Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and for all the years I've spent writing for it that fact still hasn't changed, but a girl can dream.
A/N: Well all my beautiful and lovely fans this is it. I want all of you to know that I've enjoyed this journey that took a few years longer than I thought it would. I originally started this story to help with my depression especially after being forced to come out to my family. Over time this story helped me accept a lot of things that happened in my life so it holds a special place in my heart.
I want to say thank you to every single person that stuck with me through this very long journey. Thank you to everybody that added this story to their favorites list and who followed. Thank you to everybody who recommended this story to their friends or family. Without all of you encouraging me and constructively pointing out my mistakes this story wouldn't have been nearly as awesome as it turned out to be.
I hope to see all you beautiful people in the sequel. As much as I would love to tell you when it'll be up I have absolutely no clue, but just know Badass Bella will be back and who knows there might be a Badass Tanya. By the way any suggestions on baby names?
It's been three weeks since Bella and I returned from our honeymoon in Denali. I still don't know what happened, but it feels like we connected on a deeper level. Unfortunately Bella's been acting rather strange around me since we got back.
At first I thought it was because of the talk we had with Esme regarding Carlisle a few days after we got back, but now I'm not so sure. Bella's gone as far as to pretty much avoid me all day. It feels like the only time I see her is when it's time for her to go to bed. The only bright side to that is that I can sleep on occasions.
Bella and I were sitting in the lovesit just enjoying the feeling of being in each other's arms without having to worry about somebody trying to tear us apart for once. I hear Esme shifting back and forth by the kitchen, and unfortunately so did Bella.
Ever since she went all mega archangel on Renee her senses have heightened to our level and it's pretty amazing how well she's adjusted to it all. "Esme are you going to stand there all day or are you going to actually say something? You standing there is starting to become a little bit creepy." I will admit Bella has become more blunt and she's not one to beat around the bush anymore.
"Actually yes, I was wondering if I could talk to you alone for a moment, Bella." She says softly as she walks further into the living room.
"Anything you have to say to me can be said with Tanya here." Bella says as she moves to sit on my lap.
"You're right. I'm sorry. I simply wanted to apologize for the way I acted when all of us first returned to Forks. Everything that transpired was uncalled for and completely avoidable." Esme says as she looks between me and Bella.
"If you feel like explaining why you felt as though I was still a child that could be bossed around then feel free, but could you stop hovering it's a little creepy." Bella says as she rests against me heavily.
"Right sorry," Esme says as she takes a seat on the couch diagonal to us. "At first when we left I really did believe that you wanted us gone, but as time went I wasn't so sure. I voiced my concerns to Carlisle, but he was so different from how he was in Forks. He was more aggressive, and completely different from the man I married all those years ago." I watch as Esme gets a bit lost in thought.
"That doesn't explain why you were trying to basically force my mate away from me with the help of your ignorant husband and son. You knew what you were doing was wrong, but you continued to do it anyway" I growl as I wrap my arms around Bella's waist.
"At first they told me that Bella was just confused, but when I saw how you two acted towards each other I wasn't so sure anymore. When I tried to confront both of them about it. I….Carlisle lost it….I've never seen him so angry before." I watch as tears begin to well up in Esme's eyes.
"Did he abuse you Esme?" Bella says softly. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Matthew hovering by the kitchen door. I know he wants to be there for Esme, but this is something that she needs to do on her own.
"I know he didn't mean too Bella. Carlisle was just worried about Edward. They've always had a special bond, and he hated seeing Edward hurting so badly. I knew it wasn't the right time to bring up that particular topic, but I did it anyway." Esme cries still trying to defend Carlisle.
"Esme, he's not here anymore. There's no need for you to keep defending him. He hurt you." I know deep down Bella still considers Esme a mother figure so hearing this has to hurt her deeply. Especially since she used to consider Carlisle a father figure.
"I know. I know. You're right, but I've spent so much time trying to justify all of this. It's just hard to let it all go." She mumbles as she leans forward and rests her head in her hands.
"I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I forgive you for everything that's happened. You hurt me deeply when you left, and instead of accepting the choices I made for myself regarding my life, the one you willing exited, you instead tried to tell me what to do as though I was 5 years old. I still need time to forgive you for that, but one day I will and then we can move forward from there." Esme look up at Bella in relief.
