Author's Note: I'm writing this story because I think that people feel like just because you say you're a Christian, that you don't go through any problems, and you never struggle with your faith. I think everyone sometimes struggles with their faith, and they look back on the days where they were so close to God, and start trying to change it. I don't have any shame in posting something like this, because I know that the Lord loves me regardless, and I'm going to do all I can to get closer to him.

Confessions of Troubled Christian

I first accepted God into my heart when I was three years old. Now, some may say that that is a little too young, but I knew exactly what they were talking about. I served the Lord with a smile on my face and did everything I could to get closer to him. Not to say that I didn't get into mischief, but I was a pretty good girl.

Now, jumping to when I was about nine years old, I remember being so in tuned with God, that I would talk to him everyday without kneeling on my knees and closing my eyes. I'd just be sitting in my room and talking to God like you talk to any of your friends. Because he was, or IS my best friend. One time, I threw a little party. All my friends came, we had a fashion show, they even gave me gifts though it wasn't my birthday ahaha. Well, it started off with eight girls being there, but some had to leave. There were only three people left and we all went to my room. Somehow, we started talking about God. I asked my friends if they believed in God, and if they were a Christians. They all nodded and said yes, all expect for one girl. I still remember this. She said to me, "I don't know how to be a Christian...and my parents don't tell me anything about it." So I smiled and told her, "It's easy...give me your hands, and you can accept the Lord into your heart today." I prayed with her for a while and finally, when I was done, I smiled and gave her a big hug. The next week, I bought her, her very own Bible, and I would always ask her how her faith was going. She said it was good.

I even remember one time I went to my cousins house. Two of them were playing, while one of my cousins, the only girl in the house, just sat there. She had this sad look on her face, and I wondered why so I asked her. She said she was sad because her mom didn't pay any attention to her, and only focused on her little brother. She said she felt like she had no one to talk to. So I told her that she could always talk to God. She gave me a confused look, and I told her all about who God was. Then we started praying. Soon my other cousins came and wondered what we were doing, they also started praying with her.

So you see, I affected people's lives in a good way. But alas, now I'm 14 years old and I just feel like, I haven't really done anything to teach people about God. But how could I teach someone about God when I'm struggling with faith myself? It's not that I don't believe in Him, because I definitely do. How can I not? He's saved me from so much. But, it's just that I don't feel that spark with him. I think there's this innocence to a child that you don't have when you're older. I feel like I don't have that same spirit inside me, and I'm just losing it.

I know what I need to do, but for some reason I can't put it into action. It makes me sad to realize how close I was to God, and how I feel our relationship is falling apart. I know he loves me regardless, but I want that same relationship back. When did I start caring about looks, and music more than God? I try to think of where I went wrong but the truth of the fact is that, I'm just a teenager, and this is what teenagers do.

But sometimes you have to balance it out. It's great to be a teenager, and I mean come on, who doesn't care about how they look? Who doesn't want cute clothes, and pretty hair, and lots of friends? But sometimes you have to also realize that there are more important things, like a real relationship with God. And I'm saying YOU a lot, I should be saying I. These are the things that I need to do.

I didn't post this story so that I could get attention. I didn't post this story so that you could feel sorry for me, or tell me comforting things to make me feel better. I posted this so that for those of you who are also struggling with faith, know that you are not alone. We all struggle sometimes, and I know that things are going to get better for me. It will take a lot of work, but I will get my relationship with God back.

God is my best friend, and I appreciate all the amazing things he's done for me. And that's why I want to give my life to him...I just need to figure out how. So thanks for reading, leave a review expressing your feelings, and tell me if you've ever struggled with your faith and what you think you can do to to fix it.

- Heart of the Wind 007

7/19/12