your goodbyes before you get going.

"Right," said Kakashi. "I'll be back before the ship departs." As he turned away, the usually stoic Kakashi almost broke at Jiraiya's last words.

"You're a fine Shinobi Kakashi...Minato would be proud of you." The masked-man only offered a wave over his shoulder before using the shunshin to quickly leave the area. When the miniature gust died down, Jiraiya offered a sad smile. "Live a good life out there. Kami knows we won't be living a good one here."

Entering the room, Kakashi gave a polite nod in greeting of Tsunade and Shizune, and was almost surprised to see Sakura in the room as well.

"It figures," she said, tears threatening to fall from her eyes, knowing her sensei was leaving now, so soon after Sasuke had defected from the village. "Sasuke's gone...Naruto couldn't come because he was stuck in the hospital...and now you're leaving too." Kakashi wanted to say something, but bit his lip beneath his mask. If she only knew the truth of what was to happen...

"I'll miss you too," he said, ruffling her hair, trying to act like nothing was wrong. But it wasn't true. Something was very very wrong, and everyone privy to what was really happening knew just how wrong it all was.

"Have you been reading up on your materials? Where you're going, they don't speak our language, so you'll need that information." Kakashi replied in the affirmative, though in a language completely unfamiliar to Sakura's ears. Tsunade nodded.

"Good," she said. "Are the ships ready?"

"Almost," replied Kakashi. "Just need to finish loading those special items."

"Thank you," said Tsunade. "You were a credit to this village, and you will be missed." Kakashi nodded, before turning to leave once again.

"I'll tell Naruto you said good-bye when I get back to the village," said Sakura. Kakashi only smiled at the girl, but when he turned back around, his face turned sorrowful.

"I don't think you'll get that chance," he muttered, not loud enough for anyone to hear.

As the ship set sail, Kakashi gazed down into the cargo hold, shaking his head at seeing the small box marked with seals, and fashioned with the red, spiral symbol of the Uzumaki clan. "Sir," He turned his head to see the ship's captain next to him.

"Yes Captain?" he asked, turning to see the port fade into the distance.

"Well, they don't exactly talk like we do where you're going..." he said. "Which means that your name is going to probably make you stand out, both to the community at large and any...undesirables that may find a way to track you. Have you given any thought to an alias?"

"I have..." he replied, solemn in his words.

"And?" replied the captain.

"Hugo de Folé, at your service," announced Kakashi, holding out his hand, which the captain took with a smile.

"Pleasure to meet you, Master Folé," said the captain, before heading into his cabin, "Welcome to the world at large."

As he shoveled in the last bit of loose dirt into the now filled hole, Kakashi wiped a bit of sweat from his brow. Gone was the face-mask and Konoha forehead-protector which could allow him to be identified. He wore instead loose, civilian clothing that a worker in this new country, Ireland, along with a patch over his Sharingan eye. He had more elegant clothing, having made a name for himself, but preferred not to dirty it with his duty. He would have found a place to keep his cargo safely upon first arriving in the country, but had thought it best to find a piece of land that he could watch over and protect. He had acquired a fair bit of land, and he planned to construct his home there. Heavily fortified of course. Those who knew of what he was hiding might try to find him and it, so he couldn't be too careful.

The veteran Shinobi frowned. He absolutely hated what was being done. He knew it was the best option, but he still cursed whatever gods existed. No teacher should ever have to bury a student. Especially one that wasn't dead yet. And even worse, to bury that student in a small, unmarked grave. At least he would feel no pain. Would not need to eat or sleep. Jiraiya's stasis seals would make sure of that, just as they would do the same for each and every one of the Jinchuriki. He hated it, but perhaps, he convinced himself, it really was for the best. Without the Jinchuriki, the Akatsuki would have no targets to attain. Their plans, whatever they may be, would fail, and die. But at the cost of innocent lives. Lives that may never be lived thanks to this mission. And for all his loyalty, and all his emotional control, Kakashi cursed the Elemental nations. Cursed them for their corruption, and cursing each live that cursed Naruto to his fate.

