Wake up, Little Bonesie

Harry Potter Songfiction by: A J

Original lyrics by: the Everly Brothers

(Standard Disclaimers Apply)

Ron wakened blearily, his muddled senses taking in the darkened room around him. The day finally caught up with him as he realized he was in a messy theater, and … yep, his date was here as well. Her grunt as he gently shook her shoulder was cute, but horribly inappropriate, considering their circumstances.

Wake up, little Susie, wake up,

Wake up, little Susie, wake up,

It had been a great idea at the beginning … He'd taken the Wizarding-raised girl of his dreams out on a traditional Muggle date: dinner and a movie. He'd have to remember to thank his best mates for their advice.

We've both been sound asleep,

Wake up, little Susie, and weep,

The movie's over, it's four o'clock, and we're in trouble deep.

Maybe if he hadn't done the whole Muggle thing so thoroughly? But on sight of the pizza parlor next to the old theater touting a midnight double feature picture show hailed as a cult classic, he'd known just what to do. They'd enjoyed something called a deep-dish Sicilian and an antipasto salad, taking their time and telling jokes about their respective housemates. Ron had even remembered Hermione's many reminders about manners in public, and had restrained himself heroically in the face of the glorious food brought out to them. Still, they'd finished it all between them, and the plentiful repast had worked its soporific ways on them partway through the second movie.

Wake up, little Susie,

Wake up, little Susie,

Looking at the watch Harry had loaned him for the night, Ron let out a whistle. Even for teenagers, this was late. Late, late! Of course, they had just taken an unintentional nap …

Well, what're we gonna tell aunt Amelia,

What're we gonna tella your bro,

What're we gonna tell our friends when they say ooh-no-no,

"C'mon, Bones! I don't think we're supposed to still be in here …" he whispered to her, shaking her shoulder again. She gave a snort, turned his way, and settled onto his shoulder to a chorus of gentle snores. Ron sighed, and settled back again himself. 'Guess a few extra minutes won't hurt,' he mused. He figured someone would come by to make sure the theater was empty soon enough. Until then, he gave the auburn-haired girl next to him a smile, and a chaste kiss to the forehead. "We are soooo in for it when we get back to Hogwarts, Bonesie."

Wake up, little Susie,

Wake up, little Susie,

"Yes, you are," said a gruff voice quietly from behind them. Ron practically leaped out of his skin, and Susan awoke with a start as his shoulder bounced her back into her own seat.

"Hwa ..?" she managed fuzzily. Ron meanwhile was scrambling for his wand, forgetting for a moment Sue had tucked it in her purse along with hers when they sat down in the pizza parlor. Neither of them had wanted to risk alerting the Muggles around them to the mystical in their midst.

Well, we told your auntie that we'd be in by ten,

Well, Suzie baby, looks like we goofed again,

"Forgot something, Weasley?" a very scarred face asked from over him. "I thought my imposter had taught you all better than that; Constant vigilance!" former Auror Alastor 'Mad-eye' Moddy hissed triumphantly, reminding Susan and Ron more of their potions professor than his Death-Eater doppleganger at the moment.

"Gha! What're you doing here?" Ron managed to gasp out, while Susan was rummaging none-too-subtly in her purse for their wands.

"Keep 'em put away, Girl! We need to get you two out of here. Have either of you side-alonged before ..? Scratch that; I've seen it for myself. Stand up!" Moody hoarsed.

Wake up, little Susie,

Wake up, little Susie,

We gotta go home.

Two minutes and a dark alcove later, the three were abruptly in Hogsmeade, and Susan was looking distinctly worse for wear. "Oh, I hate side-along," she gulped, and threw up her dinner. Moody just grunted, and vanished the sick when she had finished.

"Should have stayed away from them fizzy drinks, Bones. There's a reason Wizarding folk still stick with pumpkin juice."

"Yeah, could we save the lecture on the care and feeding of non-apparating Muggles for another time, Mad-eye? I'm not feeling much better," Ron moaned.

"With your stomach, that's saying something, Weasley," was the gruff reply. "Come on, then. You two've go teacher to appease."

