AN: Hi all! Welcome to The Pain, please read the first few chapters before you judge.
AU. Bella took Edward's leaving to a whole new level. She becomes violent and lashes out on a fellow school mate, putting them in the hospital. When Charlie is advised to take serious measures, he get's right on it. Soon after, Charlie has Bella "working" on her problems in therapy. Or so he thinks. When Bella isn't too keen on her therapist, what lengths will she go to get rid of them? What is going to happen to our poor Bella? Filled with revenge, lots of revenge. Add a little Victoria and we have ourselves a fanfiction. PsychoBella will ensue in my version of New Moon. Rated M for graphic violence.
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I may occasionally mention some other name brand and, chances are, I don't own that either. I own the plot though. :)
The Pain, Chapter 1. The Beginning of the End
~Friday, September, 30th, 2011~
"Bella, we're leaving."
I don't know why I do this. Torture myself with his final words. The pain I feel when I think of him is indescribable.
It feels like someone punched a hole in my chest and ripped out everything within my body. Everything. My lungs. My heart... My soul. When I think of him I can't breathe. It's like a plastic bag was placed on my head, suffocating me. When I think of him I wonder how my heart is still beating. How can it? It beats for him, always him. From all of this pain I feel, it should affect the artery in some way. Shouldn't it? My soul. When he left, he took it with him. Wanted or unwanted, it will be with him for the rest of eternity.
Funny. I remember when Carlisle was telling me his views, at my dreaded birthday party. How he doesn't believe he has a soul, that it left him when he became what he is. Of course I don't believe that. He has a soul. They all do. Although, I do suppose I am a bit biased... No. He has a soul, and it is the most beautiful soul ever known by anybody ever. Yes, yes he does. How could one love as he does without one? How could he love me with such passion, such excitement, without a soul?
But he doesn't love you. Not now, not then, not ever.
I sucked in a sharp breath at these thoughts. Of course he doesn't love me. I don't deserve him. Right now, he's probably with another girl. Holding her hand, whispering words of his love, pressing his cold, hard lips against hers-
I have to stop this. The green monster is perching itself on my shoulder. I am so selfish. I deserve every bit of the pain that has been inflicted on me for thinking such selfish thoughts. No wonder he left you. How can I be jealous when this girl is obviously making him happy. More happy then I ever could.
The thought of him being happy almost made the right side of my lips curve upward.
I haven't smiled in weeks. to be exact. Even little ones that nobody would notice. I just can't, not without him...
My thoughts were interrupted by a light knocking on my bedroom door.
I lifted my cheek off of my cold, wood floor and slowly put my legs up, cross legged. That was often where I was; on the floor. I couldn't bring myself to get up into my bed. And besides, the cold was a welcomed feeling.
"Bells?" My father asked "can I come in?"
I got up fully then, I opened the door to Charlie in. My dad was a quiet man. Liked to keep to himself. That's where I get it from. He gave my brown hair some curls, although, his has long since gone flat. We also share a pair of big brown eyes and semi-albino skin. I lived in Phoenix, Arizona almost my entire life and he is the reason I can't catch a tan. I guess I know how they have felt for decades... My dad is currently standing in the doorway holding a plate of cheese pizza.
I sighed. The grease on the cheese was making my stomach churn. I wasn't really hungry, despite the fact I don't remember the last time I ate anything. I looked down at my wrist, noticing that it looked a bit thinner then I remembered. I really did need to eat more. Charlie was probably worried, and I made a promise. A promise that I can't break no matter how much I want to.
"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I cringed at the echo of his words.
Remembering Charlie's presence, I turned to go sit on my bed, motioning him to follow.
"I ordered some pizza." he stated. I gave him a curt nod. He cleared his throat and continued. " So, ah, How ya' doing?"
"Well," Some more throat clearing "I was thinking, maybe you should start going back to school. It's been almost a month." I cocked my head and continued to stare at him "I'm afraid you might be falling behind or something."
I rose an eyebrow at him. "I'm fine." He didn't look convinced. "Maybe Angela can bring my school work here or something" I said in a quiet voice, right before taking a large bite out of my pizza. Mmm, maybe I am hungry...
After a few more bites of my dinner and all the while thinking that maybe I was too quiet, and he didn't hear me, he finally went on. "Hon, you know I care about you, and well...you haven't stepped foot out of the house since he left and you only leave your room for the bathroom. I really think you should go back to school."
