Careless Whisper

Warning: Um. Guilty pleasure (crack?) fic. Pewdie/Stephano. M-rated for sexual encounters. Swearing.

Day 1

Felix awoke in a room confused, alone, and in the dark.

So it begins..., he thought to himself. He got up from the bed and went to check out the drawers. His vision started to get blurry, so he assumed his sanity was getting lower.

As he checked the room, he got a key, some tinderboxes, and oil. Still no lantern, though. Using the key to exit the room, he was only able to go one of three ways. Cocking his head to the side, the Swede scratched his scruff, "Well, let's go left."

He went down a long corridor after untrusting some statues and getting some more of the useless tinderboxes. It wasn't long before he was in a hallway and heard the ominous growl that he was so familiar with. Shit, he muttered under his breath, hightailing it out of there and going in a secret hallway hidden by a bookshelf. The hallway was short and held a lantern. It was pretty vacant, until he heard some ruffling and a loud thud. The floor was covered in barrels.

"Barrels! I fucking knew it!" He ran to them and threw a barrel at the wall, kicking the pile that was blocking his exit.

"Stop, Pewdie, it's me!" Underneath all the barrels lay a golden man who looked very, very, familiar.

"...Stephano? Is that you?" A figure got up and stood up to his full height. The man was clothed in a golden outfit that seemed to blend with his equally golden skin tone. A sheathed sword could be seen at his side, and at his full height he was a few inches taller than Pewdie.

"Ellos, Pewdie, I see you have found me!" Stephano grinned as if it was a normal day doing "Let's Plays" for the YouTube community.

"Bro! What happened to you? Y-You're human!" Pewdie stammered out; his brain was full of fuck.

Stephano and Pewdie walked to an empty room and sat down on the bed. The French-Egyptian sighed and leaned against the headboard, sitting next to Felix.

"I was talking to Martin the other day, y'know? I was waiting for you to find me and I was getting restless. So he told me to try a new laudanum for you. So I did."

Pewdie was touched at how much of a bro Stephano was, but he was also a bit confused, "Why do you look so screwed then? This just doesn't make any sense."

"It was the barrels. They switched Martin's potion with a weird poison and once I took it, I turned into a human."

"Well, there's not really anything bad about being a human. We could still have our adventures, right?"

Stephano grabbed Pewdie's hand and looked into his eyes, "I got 3 days and it's over, Pewdie. If we don't find a cure by the end of these next few days, then that's... the end of Stephano."

If Pewdie was drinking something, he would've choked on it. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, "You've gotta be joking, Stephano! You're my bro, you can't leave me after all we've been through! We've gotta find a cure, we just have to!"

"That's the thing, Martin can make a counter-potion. But the knight statues took him down to the dungeon. He has everything he needs down there, but the whole mansion is filled with barrels and bros. The problem is just getting to him."

"Well, we have to try. We've been though so much, I know we can do this."

Stephano looked down at him, "You're right. For the bros?" He held out his fist.

Felix grinned and bro-fisted him, "For the bros."

Day 2

It's been a day since they set out on their mission. Along the way, they met up with Mr. Chair, Piggeh, and Jennifer. At first they were all weirded out, but brushed it off since they'd all experienced weirder things.

"Hey Stephano, now that you're human, maybe we can... yeeeeaaah. I mean, you might not know this but for a pig, I'm pretty well- well, let's just way they don't call me long pig for nothing." Piggeh finished that off with a front flip and a piggeh slide.

Stephano shook Piggeh off of his leg and hid behind Pewdie. He snaked his arms around Pewdie's waist and whispered into his ear, "You'll protect me from him, won't you?"

Pewdie's cheeks were tinged pink. Thankfully, Mr. Chair intervened, "Guys, we gotta go to the right if we wanna head to the dungeon."

"Er, yes, the dungeon," Stephano pointed his sword towards the right, "Onward!"

After an untrusting of the knights and an encounter with a poofer, everyone was on hyper-alert mode.

"Pewdie," Jennifer's timid voice began, "After this whole human-Stephano thing passes, we should go on a date."

Stephano rolled his eyes and crossed his arms; Mr. Chair was the only one to notice the humanoid's jealous reaction.

"Jenniferrrr, I don't love youuuu," Pewdie drawled out.

"B-But, I love you Pewdie!"

"Jennifer," Pewdie sighed, "I don't love you." Stephano smirked under his hand, unknowingly catching Jennifer's attention. Jennifer saw everything.

