A.N. browsing Tumblr. Thought a few people would appreciate. DirkJane. This is for you! ~Sisida~Meh I'mma make this an AU so I don't have to deal with Sburb weird time stuff.

Lil' Sebastian stared at her as she typed furiously away at her keyboard, the clickety clack the only sound in the room albeit the small hum coming from Lil' Seb's motor. She ignored it as she typed, biting her lip slightly and frowning. Finally, after a few more minutes of keyboard mashing, she finally slammed her hands down, letting out an exasperated sigh, and shoving the white board away. She flopped her head down on the desk, slamming her head rather hard into the wood. Lil' seb turned it's head to her. After lying there for a few moments, she turned to face the small robot bunny, a bitter smile on her face.

"I am the only female on this world who can successfully friend zone herself." Lil' Seb could feel the self hatred emanating from her very pore as she limply lay on the desk, laughing pitifully.

Lil' seb's glasses flared up in color for a few moments, blinking. The small rabbit moved from its position on the corner of her desk to her arm, sitting down on her shoulder, and placing a small hand on her head. She let out another laugh, raising a hand to pet his in between his ears.

"You know your creator is making my life kinda hard, right?" She sat up, lifting Lil' seb off of her shoulder, and setting him on the desk in front of her. He sat down on the ledge, kicking his feet back and forth, looking up at her. She couldn't help but smile. He was just so cute! She touched the tip of one of his ears, and bent it downward, the metal clicking lightly as each joint moved. When she let go, the ear twitched slightly, and then popped back into its upright position. it cocked its head to the side. She laughed again, snuggling Lil' Seb into a small hug. "Doesn't change the fact that you're a super cutie!" Lil' seb's little arms reached around her neck, hugging her back.

His job was to protect her, and keep her company. To keep an eye on her.

But he had another job. And it was now that he did said job, as she still hugged him. His eyes flickered again, sending out a small message.

He had sent out two robots, who had two different destinations, and two different goals.

One to strengthen his bro.

And one to protect his love.

He knew Jake. He knew Jake was a badass. He knew Jake did not need protection. Those gun skills of his, in which both he and his sister had, were perfect enough for him to survive in this terrible world. But he bet on his life that Jake got bored sometimes. So he sent Brobot to beat the ever loving shit out of him every once in a while. Mainly to remind him that even though he was strong, he could get stronger.

He knew Jane. He new Jane was... well.. NOT a badass. She was like her grandfather in that sense. Goofy, childish, air-headed. She took off of her brother. She could barely survive on a daily basis with the murder attempts and that stupid white cat messing with her shit. Her everyday escapades scared him shitless. He didn't want her dead. So he sent Lil' Sebs.

When he was making lil' sebs, he couldn't help but break his poker face ever so slightly when he thought of the smile that would envelop her face when she saw the cute as fuck rabbit.

He gave Lil' seb 4 jobs. To protect her. To keep her company. To keep an eye on her. And to inform him when she was upset.

Lil' seb was doing great in the first 3, but had yet to send him a message on the 4th mission.

Until today.

The small beep rang in his ear, his glasses lighting up. He quickly scanned his logs to see what brought a response from his glasses... A small blinking rabbit icon in the corner beckoned for his attention. He obliged, opening the icon to see the small letters blinking in his face.


God damnit that's all the rabbit told him? He let out a sigh, making a note to edit his software slightly as he walked to his computer, pressing the spacebar a few times to wake the screen. He quickly moved his mouse to PesterChum, and double clicked the icon, a small window popping up after a small amount of time. He clicked on the light blue blinking name.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Hey. What's up?

Jane looked up from her Lil' Seb glomping when she heard the little bleep informing her of a new pester message. Hope filled her eyes, hoping Jake had... nope. It was the only human on this planet in which she did NOT want to talk to at the moment.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Hey. What's up?

