In the morning, Dean had expected to wake up all tangled up with Castiel. Maybe even go for another repeat of last night because god, he'd never felt as good as Cas had made him feel last night. But, when he woke up, he was greeted with the sight of an empty bed beside him. The only sign that Castiel had been there the night before was the creased dent in his pillow.

Dean sighed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with a soft groan. He really didn't want to get up, so he waited in the hope that Castiel would return to bed sooner or later. When half an hour passed and there was still no sign of Castiel appearing and Dean sat up, running a hand through his hair as he glanced at the clock on the nightstand. 10.34am.

As he walked down the stairs slowly in nothing but a pair of boxers that he wasn't sure were his or not, he could smell bacon wafting through the house. His stomach growled in response as he entered the kitchen to find Castiel standing at the oven with his back towards him.

"Bacon and eggs," he muttered, voice sounding tired and worn out which made Dean frown with concern. "Pour yourself some coffee."

Dean did as he was told, grabbing a mug from the table and pouring some coffee into it before taking a long sip, letting the warm liquid flow down his throat before he leaned against the counter beside Castiel, studying him with curious eyes.

Castiel caught him staring and narrowed his eyes as he transferred the bacon and eggs onto the plates on the counter. "Something wrong?" he asked.

"Nope, but I was just about to ask you the same thing," Dean replied as he took his plate from Castiel along with a knife and fork and went to sit at the table, immediately digging into the delicious breakfast that his stomach had been craving for.

He could hear Castiel sighing as he sat down opposite him and he didn't talk for quite some time as they both began eating in silence. Dean was worried now. Had he done or said something wrong last night? Did Castiel not enjoy it as much as he did? What was wrong? 'Cause something obviously was.

After taking a slow sip of his own coffee, Castiel started to talk with a frown on his face. "Dean, about last night," he began.

"It was awesome," Dean interrupted with a goofy grin, but his face dropped when he noticed Castiel wasn't smiling back or even agreeing. "Cas?"

"It should never have happened," he said softly, now staring at the wood of the table, eyes glistening with tears. "I'm with Balthazar now. I can't believe I did this to him. What the hell was I thinking?"

Dean felt nausea churn in his stomach and he could just about feel his heart shattering into a million tiny pieces. He swallowed thickly, biting down on his bottom lip before taking a breath. "W-What are you saying?" He couldn't eat anymore, even though his plate was mostly still full. His appetite had just completely vanished.

He'd never known the meaning of heartbreak until Castiel look him in the eye and said, "I'm saying … you had your chance with me, and you blew it. And now you think one night of stupidity is going to change things?"

"Cas— Please," Dean choked out, blinking as tears stung at his eyes. "Don't do this."

"What would you have me do, Dean?" he growled back, getting to his feet. Dean soon followed, walking around to face him. "Breakup with Balthazar and get with you, pray you don't mess things up this time? I can't go through that shit again, Dean. I can't."

Dean cleared his throat, trying so damn hard not to let a single tear fall. "I thought you loved me," he whispered, grabbing Cas' arms and forcing him to look at him. "You told me you loved me! You made me love you! Please don't do this. I promise I can change, I'll make you happy, I swear it."

Tears were flowing down Castiel's cheeks as he shook his head slowly. "I can't. I'm sorry, Dean," he sobbed, pulling away from him. "Coming out is difficult, Dean. You're gonna have it hard the next few months and I can be there to help you through it, as a friend, but nothing more."

Dean nodded, feeling hurt, angry, upset, heartbroken— Fuck, there were no words to describe how he felt at that very moment. He had to force himself to turn and head back upstairs to pull on his clothes, feeling like a robot on autopilot. Once he was fully-clothed, he headed downstairs and took one last look around before heading out the door and slamming it shut, possibly for the last time.

Dean didn't understand why Castiel did what he did for a long time after that. They did talk and text quite a lot and Dean kept on hoping that somehow they'd end up together again. But, maybe it was for the best. He had no idea how hard times were for Castiel. As they spoke more, Dean found out that Castiel had even spent time in a psychiatric ward a few years back after a failed suicide attempt. They both obviously had a lot of issues to work out and they were going to help each other get through their troubles.

A few weeks afterwards, finals were rearing their ugly heads once again and Dean suddenly found himself bombarded with tons of work and studying to do. Thankfully, his dad took on his job at the garage, giving him more time to study and less to sit around wallowing in self-pity.

Sam was getting back to his old nerdy ways and Jess was paying a lot more visits to their house. Dean definitely didn't mind that since the girl made the best damn apple pies he'd tasted since his mom's.

On the last Friday in the semester, after Dean had brutally fought tooth-and-nail through his finals, Jo met him at his locker with that same smile she'd been wearing ever since she'd broken up with Adam after he had royally kicked Dean's ass at the match.

"Dean, you know the way you love me?" she began, batting her eyelashes as Dean let out a fake groan of overly-dramatic irritation.

"What is it?" he asked with a chuckle, stuffing the last of his books into his backpack before zipping it up and closing his locker for the last time this school year.

"Well, there's an end of year party at the GSA meeting right now. Since Pamela has fucked-off to Spain and Anna is nowhere to be found, I have no one to go with," she said, grinning adorably up at Dean who rolled his eyes.

He remembered how he'd made a promise to Castiel all those months back that he'd go to at least one meeting. Would Castiel be there? Probably. Along with Balthazar. Would it hurt to see them? Of course it would. But Dean wanted to do this one last thing for the guy he'd always love no matter how much time passed.

So, he nodded and Jo looked hugely surprised. Soon, Jo's arm was hooked around Dean's and they were heading towards the meeting that everyone seemed to be going to by the looks of things.

Once they entered the room where the meeting was taking place - it was actually just a classroom with no tables, only rows of chairs - they were handed flyers and ushered to seats in the middle row. The meeting had already begun and Charlie was standing at the front giving some sort of speech.

"And, we're going to have a few speakers as usual before the fun starts," she said with a smile. The room was packed and Dean glanced around to find people of all social labels in here. "Our first speaker is James Novak."

Dean instantly wanted to get the hell out of here. But something was keeping him from doing so. Maybe the way Castiel looked so cute and- was that the sweater Dean bought him for Christmas? Oh god, that made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside even though they were long since over.

Castiel cleared his throat and took a look around before beginning. He talked on for almost five minutes about the importance of the GSA and how it has helped so many people come to terms with their sexuality over the past year. Something about the way Castiel spoke with so much passion and understanding in his voice made sure that no one in the room was bored and that they hung to his every word.

Then he began talking about his own personal experience with the GSA and how it has helped with so much more than just his sexuality. When Castiel began talking about his depression, Dean felt like a horrible person for not working it all out. It all made sense now. The time off school, the mood swings, the pills. All of it. Dean should've made the connection, but he didn't. Now he felt horrible for all the bad things he'd said and done to Cas over the past year.

"Soon after my diagnosis, my sister encouraged me to come to a GSA meeting where I met a lot of people who helped me through some tough times. Along with one person in particular." Cas looked over to someone and smiled. Dean soon noticed it was Balthazar and he made a face before Jo nudged him in the ribcage and told him to behave. "But, then I met this guy. This wonderful, beautiful guy. I thought he was gonna save me, make me better somehow. But, I put too much hope in him and he let me down, but i loved him. I still do. I think I always will. He'll never know just how much he saved me. But i wasn't good for him. Being together wouldn't have been good for either of us. It's a very difficult time in his life and I don't want him to feel pressurized or stressed out. He'll have a lot to go through and I don't want to have to hurt because he does. Maybe it's selfish, but I know he understands. I know that, if we ever see each other in the future, that he'll know that this was worth it. That we wouldn't have worked out. So, I think I did the right thing. And found someone who's able to admit how he feels when he feels it in the process. Someone who tells me he loves me everyday and means it so much. Someone who is so far from perfect but who tries so hard. Someone who makes me happy, even when I thought I never would be again."

The whole room was silent for a long moment afterwards. Some people were in tears whilst others were clapping and saying how inspirational Castiel was. But Dean was just feeling so ... bittersweet. Was that even an emotion? He finally knew why Castiel did what he did and the best part was, he understood. He wasn't angry anymore. He felt like he could finally get over it and get on with his life.

But that didn't mean that Dean never thought about him again. Sometimes he'd accidentally slip the mixtape into the radio of the Impala and find himself humming along to the songs, reliving the memories of his true love that he regretted losing every single day since. He always would.


The day he got that scholarship he'd worked so damn hard for, he was proud as hell of himself. His dad kept saying how proud his mom would be of him right now and that just made him more and more determined to work hard at college and be able to make up for years of feeling guilty about her death.

He had tried to date a few guys since Castiel. Benny had been nice and Dean had some fun times with him, but things just didn't work out and that was okay. They were still friends afterwards and even hung out sometimes. Then there was Aaron who treated Dean as if he was the love of his life. Even though Dean didn't feel as if he deserved the way Aaron was so understanding sometimes when they'd argue, he really did like him. That was until they decided amicably that, since Aaron was travelling halfway across the country to go to college, that it would be best that they go their separate ways.

So, Dean was a single guy by the time he began college. He decided to stay close to home and went to a college near enough to home that he didn't have to spend tons of money on accommodation. Things were really looking up for him as he began to accept who he was and Dean was happy to see some familiar faces at the student orientation week.

Except, none as familiar as the blue-eyed, messy-haired boy with an over-sized sweater and a warm smile bumping into him accidentally at the gates.

"Hi," Castiel said softly, running a hand through his hair as a slight blush crept onto his cheeks and he looked almost as adorable as he did that first time they officially met at the party which seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Hey there, you go here too?"

"Yeah. College. It's gonna be great," Castiel chuckled and Dean grinned and they were totally having a moment, Dean would no longer dispute that. "I guess I'll be seeing you around a whole lot more then."

Dean nodded with a huge, pleased smile on his face. "I hope so."

As he watched Castiel walk off, shaking his head with a fond smile on his face, he thought to himself that maybe all hope was not lost. Maybe there was a second chance looming on the horizon. And maybe even a instant message conversation later on that night.

When your heart releases, you won't fall to pieces

And your breath comes crashing in,

Like perfect porcelain