Ragnaar's Wild Gay Adventures

This is a story about my life as a gay nord adventurer, now let's begin. It all started back when I was drinking with my boys at a pub in Cyrodiil. We drank soooo much mead and had soooo much sex that night are friend Olfrick-the-Gay was killed by some greasy bandit nerd. Of course we let it happed cause it was funny, but when he was done we had are fun with him, Three burly white male Nords against one puny Imperial Mexican man, Fun times. First Ongar fucked him in his ass, then Thunder beard snapped his wimpy arm like a twig, and I of course slit his throat and watched him bleed out as we took turns on his corpse in the basement. The next day, we awoke to the guards saying 'Stop, you've violated the law. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence! Your stolen goods are now forfeit!" Thunder beard and Ongar both made a run for it, as did I. Thunder Beard got his Beard and penis chopped off then bleed to death shortly after in the local Imperial sewer system, Ongar raped an ugly whore to spread his seed, which he said he regretted (cause he's gay) But he said his son shale be name "Ongar the World Weary" It's a pretty good name if you ask me. As for me I stabbed the guard's penis right off, ran down the stairs grabbed a bottle of mead, drank it, and then ran for Bruma. Along the way I encountered a nasty looking Argonian called "Shit Scale the Brave" he was trying to steal an apple a bandit was shooting so I warned them and he got shot in his ribs, it was pretty funny, I think he died. Anyways when I got up north and it was really cold, I stopped at Bruma. Scared shit-less of the guards, I disguised myself as a begger, got cause, then sucked a guards cock for his uniform. When inside, I stocked up on mead for the journey ahead. Once again I encountered that gross ass Argonian hanging out with that rapist from the prison. It was time for my journey and I was ready. I walked out of Bruma shortly after I slipped on a patch of ice, fell down a 400 foot cliff, broke 90% of the bones in my body, broke my neck by hitting it on a boulder, died, came back to life because my neck was snapped beck into place, free fell 380 feet into -15 degree water and once again died. Something inside me shit itself at that moment cause a ball of ice formed around me. I was the Avatar.

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