He finally sighed. Now was not the time for hate. Aside from keeping watch over Naruto's coffin, as it were, he was free from all duty. Perhaps it was time for him to settle down, find a nice young lady and start a family. He had a clean slate, and a fresh start.

And in the coming months, he did indeed meet a nice young woman, fall in love and marry. That wasn't to say he led a boring life. Kakashi, in his own right, decided to use his talents for the greater good. As he made a name for himself and wealth, and became acquainted with others of equal or greater wealth, he began to realize just what money was doing to them, and what lack of money was doing to the people. And so, he began secretly liberating money from his acquaintances, only in small amounts, and delivering it to small, poor towns and villages. It was necessary, he thought, to balance the power between the rich and the poor, the wealthy and the destitute. It was this way that he learned that just as much as knowledge, Gold was power.

His combat prowess and tactical skills were put to great use in what would become known as the first Norman Crusades. It was there that he met one Virgil Butler, who was contacted as a servant, bodyguard, and cook to the then 'Lord' Hugo de Folé. Not that Kakashi needed a bodyguard. It was mainly a way to keep up appearances. But even though the two had met under professional circumstances, Kakashi had come to like the man. He was strong, intelligent, and loyal to a fault. He had no doubt that if it wasn't for the seriousness of demeanor, the two could have become fast friends.

Soon, the wars and struggles took their toll, and Kakashi found himself getting old. With his wife, his son, and Virgil at his bedside, within the large castle he had built, Lord Hugo de Folé, Kakashi Hatake, Jonin of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, finally died at the age of 83. He was survived by his wife, son, Virgil Butler, and his student, Naruto Uzumaki...And so it would be, for several centuries, that Naruto was never found, and never disturbed. Until a young man decided to play with some fairies...

Naruto awoke with a start, blasting out of his sealed containment, some sort of intense shockwave disrupting the seals of the coffin, keeping him in stasis. He couldn't see anything, his vision obscured by an inky blackness, without the slightest bit of light shining through. He began to beat on the lid of the coffin, but it wouldn't budge. The more he struggled, the thinner the air got, as now that he had re-entered reality, he was using up whatever oxygen remained in the box.

Mustering his focus, he did the only thing he could think to do. Forming a Rasengan, his signature attack, he slammed it into the top of his coffin, causing the sealed wooden lid, as well as the dirt around it, to blast away in a large explosion. He eagerly sucked in the fresh air, but had to shield his eyes from the intense light. He crawled from the large crater, disoriented, his senses seeming to be hightened to almost unbearable levels. Thinking of nothing else but finding a safe place, Naruto got to his feet and ran.

Commander Julius Root was never known as patient, nor easy-going. But now, even those under his command would agree that the commander was pissed. This incident would more than likely go down in infamy as completely botched beyond all reasonable belief. First, his unit had to find and contain a troll that had managed to escape to the surface. That in itself was enough to bring about a migraine. But then, one of his subordinates, the first female to ever serve in the LEPrecon squad, had gone off to perform the Ritual, the sacred rite of the People to replenish their inner stores of magic. She ended up getting captured and held hostage. After that, the entire mess got worse, eventually leading to not only their defeat, but their defeat by no more than a child and his manservant. Root was absolutely livid. Somehow, the boy managed to escape the fairy time-stop, and the blue-rinse, a bomb that destroyed only organic tissue. They had been out-thought, out-witted, and beaten, by a boy no older than 11. Even if they recovered a fair bit of the gold via a wish made from the boy, they still lost a great amount of the ransom fund. It had not been a good night.

Root was a broad-chested elf with gray, buzz-cut hair. He wore a required LEPrecon uniform with Commander Status gold acorns. The current color of his face was easily enough to warrant his nickname of 'Beetroot' from those that knew him. Turning to his left, he took notice of said female LEP officer, Captain Holly Short.