Cringing again, I thought about his words. He did have a point. I do need to go back...but...I don't know if I would be ready for all of the reminders...and the questions.
Oh God, I'm not ready.
"Look. Your mother and I have been talking and-" Uh-oh, they were talking, this must be big. " we feel that maybe you should finish school in Jacksonville. Maybe a fresh start is what you need..."
I looked him as if he grew two heads and started tap dancing. "What?" I asked, it my voice was instant and the loudest I have spoken in months. Maybe I heard him wrong?...
He put his head in his hands and took a deep breath before looking up. "We just feel it would be best if you got some distance and-" I didn't give him time to finish.
"NOO!" I screamed "I-I mean. Don't you want me here?" I can't leave, I can't! Leaving would mean letting go and I can't do that! It would also mean giving up. Giving up any chance of him returning... He went on, unaware of my mental hysterics.
"Of course I do! I just- you go first Bella, before what I want, always, and I just want you to move on."
"No dad, no, please! I'll go to school, I'll get straight A's, I'll stay out of the house. Just please dad!" I pleaded, now with fresh tears going down my face.
"It's not that I want you out of the house- Alright, alright. Just...be safe." He said with a kiss to my forehead. He then, picked up my now half-empty plate and left the room.
Taking my usual spot on the floor, I curled up into the fetal position, and let the memories take over. The last thing I remember before closing my eyes was velvety voice whispering "You're not good for me Bella."
~Monday, October 3rd, 2011~
Looking in the mirror, I began to take notice of, just how unhealthy I was.
The figure staring back at me had long stringy hair that reached the middle of her torso. Not the curly auburn locks I was used to seeing. In place of the ivory satin, her skin was ghost white and oily. Her once large eyes were now swollen and had purple rings surrounding them.
I felt disgusting. I quickly turned the shower on, making sure to turn the heat on as far as it could go. After waiting a few minutes for the water to warm, I jumped in. It was scolding, just what I needed. I scrubbed every inch of my skin raw, making red patches appear. After the initial washing, I made sure to do a thorough job of shaving.
My shower took a bit longer than I anticipated so I quickly Toweled off, and got dressed. I picked out a pair of light blue skinny jeans, I topped it with a white cotton, long sleeved, v-neck, shirt. Underneath, I wore I navy blue camisole.
After brushing my teeth, I devoured a piece of toast without even tasting it. Throwing on my favorite pair of converse, I ran out the door.
Only I would be late my first day back at school...
After being absent for a whole month, it's not necessarily wise to show up five minutes late to class.
"Nice of you to make an appearance Miss. Swan." Mr. Johnson, my physics teacher stated.
Every head in the class room then turned up from their books to look at me simultaneously as I closed the door. I felt the heat rise to me cheeks as I rushed to take my seat.
"We were just discussing the woes kinematics. Please open your textbook to page 422, and summarize your thoughts on the paragraph shown." He continued.
Turning to the page Mr. Johnson asked, I realized, to my relief, I already learned about this subject. I suppose that's one of the perks of having a vampire boyfriend with a photographic memory and more degrees then the number of years you have been alive for a tutor. I blushed, thinking of how most of those tutoring sessions ended...
"You are very distracting." Edward mumbled.
He was trying to breakdown one of the homework questions I got caught on, only I wasn't paying attention in the slightest. Instead, I was trailing slow and lingering kisses up his delicious neck.
"Really? I can't see how this can be distracting in any sense of the word." I whispered into his ear before nibbling on his it.
"You're going to get it." He sang.
"I'm counting on it." I growled
As soon as the words left my mouth, I found myself on the ground underneath a snarling Edward, whose face was just a mere inch from mine.
"I would honestly like you to learn something from these little meeting we have in my bedroom." He said.
"That sounded very dirty, I don't recommend ever saying that in front of Charlie unless you never want to be within a three mile radius of me ever again." I giggled before adding "Besides, I'm learning plenty." I stated
"Oh, really?" He argued with a raised brow.
"Yes, x can only equal the remainder of this equation after the divisible number is multiplied by three, then added by the number of dimes earned on Monday, as stated in the in the problem."
"Smart ass." He smiled, before leaning in to place his lips on mine.
I giggled as he blew air on my mouth, tickling my upper lip. He took this moment to lightly suck on my lower lip. Moaning, I returned the favor to his full upper lip.