She scampered off in a hissy fit. Pewdie was always saying something about Stephano. It was always Stephano this and Stephano that. Being a rock, she was pretty tough, but when it came to Pewdie, she was basically a grain of sand. And of course, Stephano strolled up twat-blocking her advances. It was a cycle that, to be blunt, she was getting sick of.

"If you get rid of Stephano, you could have the Swede all to yourself."

"Wha- Who's there?"

"Everyone would be content, and you'd get the Swede in the end," Jennifer was surrounded by her "soulmate's" nemesis, "All you have to do is help us."

They ganged up on her and stared her down with non-existant eyes.

She sighed, "I will help."

After going to a different area in the castle, Pewdie and Stephano (Mr. Chair and Piggeh had to be left behind) trekked through the halls trying to find the dungeon with just their instincts. They were talking and joking around; Pewdie teasing Stephano on how he would always hit his head against the wall or door.

"But Pewdie, you were the one who kept making noises by slamming me into the wall!" Stephano whined.

"I don't caaare!" Pewdie chuckled as they kept going through the halls. The conversations were small and light until they heard another growl. Pewdie turned off the lantern and they both crouched down, trying to hide from the bro. They were gonna make a run for it when the grunt ran at them instead. It went to slash at them but in it's place was a grunt-shaped cloud of dust.

"I fucking hate poofers!" Pewdie shouted at the quickly dissipitating dust cloud. Stephano would've told him to calm down, but at that moment, a ton of bros broke down the door at the end of the hall and were quickly closing the distance between them.

"AHHHH!" Pewdie shouted as Stephano grabbed him hand and dragged him to (hopefully) somewhere safe.

They made it to a vacant room and barricaded the door with crates, boxes, and a dresser. Stephano brought his finger up to his lip in a shushing motion as he turned off the lantern. Pewdie was muttering to himself about how they were fucking screwed and other obscenities.

"Pewdie," Stephano hissed, "Calm down! If we lay low for the night, they'll all get bored and leave."

Pewdie flopped on the bed, "We might as well stay here, then. We can light that candle so we don't go insane."

"Attaboy, now we can have some undisturbed bro-time!" Stephano voiced cheerfully. The way he was always so optimistic and just there for him stirred something deep inside him. So naturally, he kept his gaze on the humanoid, watching his silky clothes rustle as he lit the candle at the foot of their bed, and then the one on the nightside table. Enough light to keep them sane, but not enough to draw any unnecessary attention to them.

Pewdie's eyes still roamed hungrily over his companion, and then curiously as his eyes stopped at Stephano's headdress, "Why do you wear that?"

Stephano looked up, "Oh, this? I... don't really know. I guess old habits die hard?"

Suddenly, Pewdie got an idea, "What's your hair like? Or are you some kind of bald Buddhist?" Pewdie teased.

"Why don't you come here and find out?" Stephano teased back. The short distance between them was now almost non-existant as the Swede tackled Stephano onto the bed, trying to see what was under the headdress. Stephano was startled at first, but quickly took control as he easily flipped Pewdie over.

"The roles have changed, my friend," Stephano chided. Pewdie's face turned red and he quickly prayed Stephano didn't notice, or at least was civil enough to not mention it. He felt like such a schoolgirl, blushing because another man was pressed against him.

He wasn't even gay! But here they were, acting as if they were straight outta "Twilight". Or "Top Gun".

He was pulled out of his musings when Stephano sighed and loosened his grip on Pewdie, bit by bit, until he wasn't holding him at all. It looked like he was having some sort of internal conflict until he sighed again and rubbed his eyes.

"Pewdie, I-... This is probably gonna sound super weird and gay but I think, no, I'm pretty sure I like you." Stephano sighed out, flopping face-first onto the soft comforter, "It's stupid, I know," He groaned out.

Pewdie's mind was doing everything and nothing all at once. His first thought had been to laugh. He thought Stephano was joking, until he heard the embarassment and misery laced with his words. And as he thought more and more about it, he had been thinking of how attractive Stephano was, and all they'd been through together. The humanoid was a big part of his life, maybe the biggest.

As Pewdie thought, Stephano was sure he was disgusted with him and never wanted to talk to him again, until the Swede finally spoke up, "Well Stephano, I guess we can call this a Bromance."

It took a few seconds for Stephano to actually comprehend what was going on and once those three seconds were up, Stephano threw himself at the blonde. Light kisses were littered over the blonde's face. Stephano held the other's face in his hands, "I don't have a lot of experience but Felix, I swear to you I'll be the best boyfriend you'll ever have."

