A Galaxy Far, Far Away
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis or any of the Stargate franchise. I am just playing in the universe and am not making any money from this.
John Sheppard walked into the mess hall and casually looked around; the room was only about a quarter full. At this time of the night you were either up really late or very early, depending on your point of view. Sheppard was up late, sick and tired of filling out reports he had decided to take a break and if that break was to consist of a late supper or early breakfast than so be it. Anything was better than trying to explain to the IOA his decision making process yet again.
Pencil pushing bureaucrats wouldn't know how to handle a dangerous situation if it jumped up and tried to suck the life right out of their chests. Second guessing and hindsight were all good and fine when you were in another galaxy altogether.
Grumbling to himself Sheppard picked up a tray and began wandering along the buffet.
As he grabbed the last of the cookies Sheppard noticed McKay walk into the room, the doctor's head barely visible over the edge of his ever present laptop completely oblivious to the world. Sheppard grinned to himself, nice to know he wasn't the only one of his team still up. Speaking of which, he had noticed Ronon seated off by himself. Deciding it looked better to sit with company than alone Sheppard picked up his tray and walked over.
'Mind if I sit here?' he asked.
Ronon just ignored Sheppard and continued eating his large mound of potatoes and gravy.
'I'll take that as a yes, then.' Sheppard sat down and picking up his fork began poking about his plate, trying to decide where to start.
If anything Ronon's shovelling of food seemed to get faster.
'Easy there, Chewie, you'll give yourself heartburn.' Sheppard said, spearing a small unidentifiable piece of vegetable off his plate. 'Do you have any idea what this is supposed to be?'
Ronon grunted and slammed down his fork on the table. He looked up and glared at Sheppard through his dreadlocks. 'Do you think it's funny?'
Sheppard waved the fork a little. 'I think it's a funny colour, don't know many vegetables that should be purple like this.'
Ronon stood up, his chair sliding backwards with the force of his movement. He leant over the table towards Sheppard. 'You think I'm just some kind of animal.'
Sheppard dropped his fork, shocked. 'What?'
Ronon stood to his full height, fists clenching and unclenching. 'I thought we were friends.'
What the hell was that all about? Sheppard watched as Ronon turned to stalk away. 'Specialist Dex!' Sheppard snapped in his best commanding officer tone. 'Sit down and explain yourself.'
Reluctantly Ronon turned back and sat down, scowling.
It was amazing how the right tone of voice worked on the military mind no matter where you were.
'Right,' Sheppard crossed his arms. 'What the hell was that all about?'
'You called me Chewie.'
'Okay,' Sheppard picked up his cup of coffee and took a small sip before putting it back down, as it was still too hot to comfortably drink. 'It's not the first time, so what?'
'I saw the movie.'
Ronon nodded. 'I know who this Chewie is now. You think I'm some sort of large dumb animal.'
'What's all this about a dumb animal?' Doctor Rodney McKay sat down at the table with an overburdened tray, his laptop tucked under his arm, seemingly oblivious to the current of emotion surrounding his team mates.
Of all the lousy timing. Sheppard looked across at McKay silently wishing him elsewhere.
McKay shoved a handful of fries into his mouth. It looked like Rodney had managed to sample just about everything in the buffet, except for the fruit section . . . no, on second thought Sheppard was pretty sure he saw a banana buried somewhere under that mound on his tray. It was amazing the amount of food the scientist could eat. Sheppard honestly believed that Ronon and McKay had some sort of unspoken competition going on as to who could eat the most in one sitting.
'Rodney,' Sheppard sighed, 'we're kinda in the middle of something here.'
Rodney waved away the words. 'Don't mind me, carry on.' He looked over at Sheppard's tray. 'Are those cookies? Where did you get the cookies?'
Sheppard just sighed and pushed his tray over to Rodney's side of the table. 'Look, Ronon,' he began, 'I don't know where you got this idea, but you know who Chewie really is right?'
'Chewie?' Rodney picked up Sheppard's cookies dropping all but one of them onto his tray. 'I thought we were talking about animals?'
Sheppard ignored the scientist. 'Chewie is Han Solo's right hand man, he's the guy Solo depends on to get him out of any fix. They're a team, Ronon, like we're a team.'
Ronon relaxed a little back into his chair. 'You don't think he's an animal?'
