Its official...God hates me. If he wants me to be Michael's vessel so badly why does he keep reminding me of all I've lost? It just had to be this song...

And even as I wander

I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the window

On a cold, dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars, forever

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

I miss her. Man this song brings back memories...

I remember her walking over to the jukebox and selecting this song. I gave her a funny look upon hearing her song choice. "What?" she had asked curiously. "REO Speedwagon?" I had asked incredulously, raising one eyebrow. "Damn right, REO, Kevin Cronin sings it from the heart" she had replied defensively, a sense of pride etched into her features. "He sings it from the hair—there's a difference." I had corrected with a smirk, taking a drink of my beer.

I remember the look on Sam's face when I began singing the song in the car after we left The Roadhouse.

"You're kidding right?" Sam had asked seriously. "I heard the song somewhere. I can't get it outta my head. I don't know, man" I had replied, brushing off the fact that I was singing music played by a band that I couldn't stand. I left out that the fact that the song had just been playing in The Roadhouse and that I wasn't singing the song because I liked it; I was singing it because she liked it.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Sam. "You okay?" he asked me concerned. "I'm fine" I replied a little too quickly. Sam looked like he was going to call me out but simply shrugged and left the room. Of course I wasn't fine; her death was on my hands. She never would have been attacked by those damn Hellhounds if I wouldn't have bit the pavement, if I would have watched my footing. Visions of her being shredded by the Hellhounds permeate my dreams every night. I wish it would've been me. She sacrificed herself for me, I should be happy...but I'm not. I'm miserable.

She never knew this but I admired her. She was filled with such determination, spunk, charisma and courage, more than me at times. She knew she wasn't going to live...we all knew if we were being honest with ourselves. So what does she do? She detonates a bomb from the inside, killing the Hellhounds and herself in the process. Her mother stayed by her side loyally and sacrificed herself too, as if we hadn't lost enough. And then there were two.

It's both a blessing and a curse, our kiss during our last moments together. A blessing because she knew how I felt and a curse because I'm left to pick up the pieces. I put everything I had into that kiss, every fibre of my being, in hopes that somehow she would change her mind and at least try to live. It was always like her to be the hero, to risk herself to save others: to save me. Her mother's words haunt me to this day "Don't miss" she warned with a small smile. And what did we do? We missed!

"Jo" I choked, tears streaming down my face. I've been in love with her since we met, gun pressed against my back.

I know it's too late but I can't fight this feeling anymore.