After a few minutes, I needed some air, as if reading my mind, he pulled back. Placing his large hands around my waist, he slowly leaned back in, brushing his cold lips against mine once more.
I pushed his chest up and flipped us over so I was straddling him. I couldn't technically push him up, but he got the message.
"What do you think you're doing?" He asked
"Changing it up." I replied. He laughed and raised his hands so they were on my ribs. Then, surprising me, he began tickling me!
I squealed and broke out into laughter. "Stop! Stop! Please! Oh my God! Stop!" I screamed in between laughs. He began laughing as well then, as if my pleas were a big joke. "It's not funny! Oh God! Stop!" Of course, he kept going. " How would you like it if I could tickle you to death!?" I said, still smiling.
That got him to stop. With a smile he asked, " Would you like to try?" I nodded and placed my hands on his ribs.
"Ready?" I asked, biting my lip to help cover the grin that was threatening to break through.
"As I'll ever be." He replied. At his words I began tickling his thick, muscular torso. It didn't seem to be doing anything so I stopped.
"Darn," I muttered. "I was really hoping I could get you back."
"Sorry, love." He whispered with a peck on my pouty lips. "You'll get me back one way or another."
I never did.
Before I knew it the bell was ringing to announce the end of class. I handed my completed summary in, then headed out the door.
I pulled on my black pea coat without buttoning it and stepped outside of the building. Of course I can't be left alone for a minute or two, because that would be just plain ridiculous, so out of the good in her heart Jessica decided to fire questions at me faster than I could say "hello, Jessica.".
"Hey, Bella!" Jessica screeched. "Wait up!" She screamed running towards me.
"So your back now? What were you doing for the past month? I heard, the Cullens moved to L.A. They're so lucky, right? I mean, I would give anything to move to Cali and get out of Rain Central Station, wouldn't you? Well, you should, you really need a tan. Hey, I also heard that Edward took you out in the middle of nowhere and dumped you! What a douche! If that's how I broke up with Mike-which I did, not the other way around, don't listen to him, De-Nile ain't just a river in Egypt, ya' know? What were we talking about? Oh, yeah! Anyhoo, I would feel, like, so bad! That's just mean! Edward totally doesn't look like the type of person to do that!" She fired.
"Jess..." I started
"And it's not like I don't get it, because I do, I mean, I've been broken up with a few times, so I know how it feels, but like, you didn't have to get all emo on us and stuff."
"I mean, it was one guy, come on! It's like, cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it, right!"
"Jessica!" I snapped.
"What?" She asked, obviously annoyed that I interrupted her.
"I really don't want to talk about it."
"Oh, um, kay..."
"Could you um, spread that around. I really don't want to talk about this and if anyone's going to get the whole school to know that, it's you Jess." That seemed to cheer her up.
"Yeah, totally! See you in French Bella!"
She flashed me one more smile for good measure and skipped off. I really hoped that Jess put her mad gossiping skills out there and saved me from yet another awkward conversation, I would be sure to hate.
~Friday, October 14th, 2011~
True to her word Jessica told the entire school. Even people I don't know, who I'm pretty sure wouldn't be asking me anything in the first place. I didn't have to answer a single question.
Yes, everybody did stare. Yes, people did point. And yes, people did whisper. Yes, I did have to bolt out of history and run into the bathroom to sob uncontrollably because we were discussing the Spanish Influenza. Yes, I almost had a panic attack in the library, because when I was finished crying in the girls bathroom stall, I ran in there, where I planned to stay for the duration of history, only to discover that the desk I chose to sit was also where Edward scratched into the table, inside a big heart formed by rose stems, read:
EC LOVES BS
But nobody talked to me. Nobody asked me any questions whatsoever, and for that, I am relieved.
Hmm, I wonder why Mrs. Newton hasn't asked Mike to ask me when I was going to start work again. Maybe they fired me...oh well.
I thought this as I walked to my truck at the end of school on this wondrous Friday afternoon, almost a full two weeks since I began school again.
The entire time I was here, I was silent. I answered a few questions asked by teachers but otherwise, I did not speak once.
At lunch I just looked down at my tray and picked at my food, ignoring anyone who tried to start a conversation with me. After the first two days, I realized that people just weren't going to understand that I wasn't going to talk to them, I moved to the now vacant, Cullen table.
