Okay, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right. -gets on ground and bows- I humbly apologize for the long wait. The reason for this delayed chapter was that I had originally wanted to do a side chapter explaining mainly about Ryoko and Takasugi's relationship, but I decided against it and started a new chapter. Oh yeah, let's not forget that I also became sick to the point that anywhere I went, it felt like the room was spinning, but I'm all better now~. Also, for the reviewer who was asking I was plagiarizing Totoro504's Classified Information, we are actually best friends and she does review on this. I wouldn't consider this plagiarizing since I'm not claiming the jokes are mine, but to please you since you are a reviewer, all jokes portraying to Matako drawing doujinshi's are from Totoro504's Gintama facts. I take no claim to them. Love you. :D

Kamui: Why did you decide to write a Christmas chapter when we're in the beginning of September?

Me: That's because I was getting ready for school one day and randomly came up with 'Kamui the Orange Haired Yato' song.

Kamui: You're going to put that song in the chapter aren't you?

Me: Probably not. You can trust me...not~. Now disclaimer.

Kamui: Gintama is owned by Hideaki Sorachi so the author claims only her original characters and jokes, like the most serious character of the series wanting to be a potato.

Me: A lot of people found it funny...


Once Upon A China Girl

It was Christmas morning that Abuto woke in a start and sat up from his bed. He looked around his silent room before he brought his hand to his face. "Something's going on." he spoke to himself once he realized Jiangnu hadn't come into his room the past night. Ever since that China girl realized she liked Kamui, she began acting different- more distant from Abuto.

The vice-captain chuckled to himself. It's not like he actually cared that she wasn't as close to him as she had been, nor had he missed her. Yeah, just seeing her and hearing her say seventy-three stupid things a day was enough. This time he sighed as he lay back on his bed, not realizing until this moment how comfortable his bed was, which he probably would have never noticed it had it not been for that communist leader taking claim to his bed every night. Abuto stopped his thoughts when he heard the closet's door next to his room open and close and feet padding towards his room's direction. 'Here she comes.' he groaned to himself silently.

A minute passed and nothing.

Another minute and still silence. Had she actually walked past his room without walking in to annoy him? 'Wait,' Abuto thought, eyes widening, 'What if these last three months were all just a dream and Ming never came on this ship?' Suddenly feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, the Yato man slid out of his bed and walked out of his room.

Oh yeah, and he tripped over a sleeping Jiangnu leaned against his door.

"Damn it." he sighed, now on the ground right next to the Chinese girl, who was slowly waking up. She opened her grey eyes and immediately yawned. "Here I thought you were finally gone." Abuto continued, standing up and examining the girl. Was she planning on coming to his room but fell asleep in the process? Now that he thought about it, that seemed like a probable outcome. Still, why didn't she come in his room last night. The blonde man looked up to the ceiling and let out a loud groan. Why was he so bothered by Jiangnu not stealing his bed space for a night? Was he possibly falling in love with her? Before something like that happened, Takasugi would have to admit that he was just keeping his bandages on to look cool and that his left eye worked perfectly. (AN: My best friend and I come up with the dumbest things. =_=)

"Abuto-nii-sama are you okay?" Jiangnu questioned, also standing up.

"Hmm? What do you mean?" The man asked, eying the girl.

"You groaned in displeasure," she replied before continuing, "Or is that how you groan when you have relations with Kamui?"

"I groan like that when I feel like shooting my brain." Abuto calmly answered, glaring inwardly at his mind. He finds it completely wrong the way he reacts nonchalant about those gay questions. Sure, these jokes haven't been made since chapter three, but he didn't even set her straight when she said that with such a serious face. Was he finally succumbing to his secret fantasies?

"Nii-sama," The black haired girl halted his thoughts, smiling brightly.

"What?"

"Merry Christmas." She grinned, bringing her hands from her back, which held a small black box.

