A/N: Be sure to read Hurricane if you haven't already, because if you don't this fic will make exactly zero sense!
Hey everyone! Feels great to be posting again. So as you may know,this will be a whole bunch of drabbles expanding on my previous WIP, "Hurricane". I can't promise consistent updates but I do have plenty of ideas (and I'm always open to prompts!) so I should be able to keep you entertained for a little while :) I hope you like it, thanks for reading!
Rating for this chapter: R.
They don't expect it to be easy. After all these years, this is by far the strangest version of their relationship in which they've ever been. Kurt still doesn't even know what they are - they live together, they raise Amelia together, they go on dates and they fuck and they're so in love Kurt doesn't even know what to do with it sometimes. But they don't say boyfriend or lover or partner. None of those describes just how deeply - and complicatedly - Kurt feels.
Not that it matters, when it comes down to it. They say I love you every day and mean it with all their hearts, and that's all that counts. Kurt has never liked labels, anyway.
So neither of them knows what they're doing half the time. Sometimes they tiptoe around each other because they don't know how to act, other times it's as easy as breathing. There are days when Blaine is more like a best friend than he is a boyfriend or whatever the fuck they are, and that's good, too. It's familiar, because that, at least, is how it's always been.
Like any other relationship, really.
Yes, there are moments when the open-endedness of this relationship scares Kurt. He likes to be one step ahead, to plan and prepare for every event. He needs control. But this is Blaine, who has been turning his life upside down every day for almost thirteen years now, changing him in ways both insignificant and mind-blowing, and changing along with him. Even when Kurt gets scared that it'll go wrong again, even when Blaine retreats back into himself where only Kurt can reach in and pull him back into the light, at least they're doing it together.
The beginning is rocky - not to say it all goes downhill immediately. They have their little honeymoon period, and it's sexy and fun and wonderful, and their little family is so happy that Kurt can hardly believe it's actually his life. But it's obvious things won't ever be simple. They've hurt each other too much for that, and there's only so far forgiveness can go. But they're trying, and they made it through the worst. If they can do that, they can get through anything.
Their first real fight is over something stupid that Kurt can't even remember afterwards - Blaine forgetting to cook dinner or do the laundry, something small that turns into something huge.
"You are such a bitch sometimes," Blaine shouts, voice cracking. "Just get off my back for one second!"
"Stop being so fucking sensitive!" Kurt snaps back, and Blaine stares at him in stunned silence for a moment before he scoffs, that sharp little laugh that means he's really angry, and turns away, slamming the door behind him on the way out.
He lets Blaine go, doesn't even want to look at Blaine right now. "Asshole," he mutters, scowling down at the half-cooked dinner he was trying to prepare before they got into a shouting match. He leaves it alone, too sick to eat. "Why do I even bother?"
But the minutes pass and Blaine doesn't come back in to apologize, and only then does Kurt actually think about what he'd said. Oh. His heart plummets. I'm the one who fucked up this time. Kurt was the one feeling stressed and bitchy, after a day of dealing with his useless co-workers and an unruly daughter who Blaine, for once, didn't have the patience to deal with so it all fell on Kurt. He was the one picking fights. Even though Blaine was being an asshole, Kurt could have walked away any time.
Blaine has fucked up so many times that Kurt just sort of assumes that he's in the wrong, but that's not always the case. It leaves Kurt with shame twisting in his gut and mostly he wants to call Blaine, wherever he went, and beg him to come back, but Blaine's phone is sitting on the countertop, taunting him.
What if he doesn't come back? What if Kurt screwed up too much and Blaine decides it isn't worth it and…
It takes half an hour for Kurt to stop being hurt. He knows this because that's what the clock reads when a tentative knock sounds on the door, snapping him out of his pity-party.
"Kurt?" Blaine calls from outside, sounding timid.
Kurt swallows, his throat still sore from shouting. He hadn't cried, but he had felt like it. "Yes?" He answers, voice wobbly in a way he hates to hear. He's just glad that Amelia is already in bed - she's sick with a stomach bug going around, part of the reason she'd been so hard to deal with all day - so that he doesn't have to answer her questions about what's happening.
"Um. I forgot my keys."
He can't help but smile, and he doesn't really know why - it's just so Blaine. He stands up and walks to the door. Blaine is disheveled, red-eyed, and embarrassed, but Kurt doesn't care. He's back, he didn't leave, so now Kurt can stop being afraid.
"Hi." He says shakily.
"Hi." Blaine looks down at the floor, scuffing the toe of his shoe on the doorstop. He bites his lip. "Um. I'm sorry."
