A/N: Wow, I can't believe we're at the end already :( I really enjoyed writing this, even though it was painful at times. Thanks for those of you who gave this a chance, I appreciate your support more than you'll ever know.
Warning: Sex in this chapter.
Thanks again everyone :)
I don't own Glee.
I don't wanna admit that we're not gonna fit,
No I'm not the type that you like,
Why don't we just pretend?
Blaine kept his gaze fixed on the ceiling above his bed, much like he had for the majority of the almost seventy two hours since he'd stormed out of the Hummel's living room, leaving behind a confused and devastated-looking Kurt. Blaine hadn't cared about the look on his former boyfriend's face though. None of the pain and heartache that seemed to flash in his watery blue eyes the moment Blaine got up to leave could possibly compare to what Blaine was feeling within himself. It made him sick, thinking about Kurt and what he'd done to Blaine, but it made him feel even worse to think about how it was all over now. He'd finally set himself free from Kurt after it became painfully obvious that Kurt couldn't do it himself.
He'd hoped to feel better, finally being freed from the chains that had kept him tethered to Kurt these last few months. He'd hoped that without all the indecisiveness, the constant worry, (not over whether or not Kurt loved him, but over whether Kurt loved him as much as Blaine loved Kurt) that maybe he'd be able to really process all that had happened and move on.
So far, it wasn't looking good.
His parents were gone, having left a few weeks earlier to their summer cottage in Michigan and Blaine, for more than one reason, had decided to stay behind. He thought it would be the perfect opportunity to spend some real quality time with Kurt before he shipped off to New York. Now Blaine just let out a bitter laugh thinking about his stupid plans.
Kurt was home alone too, at least through the weekend. He'd mentioned that when he invited Blaine over for dinner and Blaine was almost able to hear the sly, sexy smile in his voice when he'd mentioned that detail. Why would he have done that? Why did Kurt suggest that Blaine pack an overnight bag, knowing what he was going to propose to Blaine after they ate? Was he stupid or just completely selfish and careless?
In reality, Blaine knew it wasn't any of those things. Despite all that Kurt had put him through, Blaine refused to take him off of the pedestal. Kurt was a lot of things, but most of them were things that Blaine adored. Even his catty comments to wait staff and the way he rolled his eyes when someone was telling him something he didn't want to hear. But Blaine's inability to see Kurt as the enemy was absolutely infuriating. He needed so much. He needed to forget about Kurt just as much as he needed to be consumed by him. It was all so confusing.
Blaine felt like he was dying. Every now and then he would shoot up in bed, gasping for air for some inexplicable reason. He hadn't slept for more than a few minutes at a time and he couldn't motivate himself to go downstairs to the fridge to eat anything. Something had to change.
As he was lying there, still staring at the ceiling, an idea came to him, and the second it latched on, he couldn't shake it. If he could just have one more night with Kurt, one more night of pretending everything was alright in order to get it out of his system, maybe then he could work through it. The idea didn't make any sense, and Blaine was cognizant of that fact, but he needed to try something. He'd left so quickly and in such a storm of emotions that if he had the chance to say a proper goodbye to their relationship, maybe it wouldn't be so hard to bury.
With a deep breath, Blaine forced himself up and out of the bed. He was going to go over there and hopefully get the closure he desperately needed.
The last few days had been absolute torture for Kurt. After Blaine stormed out of the house, he'd done the first thing he thought to do by calling Chandler. Chandler was great, talking him through everything and trying his best to calm Kurt down. Chandler was honest with him, which was something Kurt always admired about him. It had been a horrible plan, Kurt knew that now. And it hadn't been fair to either Blaine or Chandler for Kurt to do what he did. But Chandler at least recognized that he hadn't done it out of spite or hate for either one of them. He was afraid of losing either, and in the process of trying to keep them, he may have lost both. He'd definitely lost Blaine, Kurt determined, and after all this, he wasn't sure how Chandler would feel about him. In the moment, he was being a good friend to Kurt, but once the dust had settled, Kurt hoped he would still have Chandler to lean on.