"Thank you so much Bella." Esme cries as she stands up and looks at both of us unsure of what to do now.
I chuckle softly as I remove my arms from Bella's waist as gently push her to stand up. "Give her a hug." I say softly.
Esme pulls Bella into a fierce hug that I can tell she's been waiting months for. I'm happy that they can work things out. I can't say I'm happy with Esme either, but I know Bella missed her a great deal even if she's not willing to admit it right now.
A few days after that Bella started to pull away from me more and more and I honestly have no clue what's going on. She still sleeps in my arms every night, but it doesn't feel the same. I don't voice my concerns because honestly I'm afraid of what all of this means. I also don't want to seem like I'm being insecure just because Bella's been a bit out of it for a couple of days.
"Tanya, dear is there something that's bothering you? You've been spending a lot of time in thought lately." Carmen says as she sits down next to me at the island.
"Nothing's wrong specifically, it just feels like Bella's starting to pull away from me. Originally I thought it was because of the talk we had Esme, but now I'm not so sure. She seems to be avoiding me up until it's time for us to go to bed." I sigh as I run my fingers through my hair in frustration.
"Maybe something's bothering her? Has she heard from Renee lately? You know how that woman always has a way of upsetting Bella." Carmen says with a growl. She's clearly still upset about what happened at the wedding not that I blame her.
"Honestly I'm not even sure anymore. It feels like she's there, but she's not really there. Her body is present, but her mind is a million miles away. I know I shouldn't worry, but I can't help but feel like maybe Bella regrets marrying me so quickly." I see Carmen shake her head at me. In my defense I did say I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I know how Bella felt about marriage before me.
"Tanya, sweetheart, you shouldn't allow yourself to think that way. You know Bella loves you and she has proven that time and time again. I think you should just talk to Bella instead of driving yourself crazy." I sigh knowing that Carmen is right, but still I'm worried.
I nod silently as I hear the back door to the kitchen open and see Bella. I can see that something's bothering her, but the chances of her talking to me aren't very high right now. I still try anyway though, "Angel, is there something wrong?" I watch as she looks at me unsure before shaking her head no.
I sigh as I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. Whatever's bothering her has been bothering her for weeks and I've tried to talk to her and I've tried being patient, but clearly that's getting me nowhere. "Bella, I wish you would just talk to me about whatever's bothering you." I sigh as I stand up from the counter.
"Wait! Tanya, I'm sorry." Bella shouts as she quickly walks over to stand in front of me. I look down and see her fidgeting with her hands. "I don't mean to brush you off. It's just that…...I don't know how to say this…." Bella trails off as she looks at everything but me.
"Look I'm not going to force you to talk to me. I have never and I refuse to start now. So if you do decide you want to talk you know where to find me." I say as I take off towards I room, but yet again Bella stops me.
"Tanya, please wait. It's not that I don't want to tell you it's just that I don't know how you'll react to what I have to say." I see fear in Bella's eyes and I can't help but assume the worst. Why does she keep talking in circles? What in the hell is going on with her?
"At this point I don't think there's anything worse that what I'm imagining you're going to say, Bella! For weeks I've been trying to figure out what's wrong and give you space, but now I'm just afraid that you think marrying me was a mistake." I shout letting my emotions get the best of me. I can hear the family in the background shuffling awkwardly, but I can't be bothered to care right now.
"Tanya, I'm pregnant!" Woah…..wait…..what did she just say? What did I just hear? I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I feel the world starting to become spinny and blurry all at the same time. Surely I misheard her. "With twins." Okay so no I hear correctly the first time. Oh my god….
Okay so I'm not entirely sure what happened, but I can feel Bella hovering over me shouting my name in a panic. "Tanya! Tanya! Oh my god! What the hell just happened?" I hear Kate laughing her ass off in the background. Of course her ass would be laughing at a time like this.
"Let's rewind to the beginning to when you two met shall we. You began by turning our fearless leader into a whipped mess. Then you manage to basically beat her in every milestone in your relationship. At the wedding you had her ass crying actually tears before you had to save her from certain death at the hands of your own mother. Now she's a true hostage who sleeps with you bother literally and figuratively, and now my personal favorite this bitch is passed the fuck out on the floor! This is the best day ever!" Kate says in between laughter. I swear I'm going to get her back the first chance I get.
