Disclaimer: Not mine! Title comes from Daughtry's song Home.
Author's note: Dedicated to my dear friend, Kah. She loves this episode and asked me to write something for it. Here it is, dear! Hope I did it justice. Thanks for the icon!
Where I Belong
Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
Jane wasn't moving. He simply stood there, staring at the grotesque Red John signature, startling against the white wall.
Lisbon wasn't sure what to do. She had made the right choice, she knew that. But if the result was this….she couldn't bear to see him in pain, let alone pain she had caused herself.
She started to step forward when Jane turned around abruptly, staring at her intently. She could see everything he was feeling in his eyes, and it killed her.
"Lisbon, I-…what are we doing here? Did…did you bring me here?"
When she didn't answer, he continued. "But why? The last thing I remember is that you let me borrow your flashlight at the crime scene and I headed towards the lake…" His eyes clouded over with confusion. "What happened?"
Lisbon stepped forward cautiously, waiting to see if he would react. When he didn't, she slowly walked past him and shut the door gently. He continued to stare at her. Jane looked terribly lost, and that was what frightened her the most.
"Why don't we go downstairs?" She touched his arm softly, not wanting to startle him. "Is there somewhere…comfortable we could talk?"
Jane shook his head in an attempt to clear his muddled thoughts. Looking quickly at the closed door and then back at his partner, he gently moved away from her towards the stairs.
"…Uh, yes, of course. The deck should be all right."
Jane still seemed out of sorts, of course he did. But he started walking purposefully down the stairs, Lisbon following more slowly behind him.
When he reached the glass doors, Jane opened them and stepped outside, looking around. He seemed like a lost little boy once again and Lisbon suddenly felt the urge to hug him and let her tears stream down her face. She knew she needed to be strong, though. She needed to be strong for Jane.
She was so worried about him that she almost missed what he said.
"…furniture is gone, but-"
She quickly silenced him, not wanting to hear any apologies coming out of his mouth, even if it was over something stupid as lack of furniture.
"Patrick, don't. This is perfect."
Lisbon sat down on the step outside of the door, waiting to see if he would follow her. When he did, she breathed a quiet sigh of relief.
"So…you don't remember anything? Anything at all?"
"Am I missing something here? You're acting as if I lost my memory or…" She grimaced. "Oh." Jane sighed.
"I- yeah. When you were…um. I found you at the lake. You were unconscious and unresponsive, so I dragged you out and the paramedics…"
"I was drowned?"
Lisbon hesitated, then nodded.
"You were in a uh, fugue state. The doctor said your memories would come back on their own, but I…." she exhaled. Jane waited a few minutes, seeing if she was going to continue.
"You brought me here to bring them back, though. Why? If they were going to come back eventually…did I do something?" Lisbon just stared straight ahead, nervously wringing her hands. "Lisbon?"
She still refused to look at him, but decided to explain what had happened.
"You wanted to leave, Patrick. You told me to let you be happy. It was like you knew something bad had happened in your past and you wanted to run from it, run from us."
Jane was shocked. He had wanted to…what? How could he have wanted to flee from the memories of his wife and beloved daughter, from his quest for revenge? It was the only thing that kept him sane, alive. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, though, he knew that it wasn't true. He now had the team, he had Lisbon, and the idea that he had wanted to run away from them was simply unfathomable.
She did look at him then.
"It's alright, Jane. You weren't yourself. Not your new self, anyway." Lisbon cleared her throat. "I knew the real you, the Patrick I know wouldn't have wanted to leave his past behind." She gently touched his arm again. "And that's why we're here."
Lisbon turned to look at the ocean once more and, after a few minutes, he did the same. They were comfortable in each other's presence. She knew that there were things that still needed to be said, however. Lisbon wouldn't be able to bear it if he wasn't telling her the truth, if he was mad at her for doing this to him.
"So…was I wrong? Should I have just let you go away with Tamarra?" Or whatever her name was, she added in her head.
Jane faced her again, amusement and confusion battling for dominance on his face.
Lisbon smirked. "The 'responsible adult' who got you out of the hospital."
He spluttered and she had to stop herself from laughing.
"Turns out you were quite the womanizer in the old days, Paddy."
Jane rubbed his hand over his face, nervously chuckling as he did so.
"Please tell me I didn't try to…ah, flirt with you. Or anyone else."
Lisbon did laugh then, thankful for the return of their easy banter and teasing.
"Well, you didn't exactly flirt with me. You merely assumed we were already sleeping together." His horrified expression made her laugh even harder. "Oh, with Grace, though. I was surprised Rigsby didn't punch you in the face. Or Van Pelt herself, for that matter."
Jane didn't know if he wanted to laugh along with her or drown himself this time out of sheer embarrassment. He chose something in between.
"Well. I'm…not sure what to say to that." Lisbon thought he was blushing. "Would 'I'm sorry' even begin to cover it?"
She smiled. "I think that's a good start. I can't speak for Grace, though." Lisbon scowled. "I'm never letting you out of my sight at a crime scene again. And don't even ask to borrow my flashlight anytime soon."
He chuckled, relieved. "That sounds fair."
"Ha! It's much more than fair." Lisbon slightly smacked his arm. "Never do that again, Jane! You scared the hell out of me."
"Yes, mom." She went to hit him again, but realized he was smiling. Really smiling this time. Well. Her mission was done for the day.
"You know, you never answered my question."
Jane was going to play dumb and pretend he didn't know what she was talking about. But one look at her face told him that Lisbon really was worried. He didn't want her to doubt her choice any longer. It had been the right one, after all.
"Of course I'm glad you did it, Lisbon. I admit a…uh, gentler awakening might have been easier, but you were right to bring me here. This is probably the only place that would bring back my memories so quickly." He gently grabbed her hand and felt ecstatic when she turned her palm up and laced their fingers. "Do you really think I would rather have left with Tamarra? Is that what her name was? What a terrible name…" At her snort, he decided to become serious once more. "I would never want to forget my family, the team, or you. Never."
Lisbon felt tears threatening to fall and stood up. Jane smirked. Agent Lisbon was back in control.
"Come on, let's get you home."
He stared at her. "This is my home, Lisbon. Well, it was. I don't have a home…not anymore."
"Of course you do. We're your family. Get up, Patrick." She held out her hand. "You're coming with me."
Jane took it gratefully and didn't look back. Not once.