"Oh what do I do... I don't want to talk to him... oh" She frowned, resting her head in her hands as she stared at the orange text, letting out a sigh. Lil' seb sat in between her elbows, looking up at her curiously. She looked down at him. "Well? What do YOU think I should do? Talk to the man who just successfully stole my man away without saying a word? Or ignore him in hopes he'd just go away." Lil' seb didn't move, but cocked its head to the side a bit. she let out a sigh. "Yeah... I know NOT talking to him would be rude... but..." her face scrunched up a bit.

TT: Crocker?

She let out a sigh, still staring at the orange text. she glanced down at the bunny again. "I really don't..." Lil' seb blinked a few times, the notion voided of all significance because his small robot eyes were hidden behind the red glasses. She could still hear the small click of his metal eyelids closing a few times, and smiled. "Don't worry bout' me. I'm a tough cookie. It's not like I thought Jake and I were going to get married or something... I just don't want to talk to the guy who's gay for him..."

TT: Hey cake Master, what's wrong?

"I mean..." She looked at the new text, but ignored it. "Just by what Jake said... it's obvious he's a little gay for him too... and... hoohoo..." She scratched her head slightly, adorning an awkward smile, "ahh this sucks..."

TT: Crock-pot.

She twitched.

TT: Jane. Come on. I know you're there. Answer me.

TT: You know this isn't the auto responder. The text is orange.

TT: come on... Please?

Her jaw dropped onto Lil' seb's ear, her eyes wide. She quickly grabbed the keyboard, pushing Lil' seb to the side and typing.

GG: Holy cow! You called me Jane, you aren't the auto responder, AND you said please... Hoo hoo hoo, you seem a little out of character right now :B

Dirk smiled ever so slightly. Jackpot.

TT: Come on Crock-pot. I'm just tryin to get you to respond. This is of utmost importance.

GG: Oh really? What could be so important that you call me by my real name, and start begging, Mr. Strider?

His small smirk disappeared. Begging? Since when. He didn't beg. He never begged. Oh... she must have been referring to his "please."

TT: A minor scuff in my cool kid appearance. Had to get some shit done, and that was the only way to get your attention.

GG: Hmm :B

GG: So what was so important that you needed to drag me out of my self pitying state with your begging and name calling? :B

He swallowed for a moment, contemplating his response. He got this far, and wasn't reeling back. But it was only now that he realized if he told her he knew she was upset, that she would figure out that Lil' Sebs was spying on her for him...

"Hmm... This proves difficult..." He stared at the blinking text in front of him, the light blue toothy emoticon making him smile slightly. He read her reply again, and his eyebrows scrunched under his glasses.

TT: What do you mean "Self Pitying state?"

GG: ...

His frown was now visible on his lips.

TT: Crock-pot. What's up?

GG: Hoo hoo! Nothing really. :B

TT: I highly doubt that.

GG: Okay. It's nothing extremely serious. I just... Well I kind of friend zoned myself. That's all :B No biggie, I'll be fine. It's not like I was expecting to marry the guy or anything...

His breath caught in his throat.

Wait... she liked someone? ... God damnit.

TT: Wait. Who exactly are we talking about?

GG: None of your concern ;B

TT: Come on, Crock-Pot. You can't just leave me in the dark here. I don't do ignorance well. Whose the crush?

GG: I'm not telling :B

TT: ...

GG: :B

He couldn't stop the frown on his face.

TT: Why not?

AUGH! Why am I even talking to this sack of gay man stealer? She frowned, flopping her head down for a few seconds. And why did I even tell him all of this? Now he wants to know who I like... She let out a sigh, turning her head back to Lil' Seb.

"Well? What do YOU suggest I do?" she inquired the metal rabbit. It only cocked its head to the side. "I wish you were more vocal." The bunny did not respond. The computer let out another ringing sound, and she turned to look at the screen.

TT: Crocker?

I swear he's got the patience of a fly! She couldn't stop the giggle. Wait. No. She was supposed to be mad at him for stealing her (potential) man! She couldn't help posting the next 3 letters and a period.

GG: Grr.

TT: What?

