There's an Owl in the Chimney

(to the melody of There's a Hole in the Bucket)

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There's an owl stuck in the chimney
In the chimney, in the chimney
There's an owl stuck in the chimney
Oh Schultzie – an owl!

Then sweep out the chimney
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan
Then sweep out the chimney
Colonel Hogan – sweep it out!

With what shall we sweep it
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie
With what shall we sweep it
Dear Schultzie – with what?

With a broomstick, little Cockroach
Little Cockroach, little Cockroach
With a broomstick, little Cockroach
Little Cockroach – with a broom!

But the broomstick is broken
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie
But the broomstick is broken
Dear Schultzie – kaput!

Then fix it, little Cockroach
Little Cockroach, little Cockroach
Then fix it, little Cockroach
Little Cockroach – just fix it!

With what shall we fix it
Oh Schultzie, oh Schultzie
With what shall we fix it
Oh Schultzie – with what?

Wind some rope around the broomstick
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan
Wind some rope around the broomstick
Colonel Hogan – some rope!

Now where is the rope then
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie
Now where is the rope then
Dear Schultzie – yes, where?

In the toolshed, little Cockroach
Little Cockroach, little Cockroach
In the toolshed, little Cockroach
Little Cockroach – in the shed!

We've looked, but there's no rope left
In the toolshed, in the toolshed
We've looked, but there's no rope left
In the toolshed – no rope!

Then buy some, little Cockroach
Little Cockroach, little Cockroach
Then buy some, little Cockroach
Little Cockroach – buy some rope!

Where does one buy rope then
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie
Where does one buy rope then
Dear Schultzie – yes, where?

In Hamelburg, little Cockroach
Little Cockroach, little Cockroach
In Hamelburg, little Cockroach
Little Cockroach – in town!

Will you let me escape then
To Hamelburg, to Hamelburg
Will you let me escape then
Just to buy some more rope?

No one ever escapes here
Bad Cockroach, bad Cockroach
No one ever escapes from
Our Stalag 13!

Then you will have to buy rope
Yes, Schultzie, yes, Schultzie
Then you will have to buy rope
Yes, Schultzie – you will!

It's against regulations
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan
It's against regulations
To help you at all

How about a slice of Strudel
Sweet Strudel, sweet Strudel
How about a slice of Strudel
If you get me some rope?

Oh yummy, Apfelstrudel!
Apfelstrudel! Apfelstrudel!
Oh yummy, Apfelstrudel!
I will have some right now!

But where do I bake Strudel
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie
But where do I bake Strudel
Dear Schultzie – yes, where?

In the woodstove you bake Strudel
Sweet Strudel, sweet Strudel
In the woodstove you bake Strudel
And I want it right now!

But the woodstove isn't working
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie
But the woodstove isn't working
Dear Schultzie – it's not!

What's wrong then with the woodstove
What's wrong then, what's wrong then
What's wrong then with the woodstove
Little Cockroach – what's wrong?

There's an owl stuck in the chimney
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie
There's an owl stuck in the chimney
Dear Schultzie – an owl!

I'll go and fetch the broomstick
Of the Kommandant's, of the Kommandant's
I'll go and fetch the broomstick
Of the Kommandant's – right now!

Won't the Kommandant be angry
Dear Schultzie, dear Schultzie
Won't the Kommandant be angry
Dear Schultzie – what then?

I will say it's for the mess hall
For the mess hall, for the mess hall
I will say it's for the mess hall
Then the Kommandant won't mind!

You would lie to your Kommandant
Oh Schultzie, oh Schultzie
You would lie to your Kommandant
Oh Schultzie – oh no!

It's not such a big lie
Just a little one, just a little one
It's not such a big lie
Just a little one – that's fine!

But you also accepted bribery
Yes, bribery, yes, bribery
But you also accepted bribery
Yes, bribery – today!

I know nothing about bribery
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan
I know nothing about bribery
Colonel Hogan – no, I don't!

You said you'd buy rope
For some Strudel, yes, you did, Schultz
You said you'd buy rope
For some Strudel – you did!

How come I always get in trouble
When I talk to you, when I talk to you
How come I always get in trouble
Colonel Hogan – yes, why?

Would you like me to help you
Out of trouble, out of trouble
Would you like me to help you
Out of trouble – yes or no?

Ach, bitte, Colonel Hogan
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan
Ach, bitte, Colonel Hogan
What d'you want me to do?

Let me go and buy rope
In Hamelburg, in Hamelburg
Let me go and buy rope
In Hamelburg today!

Won't the Kommandant be angry
Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan
Won't the Kommandant be angry
Colonel Hogan – what then?

That's why you'll see nothing
Hear nothing, know nothing
That's why you'll say nothing
And he'll never know!

I promise I'll see nothing
And hear nothing, and know nothing
I promise I'll know nothing
No, nothing at all!

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The End