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Chapter 8: I shouldn't be here

Her lips attach to mine and it's like the world explodes. All my senses suddenly think they have to take everything in at once. I can feel every stitch of Gwen's sweater under my hands that have circled around her waist. I can smell the mix of vanilla and lemon that makes up Gwen's perfume. Lights flash behind my closed eyes; creating my own personal firework show. I can hear Gwen's nails scratch against my scalp as she moves her hands into my hair. The kiss tastes as sweet as the very first one, but with a hint of wintergreen. Its everything I had hoped, wished, and dreamed about since her father's death.

I lose myself in the kiss, pulling Gwen's body closer to mine and lowering my head even further. This little voice though at the back of my mind starts chanting just as I think everything is perfect in the world. I try to ignore it and focus just on the girl in my arms but its quickly barreling its way into the front of my thoughts. As much as I try to brush it aside the voice finally breaks through the invisible wall I've built in my mind.

This isn't right. This isn't right. This isn't right.

And I know it isn't. I know at this moment I'm breaking several promises I've made. I'm breaking the one I made to the Captain, I'm breaking many I made to myself, and I'm breaking the one I made to Gwen when I said we were done. But how can something that feels so right be so wrong? How come I can't be happy for once? I start slowing the kiss from frantic to passionate.

This isn't right. This isn't right. This isn't right.

I mentally sighed and used every ounce of will power I have in me. I pull away from Gwen's heavenly lips and ever so slightly push away from her. I don't take my hands from her waist but I do force her to lower hers to my shoulders. Resting my forehead against hers I open my eyes to see Gwen's bright blue ones are still closed. We're both breathing heavily and I take a moment to catch my breath.


Gwen opened her eyes to see Peter staring at her. Even though she didn't know what they were, Gwen could see all of his emotions swirling through his eyes. She slowly slid her hands down his shoulders, to his arms, and then finally stopped at his hands on her waist. Gwen softly pulled his hands off her hips and watched as Peter snapped his gaze to the floor. She doesn't want him to get the wrong idea about the movement and quickly threads the fingers of both her hands with his.

Peter hesitantly looks back up and she flicks her eyes back and forth with a questioning look set on her face. She doesn't get an answer from him so she reaches out and places her hands on his face, cupping it. He then suddenly looks guilty for reasons she can't understand. All she does know is that her lips are still slightly buzzing like electricity is bouncing around them. And that he's still here.

"You're real," she says quietly to him. She watches as a small smile spreads across his lips.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He quips back. His smile grows even bigger while he takes hold of her wrists.

With a serious face set like stone she looks him in the eye and says, "Because I watched you die." His smile is gone faster than she can blink. Peter softly but with meaning pulls Gwen's hands from his face.

"Gwen I-" he starts but she quickly cuts him off.

"Stop. We need to talk and I know it's important. But we aren't going to do it here."

Gwen pulls one hand away, and laces the other one back with his. She then begins to pull him back towards her apartment. He surprisingly lets her drag him in and through the living room back towards her room. She hears her mom calling her from the kitchen but ignores it for the moment. They reach her room and she opens the door and practically throws him in.


She closed the door behind her, but keeps her back to me. Not really knowing what to do I shuffle my feet and look around her bedroom. I haven't been in here for a long time and the other night when I stopped by I hadn't gotten the chance to look around much. I see she's moved some things around a little but for the most part its exactly how I remember it. We both look up as we hear her mom calling her name. Gwen sighs and finally turns back around to face me.

"Stay right there….please. I promise I'll be right back." She just looks at me waiting. I finally nod my head and she jumps out into the hallway, leaving me alone.

This isn't right. This isn't right. This isn't right.

I know for a fact I shouldn't be here. I know I should have left when we were still in the hallway. I shouldn't have let Gwen drag me into her house. I glance over at the window leading to the fire escape. It was starting to look very appealing. I mean what was I going to say to Gwen? I had nothing really planned to explain to her. Like why I hadn't called to let her know I was ok. Or what had actually happened. No I couldn't because that was a long complicated story.

This isn't right. This isn't right. This isn't right.

But I can't just leave her like that. I can't leave without saying something. But I shouldn't be here to begin with. But I can't leave her. But all this is so wrong I shouldn't have let the kiss happen. But it's what I really want, even Aunt May says I deserve to be happy. But Gwen will be in danger. But she knows what that's like right. And she wants to be with me. She said out there before kissing me she didn't want me to go. We could talk this all out and find a way to fix what I've so stupidly broken. I've been a total jerk to her lately and she needs- no deserves, better than that.


Gwen went and talked with her mom. She explained how Peter was just here to work on homework and would be gone in a little bit. She didn't think he would stay for dinner, so told her mother as much. With everything straightened out Gwen practically ran back to her room. She couldn't believe Pete was alive and well….and in her room. She smiled a little to herself and touched her lips. It still felt like his were there, moving with hers.

She opened up her door and quickly shutting it behind herself. She looked down to make sure she had it locked.

"So Peter you should probably start with-"She stopped as she looked around to find the room empty. Looking around she saw everything were it should be except the window. It was open. The breeze flouted in making the curtains wave back and forth. Gwen slowly walked over to it with a hand on her hip and a hand scratching right behind her ear. Looking at this very familiar she let out a huge sigh.

Well at least he wasn't dead.


A/N: Hey guys. I know this is a shorter chapter but its kind of a filler for whats to come.

well like always

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