Hi! I wrote this for the Fandom for No Kid Hungry. It was a great cause and raised lots of money. It's a one shot, but it's a long one shot so I'm going to post it in chapters. None of them will be very long.
I hope you are dancing and getting those mammograms. Thanks for reading! Judy xoxoxo
None of this belongs to me. It all belongs to SM.
Thank you to Emma for her beta'ing genius. And for going from a beta to being a friend! And to Bobbie, my lovely naughtydreamz. Always to the fabulous Bobbie who helps me make my decisions.
In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make. - Unknown
His voice was in my head. I heard it every moment of every day, no matter what I was doing – grocery shopping, brushing my teeth, talking to a colleague at work, getting my hair cut. It was constant, relentless. He whispered to me, haunted me, until I hated myself just as much as he did.
I don't know how long it took me to lose myself to him. I don't know when I let go of that last piece of myself I had been hanging on to. It just happened. I woke up one morning, and I was gone.
He adores me...
I was a happy person when I met him. I was independent, confident, optimistic, and laughed all the time. I was in love with life and knew something really wonderful was heading my way.
When Jake walked into my life, I knew my something wonderful had arrived.
He adored me. He adored me so fucking much, and it blew me away. He wanted to know everything about me, every detail of my life before him. I told him things I never told anyone – things I was ashamed of, things I regretted, things that hurt me deeply, things I was proud of, and things that made my heart soar with happiness. I told him about losing my parents, my only family, in a car accident a few years before. When he cried with me, I knew he was the one.
There were love notes and cards on my pillow, flowers, romantic trips, and mind-blowing sex. He said I saved him, that I gave him hope. Other women disappointed him, he told me, but he knew I would never let him down.
He was a little moody, a little jealous, and just a little mean at times. The voice in my head, my own voice, told me to pay attention, but these things were easy to ignore. This isn't really him, I told myself. He was just having a bad day or had a little too much to drink.
He started talking about moving in together after a few months, but I brushed it off. I liked things just the way they were. I told him I thought it was too soon, that we should wait, but he was so very persuasive, and I gave in. I would have to be crazy not to move in with him and live this dream life he promised, I thought. He talked me into giving up my apartment. His was bigger, more luxurious, and would be perfect for us, he said. I still had reservations, but I was heading to my perfect life, and I ignored that voice in my head.
He was tense the day I moved in; nothing big, but enough for me to notice. He gave me a dirty look as I tried to make room for my clothes in his closet. He criticized me for having too much crap a few times. When I rearranged his bathroom cabinet, making room for my things, he slammed the door closed after he looked at it. I made excuses for him, of course. He hadn't shared his space with anyone in a while and was just a little anxious, I told myself.
We had mind-blowing sex that night, and everything fell into place.
We ran into his old girlfriend one night, but they did not speak. He told me what a horrible person she was, how much she disappointed him.
Later, she came into the ladies room as I was walking out and touched my arm.
"You seem like a nice person so please listen to me. Run. Run away from him as quickly as you can, and don't look back."
I laughed as I walked back to our table. Bitter ex-girlfriends were so much fun.
He talked me into marrying him six months later. I resisted at first, but when he described the perfect life we would have, how he would worship and adore me for the rest of my life, I couldn't think of a reason not to marry him. Of course, the voice in my head was screaming at me to slow down and wait, to be careful, but it was easy to ignore.