That was where Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper sat the entire four years they attended Forks High, and where Alice sat for the first three years she attended. And most importantly, this is where he sat for two and a half years.
Last year, Edward and I occasionally left our little bubble to go sit with either my group of friends or the Cullens. He made sure that I only sat here when everybody was properly fed.
I had all of my classes except one with him and the one that I had by myself I sat alone for, so all of the chairs next to me were empty in all of my classes.
Charlie was his usual self and didn't ask me all kinds of unwanted questions. Having Charlie for a dad really came in useful in times like these. Then again, I really don't think any other eighteen year old girl worried about her vampire boyfriend leaving her, and then putting her into a painful, spiraling depression...
With all this digress aside, I just really hope that things go like this for the rest of the school year.
~Monday, October 17th, 2011~
So far so good I thought as I walked out of my last class before lunch.
As I sat down in my usual seat I noticed Lauren's glare was turned up on full force and was aimed at me from across the room.
Just ignore it Bella. I silently told myself and dug into my Caesar salad.
Half way through lunch, I looked up and noticed Lauren was still scowling at me.
sighing I stood up to go dump my tray. As I was going to turn out of the room and use the remaining lunch hour to go check out the book Mrs. Meyer asked the class to read for literature in the school library. Lauren jumped up in front of me.
"Yes?"I asked in a polite tone.
"Oh, nothing..." She said.
"Then why don't you cool your glare down, and excuse me. I am not in the mood."
When is anybody in the mood?
She then mumbled something about "Emo Bella"
"Pardon?" I asked, still keeping my tone polite.
"I said, that you have transformed from an Ugly Annoying Bella into an Overdramatic Emo Bella, who didn't deserve him in the first place."
I cringed at the truth in her words.
"You know I'm right, don't you? We all think you're crazy!" She said gesturing to all of the students in the room. The people at the nearest table were all looking down now, not meeting my gaze.
I felt the heat go to my cheeks. I am not crazy. Perhaps troubled, but not crazy. No, Never crazy. I suddenly found the scuffs on my shoe very interesting...
"The Cullens were all freaks too. All of them." She said as if she was speaking of the weather. "Emmett probably does steroids. I mean, come on, who is that buff. It's just unnatural. His girlfriend, Rosalie, ya, she probably had so much work done she can't feel her face. Jasper looks so depressed all of the time and probably cuts himself or something. He always looks like he's in pain. Probably because he just touched a fresh wound. Alice, his little midget, is to happy all of the time. And she always stares off into space and stuff. Who does that?She has to be on something. And Edward, God, he may be gorgeous, but I bet he's gay. He had to have been, he always said no to any date anyone ever asked him on. Maybe you were his like, his beard or something." She said. Obviously talking about how he turned her down, and how crazy it was.
That was the first time I've heard his name in almost a month. I had to clench my teeth together to keep out the moans of pain.
Somewhere in Lauren's little rant, my hands balled up into fists, but as soon as she said Edwards name I looked up at from my shoe in rage. She can talk me down all she wants, but she cannot ever talk about the Cullens like that. The entire lunchroom was silent and listening to are little dispute, or well, Lauren talking and me staying quiet like the little coward I was. She just laughed at my anger.
"Hahaha, little Bella's getting angry! Honey, I'm just getting started. Now where was I..." She feigned being lost in thought. "Oh yes, the Cullens! They are all so beautiful! I bet Dr. Cullen Does weird experiments on them and stuff. He's like a mad scientist or something! That would explain why they never eat. Dr. Cullen took out their stomachs." What in the world? "And the mom, Mrs. Cullen. The only reason she is putting up with all of those retarded, crazy, children of hers is because she is like, defected and can't have kids of her own. I mean..." Lauren trailed off when she saw my face.
I was shaking with hatred and if looks could kill, Lauren should have been six feet under yesterday. It's one thing talking about me, another about talking foul about the Cullens, but because I know it's not true, I don't get too angry. But it's a whole other thing talking about Esme and how she can't have children anymore.
Before anyone could blink I lunged myself at her. When I punched her in the nose, a faint crack sounded. The entire room gasped.
Right before it started gushing blood, my next punch connected to her jaw. That was about when she started screaming. She was on the ground now, and I quickly straddled her waist and delivered punch after punch everywhere I could reach and as hard as I could.