"Oh. Thanks," He replied, taking the box from her and examining it. Was it going to explode in his face? No it's not possible that the China girl would have the patience to make a bomb or something that could blow-up. Giving up on that theory, he brought the box close to his ear and shook it, hearing the faint sound of a book. Curiosity slowly growing in him, he opened the box and looked straight at a book. "50 Shades Of Grey?"

"Yep. I stole it from Shi-nii-chi." Jiangnu said, still grinning. She then shook her head before stating, "I read it but it had nothing to do with the color grey. I am disappoint."

"Yeah..." How boring would a book about fifty shades of grey be? Then again, the better question would be: Why the hell did that author name the book what they named it?

"So then what did you get me?"

"Nothing." Abuto answered with an honest expression, starting to read the book.

"Go get me something before I break your knee." Someone was hanging around Kamui too much...

The vice-captain sighed, rubbing the back of his head before asking, "Well what do you want Ming?"

"Kamui."

"...Dead or alive?"

"Dead. If he's alive he'll resist me so I'm willing to get into necrophilia for him."

"Name something else you want."

"Hmm..." Jiangnu tapped on her chin, thinking hard before smiling and answered, "I want you, me, and Kamui to spend tonight together."

"Ming I'm gonna go. If you must know where I'm going, I'll be killing the Admiral."

"No~! I want to hang out with you two tonight. Please? Please? PUH-REASE!?" The Chinese empress begged, latching onto the man's leg. Just agree to this simple request or possibly lose another body part? A simple choice anyone could make without a doubt in their mind, but Abuto would rather lose a leg than hang out with a psychopathic Yato boy and a useless maiden in-love. He looked down at the girl, who was still begging desperately. The man let out a sigh, looking at the ground, knowing he would have to be a good guy.

"All right all right. We'll spend tonight together. I'll tell the Admiral to come later too." He gave in, getting the girl off of his leg and walking hall to make his higher-up agree to his part of the deal.

One second, Jiangnu was avoiding him and the next second she was begging to have a Christmas night with him. (AN: Uhh...Abuto she also wants to spend it with Kamui. Let's not ignore him considering he's more important than you in this story.) This girl was more confusing and more complex than most women older than her. Imagine if she was Mary-Sue, then all hell would raise loose like there was no tomorrow. Abuto stopped his inner complaining upon reaching his Admiral's room, guessing he wasn't asleep since he couldn't make out any sounds from the room.

"Oi. Wake up you no-good Admiral." He ordered, walking into the dark room. The blonde man heard slight movement from the bed, then sighing. "Awake now?"

"What a nice way of waking someone up on a Christmas morning, Abuto." Kamui sat up, loose orange hair spilling over his shoulders.

"Oh, I apologize," Abuto smiled sarcastically before continuing, "Would you like a nice breakfast to start your day? It is the most important meal of the day after all."

"I actually am hungry, so I'll hold you up to that." The boy smiled. Bitch, when are you not hungry? He then examined his subordinate's troubled expression. "Judging by your face, it seems like you want to tell me something. Out with it so I can go back to sleep."

"Ming said she wants to spend tonight with us."

"She probably asked for something else. Just get her that."

"Then it would be considered an accepted homicide." Abuto muttered to himself, receiving a questioning glance from Kamui. "Ah, it's nothing Admiral, but I'm willing to bet you would rather be with her tonight than her becoming a necrophiliac for your colder-than-normal corpse."

"Well then, I guess we have no choice." The boy finally said, turning over in his bed in hopes of going back to sleep.

Sensing that he wanted to go to sleep, Abuto ignored that and decided to ask a question that was beginning to peak curiosity in him. "So Admiral, what did you get her?" He suppressed a laugh when he heard the orange haired boy squirm around in his bed.

"What?" Kamui asked after he finished his squirming.

"What did you get Ming as a Christmas present?" The blonde man repeated, a smiling forming on his face. He found it hilarious that Kamui had actually forgotten to get her something. (AN: Abuto...you forgot too.)

After a minute of dead silence, Abuto felt sky blue eyes staring at him before he heard a voice saying, "That's for later, along with your present Abuto." The boy's tone hinted that he had a sly smile on. Like hell he would forget something like a Christmas present for someone who was almost impossible to ignore.

