A/N: I haven't written a story in a super long time so it may be a bit shaky but bear with me!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kimi Ni Todoke
It had been three months since that day. Three entire months and the long haired raven still couldn't bear the thought of going to school. Thank god there were still a few more days left of summer break. There had been a time where she had loved school more than anybody else after befriending Yano-chin and Chizu-chan. But now … Sawako's face scrunched up as she examined the affected area on her neck. It wasn't too large. However, it was big enough for her. It was ugly. She sat on her bed – eyes focused into the simple yet pretty compact mirror Kazehaya bought for her birthday.
What would he think of her? Would he even want to see her like this? Sawako bit down on her bottom lip and batted her long eyelashes in a futile attempt to blink away the tears. Her life would be different from now on. That was what Dr. Yoshida had told her not even an hour before she had been discharged. Sawako knew he didn't tell her that with the intentions of being mean but it still hurt. Her life – her life was just beginning to go well. Why did it have to change?
"It's not fair …" Sawako mouthed to herself as she wiped at her wet cheeks. She wished she could do more than mouth words. She wanted to laugh, talk, whisper, gasp, something. The sound of her cell phone beeping caught her attention but unfortunately that only brought about new unwanted feelings. Sawako swallowed and hesitantly picked up her phone. It was Yano-chin. Text messages were the closest thing to actual phone calls she got now since what had happened that day.
How are u Sawako? I hope ur feeling
better. Come hang out w/ us. Please?
We miss u.
How many text messages had she received since that day? More than fifty. She knew that for a fact. They were mostly all from Yano-chin and Chizu-chan but a small number of them were also from other students in her class.
Only one was from Kazehaya. Just one.
Sawako's nose began to burn at the thought. Of course, Kazehaya would only send her one text message. It was selfish of her to expect him to send messages to her when he was probably busy. And perhaps … Sawako shook her head and let out a silent cry. No. She couldn't let herself think like that. It hurt too much. Besides, wasn't this what she wanted? To not be cried and fussed over. Sawako always felt guilty whenever anyone texted her. It felt like she was causing them trouble by making them worry.
How are you Sawako?
It was such a simple question but with her, even the simplest questions pertaining to her own self were always the hardest to answer. Her hands were stiff and frankly, just plain tired from writing in her pink composition notebook from day to day. Texting how she felt would take too many characters. It was much more complicated than what she let on. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
"Sawako" The raven's mother all but sung, leaning against the half opened door. She could hear the happiness in her voice. "You have a guest here to see you! It's Kazehaya-kun."
Sawako's eyes widened at the sound of Kazehaya's name. Her hands began to shake and her heart hammered wildly in her chest. Please, anyone but him. He couldn't see her like this. She shook her head to let her mom know that she didn't want any company but it was too late. Her mother had already stepped out of view to let him in. It had been so long since Sawako talked to anyone that both of her parents always practically jumped for joy at the smallest mention of friends.
When her mom finally left and closed the door behind her it was quiet. The atmosphere felt too heavy and awkward. Idly fiddling with the mirror, Kuronuma brushed her bangs away from her face which was now flushed a light pink. She didn't know what to say – or more like write – to the tall male standing uncomfortably by her door. She was still trying to figure out why he would visit her like this. Before that day, it would have been almost a normal thing since they were now eighteen years old but now it was just … unexpected. Not to say that he never visited her prior to it but Sawako figured that things had changed. After all, he only sent her one text while her friends sent hundreds and he had never visited before today while her friends made several unsuccessful attempts to see how she was holding up. But at the same time she was relieved he never came by or texted her until now. Sawako wanted to hold it off for as long as possible. She had anticipated Kazehaya's reaction. She was ready for him to ask her about her neck – about that day.
She expected him to stare at the scar that same unreadable way the nurses and her parents did. She thought he would just keep his distance, break his gaze and tell her that he loved her but it was over between them. She expected that short statement to be the reason for his stand-offish behavior. What Sawako got instead surprised her because she just knew all of those things would happen even if they occurred out of that particular order. But there he was, not keeping his distance and crossing the large gap between them with hesitant strides. A set of wide brown eyes met hers and at that moment she could see the uncertainty etched throughout his pleasant features. The air around them thickened as Kazehaya shifted his weight on the balls of his feet and lightly grasped her long fingers. The quiet went on like that for quite a while - neither of them saying a word to the other. Sawako's trembling hands began to sweat in his palms as nervousness and apprehension took over her mind.
