A Leap of Faith
A/N: So, I hope you liked the last chapter - I really liked it. I've been laying the foundation for Ben and Alex's relationship and I'm going to try and do stuff that moves it along. I want their relationship to be as innocent as possible. But it's kinda hard to have that when they're in a post-apocalyptic world - so tell me how I do. After prompting from a wonderful reviewer(you know who you are), I'm attempting to take as long as I can to get to season finale. I don't want to stop after that episode, but I probably will. Of course, between my huge pauses between chapters and how long it takes for me to write them, it'll be a while. Think of it this way: the longer I make you wait, the longer this story goes on.
Warning: There is mention of depression and a suicide attempt. So, if you can't read that, I'm putting this: ** at the start and end of that little section. I know that stuff like that is a trigger for some people, so I feel I should tell people if anything could set them off.
Disclaimer: I don't own Falling Skies, though I have had dreams about it. Karen is freekin' creepy! I also don't own Harry Potter - and I've dreamt about that too. (Having a basilisk kill Snape in front of you when you're at Hogwarts is a scarring experience.)
When night fell, everyone found a place to sleep for the night. We made a lot of progressing during the day and everyone was sore from walking. Of course, I wasn't going to sleep even if I was able to avoid nightmares. My thoughts were racing. Why in the world had I felt that the song I sang was a mistake? Why had I blushed when Ben called me cute? Right now, nothing made sense. I laid back against a the trunk of a tree, staring at the sky. I could never not be amazed at how many stars you could see when there were no city lights. I heard someone climbing the tree after a little bit and realized it was Ben. "Hey."
"Hey, mind if I sit?"
"Yes. Leave my tree." I maintained a serious expression until he seemed genuinely concerned, then turned it into a wry smile. "I'm kidding. You don't take jokes very well do you?"
"Living in a world where aliens have invaded changes a person." He sat down on my branch, just a little ways in front of me.
"That it does Ben, that it does."
"I remember I was half-way through the last Harry Potter book when the aliens came. My dad was reading it to me. It was pretty stupid, but it was what we did together."
"I don't think it's stupid - I would've loved to do that with my dad. He was always working."
"What'd he do?"
"I… I don't remember. I don't remember a lot about what my life was pre-invasion. I remember my house, my family, my friends, my school, but not little details. The names, the voices, and the faces of a lot of the people I knew are gone. I don't remember my last name anymore."
"Would you recognize your brothers of you saw them?"
"I'd know them even if they were completely Skitter. But if I don't find them soon, they're going to start fading. I don't want to lose them. I wish I had a picture of them… "
"What'd they look like?"
"Well, they were faternal, so they didn't look to much alike. Matthew was the sweetest kid ever. He had these really big blue eyes that could make anyone melt. He would've broken a lot of hearts. He had this light blonde hair that looked like it belonged to Draco Malfoy."
"Yep. And then there was Mark. He had eyes the color of chocolate and really dark hair."
"You sure they were twins?"
"Mark took after my Dad, and Matthew and I look like our Mom."
"So who's older?"
"Matthew, by two minutes. They came up with a secret language to talk to each other with - they only let me in on it after I swore I wouldn't tell anyone. My parents still don't know what my brothers and I were saying."
"What were you saying?"
"Now that would be telling." We both smiled at this and I felt his hand grab mine. I immediately pulled it away.
"Hey, what's wrong? What did I do?"
**"It's not you, I'm sorry. I just… I went through a bad point in my life and I didn't get out of it without a few scars. I don't know what brought it on, my life was perfectly fine - no trouble anywhere, but I just fell into depression."
"Alex… did you try to kill yourself?"
"Not for a while. I thought about it though. Tried to one time - thankfully I didn't cut deep enough. My parents walked in on it and after that I went to therapy and I was back to normal. It was stupid, but I did it anyway."
"Let me see your wrists, please."
"Why would you want to see my scars?"