'You know biologically speaking we're all animals,' Rodney said around a mouthful of cookie. 'At least that's what Carson likes to say; personally I think some of us are better than others.' He tapped the side of his head. 'From a cerebral point of view, of course.'
'Shut up, McKay.' Sheppard said, absently. 'We're a team, Ronon, and yeah you and Chewie might be big, scary looking and kinda hairy. But that's it, buddy, that's all you have in common. Besides Chewbacca isn't an animal, he's a Wookie. It's like saying that scientists aren't people because they're nerds.'
'Hey!' Rodney spluttered. 'Why am I a nerd when you're the one going on about Star Wars?'
'Because you are.' Ronon said, his lips starting to twitch in what passed as a smile for the Satedan. 'Do you really think I'm scary looking?' he asked Sheppard.
'Well, yeah, that was one of the reasons I hounded you to join us. That and you make the rest of us look even cooler.'
'How could we possibly look any cooler than we already are?' Rodney asked. 'Wait, wait, wait.' He clicked his fingers several times. 'You think you're Han Solo!'
Sheppard had the grace to look a little uncomfortable. 'What?'
Rodney turned to look fully at Sheppard. 'If Ronon is Chewie and you're a team, then that means you think you're Han Solo.'
Sheppard cleared his throat and reached for his coffee. 'Well since you put it like that.'
Ronon looked from Sheppard to Rodney. 'Makes sense to me.'
'No it doesn't,' Rodney complained. 'They're nothing alike.'
'They're both pilots,' Ronon pointed out.
Sheppard nodded. 'Right and we both have a devil may care attitude,' he began ticking off the points on his fingers, 'we're slightly anti-establishment and don't take crap from nobody. We're handy in a fight and are very loyal to our friends.'
'You forgot scruffy looking.' Rodney added.
Sheppard mocked scowled. 'Who's scruffy looking?' he ran a hand through his hair. 'I work very hard for this look.'
'You do?' Ronon said.
'Yes I do!'
'I just figured if you were going to pick a Star Wars character you'd be Luke Skywalker.' Rodney said picking up a slice of toast.
'Why?' asked Sheppard.
'Because Skywalker was a really good pilot and he had the Force while you have the ATA gene. He could use his special abilities to do things others couldn't and so can you.'
'So you think I'm a really good pilot?' Sheppard asked.
'No!' Rodney retorted quickly. 'I think you're an okay pilot, Luke Skywalker was the really good one.'
Sheppard thought about if for a moment. 'Nah, Solo is way cooler than Skywalker.'
Ronon nodded his agreement.
'Well fine,' Rodney tried to be casual, 'in that case I'm going to be –'
'You're not Luke Skywalker, Rodney.' Sheppard said.
'Why not! I've got the ATA gene, I've got the Force.'
Sheppard just shook his head.
'Fine, then I'm going to be Yoda.'
Sheppard just laughed.
'Who's Yoda?' Ronon asked.
'Short little guy that talks funny. Bit of a teacher, full of home-spun twaddle.' Sheppard clicked his fingers. 'Beckett's Yoda.'
'Oh come on!'
Several people turned to look at the trio, but when they saw it was just another patented Rodney McKay outburst they turned back to their meals.
'I can't be Luke but Carson gets to be Yoda?'
'Pretty much,' Sheppard said.
Rodney huffed and crossed his arms angrily. 'Who am I supposed to be then?'
Sheppard looked across at Ronon and winked. 'C3PO.'
Shocked silence met that answer as Ronon began to chuckle.
'And,' Sheppard delivered the coup de grace, 'Zelenka is R2D2.'
'Are you insane?' Rodney finally found his voice. 'I am not C3PO.'
'The whiny metal robot?' Ronon said.
'Droid,' Sheppard corrected, 'and it makes perfect sense. What are the most scientific characters in the movies, the droids. They are founts of information, they fix things, and they get in the way during gun battles.' Sheppard gestured about the room. 'They're the scientists.'
'I am going to kill you,' Rodney muttered. 'Just remember this moment the next time you desperately need my help and I refuse.'
Ronon slapped Rodney on the shoulder. 'Could be worse.'
Ronon shrugged. 'Do you see any Wraith?'
Rodney actually looked about before answering. 'No.'
Ronon made a gesture as if to say "There you go, then."
