"It's A Very Drunken World After All"

Rated T

Disclaimer: Do not own Total Drama or any alcoholic company. This is a little different to my other fic entitled "Cinnamon Rum", but this will be a hilarious side. Sorry if it includes underage drinking of some sorts.

Imagine a showdown of the good and bad, the battle of David vs. Goliath, the mighty struggle light and darkness just going head to head on each other personally. A battle of the minds and a battle of wits. Most importantly, this happened to be a battle between a certain male Hawaiian model and a battle of his arch-nemesis.

The two opponents we're Justin...



... and beer.

Just exactly did all of this madness start, you ask?

Well, it all started after a nice refreshing day of tanning as Justin had entered the mess hall looking for a place to drink and such. Man, was showing his abs off to Katie, Sadie and Beth so much work! It had been 98 degrees and yet Justin felt way hotter than an oven!

"Ohhh, man... what a day that was. I don't think I can handle those weirdo's at the beach any longer..." Justin spoke to himself as he was a little disturbed by the threesome who were staring at him all day long. It felt a little strained that they were the only three girls who were attracted to him and his body. All of the other girls were busy hanging out with their boyfriends and such. For example, Heather was busy trying to stay away from an annoying, yet stalking Alejandro while Cody was still being a little suffocated by Sierra. Then, you had Geoff and Bridgette making out over by the soda machine, which left Noah cringing by the stomach everytime.

Justin can't quite believe it. Everyone had a girlfriend and it made the male model all the lonelier in life. This really sucked as a matter of fact.

So Justin decided that a nice little drink would do the trick. Just to get rid of all the loneliness that was infesting right inside him. Maybe a nice cold bottle of Coke or a nice bottle of Naked drinks that would so make Justin's day.

As he opened up the fridge, he couldn't quite believe what was really in there. It seemed to be a whole entire case of six-packs that was stacked to pure perfection! But it wasn't any six-packs that Justin was staring at amazingly...

...it happened to be an entire stacked six-packs of beer. It was Coors Light to be exact. It was mainly God's perfect beer! Knowing that Justin wasn't old enough to drink yet since he was only 18, he was nevertheless amazed. Or pretty much, the Hawaiian was lost for words.

"Whooooooooa... this... is... Heaven." Justin spoke in a trance-like tone as his eyes were too busy to leave the sight of beer. With his jaw dropped, his dirty mind got in the way again.

Should he take one? No... that would feel wrong. There's a possibility that Chef Hatchet or basically Chris would catch him in the act. Justin would be committing some kind of beer theft, even though there is no such law.

But then again, he was just urging to try one. One beer wouldn't hurt the male model in the least bit.

Without any second, Justin looked around to see that no one was around the mess hall. And then he took his focus right on the fridge.

He quietly took a can of Coors Light and just gently popped the top quietly. The can felt quite cold right through Justin's left hand. The sensation from his hand to his beer was right through Alaskan-like levels.

Justin took a deep breath all to himself.

"Oh, man... I hope this stuff doesn't taste like piss as it is..." Justin thought to himself as laid his head back for the beery liquid to enter straight through his mouth.

The brownish liquid flew right inside his mouth, just sloshing all over his pink morsels and flew all the way down to his immune system and right down his lower intestines.

As he let go of the drink, Justin's mouth seemed to cringe a bit because of the bread-like aftertaste.

"Agh! I was wrong... this isn't Heaven, this is piss!" Justin exclaimed in disgust. Geez, this was a horrible idea at first, but yet...

...it just had the most satisfying taste there ever was. How could something that tasted a little bit foul, could actually taste so great in the most refreshing way?

Just to make sure once again, Justin took another sip again. But this time, he didn't cringe one bit. He was now getting used to the refreshing beery taste of Coors Light. With an interesting smile on his face, he was definitely back in Heaven!

But his moment would be short lived as a certain Queen Bee rushed inside the mess hall, just panting for her life. Quite frankly, it was Heather.

"Ohhh, man..." Heather panted, "Thank goodness I lost him. That Ale-dorkwad is annoying me to no end, I wish I was so frickin' far away from here! Even if-"

Heather stopped to turn around and see Justin get caught with a beer in his hand. Justin eyes bulged right at the beautiful nasty girl herself.

"Justin... why in the blue hell is there a beer in your hand?" Heather explained slightly as Justin thought up a way for a different excuse.

"Uh, well... you see, I just found it sitting here and I just wanted to put it in the fridge to cool off mostly. I wasn't drinking it or anything! Honest to the heavens on earth that blessed me with thick lips like these!" Justin exclaimed as Heather slowly approached him.

Heather barely touched Justin's chin by a hair and just took a sniff of that beery aroma coming through his lips. She looked very appalled but in mock form.

"Ohhhh, Justin, you wavy-haired son of a bitch..." Heather replied in such a bland smirk, "Stealing Chef Hatchet's beer..."

"Whoa whoa, wait a minute..." Justin responded as he finally realized the beer that Justin was taking was from Chef Hatchet himself. The male model would be scared to his his arms skinned off for such beer theft, "This is Chef's?"

"You learn very well, grasshopper." Heather smirked, "You are sooooo gonna get your ass handed to him so bad..."

"Well, not if he knows!" Justin exclaimed feeling some shock, "Not if I hide or something!"

"Ooooooh, hiding won't help Justin..." Heather smirked once again as he grew closer to Justin in such a weird way. "Looks like you're... all... by... yourself..."