"Please?" I gave him my hands, with my palms turned up. He placed one in his lap and used his free hand to run a finger over the thin, white scar on my wrist that was slightly raised on my skin. I felt myself shiver at his touch as he placed a light kiss to the scar. "Why did you try to kill yourself? What made you think no one would care if you were gone?"
"I don't know. I wasn't in a good state of mind. My parents were so worried, I scared my brothers so bad…" My voice cracked at the memory of brothers seeing my slit wrists and crying as they begged me not to die. "My brothers…" I felt tears slide down my face and Ben pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me.**
"It's okay, it's okay Alex." I started silently crying into his chest and I wrapped my arms under his to grasp his shoulders from behind. "We'll find them."
"What happens if we don't?"
"Then we'll keep looking. We'll look until we find them, and when we do you guys are going to stay together always."
"But what if we don't? All my family's dead - I don't have anyone left."
"That's not true. You have me." I looked up at him, grateful he couldn't see my face which was no doubt red from tears.
"You mean that?"
"Of course. I'm never going to leave you alone. I'll be whatever you need me to be and I'll take care of you." He kissed the top of my head and I pulled myself closer to him. As my eyes closed I heard Ben mutter something and then a dreamless sleep overtook me.
We kept close to each other when we started moving the next morning. I felt like I should br embarassed about last night, but I felt reassured. I had finally gotten time to just let everything out. Unfortunately, Jessy wouldn't let up on how much time we were spending together. "Is Ben your boyfriend?" Had I been drinking sonething I would have done a spit-take.
"He is not my boyfriend."
"He just, isn't." I was thankful he had gone somewhere to chat with Red Eye. He was Red Eye's primary mouth piece now with me being the secondary since we both had a history with him.
"Don't you like him?"
"Yeah, he's a great friend-"
"No, do you like-like him?"
"What do you know about like-liking someone?"
"I know you like-like Ben."
"I do not like-like Ben. We're just good friends."
"Uh-huh. Well, he like-likes you."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me."
"When?" I didn't believe her for one moment. He was never alone with her.
"Last night, before he went to find you."
"Really? What did he say?"
"What did I say," Ben asked from behind me, spooking me.
"What the hell Ben!"
"Hey, little kid here."
"I'm not little! And I've heard a lot worse."
"Doesn't mean you should be allowed to hear it. Now what did I say?"
"Jessy, you have to stop running off." Her brother picked her up,"Sorry." He left with Jessy, leaving us alone aside from the mob around us.
"That was wierd."
"What was Jessy saying?"
"It doesn't matter, it was silly."
"She didn't think it was silly."
"She's four Ben, I don't think she has the best judgement in the world."
"Still, she was talking about me. I've got a right no know." Suddenly, my conciousness was pulled from the conversation into another.
Is this a bad time?
No, I'm always available to you. What do you need?
Two scouts. We are nearing Charelston and we need safe passage. We must avoid our opressors and humans.
Ben and I will take care of it. We will continue when everyone makes camp tonight. We'll leave markers where it's safe to go. The connection fadded and I was back next to Ben.
"I'm fine. we're going to scout ahead tonight - put markers where it's safe to travel."
"I guess I don't need to ask what happened. You were talking with Red Eye I suppose."
"Smart, here's an invisable non-existant cookie." I handed him nothing, pretending to hand a cookie to him. He bit into nothing, pretending along with me. "God, what I would give for a homemade chocolate chip cookie right now."
"What if I said I could get you one?"
"I'd call you a filthy liar."
"Yeah, and you'd be right." We both smiled, holding back laughs. I was relieved he had dropped the subject of Jessy's conversation with me. I didn't want to suffer the embaressment of explaining that and finding out whether or not he felt that way about me. Because, regardless of his feelings, I was falling off a cliff and the only thing I could see at the bottom was Ben.
A/N: Sorry for the delay again. They'll probably arrive at Charelston in the next chapter, but all of the season finale won't happen then I think. Hopefully the next chapter wont take as long.