Holly Short is an elf with the pointed ears and nut-brown skin usual for an elf, crew cut auburn hair, and hazel eyes. She stood at 100 centimeters, one centimeter shorter than average fairy height. She also had a slim frame, which her LEP uniform accentuated, giving her a nice, curvy figure. She was helping to oversee the final clean up of the area, as the fairy people had to leave no trace they were there. While this was against Root's orders, even in his angry state, he wouldn't begrudge her doing her job. After the whole debacle with Artemis Fowl, he figured some form of normalcy was just what was needed. But nothing ever stays normal for long, he realized, as the ground around them shook from some concussive force not far off on the grounds.

"What the hell was that?" he asked, turning towards Foaly, the LEP's resident technological genius. Foaly was highly intelligent, even for a centaur, and had built most of the LEP's current technology. Of course that fact in itself also irritated Root. Foaly had a knack for getting on the Commander's nerves, knowing he was too valuable to fire.

"Not sure," replied the centaur. "Some kind of explosion?"

"Noooo," replied Root, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Really? You don't say? I meant what CAUSED the damn explosion."

"Not a clue, Julius," replied Foaly, bringing up some blueprints he had managed to acquire on a computer monitor.

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that!" shouted Root, his face, if possible, becoming even brighter red. Palming his face, he turned toward the recently rescued fairy. "Short, you ok to do a little scouting?"

"Always," she replied, way ahead of her commander, already finding an equipment rack in their makeshift base. Her commander did the same, both grabbing a pair of wings, helmets, and a side-arm, just in case Fowl had any more tricks up his sleeve.

"Alright, Foaly, I want us back underground by the time Short and I get back. Think you can handle that?" he said, the centaur nodding, for once not having a quip for the head elf. Flying straight up, Holly and Root looked over the grounds of the manor for anything that may have caused an explosion. It didn't take long for them to discover the massive crater imbedded in the dirt. The two fairies shared a glance before descending down to take a closer look. Upon landing in the center of the crater, Holly found her feet not touching dirt and earth, but wood.

"Foaly," she said over the mic in her phone. "You seeing this?"

"Every pixel," replied the techie. "Is it just me, or does that look a bit too close to a coffin?"

"Well what in the hell would make a coffin explode?" asked Root, in on the conversation.

"My guess would be whoever, or whatever, was inside," replied Foaly, increasing the size of the images. "Check out those marking on the wood...They look familiar, but I can't place them. I'll have to get back to you once I get back underground."

"Switch to thermals," said Holly. "See what kind of residual heat is left." As she and her commander did, she caught a glimpse of the torn up earth around her. With the enhanced clarity, and now the infrared vision, she managed to pick up small, residual heat signatures on the ground. They almost looked like...

"Footprints," said Root, voicing her thought. "D'Arvit, what the hell has Fowl been messing with."

"I don't know, but I want to find out," said Holly, activating her wings and beginning to follow the trail.

"Not a chance, Short," announced Root. "We've had enough trouble throughout the last twenty-four hours to last a lifetime."

"Commander, whatever this is could be dangerous. This is the boy who managed to outwit us, remember? Besides, he took me hostage. If anyone's going to be on a case involving him, it's gonna be me," she replied. Root growled, and would have rubbed his temples had they not been covered by his helmet.

"Fine," he said. "It's just after sunrise. I'm giving you until noon today to find out exactly what happened. Even if you're within an inch of discovering the secrets of the universe, I want you back underground the second the clock strikes twelve, understood?"

"Yes Sir," replied Holly, taking off to follow the still warm trail of whatever had made the crater.

And while she's doing that, think you could bring back some of that coffin, Julius? It might help in figuring out what happened," came Foaly's voice over the helmet's communication system.

"DON'T CALL ME JULIUS!" shouted an enraged Root. He did however find merit to Foaly's request, and broke off a large enough piece of the wood. Even if they couldn't discover its secrets, he could still use it to beat the centaur over the head with.

Chapter end

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