Hello, and welcome. This is complete and utter rubbish, as our boys have total balls. I just found the idea very amusing and wished to share. This will go through all our boys, possibly the girls and men, and involve some type of phobia.

Warnings: Swearing, Violence

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.


The Problem With Phobias

Heero and The Bug Issue

Heero twitched at the obnoxious buzzing noise, growling as the fly landed on his laptop screen and he shooed it away and got back to typing up his report.

He focused on the words on the screen and dredged up his train of thought, his fingers flying across the keyboard, growling as he had to go back and fix his grammar and spelling, the fly beginning to distract his exhausted mind. How in the hell did the little pest even get into his room? He'd only opened the door three times in the past week.

He growled.

It was probably Duo's fault. The braided moron would be dealt with accordingly as he went back to typing, getting rather absorbed, not noticing when the little pest landed on his face until it started crawling, making his skin itch uncomfortably and his eye twitch, making the fly buzz obnoxiously loudly near his head until it settled. He held still, but apparently even breathing made the irritant unsettled because it was up and flying every few breaths. Around his head.

"Omaeo korosu!" He snapped at the little pest as he swatted at it. Missing. The fly continued flying around his head.

Heero didn't give a flying fuck that he might've been hallucinating when he heard the damned bug laugh, he just knew he now had to kill the little devil.


He grabbed for it, scowling when it buzzed off into the darkness of his room and he stood, flicking on his lights and looking around his room carefully, eyes landing on the pest and lighting up. Until he saw it was on the cieling two feet above his head.

Heero growled and leaped up, waving his hand a bit spastically, just barely unable to reach it and thus disturb the stupid fly. Until he took of his shoe and tried it again, nearly squishing him until the bugger gained a sudden sixth sense and left the ceiling just as he jumped up. He lunged, tripping and landing rather ungracefully on the floor.

Oh, it was on.

Heero jumped up and angrily dove, swatted, smacked, jumped and cursed for the next three hours, eye having a very firm twitch going on by the time he had the fly in his sights. He chucked his other shoe as fast and hard as he could, grinning victoriously as he finally squashed the little pest and could finally sleep. A week without rest was taxing enough. Just a few hours and he'd send that damn report in.

Curling up under the covers with a sigh of content, being a teenager for once in his life and grabbing a shoe, chucking at his left on light switch to turn it off since he'd decided he was to comfortable to get back up again.

He closed his eyes and was drifting into a dreamless sleep when one little sound made his eyes snap open and he slowly turned his head, rather roboticly, and spied a little twitching speck on the wall across from him.

Son of a bitch.

There had been two.

Heero's Prussian blue eyes narrowed but he decided ultimately that sleep was more important, and the thing was leaving him be. He just had to block out the noise, something he could easily do after sharing a room with Duo, who gave the term "sawing logs" a whole new meaning.

He closed his eyes again and curled up, getting comfortable when he heard the buzzing again.

The fly.

Was on.


"Grahgh!" Heero snarled and smacked at it angrily, ultimately missing and ended up sprawled out on his bedroom floor with his pillow on top of his head and blankets wrapped around his legs.

He was cutting of Duo's braid. End of story. Fuck friendship if the ratbag let flies into his room.

His eye twitched rather violently and he squirmed as the fly tickled along a bare stretch of skin on his lower back.

"Why do you damn things exist!" He snarled as he turned only to watch that dastardly creature buzz off to the opposite end of his room.

He wanted sleep.


He grabbed his ever trusty shoe and began the game of man and fly once again, nearly having the creature a few times until it escaped barely by the seat of its ass. He chucked the shoe, snarling as his slowed reflexes allowed the fly to happily buzz off to another wall instead of kindly dying.

He noticed his Beretta on the desk.

He remembered it was still loaded and a malicious grin came over his face.

Ohoho! This was going to end now!

He snatched up the weapon and waited, keeping his drooping eyes peeled for the little creature, growing frustrated when it seemed to realize that it was in extreme amounts of danger and hid itself.

Clever little bastard.

