Bite My Tongue
Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or anything that you may recognize. I only own the plot and any OCs that have been added into this drama.
A/N: So, before I start with the chapter… I think that it's time to resort in making sure that you guys know that this is about the time when I usually lose interest in stories. Granted, it's usually because I'm never getting feedback. But I think that I need to ask people that if it ends up longer than a week or a week and a half since I've updated, please message me. Well, that's if you want it to continue. I am really trying my hardest to remember to update and not get uninterested – and I am definitely still interested, you're guys' reviews keep me interested along with the plot. I'm sorry that I feel the need to post this. I just want to make sure that the story continues until the end and that you know I've had trouble finishing stories before. Thanks! :D
Anyways… Thank you to the people that reviewed last chapter…and really anyone that reviewed throughout this story. I never expected to have this story get as long as it has, which will still be continued after this chapter, and I'm a little proud of the outcome so far. So, keep the reviews coming, because they help me know that people are enjoying the story. And I hope this chapter turns out better than I think it did. :D
This chapter's got background information in it that I'm not sure is really relevant to the plot line, but I wanted to put out the differences between James before and after Josh showed up since Josh is a jerk. There's also information that could be used in the future. :D
So, here ya go! :D
"Kendall?" Carlos asked, looking up at said persons face. Kendall made a small noise in recognition to the questioning tone in Carlos' voice without looking away from the oh-so-interesting documentary about only Logan would know what it was about. But, sadly, Logan wasn't here to give them the short version of anything that the person said. "Do you think James is better now that he's living out of his house?"
"Uh, well…" The truth was, James had been pretty much the same since he left his house. Not that it was a bad thing. But sometimes… Well, sometimes everyone just hoped that James would change into the person that he used to be, before Josh had come around. But that wasn't going to happen, because – not that anyone was supposed to know, not even Kendall – Brooke Diamond had killed that side of James. Brooke Diamond had pretty much told James that he shouldn't continue on living and that he should just kill himself. But. The words that Brooke Diamond used weren't so pleasant and not very blunt. No. Brooke Diamond had made it seem like James was the bad guy; for thinking that Brooke had told her own son to kill himself. But Kendall knew better than to think that James was in the wrong about the situation.
"It's okay to tell me the truth, Kenny. I can handle it." And the only reason that Kendall was smiling at the moment – like a proud boyfriend – was that Carlos was the only one to ever use that nickname and get away with it.
"I honestly don't think James will ever be the same James that he used to be, Carlitos." Kendall sighed. "But that's not a bad thing. I mean, this new James had gotten Logan to fall in love with him."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Carlos sighed. "I just miss when James would be on the hockey team and we would go cheer him on at his games."
James, the James before Josh, had been in love with hockey. Kendall, even though he wants to play for the Minnesota wild, had left hockey to being James' thing; and hadn't thought about joining the hockey team since he found out that he wasn't the best player on the team; the best being James. But that never bothered him, because James was his friend. And he'd rather keep it that way, than to compete over something as stupid as team captain. Which they both hadn't really wanted, but it meant that people were to take your orders; and Kendall loved being in charge.
Aside from hockey, James used to have a job. A job that wasn't as high paying as Brooke Diamond would be paying him; but it was a job, nonetheless. And James had stood up on his lunch break one day and left, never came back; still, to this day, doesn't go to that store. But Kendall was pretty sure that James quitting had something to do with Josh and Brooke more than the fact that Josh changed the way that James had thought about his life.
And really? Kendall hated the two of them for everything that they put James through. Josh had pushed James into a lot of things these past few years, and Kendall hated seeing how these things impacted his best friend. And Brooke, the dominate one, had been pushed into being a bitch towards her own son; not even on her own free will. And that wasn't okay; because if Brooke wanted to be a bitch, she could do it without anyone pushing her into doing it. So, Kendall had always thought that something had been going on behind closed doors, always it. But he never expected anything that actually happened.
Which leads us to when Kendall first found out about the abuse that Josh put Brooke and James through. Now, the abuse that Josh put Brook through wasn't physical. No. Josh was a lot smarter than that. Instead, he had toyed with her heart so much that Brooke thought that what they had was love. When in reality, it was nothing but a fucking scam that allowed Josh to take as much money as he wanted without being yelled at because the joint account had his and Brooke's name on it. And James wasn't allowed to have any of it, as long as Josh had a say in things.
The day that Kendall found out, James had went home early from practice due to the fact that there was a blizzard and it was most likely going to block the roads and no one would be able to get home any later than they left. And Josh had been home. Josh had always hated when James came home early. Mostly because Josh usually was doing something "important" and he didn't like being interrupted. So, when James showed up home early, he had walked in on something that probably wasn't meant to be seen. Josh had been on the couch with this girl that resembled James' fathers wife, and they were in rather close proximity and it had pissed James off. So, James being the hot headed person that he used to be, blew up and attempted to force Josh out of the house along with the blonde bitch that was flung across the couch leaning over Josh's lap. But what happened instead, was that Josh had forced the blonde to leave and left quite a few nasty bruises across James' body. Granted, they were all covered by his clothes, which made hiding this from his mother a lot easier.
