TO: DIRECTOR NICK FURY dad
FROM: HAWKEYE, CLINT BARTON, ROBIN HOOD
DATE: 19 JULY 2012
PRETAINING: The P.E.R.U mission
Tony told me you don't like it when people start off mission statements with the sentence "So let me explain" but in all honesty, I can't see any other way of explaining the mission to you than offer an apology.
As you know (of course you do, you're Nick Fury) We were sent off to a number of governments to persuade them to put the radioactive warheads on hold until we could figure out what our dear old friend Galactus wanted. Well of course Tony took initiative and wound up screwing (but not literally he does that with Steve) around with half of the politicians and somehow, I don't know how it happened, most of the nuclear radioactive heads were put on hold. (a head for a head perhaps?)
Anyway, all but one politician was unimpressed, so Doctor Banner showed the effects that radioactive nuclear deterrents could have on civilian populations, not showing how awesome it could work out with everyone turning into a great big green monster every time they were out of milk. I did say this to him and he kicked me in the shin, so I demand that his lab privileges be revoked for that action
Agent Romanoff then decided to take the helm as Russians did not respond kindly to Captain New York and those 49 lesser states tried to intervene only to be made worse when Thor appeared speaking ye olde Englishe. That really riled up President Putin's pussy. Oh look, alliteration is a beautiful thing…
Tasha found out where the nuclear missiles were stored and we gathered up quickly, leaving Bruce behind… I feel bad for the guy really I mean, he should have at some of the action too, when he's not Flubber…
So outside a little village in the Mongolian Dessert the base of operations were found, only to be discovered that it wasn't just the Russians, this made Natasha happy until Tony made a quip and she smacked him over the head.
Thing is, we didn't think about the other operatives working there, of course they were armed and of course they were pissed. Captain that Hates Canada brandished his Frisbee and knocked several out at once. Tasha did that impressive thigh grabby the neck thing that we all fantasise about at night, and managed to get the leader on the ground before turning her attention back towards the controls which can only be described as beeping ominously. Tony of course, being the nerd that he is, sought to figure out what the beeping was and sadly that's when it pretty much went all tits-up.
Turns out we hadn't disabled the security network and in case of invasion from foreign territories, it activated a small electromagnetic pulse – that's what Tony said, and the Iron Man suit kind of went nuts. Like really fucking nuts and went flying everywhere.
That was a bad thing, trust me.
The suit managed to press all the buttons.
And that is how Hyde Park in London England was blown up.