So Heero resigned himself to waiting, laying back on his bed and closing his eyes, to perhaps catch a few moments rest.

He was jolted awake at the sound of his gun dropping onto the floor and groaned, rubbing at his aching eyes before leaning over and grabbing his weapon, a little confused as to why the hell he had it.

A buzz.

A heavy twitch of the eye.


"Alright you cheeky little bastard. You are going to die, right now." He murmured and lifted up his gun, smiling rather frighteningly as he sighted, not giving a flying fuck that it would probably ruin his window.

The fly would be dead, and he could sleep.

He fired, the sound ringing out in the empty house and the sound of glass shattering then tinkling onto the ground.

Thank god no one was home to see Heero brought down so low as to have to shoot out his own damn window to kill a bug.

But he got the fucker, and that was all that mattered.

As he settled in to sleep, he didn't realize that there out in a warm area, in the country.

A sad thing indeed for Heero.

Duo hummed happily as he finally arrived to their hide out at the moment, dropping his duffle on the floor and dropping onto the couch with a pleased sigh and laid his head back. Now he just had to close his eyes for a minutes...

A rather woman-esque squeal made Duo jump up and bolt towards the noise, weapon drawn as he kicked open the door just as a gunshot rang out and he kicked in the door, weapon drawn and ready for an attack.

All he saw was a gasping and wide eyes Heero holding his smoking gun at the wall.

He lowered his weapon in confusion. "Heero...?"

Heero blinked up at him rather stupidly before aiming at him and firing, nearly getting him in the face if it weren't for the fact that he dropped to the floor. "What the fuck?"

"You let those damn flies into my room didn't you? I'm going to kill you!" Heero snarled angrily.

"What the hell are you talking about Heero?" Duo demanded as he pushed himself back up, scowling angrily.

"You let flies into my room because you were in here. I didn't let any flies in. You're the only one whose been here with me." He lifted up his gun again, blinking in surprise when it was plucked from his fingers.

Duo knew Heero was ready to drop now, if he merely disarmed him by reaching out and just taking it. He didn't even really use that much force.

"Alright, you need to get to bed." Duo said and shook his head, nudging the other towards his mussed bed.

Heero puled back the covers and stiffened, leaping back and looking around frantically.

He didn't seemed to realize he'd let out a rather unmaly squeak and Heero peered over, snorting at the sight of just some large house spider.

Heero looked like he figured it to be an atomic bomb.

"Heero." He waited for a reaction while the other tried to find his trusty shoe. "Heero!" He snapped and the other snarled and turned to glare at him. "You just do this." Duo reached over and squashed the arachnid under his palm. Heero at first looked overjoyed, then when Duo nudged him into sleeping on the bed, Heero turning into a scared little girl at the thought of laying on a dead spider.

"Heero. Are... are you..." Duo snorted trying to hold back laughter at Heero's stricken look. "Are you afriad of-hah-spiders?" He covered his mouth so he could hold in the laughter better, snorting out his nose and bursting into hearty laughter when Heero scowled darkly, still edging back from his bed.

Duo rolled around of the floor whooping in laughter for a full ten minutes before he calmed and stood, wiping tears from his eyes. "Whew, oh man! Heero-I-Can-Look-At-My-Own-Broken-Bones-And-Ripped-Open-Meat-Without-Blinking is afraid of a little spider? Ha!" Duo snorted and Heero merely took his pillow and blanket and moved down to the living room.

Duo grinned rather maliciously as he thought up a fun way to torture the otherwise fearless and stone faced teen.

"Hey Heero, did you know that no matter where you go, you're no more than six feet from a spider?" He called out and Heero froze, mid step, turning wide eyes over at Duo as if to confirm and the braided devil nodded with a grin.

He wanted revenge.

Especially when he remembered that Heero had at first nearly killed him over some fucking flies. "And Heero?" He called as the boy was going down the stairs. "If you see a fly, a spider is only a foot away, hidden somewhere."

Heero made a small whimpering noise and Duo snorted, chuckling as he shook his head in disbelief and made his way to his own room. God, he loved when he got to stay with Heero.