After their conversation, they both agreed to take a break from talking for a little while, at least until they were both in New York. It was hard for Kurt. Now the two people he used to be able to count on weren't there any longer, however temporary the separation might be with Chandler. It was really Blaine that Kurt wanted and needed in those moments though. He craved the one person who knew him better than he even knew himself. He wanted the boy who'd given up everything to be with him. How could he have been so stupid? He wanted desperately to take back everything and would have given just about anything to have never even met Chandler if it meant he would get Blaine back, but that wasn't how things worked in real life. Blaine was gone and rightfully so. He was right when he'd told Kurt that no one deserved what Kurt had done to him. Even if Blaine forgave him and wanted to get back together at some point in the distant future, Kurt wasn't sure he could ever forgive himself enough to reward himself with Blaine's presence in his life ever again.
Kurt was interrupted from his thoughts by a tentative-sounding knock at the front door. With a furrowed brow, Kurt checked the time on the clock in the living room where he'd spent the majority of his time since the incident three days prior. It was almost eleven o'clock at night. Who could possibly be at the door at this time of night in this weather? There was a raging storm going on outside and lightning and thunderclaps were all that interrupted the steady downpour for the better part of an hour.
Kurt tiptoed to the window and opened the blinds slightly with his fingers. He drew in a sharp breath when he recognized Blaine's car out in the driveway under the floodlights. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to calm his racing heart before opening the front door.
"Hey," Blaine greeted simply in a gravelly voice. Kurt was taken aback by how tired and beaten the boy standing in front of him looked. As exhausted as Kurt felt, Blaine looked like he was feeling it a hundred times worse.
"Blaine," Kurt answered, surprise lacing his voice. "What are you—"
"Look, can I just come in?"
Kurt stood for a split second with his mouth hanging open before finally recovering enough to formulate an answer.
"Yeah, I mean yes, of course, um come in," Kurt stumbled over his words as he stood aside and opened the door wider.
Blaine was soaking wet from his head to his feet and the water, in combination with the fact that he hadn't bothered to gel his hair the last few days caused wet curls to plaster themselves to his forehead. At any other time, Blaine would have been rushing to the nearest hair dryer and hair care product, but he didn't really care about any of that anymore.
"Kurt," Blaine began speaking again, not waiting for Kurt to try to ask him again why he showed up on his doorstep at nearly midnight during the worst storm of the summer. "The last few days have been my worst nightmare. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can't stop thinking about you for one single second."
"I feel the same—"
"Don't," Blaine interrupted. "Just please…just listen. I hate what you've done to me. I was in a really good place at Dalton. I had a lot of really close friends and a place where I felt safe. And then you came along. And, Kurt, it was like I'd won the lottery. You were the best thing I could ever imagine happening to me. I allowed myself to fall completely in love with you. You were like a drug to me, and I would have done anything in the world for you. I did do everything in the world for you. I gave up my friends to follow you here, I alienated myself from my parents even more, I stopped having a life that didn't revolve completely around you."
Blaine paused for a moment as he took in Kurt's expression. It was like he was in front of the firing squad, hearing all of his trespasses placed on public record. Each word seemed to hit Kurt in a way that caused him to flinch, but at the same time, his expression told Blaine that he felt like he deserved everything he was hearing from him.
"I understand that people grow apart, Kurt," he continued. "The thing with Chandler…if it hadn't happened with him, it would have probably happened with someone else when you got to New York, I understand that now. But you had the chance to be honest with me, to break up with me when you felt yourself pulling away. It wasn't fair of you to ask so much of me when you had no intention of giving just as much back. Maybe you've already started something with Chandler in the last few days—"
"No actually," Kurt interrupted this time. "We aren't even talking right now."
Blaine was surprised at this news, but he didn't let it lead him off his path.
"Well, whatever happens, despite the way you've made me feel, I really do want the best for you. I just…I've never asked you for anything Kurt, but I need something from you now."
Kurt cocked his head to the side. He had no idea what he could possibly do for Blaine after all the damage he'd caused, but he was eager to oblige Blaine in anything he asked.
"Anything, Blaine," he answered with wide eyes. At this point he really would do anything just to alleviate a small amount of the pain he'd inflicted.
"Can we…God, I don't even know how to ask this," Blaine shook his head and let out a humorless laugh before starting over. "Can we just have one more night? Can we pretend that none of this ever happened just once more? And then I'll go."
Was Blaine asking what Kurt thought he was?
"Blaine, I'm not sure—"
"Please Kurt," Blaine begged, his voice wavering with vulnerability for the first time since he'd come in from the rain. "I have to have some kind of closure with you and I don't know how else to do it."