"Admiral, I promise you when I tell you I will survive if you don't give me a present." The Vice-captain stated, now feeling more fear than when he held his present from Jiangnu.

"But I want to show my appreciation for you." Kamui? Have appreciation for someone that's actually helped him countless times? IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! Feeling he was on the brink of falling asleep, the Yato Admiral informed his subordinate he was going back to sleep, which he immediately did, snoring loudly.

'That kid's snores sound like an elephant being strangled to death.' Abuto thought to himself once he closed Kamui's door behind him. He looked around the hallway which was populated with five or six Yato talking amongst themselves. 'It is the Admiral, so it's not possible that he would have gotten her something meaningful. Probably just deodorant or something stupid. Knowing her, she'd be the happiest person no matter what he got her, from the heart or not. At least I'm giving her something she wants.' There it was again, he noticed, those annoying thoughts about Jiangnu. Shaking his head, the older man passed the thoughts off as just regular concern, which still surprised the shit out of him.


The day passed moderately fast for a Christmas day as night quickly approached the ship. How the hell do people on space ships know what time it is? They guess. One minute it will be five in the afternoon then next minute it will be three in the morning. DAT ALIEN LOGIC!

"I want a zombie apocalypse. Then I could beat little zombie children with golden shovels while white people hold them down."Jiangnu said, an evil smile plastered on her face. She, along with Abuto and Kamui, sat in a room with a C shaped sectional sofa, a small circular table in the middle.

"You get more and more fucked up every day Ming." Abuto eyed the girl who was sitting across from her cautiously. No wonder she liked Kamui seeing as both were more mental than a high and drunk Gintoki.

"If there was a zombie apocalypse," The Yato boy began, looking from China girl to his vice-captain, "you two would be my shields who would happily sacrifice themselves for me."

"No." the 'shields' said together after exchanging unwilling looks. Like Kamui would actually require people to protect him from undead humans. If he has food waiting for him, he can accomplish anything, even touching his toes.

"If there was a zombie apocalypse, I would join the zombies so I could kill all the idiots in the world and not be persecuted." The blonde man sighed, leaning back into the couch.

"Abuto, we can kill who ever we want in the world because we live in space." Kamui smiled.

"You're right." Jiangnu stated, tapping her chin as she began deciding who to kill first. "...Someone buy me a Death Note."

"Something like that is too dangerous. You'd have more of a chance finding a Death God and taking their own Death Note." The older man said, shaking his head. Knowing her, she would have the book filled up by the first hour of having it.

"...Ryuk? Where are you, baby? I got some apples for you." The Empress asked to the thin air, looking around the room.

"He's like me: too busy still laughing at Light's death." The Admiral smiled, remembering the hilarious death...and laugh. Oh come on! Who couldn't help but laugh at Light's psychopathic laugh? Yeah. That's what I thought!

"Admiral, everyone is still laughing at Light's death." The one-armed man informed, throwing his arm behind the couch. He switched his view from the happy Jiangnu, to the smiling Kamui, to the empty ceiling.

Something told Abuto this was going to be a hellish Christmas evening like no other.


Me: So it would seem I've twisted my ankle again...

Kamui: You take the title "Useless Author" to a new level.

Me: Baby I know~. Okay guys, so this is going to be a two part chapter, Chapter 8 being the second part. I know I could just finished it in all one long chapter, but I just REALLY wanted to upload a new chapter so I wouldn't keep you all waiting. Oh yeah, "I want a zombie apocalypse. Then I could beat little zombie children with golden shovels while white people hold them down." I actually had a dream of that. The kid looked hella weird.

Kamui: Now beg Abuto~.

Me: YEAH. You did a horrible job on the last chapter and I didn't get as many reviews so do an amazing job this time!

Abuto: Please favorite and review. When the author gets emails and sees that some one has just favorite or followed the story and not reviewed, she dies on the inside. Long-ass review or a review shorted than the Admiral will be much appreciated.