[A/N: Welcome back. Well, not really. I'm posting these at the same time. But I shall hold you in suspense because I don't know when I'll be updating again. This is my draft of our movie and I still have to consult with Meredith, who is the authority on all things "Batman" TV show, and JT, our, er, eclectic villan. If you knew him, you would understand. So enjoy. And review, please! It's always good to have feedback from strangers. And it may even help our eventual performance!]

SCENE II -- Five Minutes Earlier

[Headquarters. COMMISSIONER GORDON and CHIEF O'HARA sit and discuss candidly of the latest success of the Dynamic Duo. They hear a knock, and then a voice. It is the RITALINER.]

RITALINER: My, my. Climbing up that building was the most fun I've had in -- oh, 5 minutes! [Insane laughter.]

O'HARA (reaching for the Bat-Phone): Who are you?

RITALINER: That's not of importance. [Thinks a moment, then reconsiders.] Oh, posh. I am the Ritaliner. My cousin is known around here I believe -- the Riddler?

GORDON: R-riddler? Y-you're related to him?

RITALINER: Yes, yes. We were going to be the greatest crime team in the world! But then -- [directs attention to the map of Gotham] wow, what a big city!

GORDON: Excuse me?

RITALINER: Wow -- um, yes. Now where was I? Oh, right. It was then I was cursed -- or blessed? -- with ADD.

O'HARA (laughing): ADD?

RITALINER: You know, Attention Deficit Disorder? I have an extremely short attention sp- ooh, look at all those little cars!

GORDON: So why did you come to Gotham City all of a sudden? To get your cousin out of jail?

RITALINER: Oh, no. That son of a gun can stay put. I'm here to rid myself of my curse. [Shakes head] I hear you have some guardians over your city who can be quite resourceful at times.

O'HARA: Surely you mean Dynamic Duo?

RITALINER: Those silly catchphrases. I heard they went by Batman and Robin. And I've also heard tales of their [air quotes] "heroic" feats. And they always have supplies. Whether it be Knockout Gas in an assortment of hues, the Bat Computer in the Batmobile, or -- my personal favorite -- Shark Repellent Bat-Spray. Sharks, that tend to explode... [drifts into dream world]


RITALINER: Right, of course. Well, I was hoping I could infiltrate the Bat Cave and-

O'HARA: Discover the Caped Crusaders' secret identities in order to sell the story to the tabloid and make a heapin' load o' cash! I knew it!

GORDON: Let the man speak, Chief! You'll get him off topic! Again!! [They glance at Ritaliner, who is ambling around the office, picking up various items]

RITALINER (snapped out of the reverie): No! That's not what I want to do! I simply want to see if they have some kind of ADD antidote in their lair! Did you think my intentions would be purely selfish, pointless, and most likely thwarted?

GORDON: Well, that seems to be the running pattern.

RITALINER: But I'm not my cousin and all his little cohorts! I'll never be one of them if they keep exiling me like they do, even from that vile prison, plopped there but those horrid local heroes... I'm sorry, what were you saying?

GORDON (suddenly on the Bat Phone and speaking into it): I was saying, Batman, that I think you need to get over here and stage a family reunion!