Sheppard absently chewed on some salad. 'We still don't have a Luke Skywalker, though.'
'How about Major Lorne?' Ronon suggested.
Sheppard nodded in agreement. 'That could work. They're both pilots and he's got the gene.'
'Of course,' Rodney mimed thumping his head on the table. 'Choose Lorne to be Skywalker over me. It just keeps getting better and better and who should be Princess Leia?'
Sheppard shifted a little in his seat. 'I figured that would be Teyla. They're both fighters and leaders of their respective people, it makes sense.'
'Yeah it makes a lot of sense, Han.' Rodney muttered.
'What's he talking about?' Ronon asked.
Sheppard jumped in before Rodney could open his mouth. 'Rodney,' he warned, 'Ronon hasn't seen that one yet.'
'Oh please spoil all my fun,' Rodney slumped down in his seat. 'Hey, what about Elizabeth?'
'Yeah what about Elizabeth?' Sheppard wondered. 'There's not many female characters in Star Wars to choose from and don't say Padme Amidala because she's just another version of Leia and while Elizabeth is a good leader and diplomat she's not that much of a fighter.'
'How many of these movies are there?' Ronon asked, as he reached across the table and stole a hamburger off Rodney's plate.
'Hey, I was eating tha!'
'No, you weren't,' Ronon replied before taking a big mouthful of burger.
'I was going to!' Rodney whined.
'How many movies?' Ronon repeated to distract McKay from his lost food.
'Six,' Rodney replied. 'But only the first three count.'
'Except technically although they're the first three to be made, they're the last three of the movies.' Sheppard pointed out absently. 'And the last three are the first.'
'Huh?' Ronon said.
'Prequels.' Rodney explained. 'Thank you George Lucas for giving us Jar Jar Binks and Midiclorians, don't get me started on the Midiclorians.'
'Okay.' Ronon finished off the burger and began eyeing off Rodney's plate for something else.
Rodney pulled his tray closer to his side of the table and huddled over it.
John had been thinking about who Weir might be when he clicked his fingers. 'Mon Mothma, Elizabeth is Mon Mothma.'
Ronon shook his head. 'I don't know that one.'
'She had a small part right about the time they were talking about attacking the second Death Star in Jedi.' Sheppard said. 'Brunette, calm and all regal like. Real leader type, that's who Elizabeth is Mon Mothma.'
Rodney nodded. 'Yeah, yeah that could work.'
'And,' Sheppard grinned at the thought. 'Caldwell is Admiral Ackbar!'
'Bald, opinionated, thinks he's in charge of everything,' Rodney laughed. 'At least he finally got that promotion he was looking for.'
'Okay I get all these characters,' Ronon said. 'But what about the Wraith, who are they?'
'Easy,' Rodney said. 'They're the Stormtroopers.'
'And the Queens are all Darth Vader.' Sheppard added.
'Wait,' Rodney said. 'If the Queens are Darth Vader, then who is the Emperor?'
'One Wraith to rule them all?' Sheppard wondered.
'Oh that's a whole other list of characters,' Rodney complained. 'If we're starting on those then I definitely want to be Gan –'
Sheppard held up one finger to halt Rodney's line of thinking as he tapped his earpiece. 'Go.'
Ronon and Rodney saw the Colonel tense up as he received a message.
'Wake Elizabeth and Beckett, we're on our way.' Sheppard tapped his earpiece and stood up. 'Time to go.'
'What?' Rodney looked dejectedly at his tray of food. 'But I've barely started eating!'
'Oh I'm sorry,' Sheppard sounded anything but, 'I'll try to schedule our next emergency around your lunch break. Now move it!'
Ronon was already heading across the mess hall as Sheppard turned to follow him. Rodney took a few steps after them but hurried back for his laptop. Staring at his tray he scooped up the cookies and dropped them into a pocket before hesitating over the rest of the food. Looking across the room at the departing backs of Sheppard and Ronon, Rodney dithered over choosing between a large slice of cake or the small mountain of waffles before him. Spying a napkin tucked under Sheppard's plate he wrapped up the piece of cake and tucked it next to the cookies in his pocket before picking up two waffles and stuffing one into his mouth.
'McKay!' Sheppard's annoyed yell drifted back at him.
'Coming!' Rodney mumbled around a mouthful of food and hurried out of the room.