"Thank you Kate for making me sound like the worst vampire in history. I really appreciate that." I groan as I roll over onto my side to face Bella more. I think I'm just going to stay down here for a while just in case. I wouldn't want to give Kate the satisfaction of seeing me hit the floor again.
"Oh my god! Tanya, are you okay?" Bella whispers close to tears as she moves to place my head on her lap and runs her fingers through my hair. I'm sure if I was human I'd have a rather impressive knot on the back of my head.
"Well besides the room spinning and Kate making me the joke of the family I think I'm doing pretty great." I smile as I move closer to Bella. "Soooooo….twins huh?" I ask as another way of dizziness hits me.
"Are….are you okay with this? I mean I know we never had the chance to ever have a serious conversation about this, and now that I think about it I didn't know for sure if this was even possible considering. I know our marriage is still very new and everything and maybe this wasn't the best timing, but I…." I gently press my finger to Bella's lips effectively silencing her even though she's adorable when she rambles.
"Bella, I love you and trust me when I say nothing is going to change that. You and I need to have a serious conversation, but I would rather not do that in front of the whole family. No offense." I add as an afterthought when I hear Emmett and Kate beginning to protest.
Realizing that that was our families queue to vacate the house Carmen quickly chimes in. "Before we leave I just want to say congratulations to the both of you." She says with tears in her eyes. Eleazar is quick to agree as he moves to stand behind his wife.
"I hope you know that we are all going to spoil those poor babies rotten and there's nothing you can do to stop us." Emmett says with a cheeky smile as she high-fives Laurent.
"We wouldn't even dream of it big guy." Bella says with happiness, but I can still tell that she's worried about what might happen once everybody leaves. I know deep down Bella will always be afraid of rejection thanks to Renee.
"I'm so happy for the both of you. You're both going to make amazing parents." Rosalie says as I look over I can see a deep sadness in her eyes. I look up at Bella and see that she noticed it as well.
"Don't forget Rose they're going to have you as their absolutely amazing aunt who I'm sure will smother them with love every chance she gets." Bella says causing a bright smile spreads across Rosalie's face.
"I'm sorry, but was anybody else waiting for Tanya to ask how this happened?" Kate says still laughing her ass off. I roll my eyes at her antics until I see Victoria come up behind her and slap her upside the head.
"Stop making fun of your sister. You should be congratulating her and Bella. This is a very important and beautiful moment!" Victoria seethed as she shoots daggers at Kate.
"I was showing my love and support in my own special way!" Kate says quickly trying to defend herself as Victoria's glare never wavers.
"Bella, I'm so happy for you." Esme says as she moves to stand closer to Bella and I trying to break the awkward atmosphere starting to form between Kate and Victoria. As usual Matthew is close behind her in a protective manner. They're so cute together.
"Irina, Rosalie, we have to plan the most amazing baby shower ever!" Alice says bouncing up and down. Oh god I can imagine her trying to play Barbie with our babies.
"Mary Alice! You will not be trying to dress our children up every chance you get! I refuse to allow them to become your personal dress up dolls!" Bella says practically reading my mind. I love it when she does that.
"I'm sorry darlin', but since they're Bella's babies she gets the final say." Jasper says quickly trying to console his wife as a look of horror crosses her face. I guess Bella just ruined her plans. I swear that pixie is out of her mind.
"Okay everybody, as much as all the love is appreciated Bella and I have a few things we need to talk about without all of you here, please." I say as I begin to slowly sit up.
"Oh of course, we'll be around if either of you need us." Carmen says as she looks at everybody in the room a look letting them all know to clear out asap.
In a matter of seconds the whole house is cleared out leaving Bella and I alone. I don't bother trying to stand up as I move to sit indian style in front of Bella. "Is this why you've been acting so weird around me lately?" I ask deciding not to beat around the bush.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. It's just that when I started feeling weird I assumed the worst and went to talk to Charlie. He didn't know anymore than I did so he suggested I call Renee. I didn't want to worry you before I knew what was going on." Bella sighs.