She frowned. How could he be so oblivious? He knew she only had 3 friends, and only one other one of them was male. How did he not figure out that the person she liked was Jake? Maybe he DID like wallowing in what he called "Ignorance." Whatever. She sat up, typing again.

GG: Sigh. Okay, fine. you win.

Wait. What was she saying? No, Jane. Shut up. Stop typing! Right now! This is NOT a good idea!

TT: Hmm?

Jane. Shut up. Right now. Don't dig your hole of despair even deeper. Move away from the keyb-

GG: Okay, so I like(d) Jake, okay?

What the heck, fingers? Listen to your brain!

GG: And i know how you feel about him.

She didn't even look up at the screen as she typed.

GG: And he just asked me about my feelings and stuff.

TT: Wait. What?

GG: And I panicked, okay? He was talking about how he knew you were gay for him, and how awkward it would be if I liked him.

TT: Wait hold up!

GG: So I just started typing stuff and I wasn't even realizing it. Like my brain and my hands were two separate entities.

TT: Hold on a minute.

GG: Kinda like right now I think. Anyway, I told him that I didn't like him like that, and how weird that would be!

TT: I'm straight.

GG: And he was really relieved and stuff, saying that he'd be totally fine if you came on to him, and how he might even try it out.

TT: Crock-pot.

GG: He was saying all this like he really liked you and stuff... So I just cheered him on and stuff...

TT: Crocker.

GG: So I ended up friend zoning myself and leading him to homosexuality in the same pesterchum thing!


GG: And now I'm blabbing everything to the guy who practically stole my crush from underneath me, without even saying anything to him, and I have no idea why. It's like you've thrown a truth potion through the computer screen, and now I'm blabbing, again, like a freaking idiot about m feelings to the guy who made me feel like this!


It was only then that she felt the cold tear streaming down her cheek. No. Crockers do not cry. She wiped the tear away, sniffling slightly. Lil' Seb reached out to pap her face, but she pushed him away. "Not now Seb." The computer let out another ringing sound, the sound somehow making her fingers and her head click harmoniously.

What did I just do? She felt her face pale of color as she realized what exactly she had just told the spikey shaded man. She swallowed, not wanting to look up at the text on the screen. Oh god oh God oh God what have you done? You just gave Shades so much ammo against you! You're dead meat! Bail! Bail! She looked up at the screen, covering her eyes slightly with her fingers, peeping through the small cracks.

TT: I'm straight.

She stopped breathing.



GG: What?

TT: I'm straight.

He couldn't help it. He was laughing. His glasses had slipped down his face, and he finally just removed them, placing them on the desk next to him as he gave out the most appealing sound to ever come from a male's voice.

She thought I was gay! Oh this is GOOD!

He ran his fingers slightly through his hair, his face red from the giggling that had just occurred. He hadn't laughed like this since his Bro flipped his shit when he put Cal under his sheets.

How does she do this to me? He moved his fingers back to the keys, attempting (but failing) to return his face to its stoic poker face.

TT: Straight as a line in math class.

GG: ...

TT: I like...




GG: Okay I get it!

TT: Good.

His face was slowly calming down, the goofy, totally out of character grin turning back into a stoic line, with the edges only slightly upturned. He waited patiently for her response, slipping his glasses back onto his nose.

GG: Wow. Umm... this is awkward... :B

TT: Hey at least you weren't mistaken to be a homosexual.

GG: ... Sorry about that.

TT: It's cool. Where did you even get that notion?

GG: Jake told me...

TT: Hmm.

GG: He thinks you like him :B

GG: And I'm pretty sure he likes you.

TT: I don't.

GG: Well, in light of new information, duh :B

TT: Yup.

GG: So...

His heart rate picked up for half a second, hope filling him as he looked at the blue text.

she knows I'm straight. That I don't like Jake... Maybe... Maybe... He couldn't help but mentally slap himself for the non-cool thoughts going through his head. But he couldn't squish the hope.

That was her job.

GG: I have a chance with Jake now! :B


Stabbed through the chest. (An: Haha...)

