A Mothers Love
Alice sat in her sons room rocking him slowly from side to side trying to lull him into a peaceful sleep. It was three am and he was having a restless night. No matter what she did he just couldn't settle, if she lain him in his cot minutes later he'd be awake crying for her. Daddy couldn't soothe him this time, if she left him, Robbie would cry until he was in her arms once again. The moon glowed casting the room with an ethereal glow, with that glow she could see her sons features. He had a dark blond hair that was tinted with brown streaks, the same shade as his daddy's, his blue green eyes peered at her from behind a small button nose and a mouth that was forever creased in an infectious smile.
This little boy never ceased to amaze her. Every day she watched him grow a little more, saw him learning how to navigate his world, slowly he was becoming more independent, more confident, more of an individual and this filled her with an indescribable sense of pride. Robert wasn't an extension of her or Danny or even a combination of both of them. He was his own person, his personality unique, and every day it thrilled to learn something else about him. He was her beacon when the world became dark, her warmth when she was cold. Anytime when pressures from work or family commitments were pressing down on her she remembered why she did it all, she did it for her children and when their faces materialised in her mind then all those pressures which had once stressed her out simply melted away into obscurity. They no longer existed.
The only people in the world she truly needed were her kids, forget her father, forget Rowan, even Danny too. The people she needed most were her babies Charlotte and Robert. Even now sat with her little man at 3am, sleep deprived and more tired than she had ever felt in her life didn't change anything. Robbie needed her and she wouldn't hesitate to be there, for absolutely anything. It would be so easy and cliché to say she'd die for her kids, but that wasn't enough. To say she lived for them was more appropriate, if anything happened to them then she didn't want to exist, she'd end up an empty shell, all the life within her extinguished.
She wished she could remember every moment she had with her baby. They didn't stay little long, already she had forgotten so much, she couldn't remember every day and that thought filled her with a deep intense sadness. The baby years were over in the blink of an eye and before she knew it, her tiny boy would be a headstrong child, (Just like his father no doubt!) then a mischievous teenager trying to get his own way (like his sisters Rosie Liv and Charlie) and then after that she'd have to let him go and make his own way into a big world. Rosie Liv and Charlie was proof of this, all three of them were in varying stages of this growth. Rosie had left, Liv would soon be following and the day when Charlie would leave the nest was looming.
She'd heard Robbie babbling away to himself the other day while he studied a rattle, just chatting away. Then he barked at her and was irritated when he couldn't communicate what he wanted properly. He was sitting up by himself too, much too eager to be doing things for himself. Already she was beginning to feel like he needed her less and less. His eyes finally fluttered closed and she remained still a moment before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his small head. Usually through the day Robbie was a daddy's boy, mummy didn't get a look in but at night when he was tired and cranky or in tears it was mummy he wanted, mummy who soothed him. She gazed at her child. How could she have doubted this? Even for a second. He and Charlie were her greatest accomplishments. Whatever the future held nothing would ever equal tem. She and Danny could be heralded as the worlds greatest vets, they could be given plaques exalting them, medals in their honour and still they didn't even come close to her kids, to the pride she felt whenever she looked at her children. They were perfect, even screaming, crying, having a tantrum and generally being pains still they were flawless.
Robbie sighed in his sleep and she shifted him so his head was rested against her shoulder. She rubbed his back rhythmically. She wished she could fully explain the rush of emotion she felt at the thought or sight of her children but she couldn't, word's didn't exist yet which could convey the true extent of how she felt. She would do anything to ensure they grew up happy and healthy. Already Robbie and Charlie were confident and hopefully they knew she was here for them whenever she was needed, no questions asked.
Danny walked in the room rubbing his eyes tiredly. She could see he wore pyjama bottoms and a blue t-shirt from the glow of the moon. "You ok?" she whispered.
He shook his head. "I missed you." he nodded to their son. "Want me to take over?" his voice soft in the darkness.
She shook her head and motioned him across.
He crept soundlessly across the carpet and glanced down at his infant son who slept peacefully on his mothers shoulder. "Madonna and Child." he murmured caressing her cheek.
She snorted softly in reply.
Even though Alice said she didn't need him to take over he found himself lifting their child into his arms and cradled him gently. Alice watched him and still now it amazed her how such a tall man could turn into marshmellow when it came to his kids. She'd see him looking at them sometimes and she knew he felt like she did. The amazement, the pride every emotion you could feel just flooding you like a tidal wave and it was written all over his face. He laid their son down in his cot. Alice stood up and watched him tuck Robbie in gently. They stood looking at him a minute.
"He's the best isn't he? They all are." he told her.
She nodded. "They are the best of you, the best of me and none of our flaws, and we have enough of them."
When Robbie didn't cry Danny put his arm around Alice's waist and led her from the room. They lay side by side on their double bed holding each other tightly. The room was warm and quiet and she found herself counting her blessings, for Charlie, for finding her way here to this man and the family she didn't even know was waiting for her. She had Danny and her kids she was home.
"What you thinking about?" he asked softly.
"Our kids." she replied. "And us, how lucky I am."
He kissed her softly.
"I love you so much, do you know that?" she told him.
"No but really. I look at you and not only do I see the father of my kids but my partner, my best friend, the person who pushes me to be better than I am. Someone who makes me so happy but sometimes angry….at the same time! It's not always easy loving you but I couldn't imagine not doing it. Not looking at you and seeing the person who makes my heart beat."
He put her hand on her cheek, everything she said there was clear in her eyes overtime she looked at him, and he still didn't know how he did it. It felt like he'd tricked her into falling for him and he was waiting for the penny to drop. "All that goes without saying." his voice husky with emotion. "And I know that you know that I love you more than is rational. I mean it too, I'm crazy with it!" he admitted. "You make my head spin but keep me grounded."
"I live to serve." and she gave him the smile she kept just for him. Silence fell once again and the peace of slumber was coming.
"Oh." she said voice laced with sleep. "I forgot to tell you Rosie rang earlier she and Max have made up. That talk you gave her helped."
"Talk?" she laughed. "I'm glad you think we talked!" more like Alice repeating heatedly Rosie are you insane? If you loive him get back there!
"And Charlie lost one of her shoes again." he added.
"In the dam?" she knew her daughter well.
"Then there is Robbie's general madness…. they're all crazy…." he trailed off.
"But ours." she finished for him.
And that is what being a mother is all about. It's about the happy times and the hard times. Being there at three am with zero sleep. When your kids make mistakes and fall down you pick them up and guide them back to the right path. It's about unconditional love and attention for life. Being a mother is a gift and your children are treasures and nothing will ever replace or replicate them.
A/N this was written for my son, it's his bday today. It took me ten minutes, literally just thought of him and the words few from my pen. what is written up there really doesn't come close to how i feel but its the best i have. So happy birthday Kieran, love you unreal amounts - the world, moon and stars forever and always x