Hurt

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The great tragedy is not death but what dies inside of you while you are living.

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I dream of a world of visible words, where Italics and bold can emphasize what I'm trying to say. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I feel that a thousand is too many. Just place two simple words next to it, like 'extravagant' or 'beautiful' and that shall be enough.

But all dreams end eventually, and I must wake up to the reality that words spoken will never be visible and you will never understand how much the words I say really mean. Written letters to you are not good enough, as you always said that face to face conversations were the way to go. But you don't want to hear me, and reality hurts.

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I dream of a world in color, vibrant green grass we used to sit on and clear blue skies we would sit under. They say that people are happier when they see brighter colors, but I liked darker colors better. Colors are still colors, it's just that forest green is a little different than lime green.

But all dreams end eventually, and I must wake up to the reality that the world is black and white and you will never understand that colors mean nothing anymore. I dyed my poofy hair black and I threw my jean shorts and pink shoestrings away. I've been told that my new plaid skirt is red, but I honestly cannot tell. But you don't want to see me, and reality hurts.

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I dream of a world filled with flowers, as far as the eye can see in every yard and field. They say that flowers represent many meaningful things, but there were too many to keep track of that I could only remember the rose, which was my favorite. It'll always look of an early Spring even in Winter, because the flowers won't wilt in the cold.

But all dreams end eventually, and I must wake up to the reality that the flowers don't grow anymore, and you will never understand how much those flowers meant to me. I hoped that maybe I could see just one more rose slowly grow from a bud into a beautiful bush. But you never gave me one, and reality hurts.

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I dream of a world where I am truly happy, where my smile is as bright as the sun and you are there smiling with me. They say that people are better off alone, but I always feared being alone and you were there for me when I needed you. There are many different ways to measure happiness, but I didn't need a ruler or a scale to know that you were my happiness. And you told me I was yours.

But all dreams end eventually, and I must wake up to the reality that I am not happy and I never will be. I have fallen so far into depression, there is no climbing out. I wake up from my false dreams every night tired and cold and angry, angry that I even woke up. I don't want to face reality because it hurts, I just want to dream forever where the words I speak show up in a silly Comic Sans font when I'm happy and there won't ever have to be another font because I'll always be happy, and where the colors are amazing and ever-changing because maybe I decided that the trees should be purple and the sky should be orange, and where the flower Pokémon blanket the world in beautiful roses and cherry blossoms while they Petal Dance. It will be a wonderful world and you will be right there beside me.

They say that dreams can come true, but dreams don't come true no matter what anyone says. Because I believed you and trusted you and you said you'd always care no matter what, but you lied to me and you hurt me. You told me that I was the one that hurt you, and that doesn't even make any sense because I was always there for you, but you won't even listen to how you hurt me. I've been hurt all my life and all I had were my dreams to make me happy. But when we became friends and even more than that, everything changed and I didn't believe that I could ever be sad again.

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I dream of a world where death doesn't exist, and people live forever in peace and happiness. Tears don't exist because no one is sad, and dreams don't exist because no one needs them; everyone's ambitions have already come true.

But my dreams don't have to end, because death is just like sleeping forever, right?