He took a deep breath. No duh. Of course. She just told you she liked him... How can you be so stupid? No. shut up. you're acting like her right now!

TT: Yup. Congrats. You're home free. Go get him girl.

GG: Hoo hoo hoo!

TT: But...

GG: Oh no. What? :B

TT: He likes me, right?

GG: ...

GG: Yeah...

TT: So even if I didn't reciprocate, how are you going to get him to get over his homosexuality and start liking you?

GG: Hey! He may be bi...

TT: True.

GG: But I guess you're right. :B

GG: I have no idea.

A small idea was forming in his head. But when a small idea forms in Dirk Strider's head, in a matter of seconds, it is no longer small. It is a large, well thought out plan that WILL end in success. And now he had a plan. And when a Strider has a plan, shit gets done. He had more trouble keeping his smile down.

TT: I can help you.

GG: What do you mean?

TT: I know my bro like I know my puppets. Why do you think he likes me? Cuz we're best bros.

GG: Oh!

TT: so I can help a sister out.

GG: Really? :B

TT: Yeah. Why not? Got nothing better to do. Plus, I don't like the idea of having him crushing on me.

TT: So yeah. I'll help you.

GG: Oh my goodness! Thank you! You're so cool! I love you so much!

He twitched. Yeah you do.

TT: Cool story, sis. Why don't we meet up? I can start helping you now.

GG: Right now?

TT: I just said that.

GG: But I'm on house arrest.

TT: Then I'll come over to your house.

GG: Okay! :B

TT: Be there in 10.

GG: Great! See you then! Hoo hoo hoo!

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Dirk leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head.

Why was it so easy for him to get the irons in the fire?

She was very giddy very fast, running around her room and quickly cleaning up, tossing everything into cabinets and quickly running a brush through her hair before opening her window and leaning out, looking down the street. She knew Dirk. When he said 10, he didn't mean 10 minutes. He meant 2. He lived about 6 blocks away, a 2 mile walk.

But he wasn't walking. She leaned out her window, spotting the red dot in the distance, and waved, a goofy smile touching her lips. The red dot turned into a red smudge in half a second, and then Dirk was breaking in front of her, his hover board puttering slightly. He snatched her waving hand quickly, bringing it to his lips. He didn't kiss her hand, but instead, looked up at her, eyes hidden behind the shades. He whispered.

"My lady?" He couldn't stop the small smirk that appeared on his face when her face turned a slight shade of red. She pulled her hand away, rolling her eyes.

"And you wonder why Jake thinks you're gay." She pulled away from the window. "Come in." He jumped through the window, shutting his board off, and resting it in the corner. He turned around again, standing up straight and looking around her room.

"Nice crib, crockpot."

"Yeah thanks. Go ahead and sit anywhere. I'll be back with some snacks. You like cookies, right?" She turned to him with her goofy grin. He nodded curly. She smiled wider (if possible) and trotted away. He looked back and forth between her chest and her bed, and decided that flopping on her bed would be better. He walked over to the bed, picking up the two bunnies on it, and moving them to the pillows. He sat down on the bed, and turned to Lil' seb, who was still chillin on the desk.

"Oi. Come here." He called. The rabbit jumped off the table, and wandered over to Dirk. He picked the bunny up, and quickly popped the head open, pulling out some of his tools (in which he had packed for this specific reason). Lil' seb shut down once the ears split from his skull, revealing the cogs and boards inside. He quickly popped in a new chip, tightened a few bolts, and closed Seb's head again. Seb hopped off his lap just in time for Jane to re-enter, holding a plate of steaming cookies. She looked back and forth for a moment before noticing him on the bed. She blushed ever so lightly, and walked over to him, placing the plate of cookies on the edge of the bed before sitting on the ground in front of him.

They sat like that, in silence, for quite a while, Dirk chewing on his first cookie thoughtfully, waiting. Finally, Jane coughed slightly, breaking the silence.

"So... uhh... How do you plan to help me?"

He smiled ever so slightly, glad she was facing away from him. "Simple. You just have to learn how to be like a strider."