Once I was sure that every inch of her would be covered in bruises and in a horrendous amounts of pain, I began clawing at her skin with my nails. I was vaguely aware of people trying to pull me off of her and calling for teachers, but I couldn't honestly care less. I was giving Lauren the punishment she deserved. I don't usually resort to violence, but I felt I needed to get this out.
For the Cullens.
When Laurens face was all but unrecognizable, I put my bloodied fingers around her scrawny little neck and squeezed. Her face was red and blue when Coach Clapp finally managed to pull me off of her. I was honestly unsure if Lauren was alive or not. Even more surprisingly, I didn't care.
I may have just murdered somebody just because they were being mean, and I didn't care. Huh. Strange as it is, I'm also curious why the surrounding bystanders couldn't pull a 5' 2", 100 pound girl off of her. It couldn't of been that hard. Also, why wasn't the blood affecting me. Not that I'm complaining, but still. Odd... I couldn't help but remember the rush I felt.
It was amazing! I wondered if that's what it was like when vampires tasted blood. I just couldn't stop.
I was carried to the principal's office and pushed, quite roughly if you ask me, down into one of two chairs that sat across from a big oak desk. When I looked up, I was met with Principal Greene's gaze. It had mixture between pity, fear, and anger in it.
I looked around the room only to see that it was a typical office, nothing special. White walls, a big desk cluttered with papers sat in front of a big chair that looked way more comfortable than the one I was currently seated in.
gazing down to my hands, I noticed that a few nails were chipped and my fingers were completely covered in dried blood. I then looked up to my principles eyes and asked a single question.
"Do you have any baby wipes?" He looked taken aback and quite confused so I sheepishly showed my hands.
"OH! Uh- Umm...sure." He squeaked, reaching under his desk and grabbed a container of Lysol wipes. As I was rubbing my hands with the cloth, I realized, Principal Greene expected me to feel guilty and apologize. The whole looking down and fumbling with your hands thing.
Principal Greene, then, began to speak. "Ms. Swan. Violence is something that this school has no tolerance for whatsoever. What you did to Ms. Mallory was inexcusable and unacceptable. We have called your father in to discuss what exactly happened and your punishment." He said this all in one breath, and, as if he heard his cue, Charlie burst in through the door.
"Bella!" He shouted.
I turned away from Mr. Greene and looked at my dad then. "Yes dad?"
When did my life become a bad soap opera?
He let out a huff and sat down in the seat next to mine. "What were you thinking Bells?"
"I was thinking that Lauren deserved to be punished."
"Ms. Swan!" Mr. Greene yelled at the same time my dad screamed "Bella!" shocked at my open confession, that Lauren really didn't do anything wrong, they just gaped at me.
Mr. Greene, who recovered faster than my father, looked at me and said "I would like you to explain to me why exactly you attacked Ms. Mallory."
So I did. I gave them all of the gory details of what went down between Lauren and I. Except, I left out the whole being okay with her dying thing. I really don't know what they would say to that one...
Once I finished, Mr. Greene began the discussion of my punishment. "Well, Charlie, I think that Ms. Swan here, deserves expulsion." My dad's gasp was mirrored by my own. "but, I will only suspend you, Ms. Swan, only because you are a very good student here at Forks High and have just been through something traumatic. I say a two week suspension is good enough, what do you think Charlie?"
"I think that's...reasonable." Charlie said
"Very well then. Two weeks of suspension it is. Also Charlie, I suggest therapy would be of good help."
"I'll look into that, Dan." Charlie replied
"What!? Therapy!?" I screamed "I. AM. NOT. CRAZY!jahsihid I don't need therapy!"
"Bella, we never said that you were crazy, calm down!" Dad said. "Talking about your feelings may help the process of your recovery speed up a little bit and-"
"Recovery? If this isn't your way of telling me that you think I'm insane, then I don't know what is!"
"Bella," Charlie sighed "It would just put me in a better mind if I knew that you were getting over Edward."
I cringed at his name. "I'm fine dad." I said in the loudest voice I could muster, which probably meant that anyone out of a five foot radius couldn't hear me.
"Baby girl, you're not fine. I'll call in the appointment tomorrow at work. You're going to therapy and that's final." Charlie explained.
I glared at him. "Fine." I said. Just because I'm going doesn't mean I have to say anything...
I don't own Lysol
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