The beach was desolate; it was the dead of night after all. She watched the mass of tiny waves crash onto the beach and glide up to her position, soaking her ankles for the umpteenth time. The water was icy, as you would expect in the middle of winter. She didn't care.
Her mind was in a different place, before the hell of the last 2 months unfolded, before he had entered her life and changed everything forever. She remembered his touch and her skin crawled, the involuntary shudder that ran down her back from this was the only way for anyone to tell she wasn't in fact an odd shaped statue on the beach.
She had been standing there for hours, looking over at the icy water with her hands thrust deep into her jacket pockets. She wind whipped up every now and then, causing her to grimace and stare reproachfully out over the sea of darkness before her.
They had called this "the coldest winter since the 1800s" but that wasn't true. She remembered that story about the freak weather of 1963, long before she was born, but a story her parents often told her as a child all about how they had to use a shovel to get out of their front doors because the snow piled up so thick, and when it melted there were so many burst pipes you couldn't go down a street without the sound of running water hitting your ears.
She closed her eyes as she remembered those days as a child, curled up in front of her granddad's fire listening to his stories of the Second World War. She would be enthralled at the battles he told her of, even after her Nan had told her he's making it all up and outraged by the tricks the Germans had played on the battlefield.
She smiled slightly at those memories, before the bitterly cold water that had engulfed her feet yet again bought her back to the present. She opened her eyes slowly, silently pleading with the skies to let her be anywhere else but that cold, lonely beach trying not to remember him. But alas, only she could change her location, and she didn't want to move anymore.
She stared out over the unrelenting waves and sighed. She could hear their voices now, desperately calling her over the whistling of the high winds, begging her to call back. For a moment she considered it, running into the arms of the people who had proven they cared so much about her, and settling in a nice warm hospital bed and allowing a sedative to creep through her body, sending her into a deep, comfortable sleep…
She blinked and snapped herself back to the present, away from the temptation. In her mind the images of him flashed before her, and his rough touch once again became her reality as her mind once more succumbed.
She sank to her knees as yet another wave of icy water washed over her feet, extracting her hands from her jacket and hugging herself tightly. The tide was coming in fast, in a few minutes the area she was kneeling would be engulfed in 6ft of water. She didn't care, her mind was trapped in the past, trapped in the events of two months ago.
The voices that she heard were no longer trailing on the wind; they were loud as if they were only a few metres away. As she once again came to her senses, she turned to see the people she felt safest with all trudging over in her direction, but they still didn't see her, the wind was billowing into their faces.
Again the temptation to run to safety surfaced, but it was soon replaced with a different feeling, something that was alien to her. The feeling was banishing every last sense of worry or fear from her body and giving her a new aim.
She stood up slowly, much to the surprise of the voices behind her who immediately began hollering her name over the now shrieking wind. She didn't hear them. Her mind was too focused on a new goal; the last act of her life would be to die.
She moved her feet slowly and felt waves of cramp emanate up her legs from where she had been standing for so long. She didn't care. Slowly she placed one foot in front of the other, and began to walk towards her destination.
The voices behind her were reaching a higher pitch as they grew closer, and as some caught on to her plans the shouting turned to screaming. Still she walked. The journey was becoming agonisingly slow, the stiffness from her legs and the icy cold water which was now up to her waist almost halting her journey long enough for her to be saved. Almost.
She shuffled through the water now, allowing it to creep up past her shoulders, and still she kept going. She could now hear the splashes of everyone she cared about entering the water in a desperate attempt to save her but she could already feel her senses failing, as her body succumbed to the sheer cold.
Although every move was agonisingly slow, she pushed on until her entire form was submerged beneath the toiling waves, as if she was never there.