I Own Nothing Twilight
Bella's progress was becoming better and better everyday. Though she did have her set backs, and hissy fits, burst of anger and rage, along with tearful confessions. Some days Bella had gone without eating or eating very little and some days she slept a full day or hardly slept at all, and some days she locked herself in either the arts and crafts room and painted until her hearts content or ran on her treadmill until she could barley hold herself on her own to feet.
But today is comically different. Today Bella's family is here, including her brother and soul mate Edward Cullen. Though I know Bella has been comfortable with the rest of her family members being here, her sudden fear—or 'retreat' into herself—was not anticipated, by anyone. Especially Bella herself, and I can understand how she would be affected by this situation. The last time she saw or even spoke to Edward was a few days before he left almost more than a decade ago. And I most positive that his self-anger was taken wrongly by Bella, herself, so how does one approach this situation?
The only thing I can come up with is a private meeting between the two parties, and hope for the best—Bella does not need and audience to her private feelings and emotions. I know her father, Carlisle Cullen is a rather intelligent man with his children's best interests at heart, but I am not convinced that he would be amendable to have this private meeting. A hunting trip would be a good option, to keep everyone's minds at ease, seeming our carnal nature blocks out rational thought when on a hunt for our unsuspecting prey.
It makes me a little uneasy have the mind reader around, as well as the clairvoyant and mood manipulator, I do my best to hide the thoughts of which I have been protecting since I learned of his 'hearing' range. It is mentally taxing to keep my mind away from the thoughts that I have been so freely able to think about these past few months. I must keep my contact limited to him, to make sure that he knows that they are away from there home and with there daughter in Alaska. Thankfully with my diet, I do not have to worry about anyone tagging along with me and make my private calls to him someplace else. I know that the clairvoyant will most likely keep her prying 'eyes' away from my actions, as it disturbs her to know what I will be doing to unsuspecting humans.
Switching gears, I can hear Bella silently scribbling away in her journal and I am rather intrigued to know what she has to say on paper that she did not have the courage to speak out loud. Our meetings are usually private, and if they are not fully private, the Denali's have other ways of keeping themselves occupied for a few hours each session—Bella rarely knows they are home to begin with and I am more than positive that she says many things that she would not if she knew her family were in the house able to hear her confessions.
Out of habit, I glance at my watch and notice that I have five minutes left of the hour that I gave Bella to write in her journal. I have isolated myself in my make-shift study, from her family to avoid there questions and concerns. Bella needs me right now to have a clear head and not to be troubled with other's fears and troubled minds. Coming out of my Study, Carlisle and Esme Cullen stand at the bottom of the stairs blocking my path to there daughter.
"What can we do?" Esme asks her eyes brim with unshedable tears and concern for her daughter.
"For the moment, nothing," I tell her honestly. "Bella can not be rushed or feel pressured, because if she does, she may retreat further away and all of the progress she has built up so far will come crumbling down. You will be right back where you started, at square one. Bella has come too far for the rug to be yanked out from under her." I tell them both gently, but firmly. Sadness, guilt and shame swim in both there eyes. I want to pity them, but I can not, for the reason we are here is because they let things get out of hand. They let a child make a life altering choice for their other child, with no outlook on the repercussions this would have on their daughter. "Bella's fears are solidly founded. The last time she saw Edward he was angry, for reasons beyond her comprehension at the time, reasons that she is just learning about now, reasons that she still knows so little about. Bella is confused, because she doesn't understand what the big deal was or is, because no one has explained it to her—giving her half assed answers her entire life—has led us to this point."
"So you think we should have informed her years ago?" The mother gasps horrified. "When she was only a child?"
"No," I disagree with her instantly. "I think you should have eased her into it without her coming to wild conclusions on her own. Guiding her through the parts of our life, instead of hiding it and have it come crashing down on her all at once. I would be terrified too if my family told me that a bunch of Vampires raised me and kept it a secret for so long."
"I agree," Carlisle sighs looking defeated. "We could have handled that situation better..."