Kurt searched Blaine's face, not even sure of what he was looking for. Blaine looked desperate, embarrassed and slightly angry all at once.
"Okay," he agreed lightly with a small nod. "Yeah, of course."
Kurt hardly knew what he was agreeing to, but was surprised when he found Blaine kissing him hard on the lips. He felt the water from Blaine's clothes soaking into his own as he pulled Kurt close to him, not seeming to care that he was getting Kurt wet. Within a few seconds, Blaine's tongue was eagerly reaching out and begging Kurt to let him in. Kurt obliged, opening his mouth to Blaine and quickly falling into the familiar rhythm of how their mouths worked together.
Blaine was working more frantically than usual, and had it not been for the circumstances, Kurt would have chalked it up to passion and excitement. But this side of Blaine was unknown to him. It was needy, frantic and bordering on painful, if Kurt had to label it. He let his eyes flutter open and was surprised to see how hard Blaine's were squeezed shut. He looked like he was enduring it rather than enjoying it.
Kurt didn't have a lot of time to reflect on it though. After a few minutes of exploring Kurt's mouth with his tongue, Blaine was reaching down to hoist Kurt into the air. Kurt wrapped his legs around Blaine's waist like so many times before, only this time he couldn't predict what might happen next. Something so familiar, yet so unpredictable was occurring and all Kurt could do was wait and see what would happen next.
Blaine carried Kurt all the way upstairs to Kurt's room, throwing the door open and laying him gently on the bed, never breaking contact with Kurt's mouth. Finally he pulled back long enough to strip off his wet jacket and tee shirt before diving back in. He yanked Kurt's shirt up roughly, exposing his stomach and chest. Kurt moaned softly as Blaine began sucking and kissing on the sensitive areas by his collar bone and hips. He could feel himself growing hard despite how bizarre and out of place everything felt. It didn't help that he could feel how hard Blaine was against him through the wet denim.
Blaine continued kissing and sucking on Kurt's chest as Kurt finished taking his shirt off and threw it to the ground. As if remembering his ultimate goal at this gesture, Blaine began blindly removing his own pants and briefs before helping Kurt with his. They were both fully unclothed now, and Blaine was moving his hands frantically up and down Kurt's body, squeezing and rubbing everywhere he could think to touch him. Kurt's cock began to throb painfully as he silently begged Blaine to pay it some sort of attention, but he knew better than to ask aloud.
Finally Blaine removed his mouth from Kurt's stomach long enough to crawl over him to the bedside table where he knew Kurt kept their lube. Kurt watched in anticipation as Blaine squeezed a liberal portion onto his fingers and coated them evenly. He could already feel his muscles relaxing as they anticipated Blaine's entrance into him. Blaine made his way back to the edge of the bed and coaxed Kurt to raise his hips. As he sucked on a sensitive spot on Kurt's inner thigh, he allowed one finger to slip into his former boyfriend. It went in a lot easier than usual and Blaine wondered in the back of his mind if it's because Kurt had never been this turned on before. This definitely wasn't like any of their past scheduled 'make-out sessions.'
He only had to maneuver his finger in and around a few times before Kurt was asking him to add more. With one swift motion, Blaine pulled out with one finger and re-entered with two, earning a sharp intake of breath from Kurt. He moved in and out shallowly, making extra sure not to get anywhere near Kurt's prostate. Blaine didn't know why, but he didn't want Kurt to feel that good. Not yet, anyway. He spent the next few minutes stretching Kurt and rubbing his other hand over Kurt's body before Kurt signaled him for a third. As he added another finger, he captured Kurt's nipple in his mouth, biting harder than he would have preferred himself, but knowing it was exactly what Kurt wanted.
"Blaine," he breathed heavily, moving his hand to touch himself since it was apparent that Blaine had no intention of doing so himself just yet. Blaine felt the movement underneath him and swatted Kurt's hand away.
"No," he grunted simply, and returned his mouth's attention to Kurt's now-swollen nipple. Kurt's eyes began to water with the anticipation and the lack of contact with both his cock and his prostate. It almost felt like Blaine was punishing him.
Blaine didn't wait for Kurt to tell him he was ready. They'd done this enough times for Blaine to know by touch when Kurt was prepared enough. Keeping his fingers moving slightly inside of Kurt, he took the bottle of lube with his other hand and poured it on his own cock, not caring that it was dripping everywhere on Kurt's sheets. Putting the bottle down, he ran his hand up and down his cock to coat it, a few more times than really necessary, before removing his other hand from Kurt and lining himself up.