"Why didn't you come talk to me about this, Bella? Did you honestly think I would react that badly?" I know she thinks she was doing the right thing, but I can't help but be upset that my own wife didn't feel like she could talk to me.
"Please don't think that. I'm so sorry I didn't come to you about this. It's just that I didn't know how to react myself, and honestly I was assuming the worst because I still don't know that much about archangels. I just wanted answers before I worried you with it. I realize now that I didn't make the right decision, but at the time I felt like it was. Can you forgive me?" I can see that means every word, but still I can't help but be hurt by this.
"Of course I can forgive you Bella, but I'm going to be honest I'm deeply hurt by this. Regardless of what could have been wrong I meant every single thing I said in my vows the day I married you. No matter what's wrong I want you to come to me. We're in this together now." I say as I reach out and gently grab her hands lacing our fingers together.
"You're right and I'm sorry I didn't. I should have come to you and from now on I promise I will." Bella says with a faint smile as she squeezes my hands.
We sit in silence for a few minutes before I notice that something's off. "Why can't I hear their heartbeats?" I frown as I look at her confused.
"Oh sorry that's my fault. I didn't want you finding out before I had the chance to tell you myself though I did imagine it would be under different circumstances." I watch as Bella removes her hand from mine to place over her stomach after a few seconds a light white glow forms around her hand before she moves it away.
I quickly lean over and place my ear against her stomach and almost cry when I hear two strong little heartbeats thumping away. "My angels…."I whisper softly as I look up at Bella smiling. I happily lie there and listen to two of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard, before I decide once again to break the silence.
"How did your conversation with Renee go? Is she the one who taught you that trick you just did?" I ask feeling myself become upset and kind of insulted. She talked to Renee about this before she came to me.
"Yes, she was. Now to answer your first question you know how you hear stories about how mom's are excited when they hear that their daughter is married and pregnant? Well Renee isn't one of those mom's. I couldn't tell if she was happy, sad, or disappointed." Bella sighs as she runs her fingers along my back gently.
"I don't give a fuck if Renee is disappointed! If she's not happy for us then she can stay the hell away from my angels!" I growl as a wave of protectiveness washes over me as I wrap my arms around Bella tighter.
"Tanya, calm down sweetheart, I never said that I cared either and I told Renee that. She knows that she can either be happy for us or never see her grandchildren not that I'm not already debating over that. I will admit that's where a lot of my reluctance to tell you came from. I mean I know you aren't Renee, but dammit she's my mom she should be happy for me. I married the love of my life who is also my soulmate and we're starting a family! It's not like I got knocked up by some random stranger." I quickly sit up and pull Bella into my lap. I knew something else was bothering her.
"I'm sure you already know this but Carmen considers you the daughter she never got to have, and I'm sure Charlie will be happy for us. I hate Renee for how she always seems to turn something happy into a damn production. It's like she's not happy unless she's making your life difficult." I growl. If Renee keeps this up she will be getting a call from me and mother-in-law be damned I won't tolerate her upsetting Bella like this.
"None of that matters anymore. If she can't be happy for me then that's her own problem. I know without a doubt that our babies will never know what it's like not to be loved. I was honestly terrified that I was going to be a horrible mom like Renee was to me, but as I sit here with you I realize that I'm not her. I could never let our children go to bed questioning my love for them. I could never leave our children alone to fend for themselves. Most importantly I know I could never not want them. They're not even here yet, but I already love them so much, Tanya." Bella says as tears begin to slide down her face as she places her hand over her stomach.
I place my hand on top of hers as I gently kiss her forehead. "Angel, you are nothing like Renee. You never have been and you never will be. I love you so much." I whisper in her ear as I begin to gently rock us back and forth.
After a while Bella's tears begin to dry and I want nothing more than to put a smile on her beautiful face. "I hope you know I'm going to be super protective of you now." I laugh softly as I see Bella rolling her eyes that are still red and puffy, but in my opinion she's never looked more breathtaking.
"I hope you know you're going to get on my very last nerve, but wouldn't have it any other way, my love." She says as she gives me a sound kiss on the lips. I never imagined I would be able to experience such happiness in life. Thanks to Bella I'm going to have the family I never truly knew I wanted, but now that it's happening it's all I could possibly dream of. I can't wait to meet my little angels…..
To be continued….