The way the French-Egyptian had said those words with such raw... passion made something in him go crazy.

Specifically in his lower regions.

Especially in his lower regions.

The two shared another heartfelt look until Stephano moved one hand to the back of Pewdie's neck, pulling him in for a kiss. It started off slow and tentative (considering neither had much experience with other men like that), but soon enough they let their carnal desires take over.

Stephano took control of the situation by crawling on top of Pewdie, making sure to straddle him well enough so their crotches were rubbing against each other. He ran his tongue along Pewdie's lower lip, making him open his mouth. As their tongues wrestled, any doubt had escaped from both of their minds. Stephano rolled his hips, creating friction between their crotches.

Pewdie moaned at the attention he was getting and in turn, making Stephano harder. Stephano stood up and smirked down at Pewdie, obviously liking the sight of the flustered Swede. He ran his hands down his sides, stopping at the hem of his shirt. In a swift movement, he took off the shirt and tossed it aside, both too busy to care at this point. Stephano went to also rid Pewdie of his pants, but he was stopped.

"Ah, ah, ah, Stephano," Pewdie waved his finger three times in front of his face. He tugged lightly at the end of the golden man's headdre, "Before we can continue, this has gotta come off."

Stephano pouted for a second before obliging. He put it on the night table (being more careful with it than the others' shirt) and shook his head to reveal a mop of golden hair. Pewdie sat up and ran his fingers through Stephano's hair, followed by sliding off his shirt. He toyed with the hem of Stephano's pants.

"Pewdie, I must warn you, I don't wear any underwear."

Pewdie looked at him and smirked coyly, "Neither do I." Pewdie slid off the other's pants, letting Stephano's member free. At seeing the cock of his partner, he blushed lightly and gave it a lick to tease Stephano. A shudder passed through his body and he coiled his fingers in the sheets. Pewdie gave him another coy grin and went to kis Stephano's cheek, leaving his dick erect and terribly undertouched. Seeing as though Stephano wouldn't let him be the only one to be teased, he attached himself to Pewdie's neck and kissed the soft skin. He must've been kissing Pewdie's sweet spot if the way he writhed underneath him was any indication. He bit down on the skin and sucked.

To make his hands useful, he unbuttoned Pewdie's pants and lifted him up by the small of his back to take his pants off in one quick motion. Still placing marks all over his neck to distract him, Stephano took Pewdie into his hand and slowly started to stroke it. As he licked over the last love bite, he gently picked up the pace of his stroking. Pewdie got louder the closer he came to releasing and Stephano knew he was close when he shuddered. Before Pewdie could come, Stephano stopped and Pewdie whined, "Stephanooooo! You're such a cocktease!"

Stephano grinned cheekily and kissed Pewdie. Stephano went to the bedside table and opened the first drawer. Inside was oil and luckily some hand lotion. He grabbed aforementioned hand lotion and poured some on his palm. Pewdie was a bit apprehensive, but who could blame him? It was already established that this was his first time.

Stephano struck a finger in without hassle. He let Pewdie get used to it before sticking in another finger. This time it was a little tougher, but that's why he used the lotion. He wriggled them around in crisscross motions to stretch him out. He repeated his actions for alittle until he stuck the last finger in.

"Relax, Pewdie. When you tense up it's a bit harder on both of us." Stephano cooed in his ears as he stretched him out for a bit longer.

He pulled them out and grabbed the lotion, pouring a generous amount on his raging hard-on. Stephano kissed Pewdie on the cheek, "Whenever you're ready."

Pewdie breathed in deeply and nodded. As Stephano slowly slid himself in, he exhaled until Stephano was completely in him. Stephano let Pewdie get accustomed before picking up speed. He moved at a slow rhythm, going in and out, in and out...

"Faster..." Pewdie sighed out in bliss. Stephano picked up his speed at a continuous pace. Pewdie was writhing under him, loving every single touch he got. Stephano's lips ghosted over his shoulders and neck, pressing lightly over previous hickeys.

Pewdie let out a moan as Stephano hit his prostate. Stephano angled his body so he could hit it easily with every thrust. He felt himself being close, so he took Pewdie in his hands and pumped him in rythm with his thrusts.

"Stephano-! I'm gonna-!" Pewdie was cut off mid-sentence as he came, right before Stephano did. The humanoid rode out his seed and pulled out. The two laid in bed, both adorning an after-sex glow.