"I missed you." Kazehaya admitted; his tone soft and wavering while he spoke. "I really missed you."
Sawako's heart sped even faster. Her cheeks were burning and the back of her neck felt hot as she took in his words. He missed her? Even like this, he missed her? It was at this moment Sawako wished she could say something – anything at all to let her know that she missed him too. She wanted to say his name. She wanted to call him 'Shouta' like she was always too shy to do (save for those rare instances) but now she would never have the chance. Grabbing one of her only means of communication, she quickly scrawled in the book and flipped it around to the male crouched in front of her. God, it was hard for her to even write it out. Her blush deepened as he read her writing.
I missed you too.
Kazehaya didn't say anything. He just squeezed her hands and looked away, giving his concentration to some lent on his sweats. "Sawako …" He began and trailed off, his own blush starting to make its way from his ears to his cheeks. Taking a deep breath he stood up, shyly interlocking their fingers together. "I-I'm sorry … you know …"
Sawako could almost hear him swallow.
"…for not calling you."
And there it was. Sawako silently gasped at his mistake and tore her eyes away from his. The area behind her eyes and nose stung.
Kazehaya sharply inhaled as he realized where he messed up at. "Oh my god." He breathed and pulled one of his hands away to cover his mouth with his fist. "Sawako, I didn't mean that."
No matter how much it hurt. She wouldn't cry. Not yet.
"What I meant to say is that I'm sorry for not texting you!" He tried his best to amend and tensed his shoulders when a notebook was once again pushed in his face.
"There is so much I will never able to say to anybody. I wish … I wish I had said everything I wanted to say before this happened." Kazehaya read aloud and soon freed his other hand from hers.
Sawako bit back a silent cry at the loss of warmth. It had been so long since she had felt his hands or breathed in his fresh scent but it was over between them. She knew it the very second he snatched his hands away. Or that's what she had thought until her whole body was enveloped in that familiar warmth as strong arms pulled her up and wrapped around her waist.
Sawako stood frozen in place when one of Kazehaya's hands left her waist to tuck a few strands of dark hair behind her ear. His breath was warm – heartbeat calming.
"I wish I could make it so that bike accident never happened but…" He started and lifted her chin with his index finger. "I can't and maybe if I had walked you home instead of going to baseball practice then I would have been able to protect you from that stupid car, maybe. Just thinking that I might have been able to stop it makes me feel responsible. That's why I haven't dropped by to visit you and that's also why I've only texted you once. I thought it was my fault because I could have stopped it. I thought you wouldn't want anything to do with me after you recovered at the hospital. I was worried you'd be angry or sad from seeing me and I ..." The brunette sniffed and wiped at his eyes as his voice cracked. "I just didn't want to make you more upset."
Sawako stared wide eyed at his confession and even though she couldn't speak, her face said it all. No sound came from her lips as she cried and buried her head into the taught muscles of his chest. Her entire body trembled. Everything she had been feeling up until this point about Kazehaya wasn't true after all. She wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault.
"I won't leave you alone like that again. I'm sorry I hurt you." He finished and let her cry on him for as long as she needed to. It was the least he could do.
Sawako hadn't learned much but still, she tried anyway in hopes that Kazehaya would know what it meant. I love you, she signed and smiled when he furrowed his brows in confusion. Slowly, she broke out of the hold and made a heart with her hands.
Oh, the tall brunette mouthed and flushed before leaning over to whisper in her ear. "I love you too. You are perfect to me."
Voice or not, Sawako was still perfect. They were perfect.
A/N: Ahh, I'm nervous to post this! I haven't written anything in 7 or 8 months so this was quite a challenge! I'm only on volume 4 of Kimi Ni Todoke but I know they have become a couple from watching the anime so I made the actions just a bit bolder here. I haven't read or watched Kimi Ni Todoke in about 6 months so I felt totally lost when I was using Sawako and Shouta for my fanfic. I almost forgot how they interacted with each other :0