She turned around, looking at him with a cocked head. God it was cute. "Why would I do that?"

"Well, he likes me, right?"


"Then if you treat him with the coolness that I do, maybe he'll like you." He stared at her through his shades as her face brightened in realization.

"By golly gee, you're right!" She almost jumped out of her skin with this new epiphany. After a few moments, though, she frowned. It was still cute. "But... how do I do that?"

"Well... what makes me so awesome? Why do you think he likes me?" He asked, pushing the iron even deeper into the fire. She looked up at the celling, smiling slightly.

"Easy. You're smart. You're cool. You're nice. You've always got our best interest at heart. You're a great rapper. You emanate 'coolness.' You're good looking. You can do anything that you set your heart to. And you've got all of your stuff together." She smiled, looking back at him.

He was very glad he had his shades on, else she'd have seen his wide eyes. It took him a bit of concentration to stop his mouth from opening in shock. How is she not already in love with me if she thinks I'm that awesome?

Instead, he nodded curtly. "Okay. So if you want him to like you, you've gotta be like that."

"Uhh... That sounds hard... I'm not Strider... I'm just ordinary Jane..." She blushed lightly, looking down at her feet. He frowned. He hated it when she ragged on herself.

Push the iron. Push it. Get this shit rolling.

He leaned forward, touching her shoulder lightly. She looked up, her eyes sparkling. He ever so slightly tipped his glasses downward, revealing his orange irises to her. "Trust me, Jane. You can do this."

oh god oh god oh god oh god stop blushing! stop it! Stop right now! Face, I command you to return to your original color!

She couldn't. His eyes were so... breathtaking!

Jane. Her inner voice warned her. Jane stop it. Jake. Remember Jake. Jaaaaake! She shook her head from side to side, quickly averting her gaze from Dirk. Right. Jake. She looked up at him after a few moments, glad that he had slipped his glasses back up, hiding those glorious (Jane. stop it) eyes. She swallowed.

"Okay... So how do I do this?" He removed his hand from her shoulder. God, why was her shoulder so warm all of a sudden? Dirk leaned back, but not before grabbing another cookie.

"Well, one thing a strider does is show up at houses randomly, with style."

"Like, through the window on a hover board?"


"I can't ride a hoverboard..."

"Well we'll have to fix that eventually. But until then, maybe you'll just do the showing up randomly thing."

"I'm on house arrest."

"But you've got me." he took another bite of his cookie as she turned around, looking at him. He nodded slightly. "You're on house arrest so you'll be safe. Well, when you're with me, You're safer than anyone in the world." He could see the blush on her face again. He kept going. "I'll protect you."

Woop. There it is. How did a face even GET that red?

she coughed awkwardly, turning away. "Uhh... O-Okay."

"Sweet." He jumped off the bed in one swift motion, and quickly grabbed her hand, pulling her to her feet. As she stumbled over her words and her feet, he dragged her to the window, grabbing his board on the way. "Let's get going."

He threw the board out the window, and it turned on automatically. Quickly, he jumped out the window, dragging her with him, and quickly standing her on the board, him in front. He turned around, facing forward. "You may want to hold on..."

"Hold on? To wha- AAAH!" He took off, and she learned in a matter of milliseconds what exactly she was meant to hold on to. She would have been blushing about her hands on his abs if she were not currently fearing for her life.

They were at Jake's house in 4 minutes. He lived a little farther away from Jane than Dirk did. When Dirk stopped, landing in front of their house, she fell to the floor, grasping the grass happily. "Oh sweet land! Land! I love land!"

"Chill out. It was just a little air time." She heard him say. She whipped around, glaring at him.

"You decided to do a 360."

"It was worth the girly screams."

"Shutup!" She blushed a little.

"Your face seems to be getting red a lot. You sure you like Bro and not me?" He asked. He was teasing. She knew it. She stood, brushing off what was left of her dignity, and held her chin high.

"Yes." She nodded her head. "You're just doing awkward things. Any normal female would blush at those..."

"You sure it's not because I'm the shit?"