Stephano grabbed Pewdie and coiled his arms around him, "I love you, Felix."

Pewdie grinned, "I love you too, Stephano."

Last Day

"How could you guys? You guys did the... the backwards tango without me? And I thought we all had enough trust to invite Piggeh to the party!" Piggeh was all over the place, sad that he wasn't part of the couple's action.

"I'm happy for you, Pewdie." Mr. Chair told him as Stephano and Piggeh talked.

"Thanks Mr. Chair, I'm even more determined to get to Martin now!"

The quartet all talked and laughed as they made their way down to the attic, blissfully unaware of Jennifer glaring (well, assuming she was glaring) at Stephano.

"Send grunts after Stephano... he'll learn to back off of Pewdie the hard way." The barrels rolled away and Jennifer scampered off again, keeping an eye on the four.

As the excitement died down, our favorite bros were nearing the dungeon. Piggeh was sliding around like a snake, followed by Mr. Chair, and everyone's favorite couple, Pewdie and Stephano.

The group halted as the floor shook and rumbled, dust falling all over the place. A few tense seconds passed until they heard all the doors in the hall being broken down.

"Shit!" Pewdie cursed, "Which way do we go?"

"I dunno, Pewdie, they're coming from all over the place!" Stephano was flipping out, Piggeh kept sliding around trying to think and Mr. Chair was contemplating chairmode.

Their thoughts were cut short as the first bro came through, immediately followed by the sound of the other doors breaking .

"I-I don't like the sound of those bros! Chairmode activate: boop!" Mr. Chair shouted as Piggeh slid his way under a bro and into a closet.

Pewdie and Stephanno ran away and back-tracked, dodging claws and the like. Pewdie was ahead of Stephano, who was slashing away at bros with his sword. It stopped them momentarily but didn't do any other damage. Stephano was surrounded and his sword was smacked away, leaving him defenseless.

"Go Pewdie!" Stephano shouted as the grunts started to take him away, "I'll try to find Martin before it's too late!"

Pewdie was terrified. He wanted to save Stephano, but he didn't have any skills that would be able to help, unless the bros wanted to see him dance.

"You better come back to me, Stephano!" Pewdie shouted back as he ran away, thankful that the bros were too busy to notice him.

As soon as he felt he put enough distance between him and the bros, he focused on tracking down Mr. Chair. He'll know what to do.

Pewdie and Mr. Chair were a short jog's distance away from the barrels and Stephano. The golden man was on the floor, crippled with pain. The posion was now working overdrive and was on it's way to his heart.

"I'll make a distraction. Pewdie, we only have a few minutes to save Stephano." Mr. Chair whispered. Before Pewdie could say anything, Mr. Chair threw himself towards a glass side table, screaming gibberish and knocking down furniture. The barrels rolled in to see what was going on and Pewdie jumped over them, closing the door on them. He waited until he heard Mr. Chair thump something against the other side of the door before he could go and tend to Stephano.

Stephano's arms were wrapped around his torso; he lay completely still. He didn't even notice Pewdie shaking him until he felt a cold hand gently smacking against the side of his face.

"Fuck, Stephano, wake up!" Pewdie cussed, and then cussed in Swedish, "We're so close to making it, Piggeh's getting the anti-posion right now! Just a couple more minutes, god damnit!"

Stephano coughed, "Be honest with me Felix, would you say... I became a hero?"

Pewdie nodded, "Of course, Stephano! Stephano, I love you, please stay!" The Swede was on the verge of a panic attack as Stephano's golden tint grew rapidly paler until he was an unhealthy shade of grey. Pewdie leaned down to kiss Stephano and cringed at his cold skin.

Stephano stiffened, "I love you too, Pewdie."

As the sun went down, Stephano became completely stiff and disintigrated, until all that was left was a pile of silver and gold dust.

Pewdie dry sobbed, "I fucking hate poofers..."


"Felix, it's me, calm down!"

"Huh- Stephano?" Pewdie turned on the lamp and looked to see his girlfriend, Marzia. He looked around dazedly, but then it hit him. Marzia left to get him water, and by the time she came back he was calmed down.

"I had the weirdest dream..." Pewdie sighed out, rubbing his eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"...No, let's just go back to sleep, okay?"

Marzia looked him over, "Okay. I love you, Pewdie."

"...I love you too, Marzia."

Author's Note

This is finally fucking done. I started in Spring Break, had been writing irregularly, finished it like 3 months ago and finally typed it and published it.

Anyways. This is my guilty pleasure fic. Don't judge.