For a short moment, neither of them moved, or even breathed. Blaine was staring directly into Kurt's eyes and Kurt was incapable of turning away. Right before he pushed into Kurt, Blaine again squeezed his eyes shut, and Kurt was almost hurt by the look on his face. When they were kissing before, Blaine had looked distressed with his eyes closed so tightly. Now he looked like he was in pain. The way in which he moved in and out of Kurt was so different from when they made love in the past. It still felt amazing, but Kurt was having a hard time enjoying himself when Blaine was so clearly doing this out of need rather than desire.
After what felt like a lifetime, Blaine finally moved deep enough to come in contact with Kurt's prostate. Kurt let out an involuntary moan and pushed himself into Blaine each time he pulled back. Kurt knew Blaine was close when he reached down and with fluid movements began stroking Kurt's cock.
"I'm gonna come," Kurt announced breathlessly, as he always had in the past, and with a few more strokes, he was coming undone, moaning deeply with each spasm. Usually Blaine was close behind Kurt, but this time he kept his same steady rhythm long after Kurt had finished.
Kurt waited longer than he usually would to express his discomfort with the oversensitivity, but it didn't seem like Blaine had an end in sight. It was almost as if Blaine didn't want it to end. As if he knew it was the last time and still wasn't ready to let go.
"Please, Blaine," he finally whispered, wincing each time Blaine rocked slowly into him. Blaine didn't reply, but reluctantly sped up, moving quicker and with more force each time. Kurt bit his bottom lip hard as he watched the boy above him who still hadn't opened his eyes for a single second since entering him. After what seemed like a life time, Blaine's hips finally began to stutter and with a small gasp, Kurt could feel Blaine fill him up inside. Blaine rode it out, not with his usual long, slow movements, but with uncharacteristically short, stabbing motions.
Finally spent, Blaine remained inside of Kurt for a few minutes while Kurt watched him.
"Look at me," Kurt requested, hurt and confused as to why Blaine seemed incapable of such a simple thing. He could see the muscles in Blaine's face fight for dominance and he could almost picture Blaine's internal dialogue as he fought with himself to honor or disregard Kurt's request. After several awkward seconds, Blaine's eyes squinted open as he slowly withdrew himself from Kurt. Kurt wasn't sure what to do next. He didn't know if he should try to talk to Blaine and ultimately he decided to wait for Blaine's cue.
Blaine rolled over and stood up from the bed, making his way to the bathroom en suite in silence. Kurt sat up himself and reached into the bedside table to pull out a fresh hand towel from the supply he kept there. He wiped himself off and waited for Blaine to finish in the bathroom before going in himself to clean up. Usually, he wouldn't bother waiting, but this was anything but usual. Blaine stumbled out wordlessly a few minutes later, not surprisingly avoiding eye contact with Kurt. Kurt brushed it off the best he could and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him softly.
By the time he came back out several minutes later, Blaine was fast asleep in the bed, still naked. Kurt shut off the light and climbed in behind him, wrapping his own naked body around Blaine's. He wasn't sure if it was what Blaine wanted, but he risked it anyway. Within a few minutes Kurt was asleep himself, sleeping soundly for the first time in days.
Kurt's eyes squinted open in the bright sunlight that was pouring into the room. He was disoriented for a few moments, unsure of when he went to bed or how he got there. Within a few minutes, however, he remembered all the events of the night before and with his eyes closed again, he began blindly searching for Blaine in the bed next to him. He was met with empty, balled-up sheets though and he was finally forced to open his eyes again as he confirmed visually what he already knew.
Blaine was gone.
Kurt sat up and scanned the room. Maybe he was just in the bathroom, he reasoned. But Blaine's clothes were gone from the floor and when he stumbled over to his window, he was only a little surprised to find Blaine's car absent from the driveway. Kurt tried to keep the tears from gathering in his eyes, but it was no use. He hated himself for allowing himself to drift off to sleep with the small hope that he and Blaine would be able to work everything out after all.
That was never a possibility. Not to Blaine anyway. And now Kurt knew it. He sat back down on his bed and cried softly for the love he'd so selfishly toyed with, wishing more than ever that he could go back in time and change everything.