"Better?" I scoff. "You didn't handle it at all, you lied to her! Telling her what she saw wasn't real. Bella figured it out on her own...long before she ever came to talk to you about it. Think about it! No heart beat, ice cold glimmering skin, impossible speed and strength, no consumption of human food or drink, eyes changing colour. Now, I am going to put this rather bluntly," I warn them both sternly. "But either you think your daughter is incredibly stupid and very non perceptive—not giving her nearly enough credit—or you are all horrible liars. Now if you will excuse me, I have to meet Bella upstairs as per my request."
Not waiting any longer, I brush past the stunned couple and dart up stairs to Bella's room, knocking softly on her door, waiting for her permission to enter. After given the permission to enter her room, I close the door tightly behind me and make my way to the chair Bella has at her small oak desk and sit waiting for her to start. Wordlessly she hands me her journal and with inhuman speed I read her carefully thought out words and I am immediately cross with her.
"Do you really think this Bella?" I ask her trying to remain calm in her presence. My earlier words with her parents still have me on edge, but Bella is most important right now.
"Yes, I do," She whispers looking away from me.
"You know why," She sighs seeming slightly annoyed. Bella knows that intend to drag out the answers I want from her, no matter who is listening in. I am not about to let that happen.
"I do not know why, unless you tell me," I quip back at her. "I am no mind reader Bella...pun not intended. You know that if you talk about your fears and feelings you tend to look at them in a different light than if you sit up here and stew in your anxieties." I remind her gently, trying to gage her reactions, solely on the half face profile she is giving me at the moment. "How am I to help you if you won't help yourself?"
"Maybe I don't want your help anymore!" She snaps at me angrily, tears brim in her eyes and I know she is frightened of saying the words out loud. "Maybe I am better?"
"Maybe you are," I allow my words to sink in, and when she finally looks at me, I can see the fear in her eyes consuming her completely. "Maybe you are fully cured and I am wasting my time here arguing with you. Maybe I should go, and you can go back to your life with your family." Rising from my chair, I glance at Bella and I can see her internal conflict to let me go or asking me to stay. I make it to her door, and place my hand on the knob.
"Don't leave me," Bella cries out jumping to her feet, grabbing my free hand, trying to get me to sit back down and talk with her. "Please...don't go," Suddenly I am not so sure it is me she is pleading with not to go.
"Say it...out loud." I whisper, trying to encourage her.
"I'm scared," She blurts out frantically, her hand dropping mine as she paces the length of her room agitatedly. "No, scratch that. I am terrified. Terrified that nothing has changed that no matter what I do or what I say to him, I have lost him forever. He won't talk to me, he won't write me; he probably won't even acknowledge my existence. I am nothing to him, and it hurts, because all I have ever wanted was one little tiny thing from him. All I have ever wanted was answers. I don't know if he even considers me his sister still. I probably screwed that relationship up too—not that we have ever had that kind of relationship or any kind of relationship at all! All I have ever wanted..."
"Go on, Bella."
"I wish...I wish I never went out to play that day! I wish it had poured rain all day, and I would have been stuck inside all day. I wish I hadn't been so clumsy that day...I wish that day had never happened. I wish...I wish Alice had never seen me that night...I wish I had died with my mother!"
"Bella!" I gasp at her shocked to the very core. Never has she had such horrid thoughts or feelings in our sessions before.
"I can't change who I am, I can't change what I feel! It's not my fault I feel this way and I am sorry! I'm so sorry Edward...I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Bella's legs give out from under her and I manage to catch her and sit her on her bed. Just as I set her down, Bella begins to sob, deep heart wrenching sob, and it breaks my heart to see such a young woman in such agony and pain. Shaking her head, Bella is mouthing words I can not make out, her cries have turned to silent screams, and her sorrow has stolen all of her oxygen away. Her body rocks and trembles as she fights for control of her lungs, desperately trying to pull in air, her heart races at a dangerous pace, and her face is starting to turn purple.
"I can help," I hear a voice say behind me. When I look over my shoulder I see the empath standing in the door way, looking at his writhing heart broken sister, trying desperately to get her lungs to cooperate. "Please...let me help my baby sister!"
"Gently," I hiss at him menacingly as he darts to my side, his hands shoot out to Bella's shoulders and gently holds her down, the air stirs and swirls around us enveloping us in a peaceful calm; erasing the drowning sorrow and stifling anger and confusion. Once Bella' face turns back to its normal shade, and she can breathe normally, I quickly dart to my study to grab a shot of tranquilizer. "This will keep her lucid for a few hours," I tell them empath, and then I call, "Garrett, come stay with her for a while, I will be back shortly. Do not leave her alone and do not let anyone in this room."
"Trevor?" Garrett looks at me nervously.
"Just stay with her, and do as I ask. It's for her own safety...and sanity." He gives me a nod and sits himself beside his niece on her bed. "You...out," I snap at the empath pointing to the door. "Now," I snarl blocking his view of his sister.
He looks as though he is going to challenge me but Carlisle is standing in the door way. "Come downstairs Jasper, we can talk down there." Giving his father a stiff nod, he complies and I follow them out and down to the living room where the rest of the family is waiting.
Taking a seat by the fireplace, not meeting anyone's eyes, I sigh to myself and scrub my face with my hands. "Never has Bella been out of control like that before," I tell them honestly. "And quite frankly I never want to witness her break down like that again. In my professional opinion, Bella needs more help than I had ever expected. This is going to take years, even decades to come back from. Sessions everyday, anti-depressants, anxiety medication—especially if you have both Edward and Bella living under the same roof for any length of time—maybe even some animal therapy..."
"Animal therapy?" Emmett questions. "What good is that going to do?"
"More than you may think," I tell him still staring into the flames of the fire. "It is clear to me that Bella suffers from many things, but the most prominent is her feelings of rejection and feeling neglected. Bella has it in her mind that she is the reason for Edward leaving and her constant nagging is the reason he never came back. Bella is ashamed of her feelings for Edward, for her actions over the years. Bella is ashamed of not being able to rid her feelings for Edward..."
"I'm a horrible father," Carlisle says in disgust.
"You're not Carlisle," His wife says trying to soothe his worries.
"Yes, Esme I am!" He hisses. "What kind of father does this to his child? What kind of father sits back and destroys his daughters world, shattering her heart not once, not twice, but a thousand times? Steals away her true happiness and joy? Bella fought for herself, when no one else would...and look where we are Esme! Anti-depressants, anxiety medication...therapy for god know how long? We don't even know if we can turn this around...I knew we shouldn't have let Edward leave for so long."
"Trevor...what do we do?" Esme pleads with me. "How do we help our child?"
"You don't," I say and watch the truth shock them into silence. "This is about Bella and her needs, and Bella needs Edward. But without his cooperation or support anything I say or do will not matter. Bella will remain heartbroken for the rest of her natural life. And just so we are on the same page and I am perfectly clear on this, turning Bella into a vampire at this point in time is out of the question—turning Bella without Edward by her side for the rest of eternity—she would be stuck the way she is now—as I am sure you all know—would live in agonizing pain for the rest of her immortal life, without a way to fix it...we all know the lengths that our kind go to, to get rid of the pain. Or Bella may never get over her fears...even with extensive therapy. I could be Bella's therapist for years or decades and she would never be and will continue to never be the same care free child she was before Edward left. There is no getting that little girl back. Bella grew up far too quickly mentally, her goals and secrets hidden away in her mind."
"Do you know why Bella runs or exercises so religiously?" I ask. "The real reasons behind her thought process?" No answer...of course not. "Bella runs and exercises everyday, so if she were ever to find Edward...she could maybe...just maybe...catch him and hold on to him for dear life. Everything Bella has ever done in her life is to better herself for Edward...if she were to ever find him. Learning different languages, knowing her states and continents by heart, knowing ever channel and body of water by heart...Bella has done this for no one but herself, because no one would help her find Edward. No one would tell her were he was or what he was doing, so she took it upon herself to learn everything she could to find him on her own...even if it meant having to search the world forever."
"What do I do?" I whip my head around to see Edward hunched over, his elbows braced on his knees and his hands cupping his face. "Tell me how to help Bella...I will do anything...anything you ask of me."
"You can start by writing a letter."
A/N: So I know I promised Part two of the reunion chapter but this chapter filled my mind and I just couldn't stop until I felt I was read to. I totally love how this chapter ended and OMG...does Edward have some hard freaking work ahead of him. I wonder what he is going to say to Bella in his letter.