This was once again strange. Was Heather really gonna kiss Justin out of nowhere? This couldn't be happening... or maybe it is. The opportunity to be kissed by one of the truly most beautiful women in the entire universe. Justin knew deep down that Courtney was the most beautiful thing on the planet, but Heather just blew Courtney right away. And now the raven black haired beauty how assumed the mantle.

But as a let down to Justin, Heather wasn't looking for a kiss.

She was looking for a drink.

So Heather snatched the beer away from Justin and took a very satisfying sip. The entire liquid sloshed right inside the Queen Bee like a roaring waterfall. After the sip was done, Heather let out a sigh.

"Mmmmmmmmmm... that really hit the spot for me..." Heather smiled devilishly right at the male model, who was just mesmerized by the drops of beer that went all the way down to her mahogany halter top. So hot and so turned on. Well, a little. Must've come from the beer itself. It was like Justin's beer goggles was right on.

"Really? Well, how about another beer, malady?" Justin spoke in a very mock British accent.

"Sounds fine..." Heather smirked as the Hawaiian reached out to the fridge and handed her another one. Both popped the tops and Justin spoke out.

"A toast?"

"Only if you're making it..." Heather joked a little as she and Justin clinked cans and drank the night right away.

Several beers later...

Both Heather and Justin we're still stable. Well, at least they thought of course. Both began to wobble right around for some unknown reason. They both began to wonder why, only if they could at least remember.

"Um, Heather...?" Justin spoke in a very stinking drunk tone, "W-where in the hell's the d-door?"

"Why should I know?" Heather replied looking drunk as well, "It's your fault you didn't take me to Hawaii!"

"I never took you to Hawaii..." Justin responded.

"Then why did I come to this crap-farm instead?" Heather complained as she now started to whine like a little spoiled child, "I WANNA GO TO HAWA-YEEEEE-EEE-EEE-EEE! I WANNA! I WANNA! I WANNA!"

As Heather kept complaining and bitching, Justin seemed to grab a handle of some sort.

"Hey, Heather!" Justin exclaimed, "I think I found us a way out of the mess hall! Hawaii, here we come! Whoooo!"

"That's not Hawaii... that's the fr-fr-freezer!" Heather stupidly exclaimed.

"What? I want a refund!" Justin complained stupidly as well, "I wanna leave to the freezer!"

"B-but you just already went t-there!" Heather said as she laughed her ass right off.

"Ohhhh, then what's this place again?"

Heather tried her best to try to remember where she and Justin was. Too bad they were too drunk to remember anything one bit.

"Um... um, the freezer!" Heather exclaimed, "We are at the freezer!"

"YEAH!" Justin declared in a total drunken state of mind, "I forgot what we did again!"

"Me too!" Heather declared as well as they both stood closer to one another on top of the picnic table, just like they we're king and queen of the entire mountain that brought them together.

And then, in a matter of seconds...

Both Justin and Heather locked their drunken eyes on each other, just gazing in an orderly drunken fashion and their beery lips met with the full force of a cold hard can crushing another guy's head extremely. The kiss felt a whole lot drunk and a whole lot rough. Neither Heather or Justin knew who was dominating that kiss, but it was definitely gonna be a close race to say the least. Both Heather and Justin slowly tumbled right to the table with a very soft landing and continued their hot drunk makeout session all throughout the night.

Several hours later...

It was nighttime and Chef felt like he needed a drink to calm his nerves. Maybe a swig of beer would actually make him sleep better.

"Oh, man! It's Milla' time! Can't wait to taste that yeasty goodness!" Chef said as he rubbed his hands in delight.

And as he finally entered the mess hall, he was stopped in his dead tracks to see a certain twosome get all hot, sweaty and half-naked right on the table. Not to mention, Chef's beers were missing from the fridge. The fridge happened to be running for way too long. As Chef drew closer, the naked twosome happened to be Heather and Justin. Their bodies all glistened with hot sweat, the mentioning of the "G" word being thrown around when Chef entered the room, and to Chef's surprise, Justin had Heather in a compromising position.

"What are you two bangin' around at my mess hall? That is where Chef eats! You crazy or sumthin'?" Chef reacted angrily, "And what tha hell happened to my beer? Tell me you didn't drink it!"

"Ummmmm..." Justin thought as he was trying to think up an excuse for Chef. As he was done thinking, he spoke out loud to Chris. "Raccoons broke in and stole all your beer."


With Chef Hatchet's rage, he grabbed a shotgun from the upper cabinet which held the dusty dishes and wen't outside, but gave a very stern warning to both Heather and Justin, whose nakedness was making a filthy sweaty mess

"AND I WANT THAT TABLE CLEAN AND SPOTLESS OFF SEX WHEN I COME BACK, SOLDIERS!" Chef Hatchet exclaimed finally as he left. As he did leave, Heather focused up on Justin.

"Justin..." Heather replied, "...you do realize that he's really gonna find out what happened to his beer don't you?"

"By the time we're gone in a flash, he won't have the crusty nads to find out..." Justin smirked right at her.

"Oooooh, you devil..." Heather cooed sweetly as she and Justin both shared another kiss, once again getting hot and steamy right on the table. It looks like to them that it's a very drunken world after all...

Like I said, I apologize for the underage drinking.

Just so you're not confused, this story is not a "Alejandro dumps Heather for Courtney, so that Justin comes out of the blue and confess his feelings for Heather" story, but it's pretty much a "Heather gets away from Alejandro so that she meets with Justin with an unexpected six-pack of beer and get it on" type of story. We'll just say the loving between our favorite Queen Bee and Eye Candy was pretty much censored, a.k.a. not shown.

Anyway, read and review!