She paused for a moment, faltering over her words. Finally, she answered. "Mmhmm."

Was that a smile?

No. Striders don't smile. Striders never smile.

"Shall we get this show on the road?" he asked. She looked up at his shades, and nodded.

"What do I do?"

"Simple. Walk up to the door, put on your swag, and ring the bell."

She froze. "That's it?"


"No special tricks? Just swag and ring?"



"Jane." His voice was a warning.

"Okay..." She puffed out her chest, trying to put her hands in her pockets, only to realize she had none. Her hands slipped goofily off the sides of her skirt. She blushed lightly before hooking her thumbs in her skirt, and bending backward ever so slightly, walking up to Jake's door.

This was the funniest shit he had ever seen. Jane, trying swag.

Best. Plan. Ever.

But he figured he should stop this train-wreck before she got to the door. He reached out and stopped her, turning her around to face him. He quickly moved his hands to her own hands, pulling her thumbs out of her skirt, and touching her back lightly, causing her to stand up straight. Her face turned slightly red under his touch. He stopped the smile threatening to emerge.

"You looked stupid."

"Hey!" She pouted slightly. It was so cute. He ran a hand quickly through his own hair.

"Okay look. That isn't swag. I think I explained this wrong. Swag is something that is different for every person. That right there was swag for a hipster or something. You gotta create your own swag. Jane Swag. got it?" He ruffled her hair slightly. She lifted her own hands to her hair, fixing it fervently. His mouth twitched for half a second, stopping before she looked up at him.

"Okay... so... Be myself?"


"But you told me to be like you."

"Scratch that. You suck at being me."


"I speak truth."

"Yeah..." she looked down. God she was so cute.

"So try again."

"Okay!" she smiled up at him, turning around abruptly, and almost skipping to Jake's door, knocking instead of ringing.

What in the devil fucking dickens are they doing down there? Jake stared out his window, watching as the whole scene between his bro-friend and Jane unfolded. What was this? Why was Jane acting so weird? And blushing? And why were they doing this outside his house? And why was she blushing? Why didn't they say they were coming to visit? Why are his hands touching hers? Ah. His hand is on her back. What is going on?

He watched them talk for a little while longer, and then Jane skipped out of his view.

He watched Dirk, very glad for his sharp-shooter's eye.

He watched him as his head obviously followed Jane's bobbing body. His own jaw dropped open when he saw Dirk's face go red ever so slightly. Dirk reached backward, scratching the back of his head. As he shifted slightly on his foot. As he smiled.

He smiled!

Suddenly, Jake knew. He was mistaken. Dirk wasn't gay.

He didn't like him.

He liked Jane.

And Jake just told Jane that he was 99% sure that he liked him. And she was the most trusting, and oblivious female she had ever known.

He knew he messed up.



"I'm not here."



"Uhh... Okay..."

The doorbell rang.

"Oh I'm sorry sweetie, Jake isn't here right now."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Sorry bout that."

"Oh it's okay, I'll just come by later or something."

"That's a good idea."

Dirk stared at the window in the corner of the house, watching as Jake's matted hair moved out of his view.

Little bastard. His eyes flicked back to Jane, who was walking to him, her shoulders slumped, defeated.

This was not part of the plan... Gotta think of something new... come on, Strider, you're never blind sighted like this! think of something!

She looked up at him, smiling sadly. "Hey. We tried. Wanna just go home?"

Oh. That works.


"Cool. We still have that plate of cookies... and we can watch a movie or something..."

"Sounds legit. Come on." He turned to his board, only to be jerked to a stop by her grabbing his hand with both of hers. He turned to her. "Hmm?"

Her face was both blushing and pale at the same time. "Uhh... let's walk."

He smiled, messing her hair up again.

"Sure thing, Crock-Pot."

She watched him as he flicked the board under his arm, and started walking down the street. She was still frozen in place, staring at him as he walked away. Finally, he turned to her. "You coming?"

She blinked a few times, and then quickly nodded, jogging to catch up with him.


He Smiled...