"Oh, noooo," Susan moaned. "Aunt Amelia …"

Wake up, little Susie, wake up,

Wake up, little Susie, wake up,

"What were you two thinking?" the monocled Bones matriarch yelled at them in her silenced classroom a short while later. "Of all the stupid times to go off and do stupid things … You two are lucky you dressed as Muggles as well as you did. AH!" she continued, holding a hand up at their burgeoning defensive faces. "I don't care if you're both of age or not. The new Statutes of Secrecy distinctly forbid random wandering for any students of Hogwarts, until they've finished their NEWT year. I repeat; you were LUCKY. Bulstrode and Longbottom were both attacked tonight, and we still don't know if it was by Muggles or Death Eaters. And after what happened to Burbage … Get back to your dorms for now, fifty points from Hufflepuff and Gryffindor, a week's separate detentions with me, and you are both forbidden to return to Hogsmeade for the rest of this weekend, or the next ones. Is that clear?" Susan and Ron could only nod, and scamper out of her sight. Moody stepped into her office when they were gone.

"Think it'll stick, that punishment?"

"It had better," Amelia sighed. "She's all the family I have left, Alastor. If anything happened to her …"

"It's alright, Lia. I get it. I dare say we've got enough dark witches on our hands with the Black sisters out there. Rest assured, we'll all do our best to ensure you aren't going to become one too." His scarred face assumed the closest possible likeness of his old familiar smirk, and Amelia gave him a chuckle.

"You're too kind, Alastor. Me becoming the next bad thing would be the LEAST of your worries. So … where did you find them?"

The movie wasn't so hot,

It didn't have much of a plot,

We fell asleep, our snidget's cooked, our reputation is shot.

Susan gave Ron a soft parting kiss – after she'd had a chance to cast a breath-freshening charm – at the stairway where they'd have to split for the night. "Good night, noble Gryffin," she sighed against his lips. "Parting is such sweet sorrow."

"Just a pity we'll have to wait out the rest of the year to catch the other half of that second movie," Ron said, smiling into their next kiss.

"What was it called again? I know the first one was the Stony Fearful Portrait Spectacle, or something like that …" An unsuccessfully-smothered laugh interrupted them.

"You … you took my long-lost sister to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Weasley?"

Wake up, little Susie,

Wake up, little Susie,

"Haaaarryyyy …" Susan groaned, turning to glare at her boyfriend's best mate in Hogwarts.

"And its sequel," Ron said sheepishly. "Though I don't really get it, mate. I mean, people were yelling things and throwing stuff at the screen …"

"I've still got rice in my hair," Sue said, shaking her braids. Sure enough, a scattering of dried rice fell in a circle around her. Harry started chuckling, then caught sight of Mrs. Norris.

"I'll explain it all tomorrow … Back to bed, Susan. Could you escort her there, Missus Norris?" he asked ingeniously, taking Ron's elbow. "I'll escort Mister Weasley myself."

"Ever the bloody apple-polisher," Susan chortled, grinning as vanishing the rice she'd shed. She followed the cat, after muttering wickedly "How very Hufflepuff!"

"Worse than Percy, he is," Ron agreed with a smirk as the two Gryffindors watched her go.

"Where my sister's concerned, absolutely," Harry countered, turning them back toward their House's tower. "Can you say any different, where Ginny's concerned?"

Well, what're we gonna tell aunt Amelia,

What're we gonna tella your bro,

What're we gonna tell our friends when they say ooh-no-no,

"Point made, Harry. Look, I'm sorry I got us in trouble, it's just … I wanted to show her a proper first date this year, you know? I mean, our only try last spring was a complete wreck, thanks to Hermione and Lavender."

"That was your own fault, Ron!" Harry laughed, as they climbed the last staircase. "You really could have ended it better with both of them … 'course, that would have still been tough since you were dating them both at the same time …"

"Fish sticks," Ron said to the Fat Lady, and they clambered through the portrait hole. "Like you had any easier time trying to split with Morag when Daphne decided she rather fancied you after all, mate?" Ron returned, as they headed up to the Seventh-Year boys' dorm.

'Yawn!' "Tell me all about it tomorrow, Ron. I'm back off to bed …" Harry was barely done kicking his trainers off before he was snoring.

Wake up, little Susie,

Wake up, little Susie,

Wake up, little Susie,

"So," was heard from a voice in the dark when Susan finally stepped into her own dorm room. "How was your date, Miss juvenile delinquent?" Another quiet voice said "Lumos," and Sue could see all her female Hufflepuff yearmates waiting up for her expectantly.

"Wellll … Have any of you heard of the Rocky Horror Picture Show?"