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The Smasher's rants

Chapter 1: Bowser's Rant

Hi, you may know me, I'm Bowser, the enemy in most of the Mario games. However, there is one thing that's been bothering me. That is the absurd notion that Mario beats me every game! Come on people how many times have you died while fighting the great Bowser in any Mario game? 5? 10? Maybe more? And yet he gets the credit. Plus that little idiot keeps coming back, he is immortal but not me, nooo! I die once and that's it. Finished, over, done! Now, at least they could give me a second form like they did with Ganondorf/Ganon but no, I'm just plain Bowser and I get killed once! And other villains die with dignity. Ganondorf got killed by the hero of time, Dr. Wily got killed by a robot with a big flippin' gun. But me, I get killed by a plumber! It's embarrassing. And Nintendo gives me the worst minions ever! All you do is jump on one's head and they die, how lame is that? Now moving on, the plots they hand me are so awful they make me want to vomit. I kidnap a princess and the hero saves her. That plot is so old it's growing fungus! At least when Ganondorf does it he does other stuff too. All I do is kidnap and die, kidnap and die. It gets boring. Oh yes and I look like an idiot because all I ever do is roar. I can't announce my evil scheme. Not that I need to because if you see the word Mario in the title you already know the plot. And what thanks do I get for all of this? A spot in Super Smash Brothers Melee. I got chosen after a race car driver! In the original Super Smash Brothers I'm not even mentioned. I launched the Nintendo company and no one likes me. My moves stink and I'm incredibly slow. It just drives me crazy!

Author: At this point I'm running out of ideas so to end this rant, Bowser will now explode.


Author: Thank you, don't forget to tip your waitress and join us next time.