When James was cleaning up the few cuts that had showed up throughout the abuse, Kendall had showed up without thinking about knocking because that's how it's always been. And when Kendall flung the door open, he saw the worst of all the bruises that had landed smack dab in the middle of James' back. Once he was finally able to get the information out of James, Kendall had wanted to go into the main house and beat the shit out of Josh; but James had begged and pleaded for him not to. And who was Kendall to deny that to James? Especially when James had acted like himself for that moment, for only a moment; but Kendall had smiled at the simplicity of the situation, nonetheless.
"Me too, Carlos. Me too." And it was true, Kendall was probably the one that missed the old James the most. But he had to admit, he loved the new James too, because it had brought out the real James – the one that wasn't afraid to admit to his friends that he was gay – and Logan – who had taught James how to love something that wasn't himself. So, Kendall didn't really want to say anything other than that.
"Why did he change anyway? Do you know?" Carlos was still looking up at Kendall's face, when Kendall finally looked down at Carlos. And it took all of his restraint to stop from leaning down and kissing at least the corner of Carlos' mouth.
"I, uh, I" Kendall didn't know what he was trying to say, or really what he was replying to at the moment. Because his complete focus was on the fact that Carlos' mouth was so close – so fucking close – that he could just lean forward two inches and they'd be kissing, but he didn't want to risk anything by doing that.
So, he resulted in squeezing out from behind Carlos and quickly making his way towards the kitchen to retrieve something to will the dehydration away.
"Kendall?" Carlos asked as he walked into the kitchen noticing that Kendall was leaning over the counter with both hands clutching it so hard that his knuckles were turning white. "Are you alright, Kendall?"
"Huh?" Kendall whirled around to face Carlos and noticed the worry written over his face. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." He quickly forced a smile on his face.
"O-okay!" Carlos said, trying to force back the hurt that came full force when he realized that Kendall was lying to him. But he didn't want to push the subject, because Kendall had been more than a little upset about whatever he was thinking about. "Well, let's go do something that doesn't involve a documentary that only Logan would understand. He's not even here!"
"How about we go and see what James and Logan are up to?" Kendall suggested, trying to forget about the way that Carlos brushed away the fact that they both knew that Kendall was lying. Right now, Kendall just wanted to forget about the thoughts that he was having that involved him pushing Carlos into the counter and kissing until they were both breathless.
"Logan?" James asked, walking into the room that they shared. And that was hard to get used to. Them. Sharing a room. But no matter how hard it was to get used to, James knew that he wouldn't have it any other way. And neither did Logan.
"Huh?" Logan asked, barely looking away from the television screen that showed the same documentary that Kendall and Carlos were just watching across town.
"Can we do something together?" It was more of a whine than an actual question, and Logan knew by that tone he had probably been there longer than he realized.
So, Logan reached for the remote and turned off the television. He turned to look at James who was sticking out his bottom lip in a pout.
"What?" Logan raised an eyebrow at him and quickly stood up from the couch to take a step towards James. "What's wrong, Jamie?"
Soon, Logan was standing within arm reach of James and was quickly pulled into a bone crushing hug. Logan quickly returned the hug and smile into James' shoulder.
"I love you, Logie." James said, placing a kiss to the top of Logan's head.
"I love you too, Jamie." Logan pulled back and placed a kiss to James mouth, before returning his head to James' shoulder.
They stood there for awhile, just embracing the other in a hug, and completely lost track of time when there was a knock on the door, followed by Kendall and Carlos walking into the house. When they looked towards the two at the door, Carlos had a smile on his face while Kendall had a look of longing and wishful thinking written across his face. That had been the first time that James thought that Kendall liked him or Logan, but this was one of the many times Logan had thought that. And then, the look vanished as if it was never there in the first place.
"Hey, guys!" Logan said, pulling out of James' embrace.
"Hey, Logan!" Carlos said, walking further into the house and towards James and Logan. "James!"
"Hey, Carlitos." James smiled while hive-fiving Carlos when he raised his hand. "Hey, Kendall!"
Later that night while the four boys waited for their pizza to get to Logan's house, Kendall asked the question that was haunting Logan's mind all day. "What are you gonna do about Josh?"
"What do you mean?" James asked, looking from the television – which had the video game that they were currently playing – towards Kendall.
"Well, I just mean…" Kendall trailed off, trying to figure out exactly what he meant before he said something and pissed James off. "Josh left you in the middle of nowhere, James."
"So?" James stated. He didn't want to have to think about what needs to be done about Josh, because Josh was in the past. All that mattered was Kendall and Carlos and – most importantly – Logan. "I don't wanna think about this."
"You may not wanna think about it, James. But you at least need to tell your mom what happened."
"Right, because Brooke Diamond listens to anything that isn't her own voice." James shot back, probably a little ruder than intended. But he wasn't in the mood to talk about things that didn't have any right to be in the present.
"Hey, you're her son. If she doesn't listen to you, who will she listen to?"
"I don't know, Kendall." James sighed. "I just don't wanna worry about it for now. I just got you guys back and I think it's the best time to just get used to staying at Logan's house."
A/N: Literally, not as great as the last chapter. And really, this was more of a filler than anything. But I like the Kenlos in the beginning. :D (Just cause the other paragraphs in the author's note had it at the end…)