Kurt throws his arms around Blaine's neck, making him stumble back a step before he steadies himself and returns the hug with just as much gusto. They sway in place, and Blaine tucks his face into Kurt's shoulder, fists clenching and unclenching in the fabric of Kurt's shirt. He's here and he's okay and he didn't leave, god, Kurt didn't even realize how scared he was until Blaine was gone. "I'm sorry," Blaine repeats hoarsely.
"It's okay, it's okay."
"It's not, I was being such a dick -"
"I know you were; so was I." Kurt shuts his eyes. "I'm sorry, too."
Blaine nods, lifting his head to look into Kurt's eyes. "I've just had the worst day; it's been a while since it was that bad. But I still shouldn't have yelled, it wasn't your fault."
"It was, though, and you were right, I was being a bitch. You weren't being too sensitive, I was just being mean. I…" Kurt bites his lip. "For a second there, I thought you were leaving." He whispers. He doesn't mean to say it, hates sounding so vulnerable, but then, it's Blaine. If there's anyone who can see him like this, it's Blaine.
Blaine's chin quivers, lips pursed tight. He doesn't cry, and Kurt's glad for that in a way that unsettles him; not only because he doesn't want Blaine to be sad but also because he doesn't want to see it. He's overwhelmed by the high-strung emotions of tonight as it is. In the grand scope of things, this fight is so insignificant, but he still hates it. "I wouldn't. I wouldn't just leave, god, how could I - I just needed to cool off, before I said anything I really regretted. I'm sorry."
He doesn't want Blaine to be sorry, though, not really. He cups Blaine's cheek in the palm of his hand, letting out a sigh when Blaine turns his head and presses a kiss to it. "I don't want to fight with you. I fucking hate it." More than that, it scares him - but that's good, in a way. It reminds him that this could be over in a second, and it could be his fault this time. It reminds him that he can break Blaine too, if he pushes too hard, and he's still not sure what Blaine's limit is.
Kurt doesn't suggest that they never fight again - he's not naïve anymore. Everyone fights, and even before everything went wrong, when their relationship was simpler, they had still fought. But he can't, honestly can't, think about things getting so bad that one of them leaves again. It's not an option; he doesn't think he could bear it, not again, not this time. It would be like ripping away a piece of him - the patches on his heart are only that, patches, and the stitches that keep him together can be torn away again so easily.
Blaine kisses him, soft and almost chaste, and Kurt lets himself melt into it, full-body relief. They're okay. They got through this one unscathed and they're going to be okay; no matter how bumpy the road gets it will never as insane as it used to be. "I love you," he says against Blaine's lips - and that, that right there is why he bothers, even when it's hard. That's why it's worth it. They might be making this up as they go along, but that doesn't make it any less important.
"I love you too." Blaine kisses at Kurt's neck, nose nuzzling at the skin there still cold from being outside, and Kurt shuts his eyes and thinks if you really left me I think I would die, there's too little of me left to take you away again, everything I am is yours. Blaine is all of him now, every inch of his messily patched heart. Blaine is his and he is Blaine's, and losing that again? It might kill him.
"Why didn't you tell me you were having such a bad day? I could have done something about it." Kurt says, making Blaine look back up at him.
Blaine pulls away a little, but he doesn't step out of Kurt's embrace. The door is shut behind him and the night air is a just chilly enough to raise goose bumps, but Blaine's arms are warm around him. "I didn't want to bother you. It's spring, you have your fashion week thing coming up, you're always so busy in the spring and I didn't want…"
He looks away. "I should be over it. I just hate that you still have to put up with me."
"I'm not. I'm not putting up with anything, okay?" He strokes his thumb down Blaine's neck and feels his pulse jump. "I'm with you because I want to be. And your problems are obviously not something you can just turn on and off. So I want you to tell me when you have a bad day, so that I can help, okay?" He doesn't think that's so unreasonable. They're in this together, so it's something they both have to deal with.
"I'll try." Blaine closes his eyes. "I just… I wish I knew how to make this easier."
"We always knew it wouldn't be. But we'll figure it out, we always do."
"I wouldn't leave, you know? Never. You don't have to worry about that."
"Good." He gives Blaine a quick kiss, then leans back again and adds with a smirk, "But you're still the most infuriating man on the entire planet."
That gets a laugh out of Blaine (much to Kurt's relief, if can be hard to tell if Blaine will find something funny or not from one day to the next), muffled into the crook of Kurt's neck. "And you're the most stubborn." Blaine's fingers trail up and down Kurt's spine, making Kurt sigh and arch his back to press closer, chest to chest, hips to hips. "But you love me." Blaine says, awed, like he's still not convinced that he really gets to have this. Well, Kurt is okay with spending extra time convincing him.
"Of course I love you." Because sometimes Blaine needs reminding. He steps back and grabs Blaine's hand, grinning as he pulls Blaine through the door and into the apartment. "Now let's kiss and make up."
Sometimes fighting is worth it because the making up is just so good.