My dear readers,
It has been a long while since I've updated, and I sincerely apologise for that. I think I owe all of you a proper explanation. Please know, I am not saying this as an excuse, but simply to explain myself.
For the past few years, I've been battling with low motivation from ADHD combined with crippling social anxiety and general anxiety, as well as minor depression. Because I have ADHD, all the symptoms of anxiety were ignored by my doctors and assumed to be ADHD symptoms. It took a very long time for a doctor to finally notice I may have severe anxiety. My anxiety was ruining my life and leaving me too exhausted to write or edit. The spirit was willing, but the anxiety-riddled body and mind were weak. Near the end of 2020, I was doing therapy and that is why, during that time, I managed to update a few times.
However, during 2020 and 2021 especially, I was in lockdown and, like many, fell back into anxiety and developed depressive symptoms again. I tried to fight it and write, but ultimately, the story was put on the back burner because I lacked the energy and motivation.
Now, I have some news. I am going to put this story on hiatus for a while.
The reason: My younger brother died unexpectedly this July. Words cannot express my misery. I loved him with every part of my soul and partly raised him. I am broken.
I am in grief and feel despair that cannot be understood unless you have experienced it. Every day, my energy is devoted to simply trying to survive my grief till the next day and take care of my family.
Due to my grief, I completely forgot about this story's existence. It was only recently I realised I am going to have to go on an official hiatus. I simply cannot write right now. I am too busy and when I'm not busy, I am so exhausted in my misery.
I hope you can all understand.
I love this story, and would definitely like to return to it one day and continue it. But I don't know when that 'one day', is.
I can promise this though, even if I can't finish my other stories, I'll unfailingly finish this one. This story is close to my heart for one main reason. All of you. I sincerely mean that. Every review, every comment, every PM about this story has always filled me with such joy and self-confidence. During times in my life when I was younger, when I had severely low self-esteem, reviews from you guys would give me the strength to believe that I had something I could be proud of.
I selfishly hope you wont completely abandon this story, and will check in on it every now and again a few months from now to see if it's being updated. I am sorry I must disappoint you all like this. A 'good story' is determined by the people who read and love it. Without the support of you all, this story would be just another low ranked jumble of words on the internet.
Because I appreciate you all, I wanted to explain properly why I haven't been writing properly and why I must go on hiatus. I didn't want to simply announce a hiatus and leave it at that. It didn't feel fair.
I hope you can all understand my decision.
This isn't goodbye, this is a 